1. Her PARENTS told me she is crazy and not to date her.
“Her friends told me she is crazy and not to date her. Her PARENTS told me she is crazy and not to date her…”
2. She tried to kill me with a knife during my sleep.
“She was crazy. She tried to kill me with a knife during my sleep. I only broke a few weeks later.”
3. After our first time together, she told me she loved me and wanted to have 17 kids together.
“After our first time together, she told me she loved me and wanted to have 17 kids together. I knew that was insane but holy shit I did not care.”
4. She meowed. A lot.
“She meowed. A lot. But that body. And the sex…it was worth it until it wasn’t.”
5. She told me she’d been giving blowjobs since she was six.
“The first time she performed oral sex on me I gave her a very sincere compliment on her mastery of the blowjob. ‘You’re really good at that,’ I said. She replied, ‘I should be, I’ve been doing it since I was six.’ My early twenties brain battled my penis for a minute. Penis won.”
6. Her arms were wall-to-wall scar tissue.
“Her arms were wall-to-wall scar tissue. But she could suck the bed sheets through my arsehole.”
7. She asked me to choke her out during sex while I beat her with a police baton.
“Well she at least for me it’s a red flag, but asking me to choke her out during sex while I beat her with a police baton. I was like 18, she was as well. Didn’t do either, cause I’m not into that and I felt weird doing that. Like super dangerous and kind of off putting for me. She had an amazing body besides that. I know it’s a common fetish but it was wayyyy too much as a high schooler.”
8. She told me that she often fantasized about murdering people and getting away with it.
“Oh boy. She told me that she often fantasized about murdering people and getting away with it. What’s weirder is how she spun it into a romantic angle. She said she didn’t fantasize about murdering me, which shows the depths of her love for me.
I asked if she fantasized about murdering my family or friends and she casually changed the subject. We promptly broke up three months later because the sex was fantastic.”
9. Middle of blowjob I hear her say ‘this is how you keep them’ quietly to herself.
“Massive debt from college. No degree from college even though she spent 7 years there. Constantly asked why I wasn’t dating every other girl that I knew instead of her. Middle of blowjob I hear her say ‘this is how you keep them’ quietly to herself. Asked me if she could move in cause she hates living with her Mom on 2nd date. Thought it was a joke, it was not.”
10. She literally tried to choke me to death during sex.
“She literally tried to choke me to death during sex. Had a mental breakdown and was left with me to care for her, tried to kill me because then I could ‘ascend to godhood.’
11. She’d threaten to call rape on me if I broke up with her.
“Tried to steer me away from my friends. Also would threaten to call rape on me if I broke up with her. When I’d finally almost had it she also faked a pregnancy scare. After that I only slept with her a couple of times. Like… only 10 or 12 times. And then after we broke up we had some random hookups. But that was IT…god crazy is good in the sheets…”
12. She’d wear a diaper and make me shove it in her mouth during sex.
“Ex-girlfriend used to put on a diaper during the day on day she knew we were going to see each other and then liked to make me shove it in her mouth during sex.”
13. She said she could see angels.
“She claimed she saw angels sitting on the rafters of our church and got very upset when I stated that I did not see them. The sex was only good because she was insanely attractive.”
14. She legitimately thought she was a werewolf.
“She legitimately thought she was a werewolf. She was insane, she would growl and stuff like that. But the sex was incredible…We later broke up because she was a cheating slut. She tried to blame it on being a werewolf.”
15. She talked openly about slashing an ex’s tires.
“She talked openly about slashing an ex’s tires, and stealing another’s stuff, and burning another one’s clothes. I moved and sure as hell didn’t give a forwarding address.”
16. She stole from Target every time we went.
“She stole from Target. Not once. Every time we went.”
17. She tried to run over her ex with her car.
“Tried to run over her ex with her car. Thought it was a joke until I met him and asked about it. He was a lunatic too but fighting crazy with crazy is just bat shit crazy.”
18. She literally called me God.
“She literally called me God, and worshiped the ground I walked on.
But she liked anal, which was pretty great.”
19. She killed my cat.
“She killed my cat when we had an argument. She fulfilled all of my fantasies. I miss my cat.”
20. She told me about her homicidal urges daily.
“She told me about her homicidal urges daily.”
21. She would shove raw meat up her pussy.
“She would shove raw meat up her pussy. The smell was like nothing I’ve ever experienced but holy shit could that girl suck a dick.”
22. She ate paper, even during sex.
“She ate paper. At first, it was just straw wrappers when we were out. OK, kinda weird. But she was this Molly Mormon babe who had none of the religious leanings, worth the crazy, right? Nope. Shit finally reached a tipping point when we were doing the horizontal shuffle, and she pulled out a sheet of printer paper. She started eating this piece of paper, mid-sex and I couldn’t do it anymore. We broke up that week and I haven’t seen her fibrous ass since.”
23. She ‘just happened’ to show up at places where I was.
“It started real casual, 2 dates in ~2 weeks then we have sex and promptly pretty much spend the weekend together, having sex like 25 individual times, her libido was insane she was insatiable, played volleyball in college too so her body was amazing.
Then one day after that weekend she texts me and I honestly forgot to reply while I was at my office. I take the train home and while I’m walking up the platform’s stairs she’s literally standing at the top. I initially believed her that she was on her way to the whole foods nearby, that was the first red flag. This happened two other times in the span of 2 months and so much crazy sex. One time when she just happened to be on my block when I got home from work again, and other she showed up at a bar she knew I frequented not far from my apartment while I was there with friends.
I decide to end it and breaking up with her was a nightmare, she showed up two separate times at my building and rung my buzzer for a good 30 minutes. I got texts regularly from her for a good 4 months after, always wanting ‘closure.’”
24. She falsely accused me of raping her.
“She claimed that she was a born-again virgin. We were not going to have sex unless we got married. When the time came to actually have sex I knew she was conflicted, so I let her drive. I literally didn’t move (doggy style). I let her do all the work to make sure it was all her decision. Next morning she wakes up and says ‘you raped me.’ I said, ‘I did not. I didn’t move. It was all you.’
Yes, the sex was incredible and animalistic. But she could never resolve the conflicts in her own head. She wanted it badly but I think she thought that made her a slut or something.
As expected we broke up immediately after having sex a year and a half later. She dumped me again and I finally just let her. Then she got mad.”
25. When we first got together she told me about her joyriding and firearm possession criminal record.
“When we first got together she told me about her joyriding and firearm possession criminal record.
About 6 months later she smashed a glass into a girl’s face in a club because she thought I’d just been with her in the toilets (I hadn’t). She got away with it somehow. I don’t think the girl actually got hurt much, luckily.
She was controlling and majorly jealous throughout. And ironically ended up cheating on me.
But the sex life was just ridiculously good.”
26. She lied about having cancer and a dead brother.
“She had a few issues which I thought stemmed from her brother having died in a car accident shortly before we met. She was a bit of a feeder and a compulsive spender, and constantly accused me of cheating on her (I wasn’t).
Then after we’d been dating a while, it turned out that she had cancer, which ratcheted up the neuroticism further.
A few months later she told me she had a confession to make. She was very insecure and worried I would leave her, so the cancer thing was a lie to keep me with her. Oh, and the dead brother? Yeah, he never existed, either.
Still stayed with her a while longer cos the sex was fantastic.
Then she hacked my emails and started flipping out over me having female friends at which point I finally bowed out.”
27. She threatened to set my car on fire when we had a fight once.
“She told me about all the petty revenge BS she pulled on her exes, and threatened to set my car on fire when we had a fight once. I believe she would have, but I calmed her down. I stupidly let her move in with me after which she immediately quit her job and refused to move out when it became clear she wasn’t really trying to get another one.
I put up with this for 7 months. Why? The sex was great, she had amazing tits, and she frequently told me that if I was ever even the slightest bit horny, to tell her and she would spread her legs for me immediately—no matter when or where we were. She said if we were even in the middle of a packed grocery store, at my word she’d tear off her clothes and assume the position. She completely meant it. Eventually dealing with her crap stopped being worth having an obedient living sex toy. She still fought moving out and only did when I started dating someone else and began bringing her home.”