1. I would see how many times I could sneak my schlong into somebody’s pocket without them noticing.
“I would see how many times I could sneak my schlong into somebody’s pocket without them noticing.”
2. I’d have sex with a jar of peanut butter.
“Obvious first step: take my pants off and try to helicopter it. Second, have sex with a lady. Have sex with a lady’s butt. Have sex with a lady’s mouth. Have sex with a jar of peanut butter. Have sex with a fleshlight. Slap somebody across the face with it. Masturbate. Probably helicopter it again.”
3. I just wanna walk around knocking stuff off tables with my shlong.
“I just wanna walk around knocking stuff off tables with my shlong; I might even get a bunch of plastic Dinosaurs and arrange them into a peaceful scene before re-creating the extinction with my dick.”
4. I’d line up a row of empty cans, then use my cock to knock them down.
“I’d line up a row of empty cans, then use my cock to knock them down. I’d put those plastic green army guys around the cans for ambiance. This has been the plan for years.”
5. I’d put it in a grapefruit.
“I asked my wife what she would do if she had a penis for a day, ‘aside from putting it in my butt because I know that’s on your list somewhere.’ She thought for a moment and said put it in a grapefruit.”
6. I’d play video games one-handed while masturbating, just to see if I can.
“Get as many monitors hooked up to my PC as possible and open up several windows of all different types of porn. Time to find out what gives me a boner.
Really I’d want a girl to just do all sorts of different things to me just to test out what actually feels good and what doesn’t. Like an experiment. Keep a record of what things felt good immediately, what felt good after some time, how long. What things felt terrible. What does jizzing feel like? Can I actually have a good stroke count while fucking or am I going to cum quickly? Can I stop myself from cumming? Also play video games one-handed while masturbating, just to see if I can. (have tried this but always too many details that go into it so I can’t focus on either thing :c )”
7. I’d want to see what a vagina feels like with a penis.
“SERIOUSLY what is like to feel a vagina with a penis? I feel like it’d be incredible. Like a warm li’l wet cave for your peen. If not a woman I’d probably just stick it wherever it would fit.”
8. I would make a bunch of costumes and hats for it and make a dick pic calendar.
“I would wake up and poke what I hope to be my first morning wood, try and see if I can pee whilst hard. Then see how far I can pee with and without holding it. And then see how many things I can stick it into. Make a bunch of costumes and hats for it and make a dick pic calendar. And of course try to suck it myself. Then helicopter dick the rest of the day.”
9. I would want to get a boner so that I could hang a towel on it.
“Fuck a girl just so I can know how awesome vaginas are. Because we are awesome! And I would want to get a boner so that I could hang a towel on it. I think its funny when you can do that.”
10. I’d walk around town rockin’ a boner in basketball shorts.
“Spend all day sticking it in things of varying texture and size. Walk around town rockin’ a boner in basketball shorts. Stick everything up my butt. I mean everyone has a butt, but not every butt gets a prostate. Assuming this experiment includes the entire package.”
11. I’d bake a cake and use my dick to stir the batter.
“Dick slap someone.
Pee my name on the sidewalk
Bake a cake and use my dick to stir the batter.”
12. I’d constantly try to poke my boyfriend’s asshole with it.
“My girlfriend says she would be constantly trying to poke my asshole with it.”
13. I’d spend all day getting boners and pressing them up against my boyfriend at awkward moments.
“I’d spend all day getting boners and pressing them up against my boyfriend at awkward moments.”
14. I’d take photos of my new dick in a range of fancy hats, for a variety of festive occasions.
“Assuming it was decently sized? I’d take photos of it. So many photos. Fun photos. Artistic photos. Moody photos. Black and white, full color, you name it. I’d take photos of my new dick in a range of fancy hats, for a variety of festive occasions. I’d build up the most impressive portfolio I could possibly produce in 24 hours.
Then whenever I got an unsolicited dick pic in the future, I’d just send a better one back in response.”
15. I’d sit and helicopter it all day.
“My girlfriend says she would just sit and helicopter it all day.”
16. I would waste all day trying to give myself head.
“I would waste all day trying to give myself head.”
17. I would find a woman to have sex with, as I’d want to know how it feels from the guy’s perspective.
“I’d wake up, reach down and give my balls a good scratch, just to see how good it feels. Then, I’d walk outside naked, and do a good morning stretch while simultaneously peeing on something, whether it be grass, rocks, concrete, whatever. Then I would shower really well and then check out my penis, balls, taint and b-hole with a mirror. For science. Then I would masturbate. Later I would find a woman to have sex with, as I’d want to know how it feels from the guy’s perspective. I would also flick myself in the nuts to see really how painful that is, and I would spend a ridiculous amount of time in front of a full-length mirror helicoptering my wiener around. I would also do the Wild Bill from Silence of the Lambs.”
18. I’d top a bunch of dudes.
“My girlfriend says she’d top a bunch of dudes. Then she asked if she’d have both and said she would want to be fucked while fucking someone else….I think my girlfriend wants to be a hentai character.”
19. I’d stick it in a Dyson hand dryer and then watch it flap around in the strong breeze.
“Asked the wife; besides slapping it anything in reach, she has a very vivid mental image of sticking it in a Dyson hand dryer and then watching it flap around in the strong breeze. Kinda like those fan operated promo puppets you see outside stores.”
20. I would sit on my balls, just to see if it’s really that bad.
“I would definitely have sex, because I honestly don’t understand how men get pleasure out of sex. For some reason it doesn’t make sense to me. I could finally answer that question.
I would also spend at least two hours just shaking that motherfucker around so fast I actually helicopter.
Lastly, I would sit on my balls, just to see if it’s really that bad.”
21. I’d go on a rampage of revenge pissing.
“Revenge pissing. Double parked at WalMart? I’ll piss on your car. Honked at me in traffic? Pissing out the window. Tried to get more accelerated reader points than me in the 5th grade? Peeing on your mailbox. Nothing would be safe if I could whip my weeny bit out and pee standing up. Nothing.”
22. I’d get someone to kick me in the nuts so I can compare it to childbirth.
“See how sex feels with a penis, then see what the big fuss of blowjobs is all about. Then get someone to kick me in the nuts so I can compare it to childbirth!”
23. I’d slap it everywhere.
“I’d slap it everywhere. I’d just hang out in my room all day and just wiggle it all over the place.”
24. I really would want to wave my penis at traffic.
“I’m really happy someone has finally asked this! It’s a hypothetical I think of often. In this scenario I’m assuming I’d still look like a woman but have a penis.
Anyway, I really would want to wave my penis at traffic. It sounds super fun, and it’s literally the perfect crime. When the authorities are alerted I can put it away and simply get offended when asked about my penis. Once the cops are gone, I’d go right back to waving my penis at people.
I think after that, and assuming I got testicles with my penis, I’d sit on my ball sac. I heard it hurts real bad but I’m not convinced that it’s possible/would hurt that much.”
25. I’d pee on Cheerios cereal in the toilet, trying to sink them.
“Pee on Cheerios cereal in the toilet, trying to sink them. If its winter, write my name in the snow.”
26. I would ask my boyfriend to either let me fuck him or ask him for a BJ.
“Probably ask my boyfriend to either let me fuck him or ask him for a BJ. Totally would masturbate like twice too. Try rubbing it on everything. Would LOVE to know what a boner against a butt feels like. Would take like 20 pictures of it. Lots of things.”
27. I would walk onto someone’s yard and cum in their plants.
“I asked my girlfriend and her answer, ‘I’d go out and fuck a lot of women. Then, I would go into a store and cum in stuff, especially some shoes or walk onto someone’s yard and cum in their plants.’ She has no idea why, but she has had this planned for a while.”
28. I would have sex with a lady and later a dude, both ways with the dude.
“Have sex with a lady and later a dude, both ways with the dude. Just to feel what it’s really like to be at both ends of it.”
29. I just have this strong desire to thrust with a penis.
“I am a lady and I literally think about this all the time. My boyfriend jokes that I would be a man-whore because I just have this strong desire to thrust with a penis for some reason. He says I’m emotionally/sexually 40% male.”
30. I’d slap my SO in the face with it.
“I’d slap my SO in the face with it. Then I’d spend the day finding things to stick it in besides my SO. I’m a simple woman.”
31. I’d pee off the highest building available.
“Pee off the highest building available. Or a terrace.”
32. I want to play with it like a joystick and spray my erection everywhere.
“I want to play with it like a joystick and spray my erection everywhere.”
33. I would try to convince my boyfriend to let me stick it in his bum.
“I would play with it and masturbate first to see how it feels, find out what parts are sensitive and what feels good, and experience a male orgasm. It seems fairly easy for a guy to just whip it out and pee in public if desperate (behind a bush or against a wall) so I think I would spend some time trying to do this. They I would try to convince my boyfriend to let me stick it in his bum, I think this would be the only way to get an idea of what sex would feel like, I would hope that it would be a good experience for him, too!”
34. “I would send unsolicited dick pics to all the guys that ever sent me one.
“I would send unsolicited dick pics to all the guys that ever sent me one, I wouldn’t just send one either, I would send them from different views and probably dress it up as well. I would then do the obvious stuff like, you know pee outside, get it hard and make it bounce and wag it around like a tail for a while, sit in different positions to see what is comfortable and what isn’t. I would masturbate at some point and when I got horny I would show it to my SO and make sure to poke him with it, just in case the other hints weren’t enough, he would definitely know I ready to try anal.”
35. I’d love to fuck and know what it feels like to penetrate someone’s body and release my seed into them.
“Omg, I have total penis envy. I love being a woman but I would love to have a penis for one day a month. I’d piss out the car window during a road trip, ambush my BF while he’s sleeping with it, I’d knock things over with it, dress it up in cute clothes… I’d love to fuck and know what it feels like to penetrate someone’s body and release my seed into them… So hot!”
36. I’d see how difficult it is to accurately aim and land a splash of urine into a freaking toilet bowl.
“See how difficult it is to accurately aim and land a splash of urine into a freaking toilet bowl. And hey if it IS that difficult I’d start a propaganda campaign to get guys to sit down when they pee so that the whole sorry puddle-on-the-floor mess becomes a thing of the past.”
37. I’d peg my fiancé and get it up the ass to see if it’s better with a prostate.
“Peg my fiancé and get it up the ass to see if it’s better with a prostate.”