13. I have come to understand that I am not someone who can be happy in a completely monogamous relationship.
“I have cheated in previous relationships. I have come to understand that I am not someone who can be happy in a completely monogamous relationship. And there’s nothing wrong with that—as long as I don’t make monogamous commitments to others that I know I won’t keep.
So while I don’t think I would cheat again, I also wouldn’t enter into a monogamous relationship again. Monogamy makes me feel trapped and anxious and amplifies all my desires to stray. The idea of it (for myself—it works just fine for others) honestly makes me feel sick. When I’m in an open relationship, I feel much more relaxed, and I don’t actually pursue other partners very often. It makes me happy just to know I could if I wanted to.
If you’re looking for an “excuse”—I guess I forgive myself for my past cheating partially because it’s so ingrained in our culture that relationships must be monogamous. When you’re growing up and starting to explore sex and romance, you’re never encouraged to stop and think about whether monogamy works for you or makes you happy. It’s just the way things are. So I can understand why it took me a while to figure out that it didn’t work for me, and that that didn’t mean I was broken or immoral—I just needed a different type of relationship in order to be a good partner. Yes, it would have been better for me to figure that out without cheating, but I honestly don’t know if I would have. Still, I do accept some responsibility.”
14. I cheated on my last partner because he was a piece of shit who didn’t let me break up with him.
“I cheated on my last partner because he was a piece of shit who didn’t let me break up with him because if I did he would have committed suicide and I didn’t want to feel like it was my fault.”
15. I started cheating because I felt trapped.
“At first I simply didn’t think about it, when I first started early high school. I was always real nerdy and awkward. Girl showed an interest in me? I jumped at it because it was so rare. Then I grew into my head a little bit more, got some coordination and confidence, and more girls showed interest. So I jumped at those chances too. I didn’t get caught, so I never saw the hurt it could cause. I guess it was just the innocence that I didn’t know what I was doing.
Until I did, I got caught, and I’m sure it hurt her. She became paranoid and eventually abusive and toxic. I’ll never know why we didn’t end it there. I started cheating again because I felt trapped. She threatened to kill herself when I tried ending it, it was my only way to feel like I still had control over my life. This continued for years. I cheat, she gets paranoid, abuses me, I go out and cheat again to reassure myself that I’m still my own person.
I finally got tired and left her and figured that if she killed herself… Well at least I’d be free. She was bluffing though. We went our separate ways.
Now I’m with someone I consider to be the love of.my life, there’s no urge to cheat anymore, but I’m still forever paranoid that karma is going to rip this away from me. But honestly tldr I just didn’t have self-control, and I think that’s what it boils down to in the majority of cases.”