1. Why do you think it’s cool to be stupid?
“Being ignorant or anti-intellectual. Also praising those things as being cool.”
2. Why do you despise gay guys?
“Why do so many men despise gay guys? Why do you even care? All gay guys do is leave more women for us straights. What exactly is the problem?”
3. What’s with the catcalling?
“Catcalling. Like why? It just makes you look like an asshole.”
4. Why do you rev your car at stoplights?
“Revving their car at stoplights. It doesn’t make you look cool, ‘bro.’ Everyone older than 12 thinks you’re a fucking cunt.”
5. Why do you cheat?
“Cheating on their partners. For fuck’s sake just break up if you need to fuck other women to feel like a man.”
6. Why do you act like a super douche the minute a girl comes around?
“When they act normal around you but when a girl comes around they transform into a super douche.”
7. Dick picks—WHY?
“Sending unsolicited dick pics.”
8. Why is it so hard for you to aim at urinals and toilets?
“Are you guys trying to hit the urinals and toilets from ten feet away?”
9. Why do you call a woman a slut when she won’t be your slut?
“Calling a woman a slut or whore after being rejected by her.”
10. Why do you think it’s not normal to have close relationships with other guys?
“Having a close relationship to another guy. For some reason it’s not seen as normal.”
11. Why are you such slobs?
“Revel in their own filth. The stereotypical ‘bachelor pad’ has plenty of truth behind it. A lot of guys don’t care to pick up their dirty dishes, empty pop cans, clothes etc. They live pretty gross by my standards and I’m not THAT tidy.”
12. Why do you go to strip clubs?
“Strip clubs. Seriously… they just reek of sadness and desperation.”
13. Why do you cockblock each other?
“When a group of friends try and compete over one girl at a bar or club. Like dude, respect your buddy enough to leave him and her alone and find your own gal. What ends up happening is usually the girl is put off by both guys. I have a few friends that need to learn boundaries. Thinking of you Zak. You cockblocking asshole.”
14. Why dost thou covet thy neighbor’s wife?
“Trying to steal someone else’s girlfriend or wife.”
15. Why don’t you wash your hands after using the restroom?
“Not washing their hands after the restroom.”
16. Why do you spit big globs of phlegm in public?
“Spitting big globs of phlegm in public, on the sidewalk in front of other people. Like bro, what the fuck? Do that shit discreetly, if you must.”
17. Why don’t you ever help around the house?
“When I speak to friends and they think it is okay to simply not contribute to anything around the house because ‘she’s a girl and it’s her job.’ Get off your lazy ass and do the dishes one time, she will appreciate it (brownie points).”
18. Why do you turn nasty against women who reject you?
“The bizarre split second switch from ‘hey bbe u wnt sum fck’ to ‘cunt slut bitch you rejecting, prick teasing whore gobble.’”
19. Why are you rude to servers?
“Being rude to waitresses.”
20. Why do you bang women you’re not attracted to?
“Bang women they aren’t in the least bit attracted to during a dry spell. I’ve tried, but I can’t bring myself to hook up with a chick unless I have legit feelings for her. Oh well… I’m married now.”
21. Why do you get aggressive with girls you turn you down?
“Getting aggressive with girls who turn you down. I’ve never seen it in real life because my friends aren’t garbage human beings but it happens enough that girls will give you their number even if they’re not interested because it’s easier to ignore you from a distance than it is to deal with the potential confrontation. I always thought this was such a bitch move. Like if you’re not interested just tell me that I have a wonky face and we’ll call it a day. Then someone pointed out that it had the potential to become a dangerous situation for the girl.”
22. Why do you bully people?
“Bullying. Still can’t understand the joy of it.”
23. Why do you always have to one-up other guys?
“Always have to one-up other people. Being the alpha. Cheating.”
24. How can you keep an erection going during rape?
“Rape. Like, if they aren’t into it how do you even keep an erection going? I can’t imagine being horny enough to want to ruin someone’s life.”
25. What’s with all the unsafe sex?
“Banging a bunch of randoms with no condoms.”
26. Why do you act like dicks to women?
“Being a dick to women. I’m happily married and am the nice guy. My friends are not that nice and they can’t seem to get dates ever.”
27. Why do you flirt with women who obviously aren’t into you?
“That it’s acceptable to flirt willingly onto the unwilling. I’ve seen this shit online a lot. In chat rooms, there’d be a few females and there’s this one or even two douchebags just casually calling them sweet names and casually even acting like they’re their girlfriends. This is not impressionable to me.”
28. Why do you hate strong women?
“They don’t like strong women. Fuck that. I want the best partner I can possibly have.”
29. Why do you go into showboat mode when there’s a hot girl around?
“When guys immediately go into showboat mode when there’s hot girls around. Don’t be a douche, guys.”
30. Why do you walk around in public with your hand down your pants?
“Walk around in public with a hand down the front of their pants. Wtf?”
31. What’s with the backwards baseball caps?
“Grown men wearing backwards baseball caps and chewing on gum like it’s an Olympic sport.”
32. Why do you mess with married women?
“This is probably an unrealistic expectation, but me personally I don’t understand how some guys mess with married women. True, it’s her choice ultimately that’s decides the fate of her marriage, but it doesn’t mean you have to be the asshole giving her that choice. There a tons of other women, stick your dick in one of them. I know there are circumstances, but.. ehh. It will always be kind of a low blow in my book.”
33. Why do you stick your dick in crazy?
“Having sex with obviously unstable women that has more warning signs then a roadwork, its almost like they want to get their dicks cutoff or being stalked.”
34. Why do you let your favorite sports team define your personality?
“Letting your favorite sports team be your personality. I’ve met people where it seems that everything they do, say and think revolves around their favorite team, to the point where it controls their emotions. Not only did they get angry when people make fun of their team, but they got angry at analysis of games where they played badly. I can understand supporting your team and I can respect being passionate, but behavior like this is just childish. I’ve mostly seen this with Manchester United and Liverpool fans, so maybe it’s just a football thing.”
35. Why can’t you ever admit you’re wrong?
“Try so fucking hard to be right. Most of the time, I don’t know. But those rare times when I DO know, why the fuck must you continuously argue when we both know you’re wrong. You’re smart, but you don’t know nearly everything. It’s OKAY for me to know something that you don’t. You don’t need to be top-dog when I’m around. We’re supposed to be equals. Stop trying to one-up me, bro.”
36. What’s with the cuckold fetish?
“Watching your wife or girlfriend get fucked by someone else. I do not understand that one bit.”
37. Why do you stay in unhappy relationships?
“Putting up with a relationship that is not satisfying. If you’re so unhappy you need to complain about her you don’t need her. Get rid of her and find someone more to your liking.”
38. Why do you take shit from women?
“Take shit from women. Literally anything from constant verbal abuse to straight up punches. I don’t get it. If someone gives you shit, you leave. Some people do anything to get laid.”
39. Why do you care so much about being masculine?
“Care way too much about being as masculine as possible. My friend and I were going to this group fitness class where they just did core exercises for 30 minutes. We invited our other friend to go but he refused once he found out that he would be the only other guy (aside from myself). I just don’t understand why so many guys will stop themselves from doing something enjoyable because it might be “too feminine.”
40. Why do you feed an animal all year just to kill it?
“Hunting. I don’t understand how feeding an animal all year and then killing them when the season starts is hunting.”
41. What’s with all the beards?
“The one I don’t get is why dudes have this weird boner for beards these days, like it somehow makes you more ‘manly’. We get it, you have a weak chin. Now can you please stop jerking off into your beard for fifteen minutes? Everybody knows that the best facial hair is stubble.”
42. What’s with the douchebag bro culture?
“Bro culture. Seriously, you look like a douchebag.”
43. Why do you keep checking yourselves out at the gym?
“Dudes at the gym that stop to look at themselves for about 5 minutes after every workout. Like I get you looking at yourself for a few seconds and admiring the gains. I do that too from time to time. But after EVERY exercise, and for arguably longer than each exercise? Seriously, dude?”
44. Why are you so pathologically competitive with each other?
“The senseless young dude competition that pathologically exists in every guy I’ve ever met.
Example: go camping with friends, most of them guys, some single, some of them including me in a relationship, our women with us. The guys: competing senselessly over EVERYTHING. ‘This is how you light a good fire’ ‘you go get the wood, because I’m better at this’ or etc.
Ugh, it’s fuckin exhausting. I just give up and I’m like ‘sure dude, light that fire real fuckin good.’ Its not just this either, I hate that irritating masculine bro-dude-fratboy-high energy-party!!!! shit, man. It’s fuckin exhausting to be around.
Young dudes in your twenties: just chill out and shut the fuck up, you’re not ‘less of a man’ if you choose to not be a high energy go-getter extrovert who needs all the attention and needs to act like an egomaniac in some ‘arms race’ for who can get the most pussy. Bro-competition? How about a lay in the grass, playing the saxophone and chilling out-petition instead?!!”
45. Why do you act like a white knight when girls are around?
“Excessive white knighting when girls are around. I got one (good) friend of mine that mentioned 4 or 5 times how he would give his jacket to the girl whenever we mentioned how cold it was. Also told us about a time where he did give a jacket to a girl because it’s the gentleman thing to do. (I offer my jacket to my GF whenever she’s cold, too, but shit, I don’t talk about it all the time. I don’t do it because she’s a woman. Mostly because I like her and I’m (I think?) a nice person.”
46. Why do you pretend you don’t have feelings?
“An aversion to anything that could possibly hint that they have these things called ‘feelings’. You’re human too, dude, it’s alright and no less manly to feel emotions, if manliness is really your concern. There are no ninjas cutting onions. It does not feel like rain. Shed tears are not manly nor womanly.”
47. Why do you think farting is funny?
“Farting being funny. I just don’t get it.”
48. Is someone paying you to wear man buns?
“Why do some of you wear man buns? Why do those of you that do look so similar? Did you lose a bet? Is someone paying you to do this?”
49. Why do you grab each other’s dicks and claim that you’re hetero?
“Dudes who love to grab each other’s dicks, touch balls, etc. Swear up and down they are hetero, but love doing this kind of thing. There seem to be 2 kinds of guys, guys who love doing this, and guys you can’t believe straight guys love doing this. Same goes for slapping each other’s asses over and over again on the court/field. (Cue Key and Peele ‘SLAPASSSSS!’)”
50. Why are you afraid to buy feminine products for your SO?
“Any sort of aversion (fear, confusion, embarrassment, disgust, shame, whatever pick one) to buying feminine hygiene products or other feminine specific products for their SO or any female really.
Seriously. NOONE is thinking you’re less of a man, weird, or anything else for buying your wife, sister, daughter, girlfriend, mother, etc a pack of pads or tampons or picking up their birth control from the pharmacy, or any other such related thing. Just stop being fucking weird about it…you’re the ONLY one being weird about it.
Likewise the idiots that go ‘well there’s just so many, I don’t know what to get.’ Bullshit. The female you’re buying for knows exactly what she wants and what she’s willing to use as a backup, have her text it to you or write it down…and REMEMBER IT. If she truly doesn’t (single dad providing for daughter for the first time), ffs they literally make variety packs.
I’ve been with my wife since high school….you wanna know how long I’ve known exactly which products to buy for her? Since high school. You wanna know the first time I ever bought them for her when she wasn’t even around: YOU GUESSED IT AGAIN HIGH SCHOOL. Seriously guys, grow up.
If it helps, think about it this way: You wouldn’t hesitate to buy a roll of toilet paper for the same person.”