1. ‘Fuck me or I’ll say you raped me.’
“‘Fuck me or I’ll say you raped me.’ So it happened.”
2. Grandmother used to pass me around to her friends when I was little.
“Grandmother used to pass me around to her friends when I was little; I do believe she charged, but that’s not like it makes it any better. I remember wishing I could just drop dead. At 5. Thankfully I don’t really remember what they did once they had me, but I remember crying the entire time I had to stay with them. On the bright side, this is part of the reason I was put up for adoption and given a better life, so not sure how I feel about this on the whole.”
3. I screamed out in pain, but she just got more into it.
“I was about 3 1/2. My sister and I were dropped off at the babysitter (an older woman in her 40s). It was an unusual day in that we were the only kid being watched. The woman who watched us had to leave for a bit and asked her 16-year-old daughter to watch me. (My sister was napping.) I remember this dash vividly from here. She told me I could come upstairs (first time I ever was able to go upstairs). I was passing with some toys in the hall when she told me to come in her room. I did like she said. She just did makeup and such in the vanity mirror.
Then she came over by me and asked me if I knew how to dress and undress myself. I said I did. She told me to take off my clothes. I didn’t understand why, but I did down to my underwear. She told me to get in the bed, and I listened. Meanwhile she took off her shirt and got in as well. She pulled down my underwear and began to play with me, asking me what I liked and didn’t like. Then she began pinching. I would cry out because it hurt. Then she started sucking my dick. I stopped whimpering because it felt good, and immediately she started biting. Not nibbling, but full-on biting. I screamed out in pain, but she just got more into it. She was slapping my face when I cried out and screamed and continued biting, and pinching and playing with my cock until it was bleeding pretty badly. My face was numb from being slapped so much. Even my lip was busted open. And then the mother came home. She got dressed very quickly and made me go to the upstairs bathroom to clean up, the whole time threatening that she’d kill me if I said anything, ever! I cleaned up as best as I could and when she finally let me go back downstairs, I curled up with my sleeping younger sister to keep her safe as well. The mother saw my beaten face and went all Bruce Lee on the daughter. I don’t know much else as I just hid in the downstairs bedroom with my sister and hid us as best as I could.
I didn’t get help for this until I was 19. I pretty much locked it all away in my head until then. It’s caused a lot of issues for me, including getting no pleasure from a blowjob, in fact, usually too scared to even get one from a girl unless I have known them a long time and really trust them. Yes, it does happen to men/boys, too.
Tl;dr: the babysitter’s daughter was a sicko and got off trying to abuse and mutilate my 3-1/2-year-old manhood.”
4. At first I told her to stop and she said ‘why, you gay?’
“An ex pushed me into sex way before I was ready. She found out I was a virgin and wanted to take it so bad. We were cuddling at night and I was behind her, popped a hard-on because cuddling and she grabbed my dick and pulled it into her, shoved me on my back and started riding me. At first I told her to stop and she said why, you gay? I wound up just lying there. After 10 minutes I didn’t come, and she got all upset. A week later I found out she blew four dudes at a party in one night. Broke up with her for it. Should have told someone about the rape. Gave me some serious trust issues with future partners.”
5. She told me if I didn’t have sex with her she’d scream and tell everyone I tried to rape her.
“I was 17, she followed me into a bathroom at an extracurricular activity and told me if I didn’t have sex with her she’d scream and tell everyone I tried to rape her.
So she raped me. I told one of my mates about it and he was all ‘dude, that’s awesome,’ ‘she’s hot AF,’ ‘how was she,’ and I realized nobody would take me seriously so I shut up.
I’m asexual, have identified as such since before this incident, and I’m 22 now. However now I can’t be alone with a woman because it freaks me out too much. I’ve told three therapists about it, and all fucking three of them have tried to tell me I’m not asexual it’s just a byproduct of what happened. So I quit trying.
I never plan on bringing it up again with anyone.”
6. I had never felt so helpless before and I felt like shit.
“Class was canceled, she wanted to go to lunch I said sure why not she was older than me by a year, I was a sophomore. we stopped by her house and she had to get money since I was broke she told me to come inside while she grabbed some things I sit on her bed and wait and she barges in there wanting to fuck me I tell her no I don’t want to lose my v card til I’m married she jumps on me forces herself on me and I just kinda freeze up let her do her thing and leave we never went out to eat she just wanted sex. I had never felt so helpless before and I felt like shit. I used to be ignorant and believe that it couldn’t happen to guys. I have completely changed my thought process; fuck anyone who does this.”
7. I was between 6-8 years old. She was 6 years older, and my sister.
“I was between 6-8 years old. She was 6 years older, and my sister. It was summer break, and she was in charge of babysitting me. We got along as much as a brother and sister 6 years apart in age could. It happened a dozen times or so. It was a sort of a game she wanted me to play with her. We would just have sex. I didn’t really realize what was happening at the time. I knew it was wrong and I shouldn’t tell my dad. I also knew that something about it was fun.
I had problems growing up that I later pieced together were scars from this. I had trouble controlling myself when it came to using the bathroom sometimes, in like 3rd and 4th grade. I would not want to be touched by anyone. I’ve never been a hugger because of it. There’s other things sometimes too, but as my parents divorced when I was little I’m not sure where to place the blame on my poor relationship skills.
I’ve only ever told one therapist about this, and that was only a year ago or so. My wife knows, but that’s about it. I’ve never brought it up with my sister, but we’re not very close at all so I never have to deal with her.
I sometimes wonder if my uncle raped/molested her when she was younger or even right around that same time. He’s a real fucking scumbag (like, tried to sell one of his daughters for crack, molested at least one of them…), and it would make sense if that’s where she learned it from.
Still, she should have known better. She was old enough to know better than to do that to her fucking brother.
I do still think about it occasionally, but in a very detached sort of way. I suppose it could have been worse, but it was still fucked-up. I’m still fucked-up.”
8. It felt like I was drowning and it felt like forever.
“My ex-girlfriend, among the myriad other things she did, forced herself on me in the shower. I was sat down in the corner taking a breather when she came in and forced herself on to my face, my head being trapped between the wall meant she slowly began to asphyxiate me, I kept trying to push her off but the position made it impossible.
As she used my head I began to not only black out but also the water streamed down her chest and began to waterboard me; it felt like I was drowning and it felt like forever.
Even now it feels like I have mild PTSD from it, going down on any woman is kind of an anxious moment and when I do it’s never on the bottom. The worst part is I can’t talk about it because that sort of thing is even more invalidated, so I just repress it.”
9. She told me to kill myself. So I tried to.
“I was 16 and had just gotten out of a 2-year relationship with my first girlfriend. I was struggling with a combination of newfound loneliness and overwhelming depression that had persisted for the last 8 years. I felt like I had done nothing with my life and, before killing myself, I wanted to reach out and help as many people as I could who felt the way I did. I started messaging people anytime I saw someone post a status that seemed to be a bit of a red flag for depression. I talked to a few dozen people and gave some words of encouragement and such, but it didn’t really feel like enough.
I realized I couldn’t find purpose in that, so I decided to try to reach out to everyone I had wronged or just been a dick to over the years to apologize before finally leaving. One of those people was my best friend’s ex. I had a bad feeling about her when they first started dating and was an incessant asshole to her for their entire relationship. I apologized and she said it was no big deal and asked how I had been doing since my ex and I had broken up. We started talking about life and depression before ending the conversation. When my friends heard about this, they thought I was trying to hook up with her and were upset. At the same time, my ex started dating the vocalist of the band all of my friends were in. So, here I am, a depressed kid who now has no friends but was horrified of dying alone.
One night, I had had enough of waiting. As I was getting ready to end it, I get a message from my friend’s ex saying she needed someone to talk to, but that she couldn’t type any of it out. She wanted to hang out the next day. Fueled by a need for purpose before dying, I stopped myself from downing the rest of the blood-pressure pills I had laid out. Over the course of the next two weeks, this girl and I hung out several times. It started as being two sad people supporting each other, but she gradually raised the stakes and asked for more. When I would resist, she would get upset and say that she didn’t want to talk to me. Me, being terrified of being so alone, relented until the day when it finally reached a peak. I don’t want to go into details about the actual event, but it ended with me lying on the couch, covering myself with the clothes that I didn’t have the will to actually put on, and telling her that she had to leave before my parents got home. I kept telling myself that it was a mistake, that I hadn’t asserted my views and feelings strongly enough, that she thought I felt the same way and wanted a romantic relationship. I continued responding to her messages, but now with one-word answers, for another week before I actually told her how I felt about what happened. She told me to kill myself.
So I tried to.
My mom walked in my room as I was pouring all of my meds on the floor and sobbing. The ex I had broken up with in the first place had called her after school saying that I looked distraught on my way home and that she should check on me. My mom took everything I had that I could use to end my life, locked up all of our guns, knives, razor blades, etc. She made me come into her room and ask for my medication each night.
Not long after, my ex broke up with the vocalist of my friends’ band and said she wanted to get back together. I spent the next year and a half with whatever it was that happened with my friend’s ex being held over my head as a way to guilt me into having sex with her. This abuse by my girlfriend at the time proved to be far more traumatizing than what she was actually holding against me.
I wish I had a happy ending to the story, but I don’t really. I broke up with that girlfriend, had a great relationship that I allowed my insecurities to ruin, spent a year learning to be more comfortable alone than around people, and habitually fell out of everything in my life and neglected any friends I still had.
Over this last winter break, I met an amazing girl who has been very understanding of my experiences, but the paranoia and my general depression have me in a place where even this relationship is strained and on the edge of failure. Life is really wearing me out and I am tired of trying.”
10. She laughs and said, ‘I just wanted some dick, didn’t think you’d mind.’
“In university, was out partying and had quite a few drinks. This girl, Lori, went back with me to my dorm (We had been seeing each other on and off, very FWB). We both crashed and fell asleep.
Enter some time later and I wake up, still pretty shitfaced, and she’s riding me, no protection. I go to throw her off, and she’s pinned me down (that half-awake moment + being still inebriated makes it hard to do anything, despite me being 6’3″, 220lbs). She laughs and said, ‘I just wanted some dick, didn’t think you’d mind.’ Of course I mind.
Later that week, I went down to university services to talk to someone because it wasn’t right. I didn’t feel good about it, was worried about diseases and the like, etc. Was told because I was a man, I couldn’t be raped. Tried to work with police. Was told the same thing.
It’s been a good 15 years since, and I’ve moved past. I strongly advocate and fight against things like the Duluth Model (domestic violence that assumes the man is at fault) and for more men’s support in domestic violence and rape cases. No one should have to go through it. There’s no reason anyone should.”
11. No blurred lines. Just straight-up rape. Me telling her to stop and she continuing with threats or by me being tied up.
“Dated a girl for three years. My first. I was the first one amongst my friends to get laid or be in a relationship which I think kept me in it for so long. Feeling that I should be grateful and having something to prize.
Anyhow, turns out she was manipulative, emotionally violent, and at rare occasions physically violent. None of which I could see at the time. I had zero experience or things to compare it to. It took me about a year after she dumped me to have the thought ‘Thaaaat…was probably not good.’ Took me 15 years to finally realize a lot of the times we had sex quite clearly constituted rape. No blurred lines. Just straight-up rape. Me telling her to stop and she continuing with threats or by me being tied up.
I’ve come to realize it wasn’t even about the sex. It was about control. She didn’t seem interested at all, sometimes watching TV and just keeping at it. I’d tell her to stop, sometimes just breaking down and crying. She’d do stuff like tell me mid ‘sex’ she was ofd the pill and keep on going. Now I’m quite certain she wasn’t though.
Anyhow, took me 12 fucking years to realize men could be raped at all and 15 to begin thinking about my experiences. Unlocked a lot of explanations for my behavior later in life…been to therapy with OK results but not brilliant. Sometimes I feel I should have just kept it buried in the back of my head and sometimes it feels healthy to be able to talk about it.”
12. Woke up to her tugging and sucking on my dick.
“A good friend of mine’s wife used to hit on me a lot. We were all old friends from school and I never really told her off, just kind of laughed it off since she’d do it in front of my wife and her husband. We had a party at their house one night, I passed out watching Anchorman. Woke up sometime later (movie was still on, so not too much later) to her tugging and sucking on my dick.
I asked what she was doing, she just looked at me. I rolled away, zipped up, went to the bathroom. Did that thing you sometimes do when you’re drunk where you talk to yourself mentally while looking in the mirror (maybe that’s just me?). Went back out to the living room, she had retired to her bedroom and I laid on the couch until our friends returned from a liquor run. I stuck close to my buddy who I’d gone out there with, we both slept out in the living room. Told him what had happened on the way home. Not sure he believed me, which kind of sucked. Tearfully told my wife about it once I got home, not sure she believed me, either.
She posts on Facebook that morning: ‘I’ll keep you my dirty little secret.’
Fast-forward a few months, her husband knows. Her sister knows. Everybody in our circle knows, because she told them. Of course, she painted a different picture and it’s now my word against hers (‘and she’s a mother, you guys, why would she lie?’). Her sister punched me in the face when I said it didn’t go down that way and that I’m pretty sure what actually happened could be considered rape.
I don’t hang out with those people anymore. I’m not married to that wife anymore. I never see my friend (whose wife was responsible) anymore. I lost kind of a lot over that because ‘girls can’t rape boys.’
Fuck you. You deserve every bit of bad hand you’ve been dealt.”
13. He said he walked in and saw this girl riding on my lifeless body with my eyes closed and my head bobbing back and forth.
“I lived in a house with some guys in college and I had a bad habit of falling asleep in the common area on the couch when I was drunk instead of going to my bed. After going out with my roommates one night a few people came back to our house to continue drinking. I blacked out and my friends helped me onto the couch so they could keep an eye on me and put a trash can next to me. There was a girl there that was friends with some of the girls we hung out with all night. She was very flirtatious with the guys there, but none of us were attracted to her. I passed out and after everyone went to their beds I was still alone on the couch. My friend passed through the common area at about 4 am to get some water from the kitchen. He said he walked in and saw this girl riding on my lifeless body with my eyes closed and my head bobbing back and forth. It took him a few days to build up the courage to tell me but I’m glad he did. It was kind of a joke at first but later on I started to realize that I actually had been raped. Kinda fucked-up that it gets downplayed for men so much.”
14. I remember her flipping me over and pulling my pants down.
“I was 14 and drunk at a party hosted by my best friend D’s older brother who had returned from camp. Me and a friend had been drinking box wine all night when I decided to head to bed. I was so fucked-up I was having a hard time moving. I’m pretty sure D helped me into his room. I’d had a disagreement with a chick earlier that evening about music and I guess she was ‘excited’ over our argument. She came in shortly after me. I remember her flipping me over and pulling my pants down. I also remember her on top of me and feeling used, worthless, and weak for not enjoying it more.
I explained to D’s older brother Nate what had happened the night before and how fucked-up it was and how I felt. It had never been a thought that I had been raped. I was more freaked-out that I didn’t enjoy it. Nate was pissed. He explained to me I was raped. We talked for a few hours about it. Nate comforted me that best he could and it didn’t bother me until I had sex again two years later. I’ll spare you the details but when I started to become more sexually active I kept having flashbacks. It wasn’t going to work. I thought that because the first time I had sex I was raped I was never going to have a normal sex life I became depressed and drank heavy for the next few years.
Things changed when I met my wife. I was finally able to talk to talk about it in a way that wasn’t rooted in anger or sadness. For some reason that helped. My wife is an amazing partner and I’m glad to report that we have a healthy sex life.”
15. I feel annoyed and used.
“I crashed at her mom’s house after a small party there, nothing crazy. I stripped to my boxers in my sleep, as I have done it sober before. I remember feeling a tingling, almost like peeing when you have one of those dreams of yourself peeing, and you wake up because the sensation wakes you up? Not sure how else to describe it. I woke up just in time to cut myself off from climaxing. I pushed her up and I scooted back, and my cock slipped from her and made a really loud smack against my stomach.
She moaned that she was so close and just wanted to get off, and that I shouldn’t be so upset about it. I said, ‘You didn’t wake me up?’ She said she thought it was hot to just take me inside. She even said, ‘Besides, your dick was already hard when I came in. I know you wanted it.’ I said, ‘I almost came in you. You could have gotten pregnant.’ She just shrugged and said, ‘I didn’t think you’d come before I did.’
I got up and started gathering my stuff and was pretty pissed. I was tired, now on edge, and slightly hungover.
I’m not untrusting of women, I don’t feel like a victim. I feel annoyed and used.”
16. She touched me and made me lick her junk.
“I was around five or six, and she was maybe nine or so. I don’t remember if it was more than once but she was always making power trips with me. I always said yes because she said if I didn’t comply she wouldn’t be my friend anymore (I didn’t have many friends).
She touched me and made me lick her junk. I was so humiliated when my mom found out (I was 12) and she didn’t do anything for me because I didn’t want some teenage girl to go to jail for something she did as a prepubescent kid.
I still have problems with sex and am a borderline porn addict. Nobody tells you this, but apparently one of the effects of being assaulted as a kid is sexual intrusive thoughts and unnaturally high libido.
It’s a nightmare to be awake and sober most days.”
17. Upon opening my eyes, I see my roommate’s girlfriend on top of me, riding me.
“My college roommate’s girlfriend. This happened around sophomore year of college. One of my roommates had been dating this girl off and on for about 8 months or so. She was a tall, athletic, attractive redhead. She had that oh-so-famous redhead temper. My roommate was also not the best boyfriend. They fought a lot in our apartment. Several times, I was forced to physically get between them to prevent an altercation and/or our stuff getting broken. These fights happened at least once a week, and almost every time they drank.
One Friday, she tells me that she wants to set me up with one of her sorority sisters, so we 4 (roommate, roommate’s gf, gf’s friend, and myself) all go out to the clubs. The night was going surprisingly well. The friend and I didn’t really connect in a romantic level, but we were all having a good time nonetheless. At one of the clubs, it’s my turn to buy a round. I’m standing at the bar, trying to tune out the loud music, when I feel an arm reach around from behind me and grab my crotch. Natural reaction, I turn to see who it was and see my roommate’s gf standing behind me grinning…I carefully removed her hand and tried to mentally brush it off as the alcohol getting to her.
Fast-forward another two hours and we are in the cab going back to our apartment. Roommate and girlfriend are loudly fighting about something, while the friend and I are sitting in uncomfortable silence. It is at this point things get really blurry; it was as if all of the night’s alcohol hit me all at once. I remember us getting back to our apartment parking lot and my roommate and his girlfriend are shouting at each other. I throw the driver a bill and stumble back to our apartment with girlfriend’s friend in tow, leaving them to fight outside. I don’t know where the friend crashed; I just walked straight in and straight to my bed. I don’t think that I even took my club clothes off.
Don’t know how much time passed, but get the feeling of something wet around my crotch area and on my stomach. My initial thought, before opening my eyes, was that I pissed myself. Upon opening my eyes, I see my roommate’s girlfriend on top of me, riding me. I sobered up in that one second and quickly shoved her off of me. I just remember saying, ‘WTF are you doing?!’ and her saying VERY loudly, ‘Well someone else won’t fuck me!’ as if she wanted my roommate to hear. I told her to get out, and she did whilst calling me an asshole. I lay there for a minute trying to analyze what just happened, when I start to feel sick. Not sure if it was the alcohol or the incident that just occurred, but I ran to the bathroom to puke. I returned to my bed and fell back asleep.
I never brought it up with my roommate or his girlfriend. I don’t know if she ever told him. He told me the next day that he was so blasted that he didn’t remember anything after we left the club. The sorority sister was nowhere to be found the next morning. Roommate and his girlfriend broke up for good not long after that.”
18. The therapist I saw briefly told me in no uncertain terms that ‘a woman can’t rape a man. It’s physically impossible.’.
“So I’d just separated from my ex-wife and some friends took me out drinking to ‘cheer me up.’ I got shit-ass drunk, and they managed to get me home and on my bed, where I passed out.
Have you ever been woken up by something that initially seems pleasant, but you suddenly realize that it’s kind of horrible? How for a few seconds, you just enjoy it and soak it in, and then reality comes crashing in and you snap awake? Well, I woke up about three seconds from cumming, which is usually a great way to wake up, but the reality came in when I specifically remembered not bringing anyone home from the bar and that I had no idea who or what I had just come in.
Turns out it was my soon-to-be ex-wife. Her story was that she saw me out drinking but didn’t say anything, and then decided to come over after she figured my friends had time to drop me off and leave. Apparently, they didn’t lock up behind them and she just sauntered in, pulled down my shorts, and started riding my comatose dick. No protection.
I pulled up my shorts and told her to get out, and she just laughed at me. I threatened to call the cops, and she finally left. About 7 months after that, she had me served with child support papers. My attorney demanded a blood test, and we never heard back from her lawyer.
I told a total of three people about what happened. One was a formerly close friend, who was like ‘dude, that sounds awesome!’ A female friend said, ‘Seriously? That’s like saying a Chihuahua raped a Great Dane. It just doesn’t work like that.’ Presumably because my ex was 5’1″ and under 100 pounds, while I was 6’2″ 270. And the therapist I saw briefly told me in no uncertain terms that ‘a woman can’t rape a man. It’s physically impossible.’
So I don’t talk about it. It isn’t a thing that society is prepared to accept, and I come across like I’m either making it up or trying to play the victim. It sucks sometimes, and I’ve made up a half a dozen different stories for a half a dozen different women about why I don’t like being touched when I’m sleeping. Not having anyone to talk it through with was hard, but I got used to it.”
19. She tells me that if I don’t fuck her she will get out of the car and yell rape.
“Fuck it, I broke up with my ex and pretty much ignored her for a month. We had class around the same time and once I got out she asked me to see her so she could give me back my stuff. I say sure and she follows me back to my car.
Once we get there the college campus is huge so she asks me to drive her to her car which I do because I didn’t want to seem like an asshole.
Once I drive her to the car she refuses to get out and begs for me to take her back, I say no and get out (this goes on for about 15 minutes). She finally gets out and offers to take me to dinner with her friend from work since I was broke at the time and hadn’t eaten in about a day or two. I agree and we go, I have a couple of beers she has one, the dinner is fine but now it’s about 9-10PMish and she lives 30 mins away. I drive her home and she refuses to get out of the car again.
Then she moves her hand over my crotch, I immediately tell her to stop and get the fuck out. She doesn’t and tells me that if I don’t fuck her she will get out of the car and yell rape all that cliché shit. I’m 6’3” and a big dude like 215lbs but I have never felt so small in my life. I knew that there was nothing that I could do but take it; who were they going to believe the girl or the scary-looking dude? I went on a trip before with her out of the state and the cop that pulled me over pretty much interrogated me thinking I kidnaped her. So with this in mind I just went numb, she fucked me and I just took it like a fucking bitch.
I hate her, I hate myself for being kind, and I hate people that say guys can’t get raped. I have never felt so humiliated in my life.”
20. She quickly grabbed the back of my head and slammed my face into the bar.
“There was a girl I knew that I had a lot of fun hanging around with. But she had a big crush on me and my feelings for her were not the same. She was also overtly aggressive with her sexuality. When we would hang out at the bars or whatever she would always be really pushy with forcing me to take liquor shots. Well, she would get me blackout drunk and then I would wake up to her naked in my bed. Basically post-sex. I never would remember how I got there or what happened or even if protection was used or anything. Nothing. Just a literal ‘stay golden pony boy,’ then she would leave. After a few times of this happening I was sitting at a bar with her. I told her that I was never hanging out with her again because I was sick of that shit and I didn’t want us to fuck anymore. When I said it, I looked away from her to my left and she quickly grabbed the back of my head and slammed my face into the bar. I got up ready to fight whoever the fuck just did that to me and she ran out of the bar as quick as she could. I’m a big dude, too. That took a lot of guts for a girl to try that. Never hung out with her again. Also not the only time I’ve been a victim of ‘domestic violence’ for refusing to have sex with a woman.”
21. To this day I have trouble trusting women.
“I was 19 and got invited to a party by a friend. I’ll call her H. H and I had a weird friend romance thing that was very confusing. A couple nights before, we had all gotten wasted and I had slept with H’s friend C. It was regrettable and I had hurt H’s feelings.
The party wasn’t so much a party when I got there, as it was the after-effects of a multiple-day drug binge. I found my friend M passed out in the yard, drugs everywhere, etc. I woke up M and got him some water.
I walked into H’s room to find her and C on the bed. I come in and they are both absolutely smashed. I sit down and chat with them for a minute, when H starts grabbing me inappropriately. I lightly push her hands away and tell her I’m not interested because they are drunk. She does it again, more forcefully.
‘Don’t you think I’m pretty? Don’t you love me?’
Meanwhile C is grabbing me and telling me just to ‘go with it.’ I loudly voice my non-consent, because they are both drunk. They get more violent.
Details don’t need to go past this point. It’s weird because of how conflicted I was. I didn’t want it to happen because they were black-out drunk, but enjoyed the attention admittedly.
So while all of this is happening, M heard me yelling and bursts into the room, pushes them off of me and drags me out of the room. M is a fucking bro and we are best of friends to this day.
There was no apology. No nothing. They probably laughed about it….
To this day I have trouble trusting women.”
22. She pulled my pants off, started sucking me off, while I was still asking her to stop, and then she just started fucking me.
“I broke up with an ex like 6 months before who lead me through a pregnancy scare and I actually got herpes from her; which due to that, stress and a surgery I had before I lost roughly 30lbs of muscle (I was an in-shape guy).
She basically would tell me she was pregnant whenever I seemed like I wanted to break up with her. I did try to keep nice to her but went months without talking with her.
I met up and talked to her one day and I we both agreed to keep things cool between each other. She told me how good I was to her and so on and talked to me about a new guy she was dating.
A couple of weeks later I get a message that she thought someone was creeping around her house and that she was scared and all alone. She asked me to come over and hang out with her. I agreed.
When I got there, she was dressed like she wanted me to fuck her. When I got in her house we talked for a bit and then she started kissing me. I got up to leave and she basically jumped up and wrapped her legs around me and kept kissing me. I probably said stop well over 10 times. I could easily hit her and got her off of me, but I thought to myself: ‘Who are the cops going to believe? 6’2” me, or 5’2” her with a black eye?’ So I gave in. I laid down, she pulled my pants off, started sucking me off, while I was still asking her to stop, and then she just started fucking me. I then grabbed then picked her up and started fucking her like in fashion that was scary to me, because I had lost all control. I came. Finished up and immediately grabbed a garbage can to start puking.
As I sat there with tears in my eyes, I said, I’m telling your new boyfriend. She hit me said no, and told me she fucked my best friend a couple hours after we broke up. I left that night feeling shattered. I felt so bad and felt like it was all my fault. I felt guilty that she had a boyfriend and I wished that karma would pay me back. (I oddly enough feel like that cursed me) I messaged her on Facebook after saying: ‘I want tell your new boyfriend, but please stay away from me. I never want to talk to you again.’
I still haven’t had sex with someone else and it’s been 3+ years. My life has kind of fallen apart, but I’m trying desperately to get it back. She’s the only person that if I see in public I feel physically sick and scared. Again, I’m bigger than her and could easily beat the shit out of her. I’ve gotten addicted to porn and I think a lot about whether or not I should just sleep with prostitutes. I tried talking to a counselor about it, but I think I talk about it with no emotion about it, so they don’t think it’s a big deal.”
23. She texted me and jokingly apologized for ‘Basically raping me,’ and that was the first time I realized what actually happened.
“During my first semester in college, I was talking to this girl for a while. She was a year older than me and at least a little out of my league, but we got along really well and I enjoyed spending time with her.
I guess I had a bit of a crush on her. One night, I ran into her on my way back from a party. I was very drunk and she insisted on walking me home. Back in my dorm, she came onto me pretty hard and before I knew it we were kissing in my bed.
At a certain point, she pulled her head away and asked if I’d ever fucked a girl on her period. I said no and told her I wouldn’t be comfortable doing it. She insisted on taking my ‘period virginity’ as she called it. I was very drunk at this point and was verbally expressing I didn’t want to.
But she kept going, she wrapped her legs around me telling me to relax and shushing me and she just kind of had her way with me.
I didn’t really think of it as rape. I got hard, I came. All my guy friends were hi-fiving me. She texted me and jokingly apologized for ‘Basically raping me,’ and that was the first time I realized what actually happened. It’s been hard for me to decide if I was truly raped. I could’ve physically stopped her, I didn’t. I kind of just gave up and let her do what she wanted.”
24. Due to me being squished right up to the back of the sofa, I could hardly move, with my arms pinned to my sides.
“I was crashing over at a friend’s house when I was about 19. There were a group of us, and we payed ‘I Have Never’ and, against my wishes, my virginity was exposed to the group.
One of the girls in the group has always pitied me strongly. I have dwarfism, and she straight-up treats me like a charity case most of the time. Rarely speaking to me without a soft smile and a simpering tone of voice, like you would to a toddler (despite me being 2 years older than her). When it was revealed that I was still a virgin, she made an exaggerated sad face and said ‘aww.’ I knew she was loving it, and I did my best to contain my anger at her patronizing reaction. For the rest of the night she would keep glancing over to me and making that same sad face. I’m not a violent person at all, but I genuinely wanted to punch her in those moments.
Fast-forward to us falling asleep. As luck would have it, I ended up having to share a sofa with her. I could feel her pressed up against me, and I felt sick. Due to me being squished right up to the back of the sofa, I could hardly move, with my arms pinned to my sides. Knowing her complete lack of respect for others’ personal space, I even thought to myself masochistically, ‘you know she’ll probably do something, don’t you?’
Next thing I know, I’m waking up in the middle of the night to a hand slipping into my sleeping bag. I was frozen in horror for a few moments, even thinking to myself ‘You should like this. Stay still, you might grow to like it.’ But I didn’t. I really didn’t. I wanted to be sick. I wanted to retaliate—to hurt her. I grabbed her hand and awkwardly tried to push it away with my limited range of movement. I’d never felt such intense distress and…something else I can’t really articulate. She didn’t retract, though. She stayed right up against me and said whispered in a frustrated tone, ‘I’m doing you a favor!’ I didn’t say anything; I was too preoccupied trying to manage my breathing and panic.
That was by far the worst night I’ve ever had. I hated that I had to lie there for the rest of the night (not wanting to cause a scene with the rest of my friends all in the room). I lay there rigid, sweating, and wide awake for 9 hours. My muscles ached for 2 days after. Ever since that happened, the very idea of physical intimacy gives me panic attacks. I still don’t know if I ever want to pursue sex or a relationship.”
25. If a man pulled that shit on a woman there would be some heavy consequences, if not legal repercussions.
“In my own apartment, after a night of heavy drinking, went into my bed (alone), closed my door and passed out.
Fast-forward about two hours to my friend’s girlfriend on top of me trying to get my limp (sleepy, drunk) dick inside of her. It took me a few minutes to figure out what was going on and I promptly kicked her out.
Apparently after her boyfriend fell asleep she tried to sneak in my room twice, only to be deterred by my roommate. Eventually he fell asleep and she snuck back in.
I told him (the boyfriend AKA my no-longer friend) what happened, they broke up, even with my roommate’s testimony that I was snoring up a storm when he caught her the first two times, he doesn’t believe I wanted no part of any of what happened.
If a man pulled that shit on a woman there would be some heavy consequences, if not legal repercussions. She just got dumped and clearly didn’t care.”
26. I wake up at the crack of dawn to this chick blowing me.
“I was at a party hosted by my best friends, who were all roommates. I came back to my hometown for military leave to enjoy a good two weeks of family and friends. Well, I am catching up with my buddies, and there are a lot of people they made friends with while I was away. There was a girl that went to college with them and who, at night, walked into the bathroom as I was showering (beer spilled on me). I didn’t see her walk in because I was drying my head with a towel. She then throws the towel off and starts drunkenly making out with me. Well, I am not self-conscious by any means, but I told her that this was not okay, and she had to step out. Also, my best friend had a crush on her.
I go to bed.
I wake up at the crack of dawn to this chick blowing me (I guess she slept there, I hit the sack pretty early) in the unoccupied room I was sleeping in. I freaked out, left, and didn’t tell anyone for a week or so because I didn’t know wtf to think.
I’m a very sexual person. But I think the double standards are strange. Personally, receiving fellatio is NOT flattering from a stranger when I am fucking sleeping, and I don’t think I would ever do something like that to a woman…because it’s rape. MAYBE with my girlfriend if we discussed it.
I’ve also been sexually harassed a lot by my female bosses and coworkers in the past. Idk, man…it happens.”
27. My RA brings me into her room and proceeds to tell me that she found me completely naked covered in blood.
“Was a freshman in college, it was my first time ever trying Xanax, guy I got them from was selling them 2/$5 so I had 2, took them both (big mistake) a few hours before going out. I started to get sleepy so I took 2x the recommended dose of my pre-workout as a pick-me-up before going out. So at this point my emotions are all over the place and I’m chugging liquor, I black out within 10 minutes into the party.
Next thing I know I wake up in my bed not knowing anything that happened the night before. As I walk down the hall to the bathroom my RA stops me and brings me into her room and proceeds to tell me that she found me completely naked covered in blood (not mine) on my dorm floor. She had cleaned me up and put me to bed (awesome RA).
Still very confused later in the day I find out that I had left the party with a girl I had never met before. Turns out she had been going around the dorm that morning bragging that she had lost her virginity the night before. I also happened to find out she was a hemophiliac which explained all the blood I was covered in.
Well, word got out about the whole situation and the girl ended up leaving the school because of the backlash she got for it.”
28. She got off and said, ‘See, that wasn’t so bad, was it?’
“I had just moved cities. As a young teen, this was kinda heartbreaking given the circumstances. It took a week before I was being bullied at my new school. A month after moving and I was seeing doctors about being diagnosed with depression. When the biggest, nastiest girl in the school sent someone to ask me for my number, thoughts went fucking racing. Does she wanna harass me? Just another bully? Or maybe she wants to be friends? She’d certainly help me with the bullying.
After some deliberation, I decided the offer didn’t sound like a plan for bullying, and I gave her my number. We texted for a few weeks and became partners quite quickly. Looking back, even if the event yet to come hadn’t happened, she still wasn’t my person, and I shouldn’t have rushed in so blindly and quickly. We had a very sexual relationship, which was fine by me. After about three months, we went through a few weeks of on/off. I started realizing I got with her because I was depressed and wanted love to fill that hole, and that I didn’t love her, I loved being loved. While she was happy with that, I wasn’t. Every time I broke up with her, she’d incessantly beg for me back, and I’d give in and go back. The last time we got back together, we lasted about a month.
In that month, she invited me to hers for the first time ever. (We mostly met on the beachfront.) We had spoken beforehand about being in her house alone and had agreed that because I didn’t feel ready, plus I was ill (and barely wanted to be with her, but didn’t mention that bit), that we weren’t going to do anything more than what we’d already done. No sex.
When I got there, we go up to her room. We fool around, take clothes off, mess around naked. Then she takes a condom out of a drawer. I shake my head and tell her no. She doesn’t listen. She sits on my chest (being a big girl, and pinning my arms, and I was and still am a skinny weakling, this was kinda immobilizing). She put the condom on, which was surprisingly considerate given the circumstances, and awkwardly managed to keep me pinned while she rode me. I tried to struggle, but it’s kinda hard to roll and move with your dick trapped in a hole. After about three minutes of physical, mental and emotional torture, I came.
She got off and said, ‘See, that wasn’t so bad, was it?’ I just silently put on my clothes and left. An hour’s walk to home, no money for a bus, crying my eyes out. I dried my eyes before entering the house, and only the Internet and the odd partner have heard the story since.
I think it was 2/3 days after, of pure arguing, and not even about the incident, just about being together, I left for the final time. So she bullied me for the next 2 and 1/2 years. Telling everyone we had sex, sending my nude photos around school (police got involved there), lots of nasty comments. She got others to bully me, too. Ensue two years of high school hell. After a while she gave up, but nobody else did.
Now I’m in college, suffering even worse with depression, after giving up with counseling multiple times, and buckling under my college workload. I hate myself for not being able to do my work, and my life for being so shit.
I’d like to say it gets better, but my life hasn’t. After moving cities my life has, and still is, spiraling downward. At the moment, the few things keeping me sane are my girlfriend, my family, and games.”
29. It completely ruined my life for many years.
“As a senior in high school at 18, I was pretty well-known because I wasn’t a bad-looking guy and I was a top athlete at my school. Well I guess what comes with that is younger girls looking up to you and having a certain type of yearning to establish ‘their popularity’ or whatever they get out of getting with someone older. Anyways, I had a really close friend of mine who had a younger step sister who was a freshman, 14, who was obsessed with me. Not just the ‘I have such a huge crush’ but more of a situation where she always told people we hung out and talked when we never did. In reality I would just be hanging out with her brother. I was familiar with her because I had known her brother for the longest time so it wasn’t like she was a complete stranger. In a sense I had watched her grow up. Fast-forward to prom toward the end of the semester, freshman and sophomores weren’t able to go prom unless asked by an upper-classman. I go to prom with my girlfriend, also a senior, and halfway into the night I notice that the aforementioned 14-year-old was there. Throughout the night, she constantly kept making her way through the crowd and continually tried to dance with me. After telling her no and several attempts of trying to lose her, I told my date we had to go and she understood. After prom was when it all went south horribly. My best friend had been throwing an after-prom party and of course being the final night of everyone being together one last time, I went and got really drunk. Drunk enough to where I passed out and was not easily waken up or easy to take care of. At one point, I woke up in a room feeling as I was being rustled, and when I finally was able to understand my surroundings, I saw my best friend’s 14-year-old sister. On top of me, my pants completely undone, in her. I have no idea how long she had been having sex with me, but it completely changed my life. Of course she had told her friends and everything and being high school, stories travel fast. I had lost my girlfriend because who’s gonna believe a guy was raped by a little 14-year-old girl? Word got back to her parents and I truly believe her dad would have killed me had he ever had me alone. I was always associated as the senior who had sex with a 14-year-old. I lost my girlfriend. I lost my best friend of several years. I was not able to start up new relationships with people due to my newly acquired stigma. I had to transfer to a college much further away from where I was attending because the stories never left. It completely ruined my life for many years. The scariest part was thinking about jail time. Her father was going to press charges and I was terrified. I guess she grew up though because her older brother, my ex best friend, had told me that she told their parents everything she did that night and that it was none of my doing. I am now a senior in college, have new friends, have a new girl in my life that’s steady, and although sometimes going back to my hometown people still joke or talk about it, my life is finally normal again and I won’t ever have to worry about something like that ever again. I am still haunted, though, by what I experienced.
TLDR: raped by best friend’s little sister at a party, ruined life, she confessed a year later, life is well again and I’m happy but slightly damaged.”
30. I was unconscious and the homeowner’s friends convinced her to undress and fuck me while I was sleeping.
“When I was in high school there was a girl who used to throw parties at her house every weekend because her parents were never around. My friends and I used to go all the time and get fucked-up in this safe haven of sorts. One Friday night I got blackout and fell asleep in this girl’s room apparently. I came to again and was naked with her on top of me naked as well and I had no idea if I initiated or not but I thought something was strange so I left. The next night my friends and I went there again despite my strange encounter. When I arrived, all of her friends were swearing at me and told me I was a monster and that if I didn’t leave the cops we’re going to come. Just as I was scared, my friends felt uncomfortable and angry about this and said that we should call the cops. When I became inquisitive about why, some of them explained to me that they clearly overheard these girls making fun of the fact that I was unconscious and that the homeowner’s friends convinced her to undress and fuck me while I was sleeping. On top of it all, these awful girls spun the story the other way, painting me as some kind of rapist. Needless to say, it made trusting women my age difficult for some time after. I’m over it now and have since seen the girl and talked about it. She’s kinda a sour bitch and we never ever hang out and all her friends are still convinced that I’m a rapist, but she doesn’t hate me and I don’t hate her; we just don’t ever want to be around each other for more than a handful of minutes.”