39 Cheaters Confess Why They Did It

39 Cheaters Confess Why They Did It

Found on AskReddit.

1. I was horny, end of story.

“I was horny, end of story.”

zotopia


2. I was amazed that guys wanted me and selfishly let myself enjoy it.

“I was amazed that guys wanted me and selfishly let myself enjoy it. Until I was cheating for months at a time and realized that if someone told me about a girl doing what I was doing, I’d think she was the scum of the Earth. Broke off both relationships that day and worked on feeling good by myself.”

retarded_peacock


3. Why the fuck do you think? Because I was a piece of shit who wanted to have sex.

“I cheated on my first serious girlfriend with another girl for a period of about four months, even after she found about it. She fucking called me or whatever almost every night and screamed and cried and whatever and I still kept doing it.

Why did I do it? Why the fuck do you think? Because I was a piece of shit who wanted to have sex. Everyone in this thread is going to have long, drawn-out explanations about their mental state or whatever, but the fact remains that it’s fundamentally about a lack of self-control. It’s like someone who drinks too much, eats too much, whatever. It’s just being a greasy piece of shit. It’s not that complicated or interesting.

I ended up dating the girl I cheated on my girlfriend with for about 5 years without cheating, then she dumped my ass and was engaged about 6 months later (so, she was probably cheating on me in other words) in case anyone wanted to get some karmic justice out of this story.”

PM_ME_UR_DOGGIE_PICS


4. Because she withheld sex for a year and a half.

“I cheated on my ex for a long time because she withheld sex for a year and a half. Obviously, she has a right to say no to sex, as does anybody, but she purposely withheld it for a year and a half because I forgot to clean the shower one day. I don’t know why I stayed with her to be honest and I’m not even sorry about it.”

DetRojo


5. After five years without a woman’s touch, it does get lonely.

“I cheated once. I put myself through the wringer for months. I’ve never cheated on anyone since. I had right too during a bad marriage, I never did. After five years without a woman’s touch, it does get lonely.”

big_blunder


6. I love meeting new women and making them orgasm.

“I really wish I could settle down with one woman. I have cheated on every single GF I have ever had and two wives. The only woman I never cheated on was married! It lasted 2.5 years and her husband never found out. I am not a sociopath and I feel guilty as hell but I love meeting new women and making them orgasm. After all the practice, I have gotten quite good at that. Still, wish I could stop…”

Gdns7


7. I cheated because I like sex, and my husband is not always around to provide it.

“I cheated because I like sex, and my husband is not always around to provide it, being away with work (USMC) for months at a time sometimes. I don’t deny being weak willed. The same reason I’m a smoker I imagine.”

throwaway594379


8. Because I was a terribly selfish person.

“Because I was a terribly selfish person. Why I am that way is presumably a combination of genetics and upbringing. Now that I’m older I’m a much better person with much more self-control.

But basically I was young, attractive, and women would basically just offer to sleep with me. Honestly I’m not sure unattractive men can appreciate how hard it is to resist women when they purposefully make themselves available.”

blergensklergen


9. They were boys and I needed a man.

“I cheated on both my boyfriends before I met my husband, who I never cheated on. Why I cheated on the two first ones? They didn’t give me what I needed, despite me asking for it. They were boys and I needed a man. Found someone who fucked me like a man and went for it. Then I met my husband and never looked back.”

Mimimagblumen


10. It helped my self-esteem enough to give me the confidence to leave my abuser.

“Woman here, was in an abusive relationship that I was frightened to end. Confided in a close friend and we had a short-lived intimate relationship that showed me how kind and respectful people can be and helped my self-esteem enough to give me the confidence to leave my abuser.

I am so thankful that I slept with that friend, it turned my life around for the better.”

niiceniight


11. I lost all attraction to my ex (little to begin with).

“I lost all attraction to my ex (little to begin with). Didn’t brush his teeth, didn’t want to work out with me, cried a lot over nothing, didn’t shower sometimes or forget to wear deodorant. Then wanted to cuddle or have sex and get mad at me for being disgusted by him because his dick would smell bad….

So after 2 years of that I met my current boyfriend we were friends at first but the attraction was definitely there. At first I just really wanted to fuck him but then I fell for him. Tried to suppress that shit given my ex tried to kill me for talking to my female friends but thought … fuck it.

We were talking one night and I guess he got me to admit that my ex was abusive. He at first didn’t want to be a home wrecker but the ‘fuck it I want you’ though was his too and holy shit… I knew I wasted 5 years of my life but my current boyfriend showed me everything I was missing.

Then I planned out to get my shit together and leave, he tried to kill me again and stalked me for a while but I think he’s stopped. We are hundreds of miles away so I feel better about it.

Was it right? Probably not, do I care … nope.”

Apple_sunday


12. I was in a bad marriage.

“I was in a bad marriage. He refused to get a job and was an emotionally abusive man and always blaming me for the problems we were having. (the big problem was we didn’t have enough money) I suffer from depression and due to all of this fighting it was getting worse.

Out at a gathering of friends I meet a guy and he’s funny and we have lots in common and it was a start of something. And I cheated. I told this guy that I was married and that I was conflicted but he said he wouldn’t push me and that he was interested in me, but wouldn’t do anything I wasn’t comfortable with. But I did it and he was so different from my selfish husband.

This guy helped me get the guts to leave my husband. I told him that I wanted a divorce soon after and this new guy helped me in any way he can. I’m still with him over 4 years later.

I know that what I did wasn’t the best way to go about it. I know I hurt my husband when he found out that I had been cheating, but finding the right person to get me out of the situation and finding someone who really cares about me is the real story.”

glimmerfox


13. I have come to understand that I am not someone who can be happy in a completely monogamous relationship.

“I have cheated in previous relationships. I have come to understand that I am not someone who can be happy in a completely monogamous relationship. And there’s nothing wrong with that—as long as I don’t make monogamous commitments to others that I know I won’t keep.

So while I don’t think I would cheat again, I also wouldn’t enter into a monogamous relationship again. Monogamy makes me feel trapped and anxious and amplifies all my desires to stray. The idea of it (for myself—it works just fine for others) honestly makes me feel sick. When I’m in an open relationship, I feel much more relaxed, and I don’t actually pursue other partners very often. It makes me happy just to know I could if I wanted to.

If you’re looking for an “excuse”—I guess I forgive myself for my past cheating partially because it’s so ingrained in our culture that relationships must be monogamous. When you’re growing up and starting to explore sex and romance, you’re never encouraged to stop and think about whether monogamy works for you or makes you happy. It’s just the way things are. So I can understand why it took me a while to figure out that it didn’t work for me, and that that didn’t mean I was broken or immoral—I just needed a different type of relationship in order to be a good partner. Yes, it would have been better for me to figure that out without cheating, but I honestly don’t know if I would have. Still, I do accept some responsibility.”

giveuschannel83


14. I cheated on my last partner because he was a piece of shit who didn’t let me break up with him.

“I cheated on my last partner because he was a piece of shit who didn’t let me break up with him because if I did he would have committed suicide and I didn’t want to feel like it was my fault.”

angiebear97


15. I started cheating because I felt trapped.

“At first I simply didn’t think about it, when I first started early high school. I was always real nerdy and awkward. Girl showed an interest in me? I jumped at it because it was so rare. Then I grew into my head a little bit more, got some coordination and confidence, and more girls showed interest. So I jumped at those chances too. I didn’t get caught, so I never saw the hurt it could cause. I guess it was just the innocence that I didn’t know what I was doing.

Until I did, I got caught, and I’m sure it hurt her. She became paranoid and eventually abusive and toxic. I’ll never know why we didn’t end it there. I started cheating again because I felt trapped. She threatened to kill herself when I tried ending it, it was my only way to feel like I still had control over my life. This continued for years. I cheat, she gets paranoid, abuses me, I go out and cheat again to reassure myself that I’m still my own person.

I finally got tired and left her and figured that if she killed herself… Well at least I’d be free. She was bluffing though. We went our separate ways.

Now I’m with someone I consider to be the love of.my life, there’s no urge to cheat anymore, but I’m still forever paranoid that karma is going to rip this away from me. But honestly tldr I just didn’t have self-control, and I think that’s what it boils down to in the majority of cases.”

Arcade42


16. Took me a long time to learn that monogamy wasn’t really my bag.

“I’ve cheated on multiple partners, multiple times. Mostly just because I wanted someone and I could, sometimes because I was lashing out at problems in the relationship. Took me a long time to learn that monogamy wasn’t really my bag. Then got into an open relationship and didn’t enjoy it as much as I thought I would. So basically I’m now pretty confused about what I want.”

SunnydaleClassof99


17. I just felt like I was trapped.

“I cheated on my ex of three years. It was a toxic and abusive relationship. He got me to move hours away from my family and I had no one. He had cheated on me before and put me down the whole time, like I just felt like I was trapped. I started confiding in a friend from back home and got very emotionally attached to him without even realizing at first what I was really doing. Then it became obvious I was a lot happier when interacting with said friend than the boyfriend I lived with. I finally ended the relationship, moved back home and started dating him.

We’ve been together for almost 8 months now and let me tell you, it feels so great to even breathe without someone yelling at me about it.”

cogblastin


18. I ventured towards a friend that gave me attention, and it was refreshing.

“I take full responsibility for cheating and fully understand what I did was terrible and poorly handled. My boyfriend of two years was the center of my family’s whole world. I was severely ill during this time and felt as though his attention and the attention of my family should have been on me, selfish I know. So I ventured towards a friend that gave me attention, and it was refreshing. Our relationship became intimate and lasted for a few months. I ended up telling my bf and we split shortly afterwards.”

PeynotPay


19. Primarily because there is an instinctive urge to.

“The same reason people eat. Not because they need to do that to survive and have energy, but primarily because there is an instinctive urge to. The amount of urge to eat, and cheat, is different for different people.

Cheating in all forms can give someone an advantage over others.

In males, sperm is cheap and it leads to more offspring being left behind.

In females it can allow you to create offspring with the traits you find attractive, while having someone else provide for you or the child that is more capable at that job.

Is this what goes through people’s heads? Of course not, people use contraception. But just as you don’t eat food to stop yourself from dying—instead because it’s an impulse with an urge and a reward—cheaters are acting on an impulse with an urge and a feeling of reward.

People that feel that urge greater than others might end up overweight, or more promiscuous, and if asked to explain why they do it, they’ll probably try and rationalize it, and maybe there are some real triggers, but it boils down to the feeling they get from it.

That feeling has been naturally selected for. Other social animals cheat, too.

Part of cheating in a social group that remembers faces and gives them reputations is to not be caught. It is advantageous to not be caught. It makes sense you’d get a rush from knowing nobody knows what you’re up to; it means you’re doing it right.

What it’s not is a conscious decision to hurt someone and be selfish. Does it hurt someone, and is it selfish? Yes, but that’s not why it exists or why people do it. Just as obese people don’t eat to destroy their bodies and the lives of their enablers. They do it because it’s an impulse that they don’t control, for whatever reason.

Other animals without the capacity to think in the capacity we can about concepts like ‘hurt’ or ‘selfishness’ do it too.”

itshonestwork


20. Sometimes because of crazy attraction, sometimes because of the thrill of it being ‘wrong’ and perverse.

“I’ve done it multiple times. In each case, there was someone else that I met and had sexual energy with (But not much energy of any other kind)—sometimes because of crazy attraction, sometimes because of the thrill of it being ‘wrong’ and perverse, sometimes because of something else—and we acted on it. Never prolonged, usually just a few times at most. Multiple times, the other party was also in a relationship and cheating as well and in every case, they knew I was in a relationship.

In all cases, no one ever told anyone and no one ever found out. In all cases, it had literally zero affect/impact on my existing relationship and didn’t alter the way I felt about my SO or how we interacted. It just happened and myself and the other party would move on and go back to our relationships and be happy.

Given what I had read and seen in media and online and elsewhere, I kept waiting for some kind of crushing guilt to come down on me or for it to come out or blow up or something. It never did. Didn’t even alter my existing sex life with my partners. Life moved on, it felt good, and then…nothing happened. The reality, which I think most here would find it hard to swallow, is that most adulterous relations are probably like my situation and not like the ones you read about. I think most people who cheat completely get away with it, they keep their mouths shut about it and never bring it up, and nothing ever comes of it.”

throwaway109232348


21. Emotional protection. But it backfired.

“Emotional protection. But it backfired.

I had been cheated on by two different people in my life, I got bitter and thought ‘Every woman cheats.’ So I got into a new relationship (with the best-looking woman I have ever dated) and decided to cheat so that WHEN she cheats I can just be like, ‘ha-ha, I cheated a long time ago.’ So about a month into an “exclusive” relationship I got together with an old GF, then drive right to my new GF’s house and had her do oral on my still dirty self.

She turned out to be he girl of my dreams. I fell in love and got engaged. Things went south 2 weeks before we were to get married….She found out, then cheated on me with her ex-boyfriend—2 weeks before I was moving to her city (120 miles away) and getting married….

More and more I realize how amazing of a woman I lost.”

hahajustkidding7


22. I like validation and pulling intimacy out of people.

“I like validation and pulling intimacy out of people… After a while I know enough about the person I’m with that I get bored and find someone else for fresh validation and intimate knowledge.

I’ve had three long-term relationships that lasted four years each and a lot of experiences (single time, week duration, even months in a few cases) within those three big relationships. Only one of the three do I regret messing up.

Having matured some, I can recognize I’m better off not in a relationship. So far I’ve been good at avoiding getting into a new one for the last 11 months but I know it’ll be easy to slip into old patterns when I reach a lull in life.
It’s also exciting to juggle more than one person at a time. I tried an open relationship once, but that gutted a lot of the enjoyment of it. Kind of rambling so

Tldr: manipulative asshole with habitual cheating tendencies 10/10 would do again. Felt bad once, still haunts me 0/10.”

Hypnoticah


23. I was feeling neglected and angry with my boyfriend of three years.

“I cheated once, and will probably never do it again. I was feeling neglected and angry with my boyfriend of three years, so I went out and had a fling with some guy I met online to feel empowered instead of doing the decent thing and breaking up. I still cared about him and wanted to make it work but was too scared of being alone.

I felt bad about it for a while, but four months later we did break up, and it came out that he had been cheating on me for the last eight months of the relationship. She thought she was his girlfriend and confronted me, not knowing that I had the prior claim to that title. She dumped him for a week and then took him back.”

tw110117


24. I wasn’t getting his attention because he just discovered World of Warcraft and spent his whole time on that.

“I cheated on my partner after being with him for a year. I think I did it because I wasn’t getting his attention because he just discovered World of Warcraft and spent his whole time on that. Me and this other guy just flirted through texts and msn but then we ended up having sex after 6 months of talking I would texted him when my partner had left my house and mum was out. I regretted it and only happened the once and I cut off contact with the guy a few days later. My partner knew something was going on but denied it all. The guy knew nothing could be said but yet he told his ex who lived 8 hours away and she looked me and my partner up on MySpace and told him everything… it turned out the guy had made a bunch of BS up about us which worked well in my favor because I got to deny it all. I hated myself for what I did I still do. It was a stupid reason to cheat on the guy who I love and who I now have a beautiful child with. I know in the back of his mind he knows what I did. But he got me back kind of by flirting with so many girls but never going to far well that’s what he says but how do I know look at what I did and covered up but we were kids then now we are adults with a child, a house and a wedding coming up. It was 9 years ago now but I think about it and question myself what if this blows up in face. Sometimes I blame my partner sometimes I blame my mum and sister who both cheated. But all I have is to blame myself and my stupid teenage actions. I hope one day I can him what I did that I hated every moment of it but he would never forgive me. I know I could never forgive or forget if he did it to me.

Wow I feel better after bottling it up all time. Thanks.”

Lirpa-r


25. I wasn’t physically attracted to him and I didn’t think that mattered, but in the end, surprise! It does matter.

“I cheated on my ex for a lot of reasons. We were engaged and things moved really quickly. I wasn’t physically attracted to him and I didn’t think that mattered, but in the end, surprise! It does matter. My ex drank a lot and refused to help around the house. He was constantly talking to his ex-girlfriend. He never cared about me. We moved to a town that I completely and utterly hated. It just became a prison. I was unhappy all the time. Then I met someone at work who gave a shit. Or seemed to, anyway. I only technically cheated once. Then I felt so bad that I ended things.”

sadgirlbullshit


26. I have poor self-control and a lack of respect for his feelings and I’m a coward.

“Why did I cheat? I have poor self-control and a lack of respect for his feelings and I’m a coward.

The long version is that we’d known each other for years through an online game, I was 16 and attention starved, quite an ugly duckling. He was funny, he made me laugh and I liked him.

We start dating, but it’s long distance. Through the years we only saw each other twice. The first visit was at my place; I wasn’t a social butterfly but I did like to go out and do things. Go to the occasional bar. Go for a picnic. He had anxiety and didn’t want to do much. Whenever I asked it was “I don’t know” with a lot of reluctance. So we stayed inside all summer playing games.

Sex was near impossible, I think it was his anxiety medication but he had a lot of trouble maintaining an erection. I was immature and not very understanding, I took it as an insult against myself.

The second visit was at his and it was just more of the same. I was in university at this point and studying, he was four years older than my 18 and had never had a single job. His life consisted solely of playing video games all day into the am, repeat. No license, no job, no drive.

His personality was a reflection of the limited media he consumed. Everything just went stagnant.

Months passed and I stopped making the effort to talk, he never initiated a conversation, always had an excuse for not even trying to look for a job. I was bored.

But I didn’t do him the courtesy of telling him this and breaking it off. I just cheated and waited till he found out. I couldn’t even bring myself to regret it, I still don’t.”

Chipaway111


27. I used cheating as an excuse to get out of a relationship instead of just dumping them.

“I’ve cheated during five of my seven long- term relationships.

It wasn’t right but I used cheating as an excuse to get out of a relationship instead of just dumping them. I’d cheat, tell them immediately, and then I could just disappear from their lives with little confrontation. Why fight to keep a cheater around?

It was always with this girl I had loved since I came out as a lesbian in grade nine and I couldn’t let her go. This summer while I was single, I made out with her at a party and for the first time in almost 8 years I felt absolutely nothing for her. I’m in a relationship now with someone who treats me way better than she ever did and hopefully I’ve grown up enough that I can talk about relationship issues with my partner instead of just falling into bed with a long-time ex.”

sagittariums


28. My ex-husband was a lazy guy who cared more about games and comics than me, the dog, paying bills, etc.

“My ex-husband was a lazy guy who cared more about games and comics than me, the dog, paying bills, etc. On top of that, I am an extremely monogamous person, yet he told me I could have sex with another girl (bisexual here) and I could pretend to be a couple with a male friend for cosplay, including kissing.

5 years later I met a man who I could not stay away from. From the moment I met him I was in love, and realized I hadn’t been in love with my husband for years, we just existed in the same space. I became friends with the other guy over a half year period until one night I cheated. The next day I left my ex and have been married to the guy I cheated with for 7 years. I am extremely insecure and while I regret the way I ended my marriage, I would not have left otherwise. I still feel like I just met my SO and love him more every day. I no longer feel bad about it.”

wintyyr


29. Because somebody else was also appealing.

“Because somebody else was also appealing. There are different things that I was attracted in people, but only with age/ learning about myself/ choosing/ being with a great person I understood that there will always be some small thing I’m attracted to in someone, but I have this great guy at home that satisfies me with sex better than I could have imagined. So now I realized that I was very sexually curious and was looking for different people to satisfy it in different ways. Now, I can just tell my partner that I have this crazy idea or scenario, and I want to try it, and he is totally cool with everything. Communication is the key. I’m open to his offers as well.”

whoopsicles


30. I simply was bored with them and loved the attention of other guys.

“Until my current relationship, I cheated on pretty much every guy I ever dated. I simply was bored with them and loved the attention of other guys. I had a serious problem with being alone. I would have rather been with someone, even if I didn’t like them at all, than be alone. There was only one other guy that I ever dated that I adored. Never cheated on him. He was a total shit bag who cheated on me very frequently so I got everything I deserved for what I did to others. Then, when I met my SO, everything changed. He made me want to be better as a person. I was never bored, I felt loved and just completely content. I can’t even pinpoint what changed. I just know that I have never felt a desire to cheat on him. I’ve never looked back. I was just a piece of shit, attention hungry cheater. No real reason. I was just awful.”

ladylookslikeathumb


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