1. No periods, period.
“Their lack of having a period. It’s total bullshit. It’s messy, it smells, it’s inconvenient, it costs extra money (pain relievers, tampons, panty liner, heating pads, new underwear, etc.) it hurts in a variety of awful ways (cramps, back pain, headaches, nausea). Fuck this shit.”
2. Easy orgasms.
“Easy/uncomplicated orgasms. Pump, pump, done.”
3. The ability to get better looking with age.
“Men get better looking with age…bastards.”
4. Being able spell your name in the snow by peeing.
“Standing up to pee so you can do fun things like spell your name in the snow, skip the line and pee outside, being able to go basically anywhere. Peeing off of high things would be fun, too.”
5. Men don’t slut-shame each other.
“Men are a cheer squad for each other’s sexuality.”
6. Helicopter dick.
“Cocks….I wanna helicopter it, piss anywhere, have it swing back and forth as I run nude and most importantly play with it all day!”
7. Pants WITH POCKETS.
“Pants WITH POCKETS that I can actually stick stuff in. I have a lot of crap and handbags suck.”
8. Topless exercise.
“The ability to go topless when exercising.”
9. Upper-body strength.
“Being strong. I have the upper-body strength of an overcooked asparagus. Like, it sounds kind of pathetic but I have problems lifting heavy bags or opening heavy doors and my boyfriend laughs at me and says the stuff isn’t even that heavy and just comes in like the Hulk and does all this shit without any effort.
One time even we were testing grip strength on each other and when it was my turn I kind of got a pat on the head for my efforts. He tries and has to stop because the bones in my hand were starting to grind together.
Sometimes I fantasize about being all beefed up.”
10. Free-range urination.
“Being able to pee whenever, wherever, and without toilet paper. Maybe not wherever…not without getting arrested.”
11. Helicopter dick.
“The helicopter dick. My SO did it one time in front of me being silly and I’ve been jealous of his moves ever since. That was three years ago.”
12. No pressure to want or have kids.
“They’re not automatically assumed to like/want children, raise them, etc.”
13. Simplicity of appearance.
“Simplicity of appearance. In order to look well put-together, women take a LONG time to do all that’s necessary for that look. Men just have to throw on a button-down and comb their hair.”
14. Peeing while standing.
“Being able to pee standing up.”
15. Having kids without carrying and delivering them .
“Being able to have your own biological children without carrying and delivering them.”
16. Being taken seriously in the workplace.
“Being taken more seriously in my workplace, where people just kinda seem to assume I’m someone’s assistant or coffeemaker before they realize which position I’m in. Not getting lectured by people who have less experience and education in certain topics, just generally I want to be regarded as someone who worked hard to get where they are and that they know their shit instead of being treated like a child by people nearly half my age while debating certain topics. Being able to orgasm so much more easily. Not being afraid to walk home alone when it’s dark, or just not needing to take a million precautions before being able to go out would also be super.”
17. Living without fear of rape.
“Being able to go anywhere or exist at home without the fear of rape. Not wondering if that guy friend really wants to be your friend or if he’s just waiting for an opportunity to date you. Seriously though, my friends that have been date raped were consistently preyed on by male friends. Logically we know most of our friends won’t rape us, but the fear will always be there.”
18. Not being followed/catcalled/forced into unwanted conversations.
“Not being followed/catcalled/forced into unwanted conversations.
My husband and I live 1 mile from downtown where we both work. He walks to work and back every day and no one has ever pulled over (on a busy highway) to slowly follow him or talk to him. Meanwhile I’ve only walked to work and back a handful of times—because I can’t make that one-mile walk without someone making me feel uncomfortable or concerned for my safety.”
19. Better jawlines.
“1) Makeup free.
2) Cock is a powerful tool, even small one.
3) Androgynous culture. Some androgynous skinny boy can play both gender roles more easily than girls.
4) Guys have better jawlines.”
20. Getting BJs.
“What a blowjob feels like. Must be amazing.”
21. Men can be a disaster, and someone will accept and enable you.
“Men can be a disaster and there will always be one woman out there who accepts and enables him. It’s truly amazing. Not sure if women can say the same.”
22. Lower Alzheimer’s rates.
“Not having to be pregnant.
Lower Alzheimer’s rates.
Lower rates of sexual assault victimhood.”
23. Very little cosmetic maintenance.
“There’s a lot of extra cost to be a presentable woman. Bras, sanitary items, hair products, makeup, the (generally) larger variety of clothes, shoes, and accessories we’re expected to have and often the pill. It adds up quickly. Add in the extras for looking fancy like waxing and lingerie and it can be a little overwhelming.
It would be nice to not have to worry about that.”
24. Super obvious physical arousal.
“Super obvious physical arousal. Sometimes upstairs and downstairs don’t communicate. I’ll be super into the night’s proceedings and ready to hop on, only to get into my pants and realize downstairs has been listening to NPR or something the whole time and is still at zero. Having a boner sounds a lot simpler than trying to gauge relative underwear wetness. Vaginas are always kinda wet, dammit!”
25. Being allowed to maintain your childhood hobbies.
“I feel like it’s generally more accepted for guys to keep ‘childish’ hobbies like video games and model building into adulthood than it is for women. I always envied them that.”