1. The length of lifelong disappointment.
“It’s difficult to physically measure disappointment. But I’m going to have to say lifelong.”
2. Right around the ‘Eh’ zone.
“More than ‘Awww,’ less than ‘Oh my.’ Right around the ‘Eh’ zone.”
3. Three Tater Tots long and the circumference of one.
“Three Tater Tots long and the circumference of one.”
4. Length of a Galaxy S6.
“Length of a Galaxy S6. I’ve uh, measured a few times.”
5. Two laughs short of a ‘That’ll do.’.
“Two laughs short of a ‘That’ll do.’”
6. One card short of a full dick.
“One card short of a full dick.”
7. Like one of those deli pickles they sell in single packs.
“Like one of those deli pickles they sell in single packs.”
8. “.00011 nautical miles.
“.00011 nautical miles.”
9. It’s a ‘holy shit!’ past ‘Ow.’
“It’s a ‘holy shit!’ past ‘Ow.’”
10. About a third of a standard penis.
“About a third of a standard penis.”
11. I can’t put it through a toilet paper roll.
“I can’t put it through a toilet paper roll.”
12. About 3 bites into half of a Subway sandwich after it’s been toasted.
“Penis is about 3 bites into half of a Subway sandwich after it’s been toasted.”
13. I’m at least two Tic-Tacs wide and one long.
“I prefer to use candy as a measurement. I’m at least two Tic-Tacs wide and one long.”
14. A baby’s arm holding an apple.
“A baby’s arm holding an apple.”
15. If a truly big one is ‘like a baby’s arm holding an apple,’ mine is like a newborn’s arm holding a kiwi.
“If a truly big one is ‘like a baby’s arm holding an apple,’ mine is like a newborn’s arm holding a kiwi.”
16. A to Z on the keyboard.
“A to Z on the keyboard.”
17. Baby suppository.
“Baby suppository.”
18. “Two hands on a good day.
“Two hands on a good day.”
19. Pepsi can, but only the little flippy part to open it up.
“Pepsi can, but only the little flippy part to open it up.”
20. Slightly over half a Subway sandwich.
“Slightly over half a Subway sandwich. Also, thanks to your question I am no longer allowed in Subway.”
21. Larger than a pony, smaller than a horse.
“Larger than a pony, smaller than a horse.”
—kwyk
22. Hot-dog sized.
“I’m hot-dog sized.”
23. Somewhere around 1.5 metric disappointments.
“Somewhere around 1.5 metric disappointments.”
24. My penis is 21 clits long.
“My penis is 21 clits long.”
25. Pretty much the size and the girth of the neck of a regular wine bottle.
“Pretty much the size and the girth of the neck of a regular wine bottle.”
26. The diagonal length of an iPhone 6s Plus.
“The diagonal length of an iPhone 6s Plus.”
27. An acorn taped to the bottom of my torso.
“It’d be comparable to an acorn taped to the bottom of my torso.”
28. 1/4000 of the size of a Boeing 747.
“1/4000 of the size of a Boeing 747.”
29. Much smaller than a horse dick.
“You know a horse dick? Much, much smaller than that.”
30. Pringles can that lost a little weight.
“Pringles can that lost a little weight.”
31. Crack pipe.
“Crack pipe.”
32. Roll of quarters.
“Roll of quarters.”
33. Big enough to hide more than two credit cards end-to-end.
“Big enough to hide more than two credit cards end-to-end.”
34. Egg roll from Panda Express.
“Egg roll from Panda Express.”
35. Two beach balls and a crayon.
“Imagine two beach balls and a crayon.”
36. 0.00000000000000001586 light years.
“0.00000000000000001586 light years.”
37. A twenty-minute ant trip.
“It took an ant twenty minutes to navigate its way from the tip of my shaft to the base of my balls.”
38. Just over the size of a deodorant stick.
“Just over the size of a deodorant stick.”
39. 150 pages wide.
“2 and 1/4 Nerf darts long. About 150 pages wide.”
40. The diameter of the plate IHOP serves pancakes on.
“The diameter of the plate IHOP serves pancakes on.”
41. Roughly the size of an alligator claw, or a farmer’s market yam.
“Roughly the size of an alligator claw, or a farmer’s market yam.”
42. 1/80th of a school bus.
“1/80th of a school bus.”
43. 0.019999999999999997 football fields.
“0.019999999999999997 football fields.”
—Biks
44. Can of tuna fish.
“Can of tuna fish. It ain’t long but it sure is wide.”
45. About $2.25 in shipping.
“About $2.25 in shipping.”
46. 1/1000th the size of the Washington Monument.
“1/1000th the size of the Washington Monument.”
47. One Jumbo 1987 Collector’s Edition Macho Man Randy Savage Action Figure.
“One Jumbo 1987 Collector’s Edition Macho Man Randy Savage Action Figure.”
48. Ya ever seen the Eiffel Tower?
“Ya ever seen the Eiffel Tower? That’s right, one of those bolts on the leg.”
49. Long enough for four budgies to perch on.
“Mines long enough for four budgies to perch on (the last one might have to stand on one leg though).”
50. Like a newborn baby.
“I told a girl I had a penis like a newborn baby….She said that was ok, she could work with it. Got her home and got naked, guess she was not expecting a 14 inch 8 lb dick.”
