1. So many muscles you look like a cloud.
“So many muscles you look like a cloud.”
2. Tons of gel in the hair.
“Tons of gel in the hair. I just want to run my fingers through your hair without feeling like a million snails just puked all over my hand.”
3. When a guy goes at it for far too long in bed, I start feeling like an abused nail.
“When a guy goes at it for far too long. Twenty minutes to half an hour is about the longest I’m prepared to go. I can usually get there in less then 10 minutes, so any longer and you literally start feeling like an abused nail lol.”
4. The topknot.
“Topknot definitely the topknot it’s awful.”
6. Giant beards. Gross.
“Giant beards. Gross.”
7. The soul patch.
“The soul patch.”
8. Wearing Ed Hardy shirts.
“Affliction shirts, Tapout shirts, Ed Hardy shirts, yellow trucks, low-cut shirts revealing puffy chest hairs, gold bracelets.”
9. Wearing Axe body spray.
“Axe body spray.”
10. Sending dick pics.
“Unsolicited dick pics.”
11. Cologne. If I can smell you without hugging you, you’re doing it wrong.
“Cologne. If I can smell you without hugging you, you’re doing it wrong.”
12. Rubbing the clit like you’re trying to start a fire.
“Rubbing the clit like you’re trying to start a fire.”
13. Bragging about their sexual conquests.
“Guys who think girls want to hear about their sexual encounters.”
14. Boasting about their wealth.
“Before I met my husband, I’d go out with guys that would constantly tell me about their money or cars, etc…that’s nice, I came from money and I was spoiled but I don’t live by that shit. Tell me about you, not what you have. My husband, on our first date, was amazingly attentive and not materialistic.”
15. Overly complex facial hair + really gelled hair + a lot of jewelry.
“Overly complex facial hair + really gelled hair + a lot of jewelry. It just looks too busy.”
“Negging. Doesn’t work if my self-esteem is already shitty. :D Plus it’s just a slimy thing to do to a person.”
“Not all men do this of course, but catcalling. My question is, why? Like do some of them find it as a genuine compliment or do they just think it’s funny? Personally I find it kind of weird.”
18. Overly sexualized text messages.
“Overly sexualized text messages. I think guys think it’s hot to text stuff like, ‘I wish I could bend you over and stick this fat cock in your ass while you moan in pleasure.’ It’s really gross, to me at least. Be sexual during sex but if I am at work eating my cup of noodles I really don’t feel in the mood to get a text from you about your cock in my ass.”
19. Calling me ‘baby girl’ and ‘princess.’
“The whole calling me ‘baby girl’ and ‘princess’ think I know teenage girls romanticize this on Twitter but it’s not cute and is kind of creepy. Have a conversation with me like you’re a normal human being. Do NOT call me princess and put me on some kind of pedestal, it’s weird man.”
20. Overly long and/or thick beards.
“I don’t like the overly long and/or thick beards. Guys think the ZZ Top facial hair looks masculine, but to me they look kinda slovenly. Some stubble is good but the complex beards seem messy, excessive and sloppy. Especially if it’s combined with the barbershop style handlebar mustache.”
21. Being too ‘aloof’ in an attempt to seem chill.
“Being too ‘aloof’ in an attempt to seem chill. Last few guys I’ve dated have made zero effort in making plans or actually making an effort to hang out unless I initiate, then are confused when I end it suggesting they weren’t that into it to begin with. Don’t go nuts but I miss actually being asked out.”
22. Using pet names in the first few messages.
“It really makes me feel uncomfortable when a guy starts using pet names for me in the first few messages. Even just baby, honey or sweetie are so off-putting.”
23. That weird bow-legged ‘macho’ strut.
“That weird bow-legged ‘macho’ strut, kind of swaying the torso from left to right while walking while keeping the shoulders stiff, with the arms not touching the torso because you want to give the impression of having big arm muscles. It doesn’t look tough. It looks like you’re constantly about to break out in dance. Michael Jackson style. Which could be charming in a way, if you weren’t also frowning and spitting on the ground at the same time.”
24. Abs photos.
“Using the ‘shirt half up lemme show you my abs’ picture on Tinder. The first thing that comes to mind for me is ‘must be a douche’ and I instantly swipe left.”
25. Acting like an asshole because ‘girls like assholes.’
“Acting like an asshole because ‘girls like assholes.’”
26. Being ‘manly,’ trying not be emotional or sensitive on purpose.
“Being ‘manly,’ trying not be emotional or sensitive on purpose, and making fun of women for embracing emotions. Emotions are a part of life”
27. Spitting on your vag to get it wet.
“When a guy’s only ‘skills’ come straight from cheap porn and movies. Like when they spit on your vag to get it wet. It’s one thing to LIKE being treated like dirt/slutty scum as a fetish. It’s another thing to assume someone wants to be spit on. Note: Spit isn’t the same kind of wetness as natural fluids from arousal. It actually dries pretty quick and makes things stiff, not to mention smell in the wrong kind of way. Conclusion: Let her make her own wetness from being turned on, or use lube.”
28. The Hitler Youth haircut.
“The Hitler Youth haircut. You know, the one EVERY male has today. Oh, and beards.”
29. Arrogant displays of masculinity.
“Arrogant displays of masculinity. Drinking excessive amounts of beer, swearing loudly and excessively, chest puffing, telling everyone how much you earn, how many sports you play(ed) etc. It just seems like you’re in a never-ending dick measuring contest. Also, telling me how secure in yourself you are—if you need to tell me that, you’re not.
As a stripper I see it a lot, and these displays are more sad than anything—they’re so insecure around us that they need to compensate by being as ‘manly’ as possible. Just be happy, guys. Seriously. Everyone has insecurities but you need to learn that the stuff you notice in the mirror, pretty much nobody else does. Women don’t go for the manliest man in the room, we look for men who are genuinely happy and comfortable because they make better husbands, boyfriends and clients. And yeah, we can tell.”
30. Scowling or frowning in photos.
“Scowling or frowning in photos (see: at least 50% of dating site profile pics). No, it doesn’t make you look sexy, it makes you look either unhappy or mean. Neither of those are qualities I’m looking for in a guy.”
31. The dad bod.
“The dad bod.”
32. Saggy pants and exposed underwear.
“Saggy pants and exposed underwear. I just can’t comprehend how anyone could find that attractive.”
33. Slapping their dick on your clit.
“That weird thing guys pick up from porn where they slap their dick on your clit. Like, it doesn’t feel good. It’s just weird.”
34. All the myriad ways of trying to hide or reverse any baldness.
“All the myriad ways of trying to hide or reverse any baldness. Just shave it off already! Completely bald looks better on every male, and your attempts at correcting it just look vain and sad.”
35. Waxed eyebrows or overly manicured anything.
“Waxed eyebrows or overly manicured anything, earrings. Also grabbing. Even if your in a loving relationship it doesn’t give you permission to grab a handful anytime you please. That’s not the way it works.”
36. Doing the ‘rooster.’
“My ex used to stand taller & puff his chest up to look ‘bigger’ so people thought he had more muscle or something idk (he was slim). I hated it. It looked ridiculous & so obvious, like a bird puffing its feathers up.”
37. Phantom Lats.
“Phantom Lats. Apparently every guy at my gym has them. If your Lats aren’t so big they make your arms bow out to the sides…don’t walk like they do. It just makes you look like an idiot!”
“Stubble. It hurts when we kiss you and if we make out I/will/get a rash.”
39. Compensation Vehicles.
“Loud/large cars. I get it. Your dick is small. You don’t have to shout.”
“Goatees…why make a face look like a pubic area?”