1. Call all of your exes ‘crazy bitches.’
“Men who say all their exes are ‘bitches’ or ‘crazy.’ I’m not saying there aren’t shitty people out there, of course there are. And we’ve all dated one or five in our lifetimes. But if all the women you’ve ever been in a relationship with are the worst, maybe you are the problem, buddy.”
2. Send dick pics.
“Asking me for nudes or trying to send me nudes.
I do not want to see your penis, it will not turn me on.”
3. Treat service workers like crap.
“When he treats retail workers/servers like crap. Being embarrassed in public is not a turn on. One guy I dated did this and just called it being ‘assertive.’ I said take off the ‘ertive’ and you’d be right.”
4. Brag about your past sexual conquests.
“Bragging about past sexual conquests. Instant conversation ender.”
5. Openly worry about your penis size.
“Being constantly insecure about your penis size. Nobody cares about it as much as you do. Guaranteed.”
6. Be needy.
“Neediness. Putting me on a pedestal. Treating me like I’m made of glass.
I am a damn strong independent woman even though I might be half your size. Treat me like a person goddammit.”
“Whining. Nobody likes a Danny Downer. I’m sure it’s unfair that your boss doesn’t recognize your obvious talent, or that you haven’t had a date in years because women are all shallow and don’t like ‘nice guys,’ or that any other trouble in your life is a product of circumstance and you can’t be held accountable at all.
Not saying that everything is a personal failing or that you’ve got to take hardships with a smile on your face, but handle it and then move on. If your go-to social mode is complaining, it’s going to be pretty hard to find someone to go, ‘Wow, I’ve gotta get me some of that!’”
8. Be excessively cocky.
“Excessive cockiness. Like I understand some situations may require a little bit of boyish cockiness, but god, if it’s your personality, my vagina will crack from dryness.”
9. Expect women to mother you.
“Not being able to take care of themselves and expecting you to mother them once things get serious. Really, just because I’m the woman doesn’t mean I should be the one responsible for keeping stuff clean, getting us to eat healthy and making basic appointments and reservations. I’m your girlfriend, not your caretaker.”
10. Live like a pig.
“Men who don’t clean up after themselves, or live in a filthy ass apartment with a filthy bathroom. If I run around cleaning after you like a mother…I don’t want to have sex with you. If there’s not even a nice place and clean towels for me to rinse my vag out afterward…I don’t want to have sex with you.”
11. Chew tobacco.
“I’m sorry, but when men chew tobacco—I just can’t get over the smell/taste/spitting.”
12. Compare them to other girls.
“Comparing me to other girls constantly. It’s seriously not what I signed up for, dude.”
13. Rev up your obnoxiously loud vehicle.
“When guys have those obnoxiously loud cars/truck and revs them up so the whole town can hear them. And you can tell they are purposely doing it.
AND TO TAKE IT FURTHER THEY STARE AT YOU.”
14. Make fun of other guys’ appearance.
“Making fun of another guy’s appearance for no reason. I knew someone who laughed at guys wearing Under Armour leggings at the gym under their normal gym shorts.
Like, why does that even bother you so much? It makes him look like an asshole who peaked in college.”
15. Get drunk and high all the time.
“Not being able to have a good time without being drunk and/or high.”
16. Treat unattractive women like shit.
“Guys who treat women they don’t find attractive like shit. You may be the hottest mf in here, but if you think you’re too good to say thank you to the girl who just helped you with something or manage a few sentences of small talk to the person you just met, don’t let the door hit you on your way out.
Chivalry doesn’t end where you don’t want to put your dick.”
17. Get into fights with other dudes over petty-ass shit.
“If a dude is always wanting to fight other dudes for petty-ass shit.”
“When men try to give you a backhanded compliment or straight-up insult you in an attempt to reel you in. Makes me think they have been reading that awful the game book and are tragic enough to try to apply it.”
19. Disrespect other women.
“You would be surprised how many guys I’ve encountered that speak negatively/ disrespect other women in front of me expecting me to think it’s funny. If you comment your (negative/mean) opinion on another woman’s body, I am not going to hook up with you. It doesn’t make me feel better about myself or whatever you’ re trying to achieve. It tells me you’re an asshole who will probably do that behind my back, too.”
20. Brag about your personal wealth.
“Bragging about your personal wealth, even in a joking manner. I don’t care how rich you are, or how much money you paid for your damn shoes. It’s not going to impress me in the slightest.”
21. Be lazy.
“Laziness and lack of ambition. If you see me in the middle of cleaning the house or cooking a meal you will surely partake of, please get off the couch and make yourself something to drink. Maybe even grab the broom and help out. Your efforts will be appreciated. And please do not ask me to plan, coordinate, and execute everything that goes on in our lives beyond watching Netflix. I am not your secretary and I am definitely not your mother.”
22. Talk mad shit about your ex.
“Talking mad shit about the ex YOU chose.
We all fuck up. Taking responsibility for your behavior and the ability to learn from your mistakes is attractive.”
23. Be clingy.
“Clinginess. I’ve dated guys that aren’t trying to date me… They’re trying to date. Anyone. So they don’t bother to get to know me but act like we’re married, expecting to see me every night and calling several times a day. Like if I only met you three weeks ago…you need to cool it.
Uncontrolled temper. There is no excuse for acting like every little annoyance is a world ending catastrophe. I understand that people have bad days but if the fire alarm going off when you were about to go to sleep makes you so angry that you start throwing things at the wall…you also need to cool it.”
24. Try to out-alpha other guys.
“When they become really alpha in front of other alpha guys and it turns into a big-dick competition. One of my best mates in uni was my flatmate—we got on so well when it was just me and him, such a cool guy. But he was part of the rugby team and when he was around his rugby mates he became this alpha douche lord, laughed when his mates made disrespectful comments about me, talked about women like shit. Went from a sound human being that I could have a decent conversation with to an ape-like being waving his dick around and throwing shit about.”
25. Use violent terms for sex.
“Using terms like ‘skull fuck,’ or anything that sounds violent. I’m really vanilla and still quite inexperienced so I can’t handle stuff like that.”
26. Act like a ‘bad boy.’
“Acting like the bad guy who doesn’t care about anything. Boring, next please.”
27. Talk in a baby voice.
“Talking to me in a baby voice like I’m a puppy.”
28. Complain about being friendzoned.
“When a guy talks about being friendzoned. There is no quicker path to the no-bone-zone than bringing up that ‘I’m always in the friendzone wahhhh.’
I mean it can be acceptable if it’s said ironically or like a mildly self-depreciating joke, but if you 100% seriously say this to me, you’re just advertising how nobody wants to fuck you and now neither do I.
(And I mean, I’ve been in that situation so I understand it sucks, but seriously get over it and either stay friends or don’t.)”
29. Scratch your balls and then sniff your hand.
“Ex-boyfriend used to scratch his balls and try to inconspicuously sniff his hand after. That’ll do it.”
30. Be irresponsible.
“Not being a functioning adult. Pay your bills on time and handle your responsibilities. Why would I want to have sex with someone who can’t remember to pay their goddamn electric bill?
Most of the dudes I run into like this just want someone to take care of them perpetually.
Naw, fuck that, get out of my house.”
31. Be filthy.
“Not having proper hygiene. If I can smell your feet, we will never EVER have sex. I will politely make you go shower, give you a pair of socks, and tell you to gtfo.”
32. Have dirty fingernails.
“I’ve hit it off with guys before who are attractive and well put together. And right before things are getting ready to get hot and heavy I see them. Dirty, untrimmed nails! Cannot do it! Men, you need to keep those things trimmed and cleaned, all the time. Just because you score a few dates does not mean you stop taking care of those things. Otherwise, you are not getting laid.”
33. Wear sandals.
“Men in sandals. Ew.”