32 Parents Confess The Dark Secret They Don’t Want Their Kids To Ever Know

Flickr / Alyssa L. Miller
Flickr / Alyssa L. Miller
Found on AskReddit.

1. I’ve had more than one threesome with their mother and godmother.

“Probably that I’ve had more than one threesome with their mother and godmother. Their now godmother was single at the time and we were much younger. Just something we used to do when the three of us got drunk together.”


2. Their grandfather was a pedophile who died in prison.

“Not necessarily about me, but about my father. I never want them to know about him at all, because I don’t want them to know he was a pedophile who died in prison.”


3. I once cured her constipation with my index finger.

“My three-month-old daughter had constipation so bad it was making her scream her head off in pain. I took my index finger and dug the rock-hard balls of shit out of her anus. Immediate relief and no more crying and pain. Big look of relief on her face as I wiped away massive tears with the other hand. I felt bad and good simultaneously but as a dad, you’ll do anything to help your kids. Afterwards, I spent 10 minutes washing hands like a doctor while she fell asleep in her crib.”


4. I once snorted a line of coke off my boyfriend’s dick.

“One time I snorted a line of coke off of my then boyfriend’s dick. And I can’t believe I just posted this.”


5. I wish he was ‘normal’ and not autistic every now and then.

“That I wished he was ‘normal’ every now and then. He got his autism diagnosis 2 years ago (he’s 5 now). It’s taken a lot of hard work to get where we are now. He’s in a mainstream school. He’s started talking, even if it is mainly echolalic. He’s started learning to read and write. He’s getting lots of praise from his teachers. Family and friends have noticed great improvements in his progress. And I wouldn’t change him for the world. He is who he is and I love him. But every so often I worry about the future he might have. Will he be able to live independently once I’m gone? Will he ever get a job? Find a girlfriend? Interact with his peers? Have an actual conversation with someone? Go out and order food in a restaurant? And when he’s lashing out because his dinner is the wrong color, or that we skipped naming the color of one car down the street, I sometimes think ‘why can’t you just be normal?’ And I hate myself for it.”


6. I was a heroin addict for many years.

“I was a heroin addict for many years and on methadone for several more before I got clean. My son was 8 when I was finally done with it.”


7. I was a stripper.

“That I was a stripper in my early 20s.”


8. I only have a GED.

“That I dropped out of High School and got my GED. I want her to graduate, not one day say to me, ‘Well you dropped out, why can’t I?’”


9. I spank their mom all the damn time.

“That I spank their mom all the damn time.”


10. I ‘unicorn-fucked’ a stripper with a dildo taped to my head.

“That in college I taped a dildo to my head and ‘unicorn-fucked’ a stripper on my birthday right alongside my best friend doing the same thing to another stripper.”


11. I met her father on a BDSM dating site.

“That I met her father on a BDSM dating site and that we normally don’t have sex without some sort of roughness or kink. Or about our drawer of fun.”


12. At first I denied the baby was mine.

“I battled with this for a while. Going back and forth on if I want her to know. I was twenty when my now wife got pregnant. She had moved to to a different state and we hadn’t seen each other in a month when she called me and told me she was pregnant.

I was a dick and denied it the baby was mine. I missed out on the first three months of my daughter’s life before I grew a sack, manned up, and became a dad.

That is by far the most shameful period of my life and I wish I had manned up earlier instead of burying it with partying. I’m just thankful that I was able to make amends and marry her mother. I tell her she settled all the time but somehow she stays.

It really is amazing how forgiving some people can be. My family is the most important thing in the world to me now and I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself for what I did.”


13. I wanted a boy instead.

“I really really wanted a boy but after she was born I was happy to have a girl.”


14. I don’t like being a parent.

“That I don’t like being a parent. I love my kids, but I miss being able to be selfish once and a while without feeling like an enormous piece of shit.”


15. I used to be a junkie.

“That I didn’t lock myself in the bathroom because i was sick back when we lived in the blue house in Felida. You were too young to know any better than to think other than Daddy being silly and making funny noises at you through the bathroom door. In reality i had overdosed on heroin and if you hadn’t told mommy when you did, the paramedics wouldn’t have gotten to me in time. You saved my life, Lizzy. When I stop and think about that, guilt and shame mixed with gratitude overwhelm me and it brings me to tears.

I no longer do heroin.”


16. Mommy and daddy never loved each other.

“Mommy and I were a one-night stand, and that single night is all it took to conceive you as a result of us being fucked-up and my pull-out game being weak as fuck.

And sorry, bubby…. Mommy and daddy never loved each other. We tried for a long time but it just never had the chance of working out. :/ We both love you, though. Very much.”


17. I peed in their mom’s mouth once during oral.

“I peed in their mom’s mouth once during oral.”


18. One of them was almost certainly conceived at a sex party.

“That one of them was almost certainly conceived at a sex party in Vancouver, that there’s only about a one in four chance that I’m actually the little bugger’s sperm donor, and that we had a bit of an anxious nine months due to what you might call Melanin Uncertainty Syndrome.

Oh, and that they almost certainly have a half-sister living in south London. And there are videos of their mom at 22 getting spit-roasted on Xhamster.”


19. If I had the choice, I would have chosen an abortion.

“I hope she never finds out. I don’t even like thinking about it now. I hope my daughter never finds out how much of an advocate I was for an abortion. Or how much of a terrible guy I was to her mother in general.

I could never envision a future where I’d grow up and be an adult, or that her mother would grow up and be an actual adult, and we could get along and be decent parents. We aren’t together, but co-parenting has been effortless and I’m so grateful for my daughter’s existence and how much it changed my life.”


20. I didn’t really die in Afghanistan.

“That I am alive. I got a girl pregnant in Afghanistan. Nice girl, US Army. Met her somewhere we were doing security and we just smashed. She shipped back home and ended up telling everyone I died. She has a whole story about how we met, fell in love, and two days later I was dead. Something something heroic diving on a grenade to save her mom or something.

So my little girl is growing up thinking her dad was some kind of knight in shining armor hero. Truth is I’m a fucking monster. I will never get to meet her. I don’t want to destroy her by telling her her daddy is not a hero and more like a villain. That on top of the mommy’s-been-lying-to-you speech I think would fuck her up for life.”


21. I never wanted children.

“I don’t tell many people this but, I never wanted children. When I found out I was pregnant, I was absolutely devastated. I made an appointment to have an abortion but never went through with it and throughout my pregnancy I don’t think bonded with her. I almost tried to act as if it wasn’t happening. And even when I gave birth, I was scared to death. It took a while for me to bond with her and when I finally did, she had a regression and a major personality change and was diagnosed with autism. I feel responsible because of my negative attitude during my pregnancy. Now, I love her more than life itself. Everyday she gives me a reason to smile. And she has the such a beautiful soul. But my pregnancy is my most shameful time in my life.”


22. It was mom who cheated, not me.

“Alternatively, what I do want my daughter to know is I still love her and I didn’t cheat on her mom and leave her, it was her cheating on me and taking my daughter away from me. She’s only four but she knows enough to hate me and not even look at me. It breaks my heart.”


23. My boy is a product of his father raping me.

“That my son’s dad is/was (no clue where he’s at, if he’s even alive, nothing) a shit person. Or that my boy is a product of his father raping me and all the abuse he put me through. No child deserves that. I’ve no idea how I’m going to explain to him as he gets older as to why his father isn’t around and chose not to see him…my boy is a bright, happy, enthusiastic boy, but my heart hurts for him.”


24. I often think, ‘why the fuck did we have kids?’

“That there have been times during this four-year journey of parenthood that I’ve sat and thought ‘why the fuck did we have kids?’ I love my kids but parenting is hard. Who knew?”


25. I’ve slept with three of my daughter’s teachers.

“I’ve slept with three of my daughter’s teachers so far.”


26. My friends and I DP’d his mom.

“I’m split from my son’s mother, but I’d rather him not know about the times my friends and I DP’d his mom, or did the Eiffel Tower…or tag-teamed those fat chicks…”


27. Their father raped me.

“My older two will never know their father raped me (it was actually not a crime back then BC we were married). The younger of the two is a product of that rape. It was fun when everyone was pressuring me to find out why I was having a baby 11 months after my first was born. Actually, no one but my current husband knows. Not even my parents.”


28. I was part of a violent prison gang.

“That I was part of a gang during my time in prison which involved me in plenty of situations I am not proud of, including hurting a man very badly who had kidnapped and raped his girlfriend’s five-year-old niece before burning her body…I’m so sorry. Part of me wants forgiveness and the other part of me doesn’t feel as bad as I should sometimes because some could say the man deserved what he got.

Sometimes I wonder if I took it too far or got involved in something I should have stayed away from and minded my own business, but then again there is a lot to the story. Variables and mixed emotions of a sad and violent place in which its easy to get lost in the hardened persona you created for yourself. Numb to the daily acts of violence and lost blood on the sidewalk as you carefully step over it and keep moving forward without acknowledging the pure adrenaline and a heart that’s beating straight out of your chest. It was none of your business. You happened to be walking in the wrong place at the wrong time and happened to be close enough to see the dull banger puncture the man’s face and neck more than a couple times. You act like it doesn’t faze you so no one thinks you care enough to go run and tell or get a C.O to help. Nah…because then you’re a snitch. Then your whole bit turns into a big problem. Then YOUR life becomes the one that’s in danger.

I decided right then and there I was going to make it out alive. Make it home to my son…I wasn’t going to take shit from anyone for the next 4-12 years and people were going to respect me. Not because they were scared of me, but because of what I stood for. That was the first time I saw someone stabbed in prison. That was also only my second day on the compound. I decided after a very long, deep, and personal internal debate with every ounce of logic in my head that I would join a gang. Unfortunately the only way in was to prove myself. Luckily I had the choice to make it someone who deserved it. I would’ve done anything for the Bros that had my back and made sure I made it out the other side and back to my son without so much as a scratch or a new scar that needed to be explained… Lord knows they did for me.

I’m sorry everybody. It feels so good to get that off my chest though. Please forgive me…”


29. I write gay porn.

“I’m a writer, and fairly well known for it. My kids are aware of that, and also aware that I do some art, too. Here’s hoping they don’t figure out that most of the writing (and a wee bit of the art) that’s paid the bills over the last ten years has been extremely explicit gay erotica. I wouldn’t really mind my kids knowing when they’re old enough, but I suspect it would lead to some extremely awkward, unfortunate conversations.”


30. I shot and killed three kids.

“I don’t want them to know that November 12, 1995, I accidentally shot and killed three kids on a military operation. Haunts me to this day. Karma is a bitch, though. I got shot a week later.”


31. I’m a sex worker.

“That I’m a sex worker. I’m a young single mom with no outside support working towards my nursing degree. I’ve been at it since he was 2 (he’s 5 now) and hope to be out this year. Him one day finding out one day and losing all respect for me is my biggest fear.”


32. His dad doesn’t care about him.

“I hope my son never understands how much his dad doesn’t care about him. His dad hid the fact that he was alive from almost everyone he knew until he was 6-12 months old. He has had ample opportunity to see him but doesn’t manage his money or prioritize anything so he never does because he’s ‘broke’ and I ‘take so much from him’ (dude makes six figures and lives alone in a lower income area, I let him pay less on child support because he traded that for other things that benefit our son). He offered to let my S/O adopt him because he didn’t like having to call him on a weekly basis or be responsible for him in any way. We tried to take him up on it but he backed out because his mom thought it was shitty. The only reason he pays child support is because he doesn’t want other people to think poorly of him and his girlfriend would leave him. He is loved, protected, and important to my S/O and myself and my entire extended family, but I hope his dad just stays a stranger to him. I don’t want him to ever feel as worthless as that man acts like he is.”

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