Caught With Their Panties Down: 23 Girls Share Their Most Humiliating Masturbation Stories

Illustration by Daniella Urdinlaiz
Illustration by Daniella Urdinlaiz
Found on AskReddit.

1. I squirted so hard it hit my laptop and my laptop died.

“I had propped my laptop up and had my back against my backboard going to town on myself with a dildo. So I’m just doing my thing as usual and when I came, I squirted so hard it hit my laptop and my laptop died. I had to get it sent in to Geek Squad to get it fixed for ‘water damage.’ Sorry, Geek Squad dude!”

consyfaps


2. I started jerking off in the street with the hope that I’d calm down.

“At the age of 15 I was playing Monopoly with some friends and a dude that I didn’t like. That boy was so fucking annoying that I left the house furious and went to the street. It was 3 am and I didn’t want to go home so I started jerking off in the street with the hope that I’d calm down. There wasn’t anyone on the street, only two cats who stopped to watch me jerk off. To be clear, I didn’t realize the cats where there until I finished.”

RheagoTargaryen


3. I realized my butt had swallowed the small vibrator.

“Pretty much always ready for some action, don’t get enough so I take care of it myself. I don’t like anal sex with guys because they want to do that pumping action and sorry but that hurts. I do, however, enjoy anal if I do it to myself with a finger or dildo.

Anyway, I had this little finger vibrator and I was short on hands (got three things to deal with now) so I thought, I’ll just put the small vibrator halfway into my ass and leave it so I can rock this dildo and rub myself. I finished up just fine, until I realized my butt had swallowed the small vibrator. It was unreachable. Had to give myself an oily enema to get it out (and it was vibrating the whole 20 minutes it was stuck in there).

Mistakes were made. Time to invest in more appropriate equipment.”

littlebirdbones


4. Diddled the bean with mango habanero sauce on my fingers.

“Had made mango habanero sauce earlier that day. Especially potent peppers from the garden.

Washed my hands.

Went to bed to diddle the bean.

I had forgotten to clean under my fingernails.”

daitoshi


5. My mom walked in on me blasting lesbian porn on my comp, vibrator on clit, dildo in hand.

“My mom walked in on me blasting lesbian porn on my comp, vibrator on clit, dildo in hand, looked me straight in the eyes to tell me she was going to the grocery store, and walked out, never mentioning it once.”

beeuh


6. I tried flicking the bean with the handle of a knife.

“During my experimental phase and having no idea what to do. I tried flicking the bean with the handle of a knife. Spread eagle on my bed, in sight of the door. My little sister walked in and asked what I was doing. I told her I was putting a tampon in. She went ‘Oh.’ and walked out. She would’ve been nine or ten at the time.”

Madamejay


7. Little did we know her Mum had been standing there in a state of shock for 10 seconds.

“When I was 10 I was having a play date with a girl from school. She used to be a bully of mine so she was the ‘bossy’ friend. We’re in her bedroom and she says we should blow up the paddling pool and pretend there is water in it so we can play Titanic. I agree. We’re both mucking about and I’m pretending to be Rose falling off the ship. After a while she says to me ‘Do you know what sex is?’ ‘I think so,’ I reply. She says we should take off our clothes and pretend to have sex under the covers. We get under the covers and she’s on top. I tell her I’m really nervous and she replies, ‘Just play Titanic.’ As she’s on top, dry humping me, we’re both still pretending to be Jack and Rose in a state of terror as the Titanic is sinking. Little did we know her Mum had been standing there in a state of shock for 10 seconds. I was driven home immediately but my Mum was never told what happened, she assumed I’d just had bad manners. Tl;dr – first lesbian experience was Titanic roleplay.”

Flipmobile1


8. I proceed to stare at him, no broken eye contact, making faces like an infant taking a giant shit.

“Man…. there are so many awkward moments…. But this one is the gold simply for the fact that I can’t imagine what the lifeguard was thinking… I used to stick my hoo hoo up against the pool hydrostreams in the public pool. I would casually swim up to my favorite blow hole I named Nick after the lifeguard, and proceed to stare at him, no broken eye contact, making faces like an infant taking a giant shit. When I would get off, my eyes would cross, and I would grunt a few times before swimming off to play Marco polo or some shit. He was always wearing sunglasses, but I am pretty sure he saw me and was weirded the fuck out by the prepubescent stalker that was CLEARLY hanging out for unusually long times directly in front of the water stream… 10/10 Would do again.

TLDR; Prepubescent girl perversely leers at terrified lifeguard while getting off on the pool hydrostream named Nick.”

Soylent-Shenanigans


9. I came on my mom’s dildo at the home computer in full view of the front door.

“I came on my mom’s dildo at the home computer in full view of the front door to late 2000’s Brazzer balloon-boob, double-dildo lesbian porn as my mom herself burst in the front door.

It was in the years of high school when my little brother was in after-school care and I had roughly 50 minutes of golden lusty alone time between coming home from school and my mom arriving home from work, but she came home early that day. My moaning was too loud to hear an SUV roll up the gravel the driveway just outside the office area.

My tab count was higher than the white blood cells in a leukemia patient, and I’m pretty sure I was utilizing the induced gang bang effect of having multiple tabs playing videos at once. I always found real gang bang noises to be too forced, so I’d play several videos at once with good audio of real orgasms and coitus pleasures…

I was a little fortunate to have been in my silent-orgasm-deep-breathing-experimenting stage following another fucked up over-hearing incident from me in the shower and thinking I was the only one home.

So though my face was contorted, lower half naked with an immensely-cut borrowed purple dildo gripped in my pulsing cervix, in a matter of milliseconds I managed to cum, guide my pleasure-induced claw hand to mouse-click the browser ‘X’, pull my blanket up around my wobbly lower half as I stood, and give a big, enthusiastic, ‘Hey Ma what are YOU doing HOME!?<3?!’ faux greeting without her ever being aware of what was happening just before and as she entered the premise. I also managed to clean the dildo, dry it, and return it before she noticed that day, too.

Yes I was desperate enough to share that shit. It breaks every safety rule I now uphold for toy sharing and sex. Also, yeah, no more family dildos. That was fucked up.”

valuethemargin


10. Pretty sure I experienced my first orgasm, and my dad heard it.

“Masturbating in the shower at age 14 (female) when I thought I had the house to myself. I decided to try to moan more and experiment with that. It got loud and ridiculous because that’s just who I am sometimes. My dad came home and I didn’t notice until after I got out of the shower. He was all ‘I heard some really weird noises from the bathroom. Are you okay?’ ‘There was a spider in there and it scared me.’ Nooooo. Pretty sure I experienced my first orgasm, and my dad heard it.”

Waitwhatdidijustsay


11. The only problem was that it was TOO WIDE.

“I was doing an intensive Russian summer program at the University of Chicago. My roommate had bailed halfway through the ‘semester’ so I had the whole room to myself. I’d always been… self-exploratory, and after a normal evening of watching porn, and flicking the bean, I still was unsatisfied. I realized I needed more than my fingers to get the feeling I REALLY wanted, so frantically looked around my room to see what I could MacGyver into something resembling a dildo. I found my condoms (good, on the right track) and started to look for anything cylindrical. Then, I noticed it. The sunscreen spray can. It would be perfect. I cleaned off the can in the sink, unrolled the condom onto it, and got started. The only problem was that it was TOO WIDE. It didn’t matter though. I was past the point of no return with caring, and just kept going even though it hurt. I knew I couldn’t just masturbate to empty air too, so I put on the TV show I was currently watching: Hannibal. I came right as Hannibal was ripping this guy’s jaw from his head.”

OhLordyMe


12. Sitting quietly on the couch under a blanket, in my living room, with my WHOLE FAMILY, I masturbated to orgasm.

“Ohhh man. I’ve never told anyone this; in fact, I’ve tried to block it from my memory, but this thread was a cruel reminder. When I was younger, my whole family loved to watch American Idol together. It was a tradition. And one night – I believe it was season 9, so I was 12 or 13 years old – I was such a fucking horny teenager that I couldn’t stand it. And sitting quietly on the couch under a blanket, in my living room, with my WHOLE FAMILY, I masturbated to orgasm. Shameful. No, I don’t believe anyone noticed… and if they did, they didn’t say anything. Yikes. Oh, and now that I’m writing this, I’m remembering that time when my mom caught me using her vibrators. (She didn’t, like, see me. She just found them in my bathroom). I was young then as well and was really just fascinated by dildos and stuff, never inserted anything… although it’s pretty sick to think about now. Ew. My poor parents. THAT was an awkward conversation…”

ArielAboveTheSea


13. My mom found my dirty sex toy in the sink.

“Got really high and left my sex toy in the sink while trying to clean it and my mom found it in the morning.”

Rahl199


14. My dad walked in and just freaked and walked back out.

“Okay, so I found my special lady part very early in life. I’m talking like 3rd grade hump the arm of the couch, find a pool jet and stand there. And then I got a bumble ball for Christmas. Boy oh boy. Well my parents were young when they had me and didn’t stay together (maybe the sex drive is genetic), and I took my new favorite toy to my grandma’s house on my dad’s side. Well I pulled down my little girl panties and turn on the ol’ bumble ball and laid on the floor. 5 minutes later my dad walked in and just freaked and walked back out. I didn’t see him for like an hour and then he silently drove me back to my mom’s. And my god, I’ll joke about it with my husband now but if I would rather die than ever acknowledge it with my dad. He was cool about one thing though, I got to keep my humble ball.”

Anna_Begins


15. All I could think as an excuse was ‘My cell phone must be going off!’

“I was probably 13 years old at the time and living with my grandma in WV. I had just purchased my first vibrator and wasn’t familiar with every function yet. I decided one morning to have a quickie under the covers before getting up to get ready for school, when my grandma opens my door unannounced to gather any laundry I had and to wake me up for school. I panicked. I ripped my toy out of me and thought I had hit the ‘off’ button, but I instead cranked up the power. My bed was vibrating so loud. She just kept asking me what that sound was, and all I could think as an excuse was ‘My cell phone must be going off!’ As I’m now desperately trying to turn the damned toy off blindly under the covers. Most awkward 5 mins of my life.”

Aurorablackheart


16. She stops to have a chat to me for like ten minutes about fuck knows what.

“Was mid-flow with one of my toys, and my friend walks straight into my bedroom without knocking…So I’m laying there, with my hand still under the duvet and the toy still in place, my laptop on my stomach with open playing (luckily with no audio). And she stops to have a chat to me for like ten minutes about fuck knows what before rolling back out of my room while leaving my door wide open…”

thehorrorofspoons


17. My mind had drifted to images of my husband and two daughters dying in a car crash.

“Realizing my mind had drifted to images of my husband and two daughters dying in a car crash. Then still finishing.”

faithlessdisciple


18. My shaking knocked over the bird cage downstairs.

“So mine is, when I was about 11 (female) or so, I was playing with the thought of masturbation and decided to take a go at it. I had previously bought some erotic fiction book (The blonde geisha by Jina Baccar if anyone was interested. Definitely recommend) I was reading it and getting into it…and probably a little too much. I popped my cherry. On top of that, I heard a crash downstairs. I ran down naked (my parents were out somewhere) to find that my shaking and everything had knocked over the bird cage downstairs. Two friggin parakeets were flying around everywhere and my naked ass had to catch them and put them back so I didn’t have to explain what happened. Long story short I threw a cummy towel from earlier on top of them. it worked. They were safe and unharmed….except for maybe their psyches.”

KaspieD


19. My mom leans in and is like, ‘Are you OK?’

“I was about 16 or so (F). My parents were super watchful of my computer activity and I was paranoid about going on a porn site so I would go on Gaia Online and have cybersex with people to get off. I always waited until my family left to have at it. So I’m lying on the bed bottom half bare, top lifted up really going at it with a guy. Possibly one of the ‘steamiest’ sessions I’d had at that time. I doing my fail proof move of humping a pillow and I’m actually sweating I’m getting so into it. I don’t realize that this has gone on for nearly an hour. I’ve gone through multiple bottles of water, orgasmed a few times and am getting near dehydration at this point, but I don’t want to stop. Anyways I’m getting away from the fucked-up part. I didn’t hear my family come home. So all the sudden I hear the dog run past my room which meant someone was walking to let it out. I heard the nob turning, and managed to pull my shirt down and pull the cover up to my stomach. My face is obviously super red. I’ve got the pillow still squeezed between my legs trying to hold myself together. My mom leans in and is like, ‘Are you OK?’

I just stare dumbfounded and open up a word document to look like I’m doing homework. ‘I don’t know I think I’m sick.’ She feels my head while I’m trying to control myself.

‘You’re a little warm. Hmmm, how is your homework coming along?’

I hadn’t started, ‘fine,’ I lied.

She leaves and I try to finish one more out. Then she comes right back in and I have to stop again while she asks me what I want for dinner. I lie again telling her I don’t feel well and I’m not hungry.

She leaves again and I pull back up the chat. The guy has sent me more material which instantly sets me off. I try to quietly hump the pillow more leaving it under the covers just in case.

Back again! She takes my temperature and gives me water. I lay down and pull the covers over my head.

She FINALLY leaves again and I finish. I go take a shower meanwhile my family decides to go out for dinner. So I continue to say I’m not feeling super well and think I’ll just go to bed after my shower. They leave guy sends me more material and I’m going at it again. After about 20 minutes I’m sweating again because this time I stayed under the covers and of course my family changed their mind because the restaurant was too crowded. So mom comes barging in to check on me and I’m red and sweaty again. I think that finally convinced her I was ‘sick’ and I gave up, turned off the light and went to bed. To this day I have no clue if she believed me or not.”

toss_this_out_There


20. I tried to show my friend how to masturbate on accident.

“I am a girl and when I was young, like 10 years old maybe a year or two older, I had learned how to masturbate, though I didn’t know what masturbating was. Don’t ask me why but I could only get off using my clit whilst laying on my stomach. I would also ONLY do it over my clothes. Like the extra pressure made it better (?) Idk I was fuckin weird.

There was a girl my age who lived across the street. I didn’t know wtf masturbating was, I just knew it felt good. So anyways, I go over and tell her about this great thing I discovered. I proceeded to lay face first on her bedroom floor and show her. She did not understand, like it, or try it. I think she may have told her mom about it. They moved away like a year later and I am pretty sure it was because of me.

The memory haunts me today.

Tl:dr; I tried to show my friend how to masturbate on accident.”

Coffeeedog


21. I eventually fell asleep in my fluid-soaked pajamas.

“I’m a squirter. When I was 13 or 14 I was masturbating with my underwear and pajama bottoms still on, while I laid under my cover. At one point I squirted so much that it soaked through my underwear and pajamas (and yes, I’m sure that I squirted because it was odorless and tasteless. Don’t ask why I tasted it LMAO). Wanna know what my dirty ass did? I laid there. I didn’t get up to clean myself up. I eventually fell asleep. In my fluid-soaked pajamas. Wanna know what’s even worse? I kept the sheets on my bed for weeks after that. I was a vile girl, omggg.”

dunkraroodle


22. I feel like I want to cry of shame just writing this.

“This was the worst thing ever happen to me.

This was a bunch of years ago, when my now husband has been seeing each other for about a year. We were still in the rabbit phase of our relationship, fucking like 4 times a day.

Anyway, we went to see his mother, about a 4h drive and spend a long weekend there, and she didn’t like me from the start. She is an old conservative thinks she’s better than everyone else. Commented if you had to much (or any) cleavage showing. You know the type of person.

So we of course didn’t really get a moment to sex it up, thin walls and his mother everywhere. So I went for a shower, and when I got out of the shower I thought I’d get myself off quick to calm down the worst of it. So I did, stood in front of the mirror and went at it, and as I came, my mother in law opened the door and just stared at me with towels in her hands. And after what seemed to be 5 minutes, she just walked away.

I HAD locked the door, but it was an old house and you needed to wiggle the lock a bit for it to lock.

I was in the bathroom crying for ages before going to my husband crying and begging to go home.

I never told this to anyone one but my husband. I was the worst thing ever; I feel like I want to cry of shame just writing this.

So yeah.. I came in front of the eyes of my conservative mother-in-law.”

Allwithinherhands


23. I look up and see my mom staring at me.

“I was maybe about 12 or so, and I discovered the jet setting on the showerhead. Because we didn’t have the hand-held showerhead, and one of those maybe 3×3 shower stalls in the house I’d set the jet then test when it would hit, and do adjustments. I damn near practically had to stand on my head lol. Well I’m letting the jet stream do its magic and enjoying it, and I hear something. I look up (clear shower liner) and see my mom staring at me. I’m ashamed, and all she could do was laugh at me. Although to be fair she never said anything about it.”

YellowFlySwat TC mark

Read this: Caught With Their Pants Down: 49 Guys Share Their Most Humiliating Masturbation Stories

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Image Credit: Illustration by Daniella Urdinlaiz

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