1. She came home blacked out from a night of partying and took a shit in the bathroom sink.
“She came home blacked out from a night of partying and took a shit in the bathroom sink. She was so drunk she forgot what the toilet looked like and went for the first porcelain bowl she could find. I got to find the nice surprise the next morning.
Same girl was dumped by some dude, got blacked out, locked her bedroom door and passed out… With ‘Ridin’ Solo’ by Jason Derulo blasting on repeat and no way for us to get in and turn it off. We found other places to crash that night and it was still going when I came home the next day.
Yes, her and I are still good friends :)”
2. When I got back the entire room smelled like death.
“My roommate left our dorm for Christmas break after I did and left a half of a gallon of expired milk not in, but on our fridge. When I got back the entire room smelled like death and crusty rotten milk was adhered to our floors. He proceeded to try to clean it with bleach based toilet cleaner.”
3. He digs in his ass then sniffs his hand.
“Current college roommate goes 2 weeks without bathing, never seen him touch a toothbrush, blatantly chokes his chicken over his shorts while I’m in the room, digs in his ass then sniffs his hand, sleepwalks, basically every basic hygiene task and common courtesy rule you should follow, he does not.”
4. She never, ever flushed the toilet.
“She never, ever flushed the toilet and used to dump the used sink water over the outside plants to ‘save money.’ Her idea of running the washer was letting it fill up about one quarter, taking the clothes back out and running the spin. She also had no concept that dairy was perishable, as you’d open the kitchen cabinets to find mayo, eggs, cheese, etc.”
5. She tried to get us charged with a felony to save $125.
“In college our apartment had four rooms that were individual leases. So if you moved in as a group of three you would usually just get a free extra room, occasionally you would get a random one person. We got one such girl our senior year. We were very different people, and eventually it all came to a head. She did a lot of bad little things leading up to this but to be fair she could probably say that same about us. Well she wanted to move out. But she didn’t want to pay the $125 fee to switch rooms if you didn’t have a legitimate reason. So she decided to make one by calling the cops on us for being drug dealers (we weren’t) before we got back from Thanksgiving break. So we got back and about two hours later the cops raided our home. So she didn’t have to pay a fee. She tried to get us charged with a felony to save $125.”
6. She accused me of stealing a single Jolly Rancher that she had eaten while drunk.
“I had a roommate my freshman year who was a senior. She got really drunk the first week of classes and came back to the room to change during which time she ate a Jolly Rancher off her desk. Two days later she has her wardrobe locked. She apparently counted her candy (crazy in the first place) to make sure I didn’t steal any. Since she was blackout drunk and ate one she assumed I had stolen ONE JOLLY RANCHER and then for the rest of the year thought I was a thief. We did not get along and I couldn’t convince her I didn’t steal one.”
7. He attacked me and was punching me over and over in the head.
“I had broken up with my bf at the time and when I returned home one night, he was waiting for me inside (still had a key.) He attacked me and was punching me over and over in the head in the kitchen. My roommate (20 something male) heard a commotion and came out of his room, saw the scene..and wordlessly retreated, went back into his room and shut the door. My ex kept me captive in my room all night and continued to assault me. I literally didn’t ‘escape’ until the next morning. Roommate and I never spoke of it. But I never forgot that part of the trauma..he could have helped, he at least could have called the cops, and he did NOTHING.”
8. Our suite mate flooded the toilet in the middle of the night and I woke up to a half-inch of water all over our floor.
“Our suite mate flooded the toilet in the middle of the night and I woke up to a half-inch of water all over our floor. 300 dollars worth of textbooks ruined.”
9. He would take an hourlong shower every morning, hocking loogies the whole time.
“I lived with a guy would take a 1 hour, steaming hot shower, every morning.
And he would hock loogies for 45 minutes in there.
3 second pause
Every damn day. Our gas bill was insane. we paid like 120$ a month (18 years ago) JUST for hot water. He balked every time we told him to cut back on the showers or pay more of the bill.”
10. He’d just throw things away that didn’t belong to him.
“He’d just throw things away that didn’t belong to him. Sometimes it’d be little things like a potato peeler or a baking tray, which isn’t a huge loss but it’s a pain in the arse when you’re in the middle of cooking something and realize you don’t have it any more. Other times it’d be a tumble dryer or the cushions from the back of the sofa.
We had a Henry vacuum cleaner. When it needed emptying he just got rid of the old bag without bothering to replace it, so the next time I opened it, several months’ worth of dust flew everywhere. Another time he tried to rewire its plug, connecting neutral to live and earth to neutral, because it had stopped working and he naturally assumed this must be because someone else goes around screwing with the electrical wiring.
We get a brand new washing machine and he puts so much powder in it that foam starts spurting through the seal. Doesn’t give a solitary fuck.
Numerous smoke alarm activations due to putting things directly on the bottom of the oven on maximum heat, or letting pots overflow while he’s nowhere around. Once melted half a plastic spatula by leaving it on top of the cooker. My room was directly above the kitchen so it’d stink of smoke after each of these incidents.
He’d leave the toilet seat covered with piss, or the toilet stuffed full of TP or kitchen towel. Once left his daughter’s dirty nappy right in front of the toilet in such a way that you couldn’t just step around it. Again, not a fuck was given.
No idea what he’s up to now, but I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that he’s either died in a house fire or electrocuted himself due to his own incompetence.”
11. She left the front door open and everything of value got stolen.
“My first year in uni I was ‘lucky’ enough to find a house share that was a five minute walk away, there was four of us sharing. Three females and a male. The guy was a slob, and expected the rest of us to clean up after him, make him food etc. Now he was bad enough but one of the women was amazingly stupid. She started running a bath, realized she hadn’t bought any bath salts so popped to the shops. Without turning off the water. Another time she was making something to eat, left hot oil on high in a pan on a gas stove and set fire to the kitchen. But the worst one was when she left the front door open to air the house, everyone was out and she knew this, and she went shopping. Everything valuable was taken and none of us could claim on insurance because ditzy thought it would be a good idea to tell the insurers she’d left the house unsecured.”
12. He gave us lice.
“My roommate in college had a friend who decided to live homeless for the summer in San Francisco and also had dreads (this is important). Well the school year starts and they are ALWAYS AT MY APARTMENT. I would come home from class there would be the friend wrapped up in my favorite blanket drinking all my dr. Pepper. Anyway I come home one day and my roommate goes ‘guess what we have?!?’ She was really happy so I figured maybe they replaced my soda. She goes ‘LICE!’
Turns out the friend got lice while living homeless in SanFran and didn’t think to cut out his dreads to comb the lice out so they never really went away.
I threw all of my shit in plastic bags and went to the laundromat and washed everything on high heat with ammonia in the water.
I didn’t go back for 3 weeks… she moved out shortly after.”
13. She would enter my room and inspect my towels.
“I moved in with this woman, who I could tell from the beginning was a little nut-balls, but I figured they were just innocent quirks. Plus, I was in a desperate situation, and her price was really good considering how expensive our area is. So I moved on in.
•Within a few days of moving in, started talking about how she needs to go to another country to get her car, but she needs to be there for 2 months. ‘But it’s Spain! I mean, anywhere else you can just spend a week or two, but not Spain! You need to be there at least 2 months because it’s Spain!‘ Here’s the kicker, she wanted me to pay $200 more for rent during those two months, and move all of my stuff to her bedroom, while she rents my room out to someone else during that time. Thankfully, she never followed through with this ridiculous idea.
•I left a dish on the drying rack. When I was at work, she sent me an email about how distressing this was, and how it discouraged her from making lunch with her boyfriend that day. She copy and pasted the Florida Statute of ‘tenant responsibility to maintain premises’ to back up her supposed anguish. Let me please emphasize that this was one single dish, which was the small pan I used to make eggs that morning. They had entire countertop surfaces, including an entire island in the kitchen, to make whatever the fuck they wanted, but my pan on the drying rack somehow destroyed her plans for the afternoon.
•Did the same thing when I started to take out the trash. I was in a rush on the way to work. I tied up the trash bag, and forgot to take it out to the dumpster. I was running around, where’s my purse, where’s my keys, get my shoes, so my mind was somewhere else, and I simply forgot to take the bag and put it in the dumpster. A couple hours later, I realized this and ran back to the apartment and took out the trash (work was only 2 minutes from the house). Later that day, hours after I took the trash out, I received an email with another Florida Statute that I had supposedly ‘violated’ by tying up the bag and not bringing it to the dumpster. Once again, I had caused her distress.
•She constantly went into my room. But it’s weird, because she was not taking anything. I installed cameras to see what she was doing. I still have the videos of her just walking in, looking in my closet, and leaving; other times, she would go into my bathroom and rifle through my stuff. But the weirdest video? I had towels hanging on a hook. There was a video where she purposefully went into my bedroom, and made a beeline for the towels, and started inspecting each and every single one of them. Looking at the tags, everything. Then she walked away from the towels, then turned around again to go back to the towels (as if she was thinking ‘wait, I forgot something’). It was really, truly bizarre and I still show it to people because of how fucking weird it was.
•After about a week or so of watching her go through my stuff, I broke my lease. In our state, a month-to-month lease requires a 7 day notice . I told her there was some family emergency, and I will be out by the end of the month. She started crying, and throwing a tantrum about how I didn’t give her 30 days.
•The next morning, I kept my cameras on and she made a rampage through my room. She found one of the cameras (my iPad, actually) and flipped her shit. She went through my iPad, deleted apps, and she even went into my email account and deleted the app notifications that were sending videos to my phone (a camera app called ‘presence’). She went into my Facebook account and deleted posts. She even sent iMessages from my iPad. I realized what was going on, and I used the ‘Find my iPhone’ app to lock my iPad. I left a threatening message on my iPad, and she ran out the house.
•I left went to the police station, where a cop helped me move out. My dad helped me later. My boss compensated me for the hours lost.
•I took her to court. She wasn’t giving me back my deposit, claiming that I set the carpets on fire, kicked in the walls with ‘my pointy shoes’ (trust me, this would have hurt me more than it would have hurt the wall), yet she couldn’t provide any evidence of it. She got railed by the judge and she started crying, and they kept threatening to kick us both out and reschedule the court date. ‘I had a whole team of people who will testify that he is a slob!’ My father and I provided photos, and videos of me leaving the place absolutely spotless, yet somehow she makes these claims that I kept burning the carpets, that I dragged mud everywhere, that I wrote on the walls.
•In court, she brought in a document that was supposed to be our ‘lease.’ We didn’t have a year-long lease, but she made a whole document and even put in a date, and forged my signature on it. I showed the judge a text message from a later date, showing her saying something like ‘Let’s just try this out for a month, and see how that goes, and then we’ll figure out an official lease, how does that sound?’ The judge completely TORCHED her ass for this.”
14. Her cats ripped open bags of food and shat everywhere.
“She pretty much disappeared and went to live with her girlfriend in the next town over, leaving us to care for her cats. We are animal lovers so we obliged for a while, but we started getting sick of paying for cat litter for somebody else’s cats. Things started deteriorating and she would flip out about the electric bill, when the electric bill was actually pretty low. She was pissed that it wasn’t basically zero, because she was never there, her logic was that we should be like snow creatures and live in the cold and never turn the heat on because she wasn’t there the house didn’t need to be heated. Finally we decided we’d had enough of this crazy bitch and found a new place. We notified her we would be moving out, and informed her that we would not be taking care of her cats after the 17th.
The 17th came and went and we texted her and told her ‘this is our last day. We are fully moved out. You will have to come take care of your cats now.’ She texted back ‘OK.’
About a week later, she sends us a barrage of text messages flipping out on us. She had abandoned her cats for a week, and of course, they had fucking trashed the place. Who wouldn’t? They were hungry and didn’t have anyplace to shit. So they ripped open bags of food and shat everywhere.
She said she was going to sue us. I contacted my lawyer and my lawyer said ‘bring it, bitch.’ She didn’t have a shred of a case.
We never heard from her again.”
15. She started vomiting on our floor and throwing up out the windows.
“My freshman year of college I had a roommate from Brooklyn who was intense. One night after taking acid with some of my girlfriends, I came back to try to sleep…which meant just rolling around for hours and not sleeping. She came back late and tried to sleep too. She started vomiting on our floor and throwing up out the windows. I was tripping balls and had no idea what to do (would have helped in a sober mind state). Thought it was a one time thing, cause college ya know, but no it was not. Happened kinda often. She would also smoke cigarettes in our dorm just out the window. Nice girl but definitely not a good roommate. We only roomed together a semester. To her defense, I was an awkward stoner at the time who could NOT communicate well. She did help me get a drunk girl out of my bed though when I woke up with this random chick sleeping next to me.. thank you for that!”
16. Her two-year-old kid was throwing tampons off the balcony while she camwhored ten feet away.
“I had a roommate with two-year-old whom she mostly neglected. Came home one day to an angry downstairs neighbor who informed me that the kid was on the balcony throwing tampons, my DVDs, anything he could get his hands on out onto the back lawn while she camwhored ten feet away.
This was before she went off on me for swearing when said child dumped a bottle of water into my laptop.”
17. She outweighed me by 100 pounds and liked to try on my clothes.
“She outweighed me by 100 pounds and liked to try on my clothes.
She also liked to go into great detail about her boring dinner prep (‘First I took the pepper out of the fridge. Then I washed the pepper. Then I used a knife and cut the pepper into long pieces. Then I cut the long pieces into short pieces’) and when I told her nicely that it wasn’t really my cup of tea, she told me that it was for her own benefit, not mine.”
18. His only bad habit was masturbating a lot so the amount of times I walked in on him was just too damn high.
“I’ve had the good fortune of having good roommates except one when I first went to university. He was a nice enough guy and generally didn’t cause any trouble. His only bad habit was masturbating a lot so the amount of times I walked in on him was just too damn high. He would also jerk off like 10 minutes after I go to bed, when I still wasn’t asleep and could hear the fap.”
19. A little old lady obsessed with conspiracy theories.
“I rented a room out in my house once to a little old lady. Turned out to be the worst experience of my life.
At first it was little things, like not picking up on signals of when you are busy or do not want to talk. Then it turned to invading my personal space. I had a movie going and was cuddling a woman on my bed, and she just walks right in and stand’s in front of the TV and goes: ‘Do you know short people live longer?’
Then the conspiracy theory’s really started up. Chem trails, secret societies, the end of the world. Eventually it got pretty aggressive and she called me and my friends ‘sheeple.’ It got to the point where my friends didn’t want to come over anymore, as this lady would latch on to you and talk your ear off about crazy shit, then get unpleasant if you were not listening.
The final straw was when I took a day trip the coast. I was out of cell reception for about an hour, and when I got cell service I got two voicemails. Her cat had gotten stuck in my room, when will I be home. The second, I had to break into the room to get the cat out because it was meowing. She actually went over to my neighbor’s house and told them it was life and death, and that they had to help. So my neighbor came over and cut up the door with a sawzall. Ruined the door and the door nob, came out of her deposit. I was gone maybe 4-5 hours total that day.
That was the last straw for me. Gave an eviction notice the next day, as her lease had expired just a couple days before. The lady even thought she would get her deposit back before she moved out. Yeah, no.”
20. Motherfucker was a meth-dealing, burglarizing, valor-stealing, credential-fabricating liar.
“My wife and I had another couple living with us and we quickly became best friends. For convenience, we’ll call them Eric and Beth (names have been changed to protect me from drama).
To begin with, Beth was great. We still love Beth. Eric, on the other hand, not so much.
Eric was ex-military. He had some stories that weren’t great, but they were believable. I have a number of friends in the military, and they all have a habit of stretching the truth, so I didn’t think much of the dishonest parts of his story. He also claimed to be a graduate of the University of Alabama Arizona.
Well, after months of living together, Eric starts to piss us off with trivial bullshit. I got up one day at 4am on a Saturday and spent hours cleaning parts of the house. I did four loads of dishes, turning the train wreck of a kitchen into something mostly clean.
Around 9am I hear Eric get up and turn on his music, and I go back to my bedroom and lie down for a bit.
About an hour later, I hear Eric coming down the stairs, and I figure I could go out and socialize. I knew was free all day, so I figured if I showed him the state of the house, I could talk him into doing a bit more cleaning that needed to get done.
So, I meet him in the kitchen, he’s playing games on his phone, and I tell him that I had done some cleaning and would like him to finish clearing anything left in the Kitchen before the end of the day. He looks me right in the eye and tells me that he was up at 6am and that he already did a couple loads of dishes….
Motherfucker! I was up cleaning the house from 4-8, and I never saw you. The dishwasher is full of clean dishes that I loaded! So, I told him ‘I’ve been up since 4am, and I would like you to do some additional cleaning please.’
30 minutes later, he leaves to go smoke pot with his friends. Nothing done.
I shared this with my wife later that day, and she tells me she’s had similar problems lately, so we decided to do a little digging to see what else he lies about.
For some reason, the topic of ‘did he really go to college?’ came up. His Facebook says B.S. in Physics from the University of Arizona, so we use an automated fact-checking tool to see if he really got a degree. Cost us $20, and within an hour we had a letter showing that he was never awarded a degree. So, just to be certain, we called the physics department dean and asked if she could confirm or deny that a student by his name was ever enrolled. She looked it up and told us that nobody by his name was ever a student in the Physics department, and the only person with his (very unusual) last name that was a student at the university in the past 10 years was a girl in the Drama department….
This was bad. So we shelled out a bit more cash and had his arrest record pulled in all 50 states. 49 states were clear—but in Massachusetts he had active warrants for fleeing the state after being convicted of trespassing, burglary, drug dealing and vandalism. He fled when he was still on probation and was barred from leaving the state. He had served a few years in prison, and those years directly overlapped with the years he was supposedly in the military…
Motherfucker was a meth-dealing, burglarizing, valor-stealing, credential-fabricating liar.
Our landlords were my wife’s parents, and we told them all this. They responded by inventing reasons to evict them, and then evicted them illegally… Not the proper response, but we didn’t really want to argue.
Eric steps up and tells us he’s going to sue. I say ‘I know about your warrants, I know you didn’t go to school, I know you’re stealing valor, and I want you out of this house.’ He went completely pale, and never said another word to us as he packed his shit up and left.
They moved to Florida, we moved to Washington, and aside from following Beth on Facebook, we don’t talk anymore.
Tl;Dr: If you can afford rent on your own, don’t get roommates…”
21. Did acid and my roomie got naked and shit on the floor, after which my dog ate the poo.
“Myself, roommate, and one other person closed down the bars after a long night of drinking. Went home at 2am and thought it was a great idea to eat LSD. My roommate thought it would be funny to eat 8 hits, while myself and the other person ate 2. It was a great time for several hours, laughing and tripping out. Well, the roommate just kept getting more crazy even after me and the other guy started to level off. He would take his clothes off and walk around butt-ass naked whilst tugging on his flaccid penis. He told us ‘we were being weird’ for not wanting to be around him in the nude and playing with his dong. I was able to convince him to put his clothes on, but sure enough he would come back outside in the nude (this happened several times). After a couple hours of trying to convince him not to disrobe, he starts mumbling incoherently to himself with his eyes closed, in our kitchen. We walked over to the kitchen to see if he was alright and as we approached he took a shit on the fucking floor, right there in front of us. What’s worse is he didn’t squat down to do his business, he was standing upright, in the nude, eyes closed, mumbling, and squeezed out a turd. As a result he got poop all down the back of his legs and on his butt. We ended up hosing him down in the back yard with cold water which started to sober him up. We called his brother to come pick him up. It was easily the craziest thing I’ve ever experienced. Just writing this stresses me out. Bonus: went inside to clean up the turd only to notice that my dog had eaten the.whole.thing. tldr: Did acid and my roomie got naked and shit on the floor, after which my dog ate the poo. fuck.”
22. Dirty Dish Mountain.
“Worst roommates for me, were the five other guys I shared a dorm-apartment with my junior year of college.
All of us were over 21 except for one lucky as hell Freshman who somehow managed to get assigned to the apartment. Thus, alcohol was available. Parties were held. Place was trashed regularly.
I ended up being the only person in the place to actually try and clean up. I eventually found myself cleaning both bathrooms, kitchen, dining/living room, and my shared bedroom (no way would I do the other guys’ rooms). I was starting to really simmer with resentment.
The final straw came from when, in November, I was cleaning out the fridge. I found eggs shoved in the back, expired. From June. One of our roommates had early access to the apartment and spent the summer there, and these were his.
As I tried not to gag, I looked at Dirty Dish Mountain, and at the stained living room. And I just broke. No one else was home. I wrote a scathing letter telling them off, loaded my car up, and drove home (it was the day before Thanksgiving). I commuted from home from then on. It meant a long drive but the money I saved, not to mention the sanity…worth it.”
23. She slammed me into the hardwood floor several times.
“I had a roommate once that was severely mentally ill but I had taken her in because she literally had nowhere to go. She wasn’t paying rent, I was trying to help her get on her feet after a bad breakup. I was listening to my stereo in the living room one day and she came out of her room, went to the stereo, turned it down, went back into her room and locked the door. I turned the stereo back up (it wasn’t that loud to begin with). A few minutes later I was standing facing the window across from my desk when she came up behind me, picked me up and tried to throw me through the window (she was quite a bit bigger than me, and I was home because I had blown my knee out at work & was still on crutches while the docs decided if I needed surgery). My printer was in front of the window so I ended up on top of it with her punching me in the face. She picked me up, literally around my waist and slammed me into the hardwood floor several times, messing up my bad knee more and my good knee as well, she was throwing me around like a rag doll at that point. Finally, I took both fists and punched the side of her head and ears until she dropped me. I then grabbed the phone (this was like in 1998 so a land line) and called my boss (still not sure why) and he called the police for me. They came, I was bleeding profusely from my bottom lip and nose. They asked me if I wanted to press charges, and I told them just to get her the fuck out of my house & have someone come get her stuff. They took her to a mental hospital and I never saw her again—found out a couple of years later she killed herself right after she was let out of the hospital. It still bothers me that maybe I could have helped her more than I did had I known she was mentally ill(we weren’t like close friends, she was a friend of a friend), but I can honestly say she kicked my ass, and made me leery of helping people out for a long time. RIP Shelly.”
24. She signed me up for car insurance quotes, tire quotes, house quotes, two prepaid debit cards were sent to me in the mail.
“I had already committed to living with a roommate in college for a second year before she started acting up. It started simply enough—she began acting strangely with a new friend of mine I’d invited to sit with us and a couple of my roommate’s friends. We were in the hallway’s lounge one night when she came in and asked everyone in the lounge if they agreed with her—that criminals didn’t deserve humane treatment because what they did wasn’t humane. When no one agreed with her she got angry, slammed the door behind her, and shunned everyone in that room for days. She finally started talking again when someone else that was in the room begged her to because it was contributing to their anxiety—so my roommate relented.
Most infractions between then and a year later were in that vein, typical shunning then yielding when she couldn’t go without validation any longer. There reached a point when I grew tired of placating her: I wouldn’t allow her to drag me to events so she wouldn’t have to go alone anymore, I took out our recycling a little less frequently. Once she asked ‘what do you do for me?’ when all she ever did was do her laundry (and leave it all over our floor after) and occasionally take out her trash, while I dutifully turned off our light every night (she’s afraid of the dark), and tried to keep things passably clean (see: she never cleaned—aside from one time she vacuumed her half of the room because her boyfriend was coming over; she also threw up in our sink, then acted like she didn’t know why there was moldy food trapped in it).
I’m not sure what the final straw was for her, but it all went to shit a few months before the school year ended. She stopped talking to me, and turned her attention to finding little ways to spite me. I lived in the library—coming back around 1AM to sleep and typically leaving for my early morning classes before she got up. I found leaves torn off my plants and left in my trash can. One night she called her boyfriend and talked to him until well after 2AM—he tried to end the call several times but she kept him talking until his phone actually died (at one point she actually insisted he tell her she’s ‘prettier than Beyonce’). A couple days later she invited him over, he was in our room until after 2AM (previously he’d always left by 10PM) because she sat on his lap to prevent him from leaving. She’d leave the lights on and the curtain open when she left in the morning the one time a week I had class after her.
When finals arrived she really had it out for me. My school email started getting bombarded with emails—she signed me up for car insurance quotes, tire quotes, house quotes, two prepaid debit cards were sent to me in the mail (usernames for the accounts? Bitch0 and Bitch07—classic right?). I got a total of 50 of these emails, most during finals but they went on into the summer, even one last Friday—almost a year later. One time she came back early on a weekend (the only time I’d spend some time in the room I was paying for), got into my space and cussed me out. She called me a some choice words and said ‘it’s no wonder no one’s living with you next year’ because I’m such a terrible person (I opted to live alone this year—wonder why). She blamed everything on me, tried to gaslight me saying all along she’d tried to be my friend, she’d never said anything behind my back (a lie—a friend she still ate with would catch me up on the goings on where I was concerned), how she’d once defended me when a friend accused me of being cold or something. My only words to her were a calm ‘sure’ and ‘I actually think we’re both in the wrong here.’ No tears. Nothing. It was a mess. I went back to my room even later despite it being finals. One time she purposely set her alarm to wake me up after she’d left for a final—but she was always so loud it wasn’t like I was sleeping anyway.
Here’s the kicker: when I was moving out I found hummus on one of my towels, I found hummus on my comforter (on the inside, who does that??). I found dried salsa on another towel and my suitcase in my closet. While taking apart my bed I found crushed tortilla chips between my sheets and comforter. Who thinks of these things??
Tl;dr: Roommate went batshit crazy once I stopped being a reliable source of validation. Apparently putting hummus in a person’s bed is a solid revenge tactic in someone’s mind.”
25. He realizes that he forgot his keys so he decides to kick the front door down.
“Housemate was a friend of a friend. He was also the most disrespectful person that I have ever met. He would play loud music late into the night. I’d walk down and tell him to please turn it down, and I swear to god, he would turn it back up 5 min later! I have ears so I’d have to do it again.
Another time, this dude got wasted one night, and when he gets home, he realizes that he forgot his keys so he decides to kick the front door down. I was the first one to find it and had that we were robbed.”
26. She stopped using toilet paper and used our washcloth as a ‘family cloth.’
“Gf and I lived with a married couple in their 30s while we were in our early 20s.
Came home from work one day and ran to the bathroom because shark week had begun. To my horror, there is no toilet paper. EVEN MORE to my horror, there is one of OUR washcloths, damp, draped over the toilet paper holder. I almost cried.
She turned our washcloth into a family cloth. Click that link, then cry.
Another time was when I was taking a nice relaxing bath and reached for the shelf behind me where my face wash and loofah lived.
Did not grab face wash.
Grabbed a girthy, ribbed, black, at least eight-inch dildo instead. It definitely didn’t belong to my girlfriend nor I.
I screamed, dropped it in the bath, screamed again because it was in the tub with me, threw it on the shelf with all the shampoos and body washes where it had been…forgotten about…and leaped out of the tub.
I took a picture and sent it to both the husband and wife with the phrase ‘one of these things is not like the other, one of these things just doesn’t belong’ in the text. Petty, yes, but I was pissed and a bit grossed out.
Turns out I wasn’t home alone. I hear a bellow of ‘OH NOOOOO I AM SO SORRY! I DIDNT MEAN TO LEAVE THAT IN THERE OMG OMG OMG’ from the basement.
That bellow came from the husband.
Again, I cried. We moved out about three months later and currently have no desire to have any roommates.”
27. The girl was the most uptight, ball-busting cunt I have ever met.
“In 2012 I lived with 4 friends and a couple who we knew through some people. The couple were both assholes that sucked to live with, but the night before they moved out proved that they were also just shitty human beings.
The guy was dopey and inconsiderate. He lost his job about month after we all moved in, and would spend the day alone in the house, going into other people’s rooms and rolling cigarettes on their desks and using their computers.
My room was on the top level of the house and led outside. I normally had no problem letting people go through my room to smoke or hangout on the roof, however there was the time where I had just broken up with my boyfriend on the phone and was sitting on my bed sobbing (my door was glass so anyone coming up the stairs could see inside), and this dopey asshole comes up and wants to go smoke on the roof, and is annoyed when I shake my head with tears streaming down my face.
The girl was the most uptight, ball-busting cunt I have ever met. Dishes couldn’t be left in the sink for more than an hour without some passive aggressive group text being sent out, if anyone was in another room on the other side of the house speaking at a normal volume she would march over to tell us to shut up. We couldn’t even walk down the hall with shoes on because she deemed it us just being loud and inconsiderate. If anything was left in the communal areas that didn’t belong, she would throw it away indiscriminately (including $60 worth of fabric I had bought that same day). Once when I was late on rent she came into my room at 7 AM to wake me up to tell me I better ask my parents for money or something ‘or else.’ Keep in mind this was the first of the month, and the first time I had ever been late.
One night I came back home late with my ex bf, who was wasted. I told him to be quiet specifically because I knew Shit Roommate would pitch a fit. I was able to usher him towards the stairs to my room, but he stopped in the kitchen to talk to my roommate (he was friends with my 4 friends I lived with). Minutes later I hear the door to Shit Couple’s room open and both of them come bounding down the hall, Cunt leading the way with the Dopey Asshole sniveling behind her. She starts screaming and going on a tirade at how inconsiderate we all are, and my bf starts screaming back at her, calling her a bitch, etc. I’m finally able to just get him upstairs to my room, and the next day the couple announce that they are moving out. They don’t talk to or interact with the rest of us very much at all after that. Much rejoicing is had.
Cut to a month later and the Shit Hell Couple are moving out the next day. We are all hanging out in my friend’s room, including my bf. We are admittedly being kind of loud, but my bf is sober and is a very meek and quiet person when he’s not drunk. Suddenly, we hear the telltale sounds of angry footsteps (the Shit Couple were both Very Large People), and Dopey Asshole barges into the room, screaming that my BF ‘threatened (girl)’ the last time he was here (he didn’t) and that he told me that he wasn’t welcome here anymore (he never did). I was pretty pissed and basically told him to fuck off, that he was a liar and that my bf was a friend and guest to everyone in the house. His response? ‘He’s trespassing and I’m calling the fuckin cops.’
Cops are called, and my bf and one of my roommates leave the house and go hangout at a park we lived near before they get there. I am fucking livid at this point. the cops come and one takes a statement from me and the roommate who was in the kitchen the night of The Incident, and the other tanks to Shit Couple. After a few minutes both cops convene, tell us that the girl admitted that my bf never actually threatened her and that because he had no contact with her while there that night and that he was invited over by people who had their names on the lease that they had no cause to do anything. And so they left. Shit Couple went back to bed, my bf came back from the park, and the next day the two shittiest people I have ever known moved out. Two years ago I saw the guy on Tinder so RIP to their shitty relationship as well.”
28. Miss Drunky Drunkerson.
“The award would have to go to my current roommate/housemate.
Renting from a divorced Mid 50s-60s-year-old Eastern European woman. Met on a roommate finding site. Renting her basement/’apartment’ in her home, with a sliding wooden door as the only barrier between my place and the rest of her house. Moved in about a month back and everything seemed fine. She was very sweet, but she seemed to like really wine, and sleeping on her couch, but that was about it. Then I noticed every night when I got home she’d say hello and sound drunk. Not my place to judge so I let it be. A few weeks back I notice that she hasn’t been going to work. On top of that she consistently stays up until 3am or later walking around upstairs, occasionally dropping things or maybe even falling. She vomits loudly most nights she’s up this late, and I can hear it very well. Some nights this would be joined with crying followed by a phone call to someone. Sometimes even a visitor at around 4am. The next day, she’d say hello, still sound drunk, and act as if nothing happened. It keeps me up almost every night. Finally this past week she some how had two tires blow on her car, so now has no mode of transportation. My belief is that she has been walking to the liquor store in the morning, buying wine, finishing it by the time I get home, then proceeds to find a way to start a conversation, or complain about her ex husband or nephew, tell me she’s an alcoholic and that her doctor won’t give her the ‘medicine she needs’ to fix it, so she has to drink then asks me to go buy her more wine, saying she’ll stop ‘soon.’ At first I had to kindly refuse, because she was a sobbing mess and I told her ‘That it would make her feel worse’ even though it just didn’t feel right buying it after everything she told me. She would then get really upset and cry on her couch, feet away from where I’m living, for hours before passing out. Now this keeps happening, and it happened again last night. She forgets that we had the conversation and that I told her I didn’t want to buy her alcohol, so I’ve had to be stern and give her a hard ‘No’ and just walk away.
While it may not seem all that bad, living with an alcoholic is odd. I’ve dealt with a parent and a sibling that had issues with alcoholism. This is an older woman that presents no physical danger to me. However alcoholics, or anyone with a substance abuse issue, are unpredictable. Being constantly inebriated means that they’re making all of their decisions through a shitty filter. They’re unpredictable, they can hurt themselves or others and renting a property from one is terrible, because I never want to go home because I don’t know what to expect.
So yeah, my current housemate/roommate is rough…”
29. He’s now in federal prison for transporting weapons.
“My ex-roommate was a fraudster who also had weapons. He was into enough illegal shit that the FBI and NYDP raided our apartment at 5a. He jumped out the window. I was handcuffed and questioned in my pajamas. He’s now in federal prison for transporting weapons and such. I am a nerdy accountant. Never trust Craigslist, kids.”
30. He smeared cupcakes all over her sheets.
“We’ll call him Tom, because that’s his real name.
I came home after work one warm summer day and my landlord met me outside the house. He was a super nice, gentle guy, and seemed really embarrassed when he asked me ‘Does Tom have any…enemies?’ I said probably, he’s not a very good guy. I asked why and he pointed at Tom’s bedroom window.
My roommates and I lived in a basement in a house in Vancouver, the rooms had little windows above ground level. Tom’s room faced the street, which faced north, and got a good amount of sun all day. Stuck to his window was a full apple pie. It had been smushed against the window and then smeared around, and then left to bake (heh) in the sun. I told my landlord I would take care of it, cleaned it off, and waited for Tom to get home to explain.
Tom had a girlfriend named Becka (this one’s changed) who was awesome. Had her shit together, super sweet, and very pretty. She was an incredible girl, and Tom treated her like shit. They fought like cats and dogs, always screaming at each other for dumb stuff, then fucking the walls down, then screaming some more. After one of these fights Tom made her cupcakes as an apology, but they got in another fight and he smeared them all over her sheets. They went shopping together for new ones, and then came home and made a pie(?) together. But while they were making the pie they got in a fight about the sheets, which cumulated in him throwing the pie at her clown-style as she stormed off. I guess the pie survived the throw so she jammed it onto his window.
He got deported a few moths after that. Fuck Tom.”
31. She kept dirty plates under her bed and it attracted mice into our apartment.
“I can think of two…
1—She kept dirty plates under her bed and it attracted mice into our apartment.
2—She got so drunk one night that she woke up the next morning naked, with nothing but a blanket wrapped around her, outside in the hall in front of her apartment. All of the doors were locked so she had to go outside…climb onto our fire escape…and break open a window to get back in.”
32. I hope he dies tragically.
“Had a garbage roommate for a while that pretty much hit every annoyance possible (loud music on work nights, dirty, late on rent, etc…). Just a general inconsiderate person, but we got on well enough and had a good time. I’m pretty easy going, so it never really got to me.
The final straw, though…He started coming home after closing down the bars completely wasted, order a pizza, then pass out super hard.
The pizza guy would knock and wake me up. Couldn’t get the roommate up, or even conscious, so I’d pay the pizza guy with at least the joy of having pizza after work tomorrow.
I’d get home, stoked for pizza only to find this worthless excuse of a human being ate the whole freaking thing.
It was funny the first time…then after like six more times….Got a better roomie.
I hope he dies tragically for that bs, and no one goes to his funeral.”
33. He never showers once, destroys our living room with Dum Dum’s and Chef Boyardee, proceeds to shoot up on black tar heroin.
“3 of my friends and I live in a 5 bedroom house and were looking for an extra roommate to live in the empty room.
Our old roommate who had lived with use the previous year had moved out before his lease ended and had given super short notice, and thus put an ad on Craigslist to find quick potential roommates. This was mistake number 1. We were also unprepared when checking this guy out beforehand or asking for references. (Mistake number 2) Now for sake of keeping personal names out of it, we’ll call this guy Pedro.
So Pedro moves in the last week of January on a Friday. We show him the room we are offering him and asks if he needs help getting set up. He says no and proceeds to go sit on the couch in the living room. My roommates and I talk with him for a bit, introduce ourselves, and invite him out for a quick drink as a nice gesture. He declines, we proceed to go out and when we come back, Pedro is passed out on our living room floor. No big deal, right?
Wrong. This would be the last time we had any verbal interaction with Pedro. The following week, Pedro remained in the same position, lying on the floor of our living room with a blanket draped over him.
The next few days, the state of the living room got worse and worse.
For reasons beyond my knowledge, Pedro’s diet consisted of Dum-Dum lollipops, Chef Boyardee, and OUR alcohol. The dude doesn’t say one word to us when we walk by him, but just continues to drink all of our liquor in the house. The worst part of this is he never threw anything away, so there were dozens of lollipop sticks that were stuck to the carpet, and beer cans stuffed under the couch. One of the most peculiar things that Pedro did, or rather he didn’t do was bathe. The smells and odors that arise from a person’s body when they don’t shower, all they drink is alcohol is truly nauseating.
After about a week had passed and we realized that it would be a herculean task to continue to live with this alcoholic slob, we tried to see ways we could evict him, and it was fortunate that he had not signed a contract, so really all we had to do was kick him out. The plan was to wait until the weekend had passed as my landlord wanted to get a gun in case the situation got out of hand.
However, the plan was expedited when on Friday morning (a week after he had moved in) he invited his heroin dealer to the house while our roommate was in the kitchen.
The majority of that afternoon was spent trying to get Pedro’s drugged ass out of the house. At first we were trying to figure out if we should just bring him to a nearby park as Pedro said he had no where else to go. Finally, we came up with the solution to bring him to a homeless shelter, We called the nearby shelter and after confirming that Pedro wasn’t a sex offender, agreed to take him.
TLDR: person from craigslist comes to live with us, never showers once, destroys our living room with Dum Dum’s and Chef Boyardee, proceeds to shoot up on black tar heroin, and then finds himself in a homeless shelter.”
34. She and that dumbass boy have the LOUDEST sex you’ve ever heard.
“I’m living with one right now. So, when I move in she and her boyfriend live there, she had moved in with the boyfriend (who already lived at the house) a few months before I did. So, around their anniversary he leaves to go on a job for 3 weeks and when he comes back she’s a huge bitch to him and he, of course, dumps her. Then SHE stays in the house and makes him move out. Well, the day he moves out she hooks up with the guy. He’s AWFUL. I can’t even go on about how awful he is. First of all, he said he’s been trying to get into the military for a year and a half. I get that sometimes it’s difficult, but during our conversation he kept saying Army Reserves and military so I’m not sure which one he meant. Anyway, he’s the worst, I can go into that later. She’s awful for a multitude of reasons: never does her dishes, is supposed to be the ‘house maid’ (as part of her lowered rent) but she NEVER cleans, I’m almost positive she steals my detergent (planning on putting bleach in the next one to see), she asked one of my roommates if she could borrow MY clothes and when my roommate said she didn’t know and to ask me she took them anyway, and she and that dumbass boy have the LOUDEST sex you’ve ever heard. She has to be overcompensating. Last time it happened I looked up goats screaming on youtube and let it play as loud as my computer would go.”
35. She was a bully and also smelled horrific.
“My freshman year of college I was in a suite with 4 other girls, two bedrooms and we shared a bathroom with 2 sinks, a toilet and shower/bath.
3 of the girls and I got along fine but then there was Katie. Katie was a bully, and pushed around one of the girls who was a little more than socially awkward. She also smelled horrific. Seriously, if she was in the room or had been in there you would come in and think/say ‘What’s that smell?’ She barely showered, stole food from us and stole clothing from one of the girls and would put the dirty, stinky clothes back on her drawer. Lucky for us though, she rarely ever slept or even came into our room.
But then we started to get this awful fruit fly problem. They were everywhere, with the majority getting into our food at at least a hundred in our bathroom at any given point. It was disgusting. We tried closing the window and getting screens, didn’t work. We thought maybe they were sewer flies so we poured bleach down the drain. Didn’t work. We cleaned more, and it still didn’t work. It got so bad I called an exterminator.
The exterminator shows up and it was a rare time I was alone in the room. He looked all over and said they weren’t coming from the drain and it must’ve just been the window. I then begged him to please just look some more, we knew it couldn’t just be the window. So he listened and looked more, and started following some flies over by Katie’s closet. He bent down and picked up some towels and laundry and found…this thing. Under her laundry was this plastic bag filled with some unidentified object(s) dripping brown liquid. The flies were feeding and breeding off of this thing and apparently had been for weeks. It was so disgusting the exterminator didn’t want to touch it. It was surrounded by a gross brown stain on the floor littered with dead flies. So we cleaned it out and the stain remained. That day the 4 of us pushed all Katie’s stuff (filled with flies!) out into the hallway and told our RA we were kicking her out. We never had a fly problem again!”
36. He tackled my fiance to the ground and starts trying to fistfight.
“When I first moved in with my fiance, there was 5 of us in a 3 bedroom apartment. My fiance and I, my fiance’s friend, and another couple. I have no problem with my fiance’s friend, he still lives with us in fact. I have every problem with the other couple.
They stole my cat and dumped her somewhere because she didn’t like them. Ate peanut butter out of my grandmother’s vintage glasses and left the pb in there for weeks. Never took out the trash or did any dishes, always late on the bills (which was $250 a person for rent, internet, and electricity COMBINED, I mean come on), practiced their cosplay contest dance routines in the living room at 3 in the morning, argued all the time, and they were completely irresponsible. One of them, let’s call him B, lost his job and didn’t tell anyone about it until the day before rent was due. He had no job for months, so he was home all day long and never even dusted. The other one (W) was a complete psycho.Any time they would get into an argument, W would threaten suicide. One time he drank Lysol. He would always try to start fights and I’m like 80% sure B ended up having battered woman syndrome by the end of it.
One night all of this comes to a head, and we’re arguing in the dining room. They had stolen my cat, trashed the apartment, almost gotten us evicted several times, and my fiance and I hadn’t had a decent night’s sleep in months because of their stupid dance routine practices. We had had enough. We gave them an itemized list of 2 years worth of disagreements. Argument gets heated. Fiance calls W a little bitch (which yeah might have been uncalled for but we were both thinking it). W goes nuclear. He tackled my fiance to the ground and starts trying to fistfight. W has no idea how to fistfight. W loses badly. We call the cops, cops do nothing, they moved out the next day. I haven’t spoken to either of them since. They deserve each other.”