60 People On Whether It Bothers Them When Their Partner Masturbates To Porn

Illustration by Daniella Urdinlaiz / lookcatalog
Illustration by Daniella Urdinlaiz / lookcatalog
Found on AskReddit.

1. I don’t care when you became hungry, or what caused your hunger, as long as you’re eating at home.

“I don’t care when you became hungry, or what caused your hunger, as long as you’re eating at home.”
SlickMattyB


2. It’s fine. It’s not like he’s the only man I find attractive.

“It’s fine. It’s not like he’s the only man I find attractive.”
AnPowerLiftinMermaid


3. I’d feel very unattractive if he’d do that instead of having sex.

“I’d feel very unattractive if he’d do that instead of having sex.”
Dennanm


4. I’d feel like shit.

“I’d feel like shit.”
miracide


5. Depends if his dick is bigger than mine.

“Depends if his dick is bigger than mine.”
evilpuke


6. I have a slight insecurity about it.

“My wife likes to watch bukakke, group, and BBC porn. Can’t say I don’t have a slight insecurity about it.”
ScallyWag-Idiot


7. It’s OK as long as they aren’t ‘interacting’ with a person directly.

“As long as they aren’t sexting/sending nudes/having call sex I’m fine with it. As long as they aren’t ‘interacting’ with a person directly.”
Druundev


8. It would feel as if I was not wanted- or at the very least left more to be desired.

“I would feel extremely insecure to be honest. It would feel as if I was not wanted—or at the very least left more to be desired. If I felt like my partner would rather watch someone else- it would make me think that I was subpar and feel like shit.”
WhyDidntYouDoMyJob


9. I’m not cool with it.

“I’m not cool with it. I’m always down for sex, so if my wife is horny, she can come fuck me and we’re good.”
Mistah-Jay


10. It feels like cheating to me.

“Personally, I don’t watch porn, and I expect my partner to do the same. It feels like cheating to me. (Not that I’m judging relationships who don’t treat porn like this: that’s totally your call!) It grosses me out, it tends to be really objectifying, and it makes me feel insecure.”
Rxy701


11. I don’t like the double standard.

“Evidently my wife can do whatever she wants, but if I jerk it to someone else, I’m breaking the Geneva Convention.”
NotVerySmarts


12. I think porn has a really negative effect on relationships in general.

“I’m not crazy about it. I think porn has a really negative effect on relationships in general and the way people view sex and women in particular. Obviously this is not a popular opinion…but my s/o and I have mutually agreed not to. Edit; obviously it works for some people’s relationships and all the power to you, for me personally however it never has.”
facesintrees


13. If he needs to play with his dangle to some bouncing boobs, that’s fine.

“Because sometimes I really AM tired or actually have a headache. If he needs to play with his dangle to some bouncing boobs, that’s fine.”
sauerpatchkid


14. We have more than enough sex, so I’m not jealous if she is sick of looking at my dick.

“I usually try to help, which often turns into sex. If I’m not around or she just wants to do her own thing, so be it. We have more than enough sex, so I’m not jealous if she is sick of looking at my dick.”
DangoDemolisher


15. Just because sometimes one person goes through the drive-thru for a snack doesn’t mean we can’t have a nice dinner.

“It’s like food—just because sometimes one person goes through the drive-thru for a snack doesn’t mean we can’t have a nice dinner.”
BridgetteBane


16. The idea of being my partner’s sole sexual outlet sounds exhausting.

“No problem with it.

I’m in a monogamous relationship and the idea of being my partner’s sole sexual outlet sounds exhausting.

I’d rather we both have an outlet when the other isn’t in the mood, instead of a situation leading to frustration, resentment, and/or other negative feelings.”
fuzzipoo


17. As long as he’s not banging someone else I do not care.”

“I’m fine with it. I do it too. It’s not like a specific person or anything he’s jerkin’ it to just random bouncing ass and boobies. As long as he’s not banging someone else I do not care.”
lavren9


18. As long as it’s not people he knows in real life.

“I fully support my SO in his use of porn. I’ve asked him about what scenarios he gravitates toward and we’ve discussed it a little bit. There’s nothing about it that influences our time together (in or out of the bedroom). I feel like there is a little bit of a difference in nude photos/videos of random people vs people you are friends with, etc. I think I would be uncomfortable if it wasn’t random people in the photos/videos.”
MystikDruidess


19. I’d say it’s OK.

“If you found a partner that is perfect in every way but they watch porn sometimes while they diddle their self, then I’d say you are doing OK.”
randothrowawayguy


20. No problem with it, as long as it doesn’t detract from our own bedroom activities.

“No problem with it, as long as it doesn’t detract from our own bedroom activities.

It’s natural for anyone to be attracted to more than one person. Being together with someone doesn’t mean you instantly lose any attraction to anyone else. To expect such a thing would be absurd.

And a person’s fantasies are their own, inside their head. Just like their opinions, nobody else (including their SO) has any right to dictate what those thoughts should or should not be.

Besides, masturbation is generally considered a healthy habit for both male and female humans.

So as I see it, I don’t have any right to demand they stop masturbating or demand they think of me when doing so. And the same goes in reverse also.

Now if they seem to be working on themselves more and that leaves them disinterested in our own bedroom activities, that’s a problem. However the problem in that case probably isn’t masturbation, but rather disinterest in said activities, which is worth a conversation.”
SirEDCaLot


21. It was fine until he wanted me to look as fake as a porn star.

“My ex-husband watched a hell of a lot of porn, and I was absolutely fine with it. However, the problem we faced is that he started to believe porn was true to life, and started expecting me to do all the things these women were doing (taking anal without preparation, choking for aaaages on his dick) and that’s where our first problems hit. Things progressed when he only wanted me to look like a porn star, big round ass, fake tits, fake nails and hair and I couldn’t (7 weeks postpartum!) and his eyes and dick went elsewhere. That was a year and a half ago, and it’s not damaged my view of porn, but if your SO starts to get obsessed, get them to seek help!”
diddlesdiddles


22. It’s OK, because porn doesn’t replace intimacy.

“I have no issue with it. The important thing to bear in mind with porn is that they aren’t masturbating ‘to someone else.’ They don’t have an association with that person. They’re masturbating, and porn is simply a tool which aids that process by playing out fantasies and scenarios, it isn’t personal. Porn isn’t created to replace real human intimacy—it’s created to excite and arouse, and those two things are not the same.”
ArtOfFailure


23. As long as our sex life is healthy.

“As long as our sex life is healthy, she is welcome to go for it.”
Herdnerfer


24. I feel worthless, insufficient, and jealous.

“You can rationalize it all you want and act mature all you want, but if we’re being completely honest here, it makes me feel like shit. Maybe I can’t explain why in a way that makes sense or changes anyone else’s opinions or justifies my own, but that’s my honest feeling. I feel worthless, insufficient, and jealous. I think we have a silent agreement that he does it and does not ever tell me about it.”
vampirelibrarian


25. I wouldn’t mind as long as my husband didn’t start expecting me to look like a porn star

“I wouldn’t mind as long as my husband didn’t start expecting me to look like a porn star, and it didn’t affect his attraction to me/our sex life.”
K_Murphy


26. I like giving him BJs while he watches porn.

“I have no problem with it, I like giving BJs while he watches porn.”
LanaCalrisian


27. Whatever gets his rocks off.

“Woman speaking: don’t give a crap. Masturbation is ‘me-time,’ whether he does it to porn or pictures or fantasies, I don’t care, whatever gets his rocks off :)”
frenchbritchick


28. I kinda just assume they watch it. Could not care less.

“I feel nothing. It’s not something I really think about or ever talk about much with my SO, I kinda just assume they watch it. Could not care less. The only time I would take issue is if it was interfering with/replacing a healthy sex life with me.”
nof8_97


29. Going behind your partner’s back to look at porn when you know she doesn’t like it is pretty sleazy.

“For me, it’s very out of sight, out of mind. I have no idea what his habits are and I don’t want to know. As long as our sex life is good and he’s not spending money on porn, I’m happy. But after reading these responses, I have to be honest: I don’t like the whole ‘men are visual and we all look at porn, if you don’t like it, tough tits’ attitude. If you’re in a relationship with someone who isn’t comfortable with porn, I feel like you should either try to follow her wishes or move on to someone else whose view is more compatible. Going behind your partner’s back to look at porn when you know she doesn’t like it is pretty sleazy and trying to justify it is even more so. We aren’t animals—just because we have an impulse to do something doesn’t mean we have to act on it. Have some respect for your partners.”
peppermint-pie


30. Worthless, ugly, lonely.

“Worthless, ugly, lonely. That’s why we make our own so he can watch that.”
Sarastrasza


31. It bugs me. Like…I’m right here?? Just use your hand or me.

“As long as I don’t see it, I don’t mind. I found a magazine and felt super anxious/insecure for a while. I’m a messed up person and even feel kinda bugged by it still…but as long as I don’t see it I cannot worry about it. He’s a weeb and 95% of the time looks at furry/doujins and in that case I am 100% okay, since there’s no actual person involved. I personally don’t get it. He’s visual but I have a vivid imagination. When I’m alone, I imagine my actual real life BF doing things with me. I don’t watch porn, because I don’t need or desire it. (When I was 14, sure, out of curiosity/boredom). So I associate my own feelings on his and to me it’s like he wants someone else, he even has one of those plastic sex things and it bugs me. Like…I’m right here?? Just use your hand or me. It’s like you’re saying its better than me. I have to backreel the crazy and rationalize that it’s easier to go solo sometimes and he loves me, but I don’t get it. I rarely do stuff to myself when I’m in a relationship because I already am physically satisfied by another person.

I’m gay in case anyone is wondering lol

TL;DR: I DO care and I’m an anxious insecure wreck, but I have to rationalize my meltdowns and try to see his perspective and as long as I don’t see it I don’t mind.”
Tikutiku


32. I think overall it causes more problems in relationships than it’s worth.

“Lots of people say porn use is fine & even healthy and if you have anything negative to say about it you’re just a prude/insecure/whatever, but I think overall it causes more problems in relationships than it’s worth unless both partners are on board with it and use it responsibly. That said, I know pretty much all men watch it and I’m not so naive or controlling that I’d ever forbid it outright, that wouldn’t be fair plus it would just drive him to hide it and lie to me about it. I have some common sense rules about porn- I don’t mind if my fiancé uses it as long as it doesn’t become a substitute for sex with me, and as long as he’s discreet about it. Save it for your private time and don’t let me catch you watching it while we’re lying in bed or anything. I am 100% against strip clubs and cam girls though and if I ever found out he was using either, I would probably end the relationship. Those are a form of cheating to me cause now he’s no longer just getting off to porn, he’s getting off by interacting with another woman who’s ‘real,’ if that makes sense.”
SantisimaMuerte


33. I’d be disturbed if they didn’t.

“I’d be disturbed if they didn’t. I really don’t want to spend the rest of my life being entirely responsible for my partner’s sexual satisfaction. That is just too much fucking work.”
TwistTurtle


34. It’s not the same as cheating.

“Terry Crews put a big Facebook post up a while back about how watching porn is the same as cheating (if you’re in a relationship) because ‘you took part in it’? By that logic most of us are guilty of murder if we watch a movie with killing in it or we’re heroes for saving the planet just for watching The Avengers.”
God-of-Mercy


35. We send each other porn we have watched.

“We are in an open relationship and he can have sex with whoever he wants, so porn is really just what I view as personal time for him. We also send each other porn we have watched and liked because we know the other one would dig it. 10/10, would marry my man again.”
gingerattacks


36. It has affected my relationships in negative ways.

“I have no problem with it, it’s healthy.

However, it has affected my relationships in negative ways.

I dated this guy once who kept nude pictures of women off Reddit, saved it in his picture albums. So if at any time I would look for a photo of us, these folders of nude women would pop up and that made me a little uncomfortable. I don’t care if someone’s attracted to someone else and looks at those on their free time but the fact that he had folders and folders saved to his phone bothered me.
Same guy, looked over one day and saw him looking a nude photos of other women right next to me. Called him out, and he goes to the bathroom and I can hear porn playing. That was something that I wasn’t okay with, just the way it was handled.

Different guy downloaded photos of my friends which showed cleavage and such. Shared computer, asked what that was about and he told me he was mad at me at the time and used those instead of what I had sent him.

It’s totally normal to get yourself off to other people in porn. they’re fantasies and they’re all in someone’s head. I feel like there are times when it’s okay to not feel okay about it, but not to the point where you don’t want them doing it at all. But if something bothers you, let the person know so you can talk about it and understand from both sides.”
BrownEyedGirl16


37. If my gf started calling out Johnny Hardon or whatever the actor’s name was, then I’d immediately change my stance on this.

“Porn can be both a good thing and a bad thing for relationships. More than half of my sex moves come from porn or hentai so my SO definitely enjoys the benefits of me watching porn. Sometimes she wishes I didn’t watch any so that I’d be more excited when she’s getting naked, like an innocent virgin.

As for jealousy, I don’t mind and she doesn’t either. We both know we’re not turned on by the individuals in the videos, we’re watching it for the concepts in the video. An attractive male/female being seduced or seducing and then having passionate sex. If my gf started calling out Johnny Hardon or whatever the actor’s name was, then I’d immediately change my stance on this.”
KingSmizzy


38. I’d rather she do that than get it from someone else.

“If it doesn’t affect our relationship in any way, I don’t care. I can’t always be available and she needs to rub one out? Go ahead. I’d rather she do that than get it from someone else.”
Jlmjiggy


39. I’m happy he has a healthy outlet for himself.

“I never have had a problem with it. I love my boyfriend and we have a fantastic sex life but I cannot be there every time he is in the mood haha so I’m happy he has a healthy outlet for himself. As long as it doesn’t become a problem meaning he still prefers to be intimate with me and not the screen. Sometimes porn can even give you insights to what each other really likes. I always try to keep the conversation about what he watches open so I know different things to try because sometimes it’s difficult to come out and say exactly what you like.”
panda-ammonium


40. I was fucking livid.

“I didn’t care that my ex watched it. That is until he would rather do that than be with me. Example, I wanted to have a little fun before I left for work to kill some stress and he said no. Alright fine, I get home and he’s gone, didn’t even tell me he was going to hang out with his friends. I decided to look on his history on his iPad and literally not even 2 minutes after I walked out the door he was looking up porn. I was fucking livid.”
maywolfe


41. I’m pretty put off by it.

“I’m pretty put off by it. Mainly because they aren’t ready to go again for another 3 days and I’m the one with the higher drive. So it always takes away from my time- which in turn makes the relationship suffer.”
HoofprintsonmyHeart


42. I’d be a bit peeved.

“I hope she’s not because we’re not having sex as often as we used to and I’ve brought up…so if she’s masturbating instead, I’d be a bit peeved.”
atworkaccount__


43. I think porn causes a lot more issues in relationships.

“At first I didn’t have an issue with it. But then I noticed my husband was watching two, three, four times a day. He would break out the laptop and say he’s doing work while sitting three feet away from myself and our young daughter during family movie night. He started comparing me to porn, and I was never good enough because his ideal changed all the time because you can have 20 different women up in 20 different tabs, and pick and choose sex like a buffet. He started experiencing ED. He became complacent, depressed, distant, and angry. He blamed me for every negative thing in our relationship. I addressed his porn use in the past, but this time I told him it’s got to go, or I go.

Some people can handle porn, but I hate how we have this hive mind in our culture that porn is this entirely innocuous force that’s a normal part of sexuality. I think porn causes a lot more issues in relationships, and among single people, more than our society wants to acknowledge.”
CuddleLumpkin


44. My porn addiction ruined my last relationship of two years with a woman that I was truly in love with.

“My porn addiction ruined my last relationship of two years with a woman that I was truly in love with.

She told me from the very beginning that she was uncomfortable with perverted acts online. Apparently had ex would go onto chat rooms and cam with girls and stuff. So it left a bad taste in her mouth.

It all started when we woke up early one morning. We had been living with each other for about a week at this point. She tried to get me to mess around but I was tired and not feeling like it. A little bit later I got up to get breakfast started and she stayed in bed a bit longer.

On my way to the kitchen I sat down in the living room and had morning horniness. I popped open my laptop and went to town. She walks in and just stares at me. Then just starts crying and goes back to our bedroom. She was asking me if the girl that I was looking at was better than her giving me the real thing. I told her the truth that it was just easier for me to get off because I can get it done fast.

We made up. I wish I could tell you that I never did it again, but it was a continuous problem that I didn’t see anything wrong with at the time. I would wait for her to leave for work just so I could get off as soon as her car left the drive way.

Here’s the worst part, though. I suffered from ED due to my addiction.”
Goatmo


45. It wasn’t the porn that bugged me, or even the jerking off. It was the lies, and the fact that he was preferring porn to me.

“In my relationship, porn has become a touchy subject. We used to watch it together consistently, and then have sex. For a while in the time we spent together tho, I was feeling dissatisfied in the bed. I’m only 19, and he’s 21, so I wasn’t sure if my high sex drive was abnormal or not. Sometimes I would seek out sex (girl here by the way) only for him to turn me down about 2/5 times I’d ask a week. Now I wouldn’t care about him masturbating to porn, if I was getting all the sexual satisfaction I needed. But he would take his phone, go to the bathroom, lock himself in, jerk off to porn, then tell me he had a stomach ache and that’s why we couldn’t have sex. At the time I brushed it off, but later I walked in on him a couple times jerking off after he had a ‘stomachache.’ It wasn’t the porn that bugged me, or even the jerking off. It was the lies, and the fact that he was preferring porn to me. I understand if he wants to masturbate occasionally by himself, but if I am actively seeking out more sex, more stimulation, and he is turning me down so he can watch other people, the situation hit my self-esteem and my trust hard. Now though, that he has moved more away from porn, we do have sex more often. It’s not that he couldn’t have sex as much as I wanted, it’s that he didn’t want to. And that’s what fucking bugged me about porn.”
The_Lemon_Lady


46. If you doubt his or her sexual attraction, porn makes you nervous.

“What I’m getting from reading other’s comments (and from my own experience), is it’s about how comfortable you feel with your partner’s sexual attraction to you. If you feel really comfortable that your partner is in to you, you don’t care about porn use. But if you doubt his or her sexual attraction, porn makes you nervous.

I have complete faith in my partner’s sexual interest, so his porn use doesn’t bother me at all. In fact, I use it as a way to learn about his fantasies so I can make our IRL sex life better.”
esquipex


47. It doesn’t make me feel good that my SO would rather watch another man or other women have sex.

“Personally I’m not OK with it. It doesn’t make me feel good that my SO would rather watch another man or other women have sex. I give you anything and everything whenever you want it hell even when you don’t ask for it I’m on my knees lol I feel like that’s good enough and I should be good enough for you. I guess if you need to watch that to be fulfilled than I’m not meeting your needs in high and sight.”
TheDevilsLettuce91


48. I don’t care who or what my wife is flicking it to, as long as she’s having a good time.

“I don’t care who or what my wife is flicking it to, as long as she’s having a good time. I don’t know how prolific she is since she’s very private about that but she cheekily infers it’s probably more than I think. As someone who was once a teenage boy with unsupervised access to the internet, there’s really no amount of masturbation that can shock me.”
kermi42


49. At least I don’t have to put on tiny clothes and heels and roll around on the floor.

“Relieved that I don’t have to put on tiny clothes and heels and roll around on the floor like the ladies in the Jamaican dance party videos he watches.”
needpolarseltzer


50. As long as it’s actual porn and not some girl from work sending him nudes.

“More than fine with it, as long as it’s actual porn and not some girl from work sending him nudes. And as long as it doesn’t take away from our relationship.”
SpottedPaws


51. Who am I to tell my man he can’t jerk off to a lesbian compilation of scissoring?

“Who am I to tell my man he can’t jerk off to a lesbian compilation of scissoring? No, no. You do you, boo. Literally.”
Ataraxia1030


52. I’d rather him watch porn and get himself off than hook up with lot lizards.

“My boyfriend is a truck driver, I’d rather him watch porn and get himself off than hook up with lot lizards. I’ve watched with him when he was home and it was super awkward at first but then it became fun.”
gingerwitch77


53. They aren’t cheating and it is absolutely normal.

“No bothers given. They aren’t cheating and it is absolutely normal.”
lisetteatthelibrary


54. As long as they aren’t doing it instead of having sex with me.

“Are they doing it INSTEAD of having sex with you, or are they doing it when you aren’t interested? There is a big difference. If it’s because you aren’t in the mood, then what’s the big deal? Are they developing tastes for doing things you don’t want to do? That’s something to talk about. Will they let you watch, or be with them while they do it? Maybe watching them will be fun. Maybe you’ll want to try stuff. Be open minded and secure with yourself. Communicate. It sounds like there are a lot of possibilities!”
Gatorburger


55. You simply cannot expect anyone to NOT be attracted to other people.

“You simply cannot expect anyone to NOT be attracted to other people.

That’s like saying you can only like ONE type of food.

Being in a relationship is about mutual trust, respect and love.

If the other person is only a place to ‘get it on’, it’s not love.

There are plenty of people more attractive than both you and your SO, that won’t change, instead talk about it, compare notes, you might be able to get a few pointers on what to do to each other happier in the bedroom.”
spiritbx


56. If I’m not servicing her, she’s got the right to use porn. And she believes the same in return.

“My wife watches BDSM lesbian porn on the nights I’m not interested in sex with her. I masturbate in the shower nearly every morning cycling through the spank bank. She knows this. If I’m not servicing her, she’s got the right to use porn. And she believes the same in return. That’s how intelligent people function.”
Davidkpa


57. If they get obsessive of, say, a particular person I might find myself a little worried.

“I have never cared. If they get obsessive of, say, a particular person I might find myself a little worried. But other than that? They can have at it. I can’t police their thoughts. I can’t make them stop fantasizing about sleeping with someone else, or just enjoying the view.”
Jaitzche


58. Hell, we’ve masturbated together while watching porn.

“Don’t care. Hell, we’ve masturbated together while watching porn. It’s strangely more intimate than the actual act of sex…”
iraddney


59. People in relationships shouldn’t masturbate; if they do they either don’t want to fuck each other or don’t care about each other

“Against it.

People in relationships shouldn’t masturbate; if they do they either don’t want to fuck each other or don’t care about each other. It means both must put an effort in having sex and not make it into a Rubik’s Cube that needs to be solved each time which just creates a dysfunctional and stressful relationship (I think they call it ‘dead bedrooms’). Rubik’s Cube is perfectly fine if making it into a event (e.g. going out for dinner) and makes the woman not feel taken for granted since everyday life shouldn’t be all the time.

Porn also makes you compare you own sex life to porn and there is no need with more stress and expectations in a relationship when already enough to focus on each other and making it work.”
Odins_Sleipnir


60. At least he isn’t fucking a real live person.

“Don’t care. It’s virtual, at least he isn’t fucking a real live person.”
KiKiPAWG TC mark

Related

More From Thought Catalog

blog comments powered by Disqus