36. It honestly scares me that I’ll just never be faithful.
“I’ve cheated on pretty much every girlfriend I’ve had other than my first ‘adult’ relationship. I have no clue why I do it. It isn’t some power thing, or control, or just a want for something new, I just do it. I’m always on Instagram or some other site where I see nothing but pictures of women all day and I slowly start liking all their pics, they’ll like mine, then starts the DMing, and eventually turns into, ‘Oh let’s just chill and smoke,’ and then the rest is history. I don’t enjoy doing it, and since my most recent breakup (due to cheating) I’ve been trying to avoid relationships for this reason. I really hope it’s just a phase or something because it honestly scares me that I’ll just never be faithful. So I guess I never answered your question because I don’t really know. It just happens.”
37. I’m afraid that she’ll do it first.
“I’m afraid that she’ll do it first. So I do it as a sort of insurance that if something goes wrong or she lets me down, I can always be like, ‘Yeah but I didn’t care anyway.’ But I do, meh.”
38. Why should I stop having sex with new people just because I have a girlfriend?
“Because why should I stop having sex with new people just because I have a girlfriend? I would say 60-70% of the guys I know have cheated. I strongly believe the other 15-20% would if they could pull it off. I also know a lot of women who have cheated multiple times on their boyfriends but not nearly as many as the men.”
39. The relationship was dead in the water.
“I cheated once when I was 19. We’d been dating for almost a year. It got very serious very quickly. He wanted to talk about kids and marriage, where we would live after graduation. We fought about this quite a lot because I felt we were too young and too far away from those things to talk about them. He’d picked out names and wedding venues. He was very introverted, I’m very extroverted. Over time we just stopped going places or talking about anything besides TV shows to watch that night. The relationship was dead in the water, but he was such a sweet guy and he worshiped me. I couldn’t quite pull away because there was nothing really wrong. I’d been in a miserably abusive relationship prior to this so in my mind if he wasn’t hitting me or screaming at me, the relationship was great and I needed to buck up and deal.
I spent the summer traveling around and interning for an NGO, and then one day while laughing and talking with friends over breakfast, it hit me: I was feeling happy. And I had not felt this happy in a long time. This weird glow-y, free feeling was because for the first time in months I was actually enjoying my life.
I kind of glossed over the realization. I had a loving boyfriend back at home who was ready to put a ring on it and call it a day at a moment’s notice. I decided I just needed to see him again and I’d feel better. We’d work it out and go on.
Then to celebrate at the end of our trip we went dancing—and rum happened. And not a little rum. The quantity of rum that makes you beg for the sweet embrace of death the next day. A guy on our trip and I started dancing and one thing led to another. We didn’t have sex, thankfully. But we were making out pretty hot and heavy for a while. The next day I knew that I’d crossed a line and I felt awful. But I also felt all this clarity. Not only did that relationship need to end, I didn’t even feel sad that it was ending. I didn’t love him anymore. We were never going to work out and I’d let it go on too long as it was.
So when I got back to town, I went to his house and explained all that to him in person. Not the cheating, but what led to it. He wanted to jump behind that white picket fence so badly and keep me as close to home as possible, and unfortunately it took me doing something I said I’d never do to realize how much I resented that plan.”