1. Don’t show her old wrestling videos on YouTube for three hours straight at your mom’s house.
“Show us fucking wrestling (WWE?) videos from 10+ years ago on YouTube for three hrs straight. At your mom’s house.”
2. Don’t keep talking about how you want to kill your father.
“Had a guy once bring up multiple times that he wanted to kill his father, completely out of nowhere. Homicidal ramblings are definitely a no-no.”
3. Don’t tell your date that you may or may not have killed a person when you were 8 years old.
“These were all separate occasions. 1. Don’t tell your date that you may or may not have killed a person when you were 8 years old. 2. Don’t say to your date ‘your mouth looks perfect for my dick.’ 3. Don’t start with ‘Anime porn gets me off better than normal porn does.’ 4. (My personal favorite) ‘Can you pay for this? My mom doesn’t give me my allowance until next Thursday,’ followed by puppy dog eyes and a pouting lip. I think I just realized how many psycho dates I’ve been on.”
4. Don’t start showing her pictures of corpses.
“My aunt went on a date with someone who works in a morgue. He started showing her pictures of his work. Corpses.”
5. Don’t chew on your toenails.
“Happened to a friend—at dinner, guy gets out his old toenail clippings that he has meticulously packaged in toilet paper, and begins to earnestly and thoroughly chew them. The PTSD took years.”
6. Don’t pick your nose.
“Pick your nose. Yes, this really happened.”