1. The groom tried jumping into a pool from a second-floor balcony and broke his neck.
“Former work mate as at one where they had a stag do in Spain. After a heavy day and night of drinking on getting back to the hotel they got to daring each other to jump into the pool from their 2nd floor balcony. Groom to be completely fucked it up and hit the edge of the pool with his head breaking his neck. Didn’t kill him but now has no feeling below his upper shoulders.
Nice start to married life making yourself a paraplegic.”
2. They chained the groom-to-be naked to a tree in front of his in-laws-to-be’s house and then left him there.
“My dad likes to tell the story of a bachelor party a friend of his had where they chained the groom-to-be naked to a tree in front of his in-laws-to-be’s house and then left him there. He had been passed out drunk, and the future in-laws got woken up by his horrified screaming at 6 AM. The wedding still went off a few hours later.”
3. He and his friends got the bachelor passed-out drunk and put him on a train.
“My grandfather used to tell a story about how he and his friends got the bachelor passed-out drunk and put him on a train. This would have been in Ohio in the 1930s. Apparently the guy made it back for the wedding, but barely.”
4. He accidentally touched a stripper’s asshole at his bachelor party, ended up sleeping with her, and later found out he had contracted herpes.
“A friend of mine once told me about a guy she knew who accidentally touched a stripper’s asshole at his bachelor party, ended up sleeping with her, and later found out he had contracted herpes.
We were mostly caught up on how one accidentally touches someone’s asshole.”
5. A bottle thrown during a fight at a strip club sliced the best man’s face from above the right eye to below the left ear.
“Bottle thrown during a fight at a strip club sliced the best man’s face from above the right eye to below the left ear. Looked like a bloody mummy at the wedding.”
6. One guy wandered off drunk in the Canadian winter, walked across ice, fell in the water, and froze to death.
“Not married, but in the city I used to live in, some guy died the night of his bachelor party.
So, he’s at the party, getting just fucking plastered. He’s total asshole drunk. Even though his group has a private room, he’s going around the bar bothering everyone. Belligerent, loud, and only getting drunker. His groomsmen try for hours to get him to chill, but he ain’t having it. Finally they decide to just let him loose for a few minutes.
There’s a pub crawl bus there, and he decides to get on. He’s not a member of the crawl, but he’s drunk enough to not care and the driver doesn’t notice at first. After the bus gets rolling, he starts causing problems, and the people realize he isn’t on the crawl, do they make him leave the bus.
Last time anyone saw him alive.
Days, weeks go by. The family and bride are distraught. Finally, I think it was three weeks, they find a body in a thawed part of the river. Apparently the guy didn’t want to walk to the bridge, just wanted to cut across the frozen river. But only the very top layer was frozen. The rest, as he learned, was very much liquid. Trapped under the ice in a moving river, drunk as all hell? Never stood a chance.
This all happened in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan. It was in all the papers, there was a big debate on who was liable: the bar, the crawl bus, or the groomsmen. I remember because I was bouncing the bar just down the street at that time and the manager to be a little extra vigilant about looking after over-served customers from then on. We were right on the riverfront.”
7. Did a little too much cocaine and decided to whip my cock out and rail the stripper in front of everyone.
“Did a little too much cocaine and decided to whip my cock out and rail the stripper in front of everyone. Regret it? You could say that. Set the tone for our short lived, drug-fueled marriage.”
8. I took a piss on a pile of dirty laundry.
“I played a show with my band at a bar, then proceeded to have way too many tequila shots bought for me. I lost my shirt and passed out. My fiancée took me home and I puked in her car (all down my front and the passenger door). I walked into the bedroom and fell face first onto the bed, covering it in puke too. She put me in the shower and went to clean up everything. She then got me out of the shower and into (the now stripped and cleaned) bed. Apparently in the middle of the night, I got up to piss and decided that the bathroom was too far, but her pile of dirty laundry was not, so I took what she described as
‘the longest piss ever’ onto her clothes.
When I woke up in the morning, she informed me she was taking my car to work, and that I had to do all the laundry and try to clean her car more. I remember thinking that if she was ever going to leave me, now would be the time, and I wouldn’t even blame her for it because I had gone too far and that was fucked up to put her through. She stayed though and we had a beautiful wedding.
Epilogue: I don’t regret doing all that now because we separated 5 months later due to me finding out she had started cheating on me with her boss/my good friend only 7 weeks after the wedding. So that’s neat.”
9. The groom slept with one of our friend’s sisters that night.
“Me and a few other friends rented a cabin and invited some friends for our friend’s bachelor party. Way more people ended up there than we wanted. But during the bachelor party, he kept saying ‘I get a free pass tonight boys!’ We thought he was kidding. He was obviously pretty drunk. We all were. Later the next day we found out that he was not kidding and slept with one of our friend’s sisters that night. Needless to say, the wedding was canceled. He came over the next day pouting because he thought that’s what a bachelor party was for. To sleep with someone else one last time before getting hitched. He’s a dipshit.”
10. I had sex with a man to see if I liked it. I did like it. So I had sex with two more men and sucked another one off.
“I had my stag do a week before my wedding.
I had always been curious and my curiosity got the better of me that night.
So I had sex with a man to see if I liked it. I did like it. So I had sex with two more men and sucked another one off.
It made me feel something I had never felt when having sex with a female. I realized that I wasn’t just curious. I was gay.
I called the wedding off and came out to my ex just three days before we were supposed to marry.
The only thing I regret are the years wasted on women.”
11. I did a bunch of really good coke at my bachelor party and chewed my lip to hell and gone.
“I did a bunch of really good coke at my bachelor party and chewed my lip to hell and gone. Wedding was a full week later and I still had a huge red mark under my lips where I was chapped and healing. I keep meaning to go back and retouch the wedding photos so I can display them without the constant reminder of my antics cuz anytime we look at them my wife isn’t pleased that it;s visible in EVERY photo.
Also, it’s been 6 years of happy marriage, a beautiful daughter, and nothing stronger than beer and weed since that night…so she made a good man out of me.”
12. The strippers stripped me naked. Whipped my ass red raw. Straddled my face squatting on a dildo that I was holding in my teeth.
“My bucks were the best time of my mates’ lives. The strippers stripped me naked. Whipped my ass red raw. Straddled my face squatting on a dildo that I was holding in my teeth with all my might so as not to deep throat the wrong end of it. They put shaving foam or mousse all over my junk and set it on fire and put it out by slapping it. They lit a candle and poured hot wax on my junk and put it out on my nipple.. Also they spat on my asshole and I thought I was about to be pegged. Every time they tried a new humiliating act they and I turned to my friends, we both pleaded our cases, my friends sided with the strippers every time.”
13. Cops eventually showed up in riot gear.
“We threw a bachelor party and ordered some strippers. By the time they showed up the party was well under way and had maybe 40-50 people all pretty trashed. The girls show up and start doing their thing, and because there’s so many people they’re making pretty good $$$.
After an hour or two the cops show up because the party is getting too big and spilling onto the sidewalk. Girls are still inside grinding on each other. Someone in the party decides to throw a rock in the general direction of maybe 3 squad cars. Rock lands on a random car, smashing the windshield. Cops see this, get in their cars, and leave.
Maybe 5-10 minutes later, the cops return in force. Full on riot gear. K9 units. They are not fucking around. The bachelor knows one of the K9 units and approaches him to try and buy us some time. I will never forget the image of my buddy, standing in front of a K9 cop backed up by ~8 cops in riot gear.
We cut the music, thanked the girls and sent them out the back door, and gathered everyone inside. I’d never shut down a party so quickly before. The cops marched through, banging on their riot shields, then left.
tl;dr: Someone threw a rock at the police during a bachelor party and they came back in riot gear to shut it down.”
14. The groom wound up getting stabbed.
“I got the ‘groom to be’ stabbed.
Not directly of course, but my (drunken) action set off a chain of events that ended up with several people stabbed. We’re in a converted school bus driving around from pub to pub, drinking the whole time. While we’re driving down the main club strip, we spot the bachelorette party standing in line for a club. We should have just passed like ships in the night, but the drunk groom insists on stopping and saying hi.
We all get out and talk with the girls for a while, and then start heading back to the bus to continue on our way. At this point I notice my wallet’s missing. One thing leads to another and my cousin and I end up asking a group of guys if they saw anything. They take it the wrong way and the ringleader (who was high on PCP) starts throwing hay makers and takes out both of us.
Blah blah blah…their group and our guys end up in a parking lot nearby where the ringleader retrieves a knife from his car and starts stabbing people.
Long story short, no one required anything but a few stitches, but there were plenty of black eyes and limited movement at the wedding.
Also one of the guys found my wallet a couple days later. It was his backpack. I had given it to him for safekeeping and both of us blacked out about it.
In answer to the original question, I don’t regret anything. I feel a little responsible for the situation, but I feel the vast majority of the burden of responsibility falls on the high off his mind drug dealer. That together with the fact that nobody got seriously hurt, and that it makes for a legendary story we all tell.”
15. Choked groom out, taped him up in duct tape, drew Playboy symbols all over his body, poured hot sauce in his nose, put him in trunk and drove over a bunch of bumpy shit.
“Choked groom out, taped him up in duct tape, drew playboy symbols all over his body, poured hot sauce in his nose, put him in trunk and drove over bunch of bumpy shit. Got him goood….”
16. A stripper beat my ass until it was black and blue.
“Stripper wanted to spank groom. Groom said no. Best man said no. Other groomsmen said no. She then said ‘no lesbian stuff (we had two girls) until I spank someone.’ Well I’m not letting that go so I drop my pants and say let’s go. She beat the shit out of my ass. I stood up involuntarily once she hit me so hard. Had to hide the black and blues from the wife for a week.”
17. I completely freaked out. I was jumping up and down in the room, butt-ass naked, limp dick flopping around like a dying fish, screaming at my friends.
“My friends kidnapped me for my bachelor party. We got in a car and drove down the coast to San Diego. Stopped along the way for seafood, listened to Bon Jovi and Scorpions all the way down, and had a fuckin’ blast. We got to the Hard Rock (of course), and immediately started drinking. I probably had half a bottle of rum before we even left the room. We went down to the pool, and my buddy yelled out, ‘Here’s the bachelor!!!’ That was it. Everyone was buying me shots. Literally they had Jell-O shots in syringes that they plunged right into your mouth. I remember doing about six shots (in addition to the margarita in my hand because mixing booze is totally a good idea), and then I got in the hot tub.
Then I remember I couldn’t find my friends.
And a girl was taking me back to the elevators.
And then my friends were in the room, too, and I was butt naked.
The realization of what just happened sobered me right the fuck up and I completely freaked out. I was jumping up and down in the room, butt-ass naked, limp dick flopping around like a dying fish, screaming at my friends that they just let me cheat on my fiancée and this was all their fault.
They would not. Stop. Laughing.
Apparently what actually happened is that I got really drunk and started to pass out in the hot tub, so my friends escorted me back to the room to sleep it off. The ‘girl’ I remember was one of my buddies who had secured a wig during his partying, and thought it was hilarious. They then showed me the wig. It was totally one of those blue and yellow Chargers wigs they wear at the football games… and was absolutely the ‘hair’ of the ‘girl’ I’d followed back to the room. Thank God. After leaving me in the room, they all went back to the party to let me sleep it off, and I’d been in the room for about three hours, sound asleep. Somewhere after they left the room, I’d decided to take off all of my clothes, which is why I was naked.
They also showed me the several photos they took of them standing behind my naked ass giving thumbs up and making other obscene gestures. I originally wrote ‘fuckin’ assholes’ here, but I realize how that could be incorrectly interpreted, so I’ll leave that they’re a good bunch of guys who are also jerks of the finest caliber.
Much relieved, we decided it was best if we all just got dressed for dinner. It’s important to note that, at this particular instant, everyone in the room, myself included, believed that I had merely slept during the three hour interlude whilst I was in the room and my friends were at the pool party. This, as we soon learned, was not the case.
In preparation for the pool party earlier that day, we had all changed out of our normal street clothes and into pool attire in the room. Among the many items left in the room as a result of the changing process were my friends’ $400 pair of fine leather boots. Boots which, at the precise moment that we all decided to get dressed, were on the floor, next to my bed. I put on my pants, my best man put on his shirt, another groomsman put on his suit, and our last friend stuck his foot into the first boot and discovered that it was full, to the brim, of vomit.
I believe he screamed, ‘WHAT THE EVER LOVING FUCK?!?’ as he kicked the boot off of his foot as hard as he could.
Please, dear reader, take a moment to imagine how one physically kicks a boot off of one’s foot. Does it shoot straight off in a lovely arc whereby any liquid—however unlikely—that may be inside of it, would remain in the boot? Or does it, in fact, spin like a helicopter’s stabilizing rotor, end over end, spraying vomitous goo upon the floor, beds, ceiling, and—of course—the person who kicked off said boot?
Spoiler alert: It’s the latter.”