29 Extremely Awkward (But Hilarious) True Stories Of BAD SEX

5. She thought it would be hot to whimper like a wounded puppy while I was doing her doggy style..

“A girl I was banging for a while thought it would be hot to whimper like a wounded puppy while I was doing her doggy style. I actually told her if she kept it up I would pull out and leave.”

Duchebagel


6. ‘Fill me up, Mr. petrol pump.’

“‘Fill me up, Mr. petrol pump.’”

blackhuey


7. He dumped a bag of dildos on the bed next to me.

“Not my SO, so I’m not sure if this counts but last night I was mid hookup with a guy (no penetration yet) when he reached over to his nightstand and produced a bag of dildos which he proceeded to dump out onto the bed next to me. One was literally flashing because it had lightbulbs in it. So I’m like ‘uhh what is happening’ and then he loses his erection and immediately gets out of bed and puts his clothes on because, and I quote, ‘this isn’t working out.’ I’ve never gotten dressed so fast in my life.”

theballinist


8. She leaned in and whispered, ‘I want that fire cock.’

“She leaned in and whispered, ‘I want that fire cock.’”

Josh_Thompson


Related

More From Thought Catalog