‘He Smelled Like A Baby’ And 27 Other Hilariously Petty Reasons Why There Was Never A Second Date

Illustration by Daniella Urdinlaiz
Found on AskReddit.

1. She ate all the bread you get before the meal arrives. I wanted some of the bread.

“She ate all the bread you get before the meal arrives. I wanted some of the bread. Deleted her number and blocked her when I got home.”

Willy3toes


2. He asked me to buy him a soda.

“He asked me if I wanted a soda from a hot dog cart, and I said yes. He asked me to get him one, too.”

ApatheticMedic


3. He ate all of the popcorn before the movie had started.

“He ate all of the popcorn before the movie had started. I don’t need that sort of irrational behavior in my life.”

Asdf1996


4. She kept dragging her heel when she walked.

“Because she kept dragging her heel when she walked. Fuck outta here with that shit.”

s1nrgy


5. He smelled like a baby.

“Was really excited when this really handsome, very nice, super smart guy asked me out in college. Took me out for a really nice dinner. Totally wanted to make out with him, and had the opportunity on a pleasant walk late that night. Only problem, he smelled like baby powder and chocolate chip cookies. One or the other, maybe, but those aromas together made him smell like a baby and I just couldn’t even imagine trying to make out with him again. I felt bad not returning his calls, but I was young and didn’t know what to say that wouldn’t hurt his feelings.”

chericher


6. He said ‘okey dokey’ multiple times.

“He said ‘okey dokey’ multiple times…multiple times!”

Pharos_FireBreather


7. She asked me to take her to the local amusement park and then let me know she ‘didn’t do rides’ once we got there.

“She asked me to take her to the local amusement park and then let me know she ‘didn’t do rides’ once we got there. I would have loved to take her literally anywhere else, until that date…”

lolbience


8. She picked up her phone directly after eating BBQ wings without wiping her hands off.

“She picked up her phone directly after eating BBQ wings without wiping her hands off.”

xxCyberpunk2077xx


9. Thought Jaws was a terrible movie.

“Thought Jaws was a terrible movie. Jaws isn’t even my favorite movie but come on.”

gordonshumway88


10. ‘Expecially,’ ‘Something eltse,’ ‘Chipolte,’ ‘irregardless,’ and ‘pacifically’ all in one date.

“This person was a perfect storm of mispronunciations that drive me to distraction. ‘Expecially,’ ‘Something eltse,’ ‘Chipolte,’ ‘irregardless,’ and ‘pacifically’ all in one date. I thought I was being had on, but nope, checked out his FB and he was even worse at words online.”

LipstickViking


11. The girl had a fear of spoons.

“I ruined any shot I had at a second date because I found out the girl had a fear of spoons and couldn’t stop asking questions about it….I noticed she moved it off to the side when food came, and she noticed me noticing. She’s not terrified at the sight of them, but refuses to eat with one, citing the way they feel in her mouth. She said she eats soup and ice cream seldomly with a fork. It was around the time that I was trying to figure out how forky a spork had to be that she said ‘I don’t really want to talk about this anymore.’ I tried to move on, but it was in the back of my mind the whole time.”

TexMcBadass


12. He was wearing a bowler hat and a tie-dye shirt.

“He came to pick me up and he was wearing a bowler hat and a tie-dye shirt.”

BottledApple


13. She tailgated the shit out of everyone, always.

“She tailgated the shit out of everyone, always. I had a sore leg from stomping on the imaginary brake.”

picksandchooses


14. She enunciated every word ending in ing with a ‘guh.’

“She enunciated every word ending in ing with a ‘guh.’ fuckinguh makes me so upset.”

Alldawaytoswiffty


15. His voice was a way higher pitch than I expected it to be.

“Met online and after chatting back and forth for a while decided to meet irl.

His voice was a way higher pitch than I expected it to be and it completely caught me off guard. I couldn’t get over it, second date never happened.”

dragonflyer223


16. Weird gum-to-tooth ratio.

“Weird gum-to-tooth ratio.

Creeps me the fuck out.”

Dante640XX


17. He offered to cover the costs of buying me a bagel.

“A guy rejected my offer to pay for a bagel and then spent the next ten minutes explaining why he didn’t mind paying for a $4 bagel due to his meticulous financial planning.”

maybeimjustkidding


18. She smelled like cheese.

“She smelled like cheese. Not like a delicate Muenster, but more like a sharp cheddar.”

pouchcotato8


19. She used the same laundry detergent as my grandmother.

“She used the same laundry detergent as my grandmother.”

karrak92


20. She said ‘I seen’ instead of ‘I’ve seen.’

“She said ‘I seen’ instead of ‘I’ve seen.’ Couldn’t deal with the thought of having to hear that all the time.”

AlgonquinRoundTable1


21. She kissed me like she was trying perform cunnilingus on my face.

“She kissed me like she was trying perform cunnilingus on my face.”

BadgerFlame


22. He liked feet.

“He liked feet.

I do not like feet.”

dotmiku


23. She called me the Coca-Cola kid because I got water instead of Pepsi.

“She called me the Coca-Cola kid because I got water instead of Pepsi. She only said it once but it annoyed me so I never called her back.”

REDUCE23


24. He chewed with his mouth open. Loudly.

“He chewed with his mouth open. Loudly. I don’t even know if this counts as petty since it’s making me mad even remembering it.”

Sl00defg


25. He said ‘word up.’

“He said ‘word up.’”

Jessibeeb


26. I’d make a comment and he’d respond, ‘Yeah?’ Every. Single. Time.

“I’d make a comment and he’d respond, ‘Yeah?’ Every. Single. Time. I eventually turned it into a game of sorts and every time he’d ask(?) I would reply, ‘Yeah!’”

DahliaRenegade


27. He told me that he believed the Kardashians embody the American dream.

“He told me that he believed the Kardashians embody the American dream and that everyone should strive to be like them. Before that conversation I thought I might be in love with him. As soon as he said that, my vagina was like ‘I could never possibly be wet for this person again.’”

VillianChillian


28. Her second-to-last toe on each foot was abnormally long.

“She wore sandals on our first date, her second-to-last toe on each foot was abnormally long. I know it was petty, but even mild genetic aberrations like that freak me out.”

SweetBabyJesus99 TC mark

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  • pjc1824

    Isn’t 13 reason for second date?

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