31. My wife gave her drunken redneck/white trash neighbor a heart attack.
“My wife killed her neighbor….now that I have your attention.
A million years ago when my wife and I had first started dating she was in a very white trash area (trailer park was next door, she was in a townhouse that was about 70 years old and not crime ridden just very very blue collar and redneck/white trash).
She had a neighbor that was the typical middle aged with long but balding hair that only wore wife beaters (all stained) and tighty-whities while drinking Bud (or Natty Boh) cans and hanging out on his porch. He would always eyefuck my wife when she walked from her car to her house (my wife is/was stacked she had a breast reduction down to a DD a few years later). So of course she wouldn’t say anything and just go in the house and leave the door open with the screen door closed for a breeze and about 2-3 times a month he would end up on her porch in his droopy ass fruit of the looms and a beer and try to talk to her through the screen door (I guess I forgot to mention he had a live in trailer trashette and all they did was scream at each other and fight….thin walls). So after about a month of this she wrote a letter to the housing owners and they told him to stay away. So I come by after work and he calls me over and says ‘Hey man I don’t know why your old lady’s such a bitch, yeah she’s got great tits but that doesn’t mean she can’t be nice.’ this was the first I had found out about DD (droopy drawers) and his infatuation.
So over the next month I’m spending weekends at her place and this guy just doesn’t get it. I’m losing my cool but don’t want to start anything since I don’t live there and we were still just dating. So finally I had enough and convince her to get a restraining order and they both lived about 50 yards from the court house and he didn’t show, so she was awarded and Ex Parte. 2 days later DD gets served and just loses his shit, he starts screaming from his porch, then ends up in the grass then when he steps up to her porch I go outside (I’m not a little guy and at the time was a steelworker so I was in pretty good shape) I convince him through his domestic beverage haze that coming up on her porch wasn’t a good idea. My wife called the cops and they shoveled his drunken ass in his house while him and his trashy GF just start screaming….at each other, at the walls, at god only knows. This was a Friday night. It was pretty quiet on Saturday and Sunday and I left for work Monday morning when I get a phone call, My wife’s trapped in her house because the parking lot is filled with 10+ cop/fire/ambulance rides. Turns out DD died in the shower.
So on Wed his family (4-5 people with almost as many teeth total) are gathering his shit together. I’m sure that rush poster and the wire spool coffee table was kept in the family for sentimental reasons. My wife goes out to leave for work and here comes all of them screaming at her that she killed their kin…They are gonna sue…she’s gonna rot in hell….yeah
TL;DR my wife gave her drunken redneck/white trash neighbor a heart attack.”
32. She was going to accuse me of trying to kill her because I owned dogs.
“I had a downstairs neighbor show up at my door with a bag of literal dirt and tell me it was blowing off my balcony and that it was hair from my dog, and she was going to sue me for attempted murder, because I was trying to kill her kids who were allergic to dogs. I laughed at her because it was the craziest thing I’ve ever heard. She started threatening to enter my apartment and beat me up. I shut the door. Then I called the police on her and they went to ask her about it, and she pretended to have no idea what I was talking about, but the police saw the inside of her house (apparently it was horrifically nasty) and they called child protective services on her, and took her children into protective custody later that day.
Some people should just mind their own business.”
33. They’d keep me awake at all hours of the night breaking things and screaming.
“I lived below a couple of junkies for a few months. They frequently tried to sell me makeup, hair products and odds and ends for ‘heart medicine.’ Which I suspect was shoplifted.
The first night they lived in our building someone was arrested for trying to break in to the building to stab the woman. I remember hearing screams about ‘Y’all fuckin ripped me off.’
Another night they straight brawled in the hallway, I know because one of them got slammed into my door and the next time I saw them they both were pretty messed up. She was also throwing all his things down the stairs at 3 am.
Their bedroom was above mine and they’d frequently keep me awake at all hours of the night breaking things and screaming. When their 3/4 day long benders ended, it was heaven. There would be silence for a whole day.
I lost track of how many times I called the police and my landlady on them. They ended up getting evicted after making everybody’s life hell for 6 months.
I ended up getting some sweet, sweet revenge about a year later though. The woman managed to lift a lot of furniture from the front lobby of where I work. She straight up backed her truck to the front door, got a dolly, and loaded the bed up. I immediately recognized her on the camera footage, and I remembered her full name because she was a nightmare. She’s got a warrant out now.”