29 Ways To Tell If A Guy Has A Small Penis

Flickr / Anita Hart
Found on AskReddit.

1. He has a big jacked-up truck that has all these extra mods on it to make it loud and gaudy-looking.

“Having a big jacked-up truck that has all these extra mods on it to make it loud and gaudy-looking. Also when they see someone they’re trying to impress they floor the gas and all you hear is the annoying thing going down the street disrupting everything in a one mile radius. You’re not cool and yes we know you’re obviously trying to compensate for something.”


2. He has a nude silhouette of a woman on the back of that truck.

“A nude silhouette of a woman on the back of your vehicle. The need to tell everyone that you find women attractive is really strange. The effort and care to place that on the back of your car I think stems from insecurity.”


3. He also has ‘douche flutes’ on that truck.

“Oversized muffler pipes on obnoxiously large trucks, bonus points if it has huge pipes on top that blow out black exhaust too. We call the huge pipes douche flutes.”


4. He also has those ‘truck nut’ things on that truck.

“Those truck nut things. Literally a plastic ballsack hanging on the rear bumper of a jacked up truck.”


5. He makes a point of peeling out of a parking lot for no reason at all.

“Anytime someone makes a point of peeling out of a parking lot for no reason at all. My wife’s usual response when it happens around us is ‘sorry about your dick dude.’”


6. He revs his engine really loudly for no reason.

“Revving engines really loudly for no reason at all.”


7. He has to fight everyone to prove something.

“When your first response to anything is lashing out and peacocking; you have to fight everyone to prove something.”


8. He screams, ‘I have a big penis!’

“A guy screaming ‘I have a big penis!’”


9. He tells you, without being asked, that he uses Magnum condoms.

“‘I only use Magnum condoms.’”


10. He constantly brags about his sexual conquests.

“So a large proportion of the men I’ve experienced with micro-penises are cool. Some might be slightly more sexually ‘deviant’ and into cuckolding fantasies or small penis objectification. However, men who send dick pics, talk constantly about sexual ‘conquests’ in a gross manner, who brag about their sex ability, talk down the performance of women they’ve been with—all huge signs of ‘I have an average sized penis and I’m terrified it’s tiny and that I’m therefore not manly.’”


11. He constantly tells other guys they have small penises.

“Constantly telling other people they have small penises. I know a guy whose go to insult is ‘you have a small dick’ and its not ironically. I think that he thinks because he is insecure about his dick, and would be offended by that comment, that other people would be offended by it. Also he is very clearly sexually frustrated and although I’m a virgin also, I’m not as insecure about it or weird.”


12. He can’t handle any kind of criticism without perceiving it as a personal attack.

“If you can’t handle any kind of criticism without perceiving it as a personal attack and feel the need to argue back.”


13. He uses the words ‘alpha,’ ‘beta,’ and ‘cuck.’

“Any guy who self-referentially uses the words ‘alpha,’ ‘beta,’ and ‘cuck.’”


14. The more condescending or negatively he talks about women, the smaller his cock.

“Generally speaking, he compensates by making something else excessively large; or talks about women as objects (trying to deny to himself that the woman will also experience his tiny pecker).

The more condescending or negatively a man talks about women, the smaller his cock. He is afraid he can’t bring a woman to orgasm with his penis but due to hormones he still desires them, so he hides inadequacy with violence/negativity. Usually this type of man is also dumb.”


15. He makes jokes about fucking someone’s mother.

“Consistent jokes about fucking someone’s mother.”


16. He takes steroids when he doesn’t even compete in anything.

“Steroids when you don’t even compete in anything.”


17. He’s Donald Trump.

“Constructing giant golden towers and slapping your name on it.”


18. He has those ugly-ass tribal arm-sleeve tattoos.

“Those ugly-ass arm sleeve tattoos that are like tribal design that go all the way down to behind the hand.”


19. He has a stupidly noisy motorcycle and constantly over-revs it in traffic or on a busy street.

“Having a stupidly noisy motorcycle and be constantly over-revving it in traffic or on a busy street, trying to look super badass. No, you’re not impressing me nor anyone here, you’re just being a massive cunt, I’m trying to have a conversation with my friends. P.S: This happens a lot here where I’m from. Aggravated by the fact that everyone makes their bikes more noisy than normal with shitty new exhausts as soon as they get them.”


20. He wears white sunglasses and bedazzled jeans.

“Basing this solely on my own personal experiences: guys who wear white sunglasses and bedazzled jeans.”


21. He needs to one-up you in EVERYTHING.

“The need to one-up you in EVERYTHING.”


22. He owns a pack of pit bulls.

“Owning a pack of pit bulls. Meant the ‘look how aggressive and awesome it is and my dog can eat your dog/children and they wear studded metal collars cause nothing else can contain their immense power’ kind. Saving any rescue animal falls in a totally different category.”


23. He collects guns and swords.

“People who collect guns and swords. It’s one thing to have a couple of guns in the house for protection. There’s something very revealing about someone needing that sense of power from weapons or simply having an admiration for these powerful big long weapons that shoot out bullets.”


24. He’s extremely bossy.

“But also throwing your weight around, giving orders like an asshole all that.

Like, I had a boss that screamed and blustered around and shit. You’re our boss, we know any polite request is actually an instruction. You don’t need to be an ass.”


25. He keeps explaining that size doesn’t matter.

“I went to high school with a guy who would mention that ‘you only need 3 inches to penetrate’ daily. He was also obsessed with talking about the importance of size over technique & claimed it was impossible for a large penis to become fully erect. This went on for all four years by the way.”


26. He’s loud, aggressive, and insulting.

“Being loud to draw attention to yourself, overly aggressive, and insulting to the guys around you, especially when they are complete strangers. That shows me you have a micro-cock.”


27. He has Invisible Lat Syndrome.

“Invisible Lat Syndrome. They walk like gorillas to advertise they’re hung like one.”


28. He negs.



29. He has a ridiculously strong handshake.

“When they shake your hand and take it as an opportunity to show you their grip strength.”

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