19. Primarily because there is an instinctive urge to.
“The same reason people eat. Not because they need to do that to survive and have energy, but primarily because there is an instinctive urge to. The amount of urge to eat, and cheat, is different for different people.
Cheating in all forms can give someone an advantage over others.
In males, sperm is cheap and it leads to more offspring being left behind.
In females it can allow you to create offspring with the traits you find attractive, while having someone else provide for you or the child that is more capable at that job.
Is this what goes through people’s heads? Of course not, people use contraception. But just as you don’t eat food to stop yourself from dying—instead because it’s an impulse with an urge and a reward—cheaters are acting on an impulse with an urge and a feeling of reward.
People that feel that urge greater than others might end up overweight, or more promiscuous, and if asked to explain why they do it, they’ll probably try and rationalize it, and maybe there are some real triggers, but it boils down to the feeling they get from it.
That feeling has been naturally selected for. Other social animals cheat, too.
Part of cheating in a social group that remembers faces and gives them reputations is to not be caught. It is advantageous to not be caught. It makes sense you’d get a rush from knowing nobody knows what you’re up to; it means you’re doing it right.
What it’s not is a conscious decision to hurt someone and be selfish. Does it hurt someone, and is it selfish? Yes, but that’s not why it exists or why people do it. Just as obese people don’t eat to destroy their bodies and the lives of their enablers. They do it because it’s an impulse that they don’t control, for whatever reason.
Other animals without the capacity to think in the capacity we can about concepts like ‘hurt’ or ‘selfishness’ do it too.”
20. Sometimes because of crazy attraction, sometimes because of the thrill of it being ‘wrong’ and perverse.
“I’ve done it multiple times. In each case, there was someone else that I met and had sexual energy with (But not much energy of any other kind)—sometimes because of crazy attraction, sometimes because of the thrill of it being ‘wrong’ and perverse, sometimes because of something else—and we acted on it. Never prolonged, usually just a few times at most. Multiple times, the other party was also in a relationship and cheating as well and in every case, they knew I was in a relationship.
In all cases, no one ever told anyone and no one ever found out. In all cases, it had literally zero affect/impact on my existing relationship and didn’t alter the way I felt about my SO or how we interacted. It just happened and myself and the other party would move on and go back to our relationships and be happy.
Given what I had read and seen in media and online and elsewhere, I kept waiting for some kind of crushing guilt to come down on me or for it to come out or blow up or something. It never did. Didn’t even alter my existing sex life with my partners. Life moved on, it felt good, and then…nothing happened. The reality, which I think most here would find it hard to swallow, is that most adulterous relations are probably like my situation and not like the ones you read about. I think most people who cheat completely get away with it, they keep their mouths shut about it and never bring it up, and nothing ever comes of it.”
21. Emotional protection. But it backfired.
“Emotional protection. But it backfired.
I had been cheated on by two different people in my life, I got bitter and thought ‘Every woman cheats.’ So I got into a new relationship (with the best-looking woman I have ever dated) and decided to cheat so that WHEN she cheats I can just be like, ‘ha-ha, I cheated a long time ago.’ So about a month into an “exclusive” relationship I got together with an old GF, then drive right to my new GF’s house and had her do oral on my still dirty self.
She turned out to be he girl of my dreams. I fell in love and got engaged. Things went south 2 weeks before we were to get married….She found out, then cheated on me with her ex-boyfriend—2 weeks before I was moving to her city (120 miles away) and getting married….
More and more I realize how amazing of a woman I lost.”