Thought Catalog

40 Hilarious True Stories Of Personal Fetishes Gone Horribly Wrong

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Illustration by Daniella Urdinlaiz
Illustration by Daniella Urdinlaiz
Found on AskReddit.

1. “I thought it would be hot if I let my friend bang my girlfriend while I watched.

“I thought it would be hot if I let my friend bang my girlfriend while I watched for a little bit.

It was not.”

PM_ME_NUDES_SOMETIME


2. We got some stilts to try to roleplay and ended up in the emergency room.

“My fetish is hooking up with a really tall girl. My girlfriend is 5’2, so well, we got some stilts to try to roleplay…and…let’s just say our night ended in the emergency room.”

ColdCocking


3. I’ve always wanted to cum on a girl’s face, not in her eye.

“I’ve always wanted to cum on a girl’s face (not a very weird fetish but whatever) so my ex let me try it on her, I came straight into her eye on accident and that was the last time we tried that…”

rumpleforeskin1


4. I wanted to be slapped, but not that hard.

“Being slapped. Had my bf slap me and I screamed ‘ow!’

He’s refused to slap me again.”

katyest


5. I thought I could awaken some kind of hidden masochism by punching myself in the balls mid-climax.

“I thought I could awaken some kind of hidden masochism by punching myself in the balls mid-climax. I ended up puking onto my comforter.”

SheZowRaisedByWolves


6. Bondage. I forgot I was claustrophobic.

“Bondage. I forgot I was claustrophobic.”

cordial_carbonara


7. My fiancée liked being choked lightly until I choked her unconscious.

“My fiancée likes being choked lightly. One of the first times she told me to do this we were having crazy rough sex and I ended up making her pass out, once her eyes were closed I stopped choking her obviously and wasn’t sure if she was actually passed out or if she was playing a joke on me so I kept going. Once she opened her eyes a few seconds later she was back in the game so to speak and didn’t ask any questions, I felt bad and couldn’t finish and I haven’t really choked her since.”

9gagsuckz


8. My girlfriend cried for hours after I told her I’m into crossdressing.

“Told my gf at the time that I’m into crossdressing.

She cried for hours and asked if I wanted to cut my dick off.”

HULK_MUST_MOSH


9. My husband wanted to fuck me in front of a mirror—until I saw us nude in front of a mirror.

“My husband wanted to fuck me in front of a mirror so I could watch him pound me. He was being dominant and moved me to the mirror. We ugly. So. Ugly.”

neuroglias


10. “I like being tied up. I am also very good at untying knots.

“I like being tied up. I am also very good at untying knots. I am now one of the world’s most annoying subs and judge people heavily on their knot skills.”

ileisen


11. Never fist a musty vagina.

“Fisting: She had a very pungent smell that leached into my skin. No amount of hand sanitizer and soap could get the smell out. My hand stunk like musty vagina for about three days afterwards.”

OGHOMER


12. The hot-cinnamon-roll-on-the-dick trick.

“Early into my relationship me and my girlfriend started experimenting with food (for some reason). We came up with the idea for there to be a cinnamon roll wrapped around my dick while she gave me a blowjob and for her to eat it during (for SOME reason).
We heated it up to make it easier to slip on but it was too hot. I kept trying to push it on but it was burning me. I eventually ignored the pain and pushed it down forcefully (FOR SOME REASON). It burned like hell and I yelled out in a pained tone, ‘I’M READY!’ My girlfriend couldn’t stop laughing, I angrily pulled it off and threw it back on the plate. My pee-pee hurt like hell. Terrible experience.”

imUGLYandimPROOUD


13. A good spurt of liquidy shit mixed with lube that went all over my gf’s leg.

“My gf tied me up and put a vibrator in my ass while sucking me off. Then turned me over and told me to push it out. It wasn’t budging so I pushed super hard and it flew about 2 meters across the room. Even though I had cleaned my ass, it was followed buy a good spurt of liquidy shit mixed with lube that went all over my gf’s leg.”

kill_2_bill


14. Pegged a guy and kept getting hit with his stank booty smell.

“Pegged a guy and kept getting hit with his stank booty smell. Singed my nose hairs off.”

seximcnuggies


15. My ass cheeks were stuck together from dried strawberry syrup.

“My ex gf wanted to add food during sex, we used whipped cream, birthday cake, chocolate…etc. one time she used strawberry syrup and she put too much that it ended up reaching my ass, after she finished the blowjob I tried to stand up and my ass cheeks were stuck together from that dried syrup, couldn’t walk straight for a while after it.”

ZOR33L


16. Anal beads. I have IBS…

“Anal beads. I have IBS…”

jasher


17. I began having a panic attack after being bound by rope.

“Got bound by a rope around my hands. It was okay at first but as soon as I couldn’t get the rope off I started to panic. Began having a panic attack when my girlfriend tried to use her pocket knife to cut me free.”

Mister_Overseer


18. I suck at being a kidnapper!

“Had a gf that wanted to be kidnapped so after work one day I kidnapped her, handcuffed her, blindfolded her and threw in onto the backseat of my SUV. She knew it was me the whole time and it was pretty hot, I’d pull over occasionally on the side of the road and finger her or have her suck my cock or whatever I wanted to do! In my haste of planning I had planned to take her into the mountains to really seal the deal, well the road into the spot I had picked was shit and as I’m driving up there she is bouncing all over the backseat banging her head on the armrests, landing on seatbelts, etc… I’m apologizing for the road conditions and she’s mocking me for apologizing because kidnappers don’t apologize! Ended up OK in the end but I realized I suck at being a kidnapper! Maybe I’ll try again another day with a new gf if I find one with a similar fetish!”

scruffyjawline


19. Put my finger up my boyfriend’s ass. Was not clean.

“Put my finger up my boyfriend’s ass. Was not clean. 100% would not recommend.”

04foxsakex


20. Had sex in the woods, wound up covered in ticks.

“Doing some kinky shit in public, but in a wooded area—so we had some privacy.

It was secluded enough that I didn’t think anyone would find us. Luckily no one did. It was fun, risky and whatnot. My head was on the ground at one point though– not going to get into specifics because this isn’t a throwaway.

Fast-forward a week: I thought it was a pimple or something on the back of my neck. Only I swore it moved. I ran downstairs and screamed for my mother. She pulled a tick out of my hair and I nearly shit myself. I shower and take care of myself, but those fuckers were burrowed in and I had thick hair at the time.. She went through my hair, and well, she found another one. I immediately got a haircut and was too scared to sleep in my bed for months. (I was in my bed when I felt on the back of my neck.)”

notarobotimanandroid


21. Our stomachs, legs, and arms were cemented together and we were in agony.

“When I was in my early 20s, I won a Valentine’s Day basket at work. It had champagne, chocolate dipped strawberries, handcuffs, edible underwear, that kind of stuff. After suffering the humiliation of winning said gift basket in front of an office full of clucking older ladies giving me knowing smiles and cracking jokes at my expense, I took it home and my husband (then boyfriend) and I decided to have a little fun. One of the items in the basket was a set of flavored body paints. Chocolate, vanilla and strawberry. Now, after tasting them, we realized that they actually tasted really good, not chemically or weird like a lot of that type of thing. So things get heated, we start fooling around and we start just painting the shit out of each other, licking it off, generally feeling pretty good and having a great time. Finally we can’t stand it anymore and we start having sex, and within about 5 seconds we realized what a horrible mistake we’ve made. Our skin felt like it completely fused together. Hair in every place that either of us had it was being ripped out. Our stomachs, legs, and arms were cemented together and we were in agony. We had to literally count each other down to ripping our limbs apart one by one, then subsequently crying and laughing hysterically afterward. I ended up with a small patch of his pubic hair on my thigh, for God’s sake. Never again.”

chinkpong


22. Told my ex I was into pegging. She cried for hours and told me she didn’t find me sexy anymore or masculine.

“Told my ex I was into pegging. She cried for hours and told me she didn’t find me sexy anymore or masculine. She never wanted to diddle after that so I broke up with her. She was so upset that I was leaving her and tried to get me back etc. but I mean come on she was the one who found me unsexy and made me feel like crap about my kink nope.”

kow_pow


23. I set fire to her hair!

“Well, where do I start? See I quite like playing with candle wax, so me and my girlfriend were getting down to it and for the first time she agreed to trying anything BDSM related.

So I blindfolded her and tied up her hands, lit a candle but for some reason, the wax just wouldn’t drop down, tipped it some more, nope still not dripping, so moved it closer. Well that was a mistake…I set fire to her hair! I quickly dropped the candle, patted her hair out while saying sorry then she goes ‘Fox… I can smell burning…’

Guess what?

The candle I dropped had now set fire to a towel I put down… Quickly put that out and called it quits.

So that’s my fetish, how it went wrong and also that girl? She’s now my wife to be.”

Blueeyedfoxie


24. Got a shit stain on my forehead.

“Ate a girl from the back. Got a shit stain on my forehead.”

mig4000


25. She farted in my mouth.

“Eating ass is overrated.
She farted in my mouth.
Never again.”

EightNation


36.  A giantess sat on my face. She hadn’t showered in two days.

“I’ve got a giantess fetish. I like the thought of being shrunken and used as a girl’s sex toy. With this comes that I usually like to be on bottom, I like to be dominated in some ways, and sometimes I like her to sit on my face.
Well she did the dominant thing last night and sat on my face and started blowing me without me even asking. But it turns out she hadn’t showered in two days. I couldn’t finish and I had the smell of shit up my nose for like 2 hours.”

Tater8q3


37. There was poopy blood caked on her hand and it stank bad.

“I’m a dude, and I like stuff in my ass. Prostate massage is very pleasurable to me. I also am prone to hemorrhoids, which also can create little “pockets” up in your ass that cause turd residue, cue my girlfriend blowing me and fingering my bum and stopping all of a sudden with a horrified look on her face and she says:

‘Oh god what the fuck.’

There was poopy blood caked on her hand and it stank bad. Sexual festivities were put on hiatus and my embarrassment was at an all time high, luckily she wasn’t an asshole about it and we hopped in the shower and cleaned up etc etc.

So yeah now I have to do butt stuff only when the butt is healthy.”

crassth_


38. As soon as my dick touched his I went through a sexistential moment.

“Thought having another guy in our sex session would spice things up. As soon as my dick touched his I went through a sexistential moment.

Why did we agree to this? Do I really want this? What does this mean for the future of our relationship?

Needless to say we didn’t do it again.”

master156111


39. Bubble gum + blowjob = bad idea.

“I have a bubble gum fetish, so the act of girls blowing bubble gum bubbles turn me on. I also like blowjob so I thought combining those two is a good idea. NOPE. The bubble gum is the sticky type of when she blows a big bubble on my dick, the popped gum got stuck on my dick and pubes. I was a bit scared that it might stick there for a long time. We managed to get it off and she had to get some off it from my dick with her teeth. Small fuck up but fun

TLDR; bubble gum + blowjob = bad idea.”

pembunuhUpahan


40. She turned around and I found myself confronted by the largest penis I’d ever seen, mere inches from my face.

“In the early days of the Internet I discovered that my fetishes had a name (bdsm) and there were other people into it. I was thrilled and set about finding someone to explore these cravings with. I found lots of people to talk to but nobody nearby.

I finally connected with an older local domme and figured ‘what the hell?’ I’ve always had a thing for cougars so this looked like it was going to be fun on many levels. She even had that raspy smokers voice I used to associate with women like that. I was nervous but looking forward to it.

I went through her questionnaire, and answered everything as best I could. We talked on the phone, a couple more times and agreed on a time to meet.

Things were going well until I was trussed up like the girl tied to the railroad track in one of those old silent movies and she starts taking off her clothes. I wasn’t expecting this, but wasn’t about to complain. She rubbed her corseted breasts on my gagged face, turned around, and started slowly taking off her panties, teasing me with a view of her ass. I was loving it.

Until she turned around I found myself confronted by the largest penis I’d ever seen, mere inches from my face.

I freaked!

I’ll give her credit where it’s due. she stopped everything before I could remember my safeword.

I thought her reference to being a ‘TV’ mistress meant she’d done porn. I was totally convinced that she was born female right up until she pointed her junk at my face.

She was up front about it online and in her questionnaire, but I thought it was one of those general questionnaires for women or men and clicked neutral things on the ones that I thought didn’t apply to me.

After she covered up the offending member and talked me down before she let me go. I fled the scene beet red with embarrassment. I grew up somewhat sheltered and in an era that was far less accepting of transgender/cross-dressing folks. In the years since I’ve come to see the humor in the situation. I just hope my erstwhile domme shares that opinion. I tried apologizing sometime later but never got a reply.

tl:dr Straight young guy is horny and clueless at the dawn of the Internet. He meets a domme online and in his ignorance and haste soon finds himself bound securely and thoroughly enjoying himself until he is confronted with a lady penis.”

tdslut TC mark

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