1. We are seen as 100% disposable by the vast majority of society.
“What it’s like to be seen as 100% disposable by the vast majority of society.”
2. Men are judged on what they do. Women are judged on what they look like.
“Men are judged on what they do. Women are judged on what they look like. Such is apes-in-suits society.”
3. We have to try. You don’t.
“We have to try. You don’t. You’ll find somebody by doing nothing. We won’t.”
4. We walk a tightrope.
“How hard it is to be a man.
Be emotionally available, but don’t be weak.
Don’t perpetuate sexism, but be sexually dominant at all times.
Don’t spend all your time on your career, but be a significant breadwinner.
Don’t be macho, but be a man’s man.
Don’t be distant, but don’t be clingy.
Die young and alone from heart disease, cancer or violent crime, but don’t bitch to me about how hard it is to be a man.”
5. Nobody gives a shit about us.
“I always wanted women to know the difference in behavior a man gets when interacting with other people.
If an average+ woman goes shopping, go into town, everywhere she will usually be greeted warmly, flocks of dudes will jump in to help her with almost everything and to women all this would seem normal.
Now, if a guy goes to do something, nobody gives a shit. You might get some help if you are in deep shit, like having your car breakdown in a remote area or something like that, but that’s kind of it.
Most women are always surprised and don’t believe when someone tells them about this social disparity.”
6. Women actually have more rights than us and you don’t even realize that.
“In Western society, in most cases, women actually have more rights than us and you don’t even realize that.”
7. Women actually have an insane amount of privilege.
“You actually have an insane amount of privilege.”
8. ‘Man work’ means ‘hard work.’
“When we hear ‘man work’ while at work, we think it sounds as sexist as it actually is. If we have the same title, expectations, and pay, do not expect all the hard work to fall on our shoulders.”
9. There’s a huge double standard when it comes to domestic violence.
“It’s not okay to hit me when you’re upset just because I’m bigger than you….I can’t say any of this to you because you’d just laugh and call me a pussy.”
10. Gendered attacks on men in a broad sense do nothing to help the feminist cause.
“Not all men are misogynistic shitbags and some of us really want to help achieve equality for women, but gendered attacks on men in a broad sense (aka ‘feminism’) do nothing to help the cause.”
11. There’s a reason our suicide rate is massively higher.
“Men aren’t allowed to have emotions or be valued simply because they exist as a person. A lot of women take that for granted and don’t realize that a man’s worth typically doesn’t extend far past what value he can create for others. There’s a reason our suicide rate is massively higher.”
12. If we make eye contact with women, we’re considered perverts.
“Maybe you do understand, I don’t know, but I hate walking behind a woman—especially at night—making eye contact with a woman I don’t know, sitting next to a woman on public transit, and pretty much anything else that should be normal but could be construed as pervy. If I walk fast behind you, it’s so I can pass you and prove I’m not following you. If I avoid eye contact, it’s not because I think you’re gross. If I sit next to you, it’s because that was the last or closest seat.”
13. If we talk to children, we’re considered perverts.
“What it’s like to naturally not be trusted around children from an early age. I was 8 years old the first time I was profiled—as I played with the neighbor’s 3-year-old son in his driveway, I noticed a woman looking at us through the shrubs. As I chased after a ball down the driveway, she turned her concerned expression to me. I learned about profiling some years later, and realized that that was what had happened to me. I’m still regularly profiled as I walk through or go to a park, even if I’m with my son. It’s seriously devastating.”
14. When we try to talk about a problem, you say, ‘Women have it worse.’
“That it really really hurts when you talk about a problem and the answer you hear is women have that problem worse. It really makes you feel not valued.”
15. We get almost all the dangerous and hard manual labor jobs.
“Hard manual labor, or work like that. Those types of jobs are well over 95℅ male. Or, working more than twelve hours a day, multiple days in a row. Statistically, men work the vast majority of overtime hours logged, and are something like 97℅ of workplace death and injuries…Now, don’t come at me and say, hey, I’m a woman in construction, so you are wrong! Show me where I said all of them. I’ll wait. Most women have no idea how hard work can be for men in construction, landscaping, sanitation, because statistically, they don’t work them. I’m sure a few do here and there, not arguing that. However, for the most part, and in my experience, women don’t understand how hard it is or what toll it takes on your body.”
16. Plenty of men are slowly breaking down inside.
“That we have the same feelings as women do. We are not so different as the old gender roles make out to be. We too can be insecure about our looks or ourselves. We can feel anxiety, happiness, loneliness, have a childish or regret having it unfulfilled. We can feel beautiful or ugly regarding our looks. We feel a need for success, long for a family, a longing for love, and feel depression.
But there is an old idea that sticks where men need to be manly, not show any vulnerability to others, be successful and just man up.
I’ve met plenty of girls who just didn’t seem to get this and hold the latter idea. And plenty of men who appear to have their shit together that are slowly breaking down inside because of this. There is a good reason for the higher suicide rates.”
17. Women have it easy in places where men have it hard.
“The grass isn’t greener on the other side.
We’ve got about the same amount of societal gender norms leveled at us plus a lifelong suppression of emotional thinking.
I know it’s shitty that people judge you for your looks, but women have it easy in places where men have it hard and vice-versa.”
18. We are told that it’s weak to show emotion.
“We are taught (explicitly and implicitly) that displays of emotion are wrong and make us weak. This makes communicating about heavy stuff doubly difficult. If we have a hard time doing it, don’t take it personally.”
19. Literally ‘not all men’ are like that.
“Literally not all men are like that, and it really hurts when you generalize people who try their hardest to be respectful towards you and your rights as fellow people.”
20. We’re automatically collectively viewed negatively and seen as dangerous sex-obsessed perverts.
“Only some men are only after one thing, but the rest of us feel unfairly judged and stereotyped by their behavior. We feel like we’re automatically collectively viewed negatively and seen as dangerous sex-obsessed perverts, and that we’re constantly on trial being judged for what other men have done, even when we have never engaged in that kind of behavior ourselves.
This feeling not only originates from generalizations about men, such as when it’s uttered that ‘men are pig”,/ but also the way we are depicted in entertainment. It’s tough to not feel despised by the world when your gender is frequently depicted to be sex-crazed, cheaters, violent, arrogant, overly macho, corrupt, emotionless, or disposable. Even male “heroes” are deeply troubled these days, as though it’s unimaginable that a stable, good, strong man can possibly exist even in fiction.
What we desperately want is to be seen for who we are as individuals. We want to be looked at as Steven, or Michael, or Sanjay, or Alfonso, or whoever we happen to be. The traits and characteristics that make up who we aren’t defined by our gender, they’re defined by who we are and who we strive to be. I don’t want to be defined as a tall man, or a short man, a successful man, or a lazy man. I just want to be seen as me, the person I am, and I want to be judged by my own behavior and actions, not by somebody else’s.
I think that’s what everybody wants deep down… for other people to see who you really are and for them to accept you. But though there has been a lot of recent support and encouragement for women to express themselves and demand to be seen beyond just being their gender, as a man it feels like we’re continuing to be defined by ours – and increasingly negatively so. We feel like nobody gives a crap about us, and that we’re on our own.”
21. I don’t think you ladies understand the amount of appeasing and pandering to you that we do.
“I don’t think you ladies understand the amount of appeasing and pandering to you that we do. The amount of tongue-biting, eggshell-walking, argument-avoiding, harsh truth-non-saying and general management of your emotions.”
22. We are profiled as perverts/stalkers/rapists/catcallers.
“Just how scary and aggravating it is that we can hardly even walk out in public nowadays with women around without being profiled as perverts/stalkers/rapists/catcallers. I understand that there are some bad eggs, and one person can make a lot of contact with other people in the span of a day, ruining the days of lots of people, but this is getting ridiculous.”
23. We are taught at a very young age to hide our emotions and learn how to ignore them.
“We have emotions and feelings just like any woman might, we are just taught at a very young age to hide them and learn how to ignore them. If a man is willing to cry in front of you it means he feels entirely safe and secure with you, don’t belittle him or give him shit. Hug him, tell him it will be okay and just be there.”
24. The big guns of the law, school administrations, more importantly social media are pointed at shaming us.
“It’s 2016, the world hates us right now. If you want us to hang out you’re going to have to ask us and after hanging out if you want to kiss you’re going to have to ask us, and if you want to have sex you’re going to have to ask us to DO you.
Anything pushed by the dude can be considered threatening, creepy, sexual assault or even worse… Awkward.
I know it sucks for the shy girls out there, I know that it sucks for Assertive Guys and I know our Grandparents would be ashamed of us both. But you gotta give us a pass. The big guns of the law, school administrations, more importantly social media are pointed at shaming us. And we really don’t want to get shot.”
25. We often suffer a great deal.
“The terrible, terrible pain of being an inadequate mate. So many young men just remove themselves from the gene pool because it was made abundantly clear to them during puberty, in the hell that is middle/high school, that they are not desirable.
You can make fun of neckbeards and basement dwellers who can’t get laid and lash out at others online, but they’re often suffering a great deal. You think they’re pathetic for dealing with their emotions in unhealthy way and resorting to reactionary misogyny, and of course they are, but it’s because they’ve been hurting, dealing with feelings of inadequacy and self-loathing every day since their balls dropped. They’re like any bully: they have anger they don’t know how to deal with.
I’m not trying to say there’s any excuse for the behavior of these men, but just that you should understand that every bully is in some kind of pain and telling them to grow up and get over it is not helpful, even if it is good advice. Let’s all work together on smashing that patriarchy, and the aspects of it that are causing this epidemic of perpetual and unshakable frustration in young men.”
26. Too many women get on some sort of weird-ass power trip in divorces.
“You don’t understand being the victim of an overpowered ‘custodial parent’ and why many fathers just find an easier route in just being the ‘deadbeat dad’ that you’ve forced upon them. I haven’t crossed that boundary or anything, but I can certainly understand it at this point. Too many of you get on some sort of weird-ass power trip in divorces and it needs to stop, especially when kids are involved.”
27. We’re supposed to be hard but soft.
“Sometimes we’re wrapped up in the stereotype that we need to be the provider and hard alpha protector, yet also be open minded and emotionally available. There is a balance in modern day man that is the difference between being a man and being a fool that is sometimes a gamble on what to do. One moment it’s sexy to be in control, the next it’s disrespectful and sexist.”
28. You are told to be ‘girly’ and ‘delicate’ but we are told that we should be ‘tough and manly.’
“We are human, just like you. We love. We laugh. We cry. We get embarrassed and we get scared.
We are guided by society in the same way you are. You are told to be ‘girly’ and ‘delicate’ but we are told that we should be ‘tough and manly.’ Sure, we ARE tough and manly and, yes, we have an epic beard and muscles too; but… We have feelings also.
It would be nice to be able to say ‘I love you’ without being told ‘stop being such a girl!’
It would be nice for YOU to bring US breakfast in bed because we sometimes deserve it too.
We bring you flowers and chocolates around once a week to show you we care but when was the last time you brought us a steak and good brew?
I promise you, we notice your new hairdo, your new clothes and your new shoes but we don’t mention it because it doesn’t matter. Those things are meaningless. It’s YOU we care about… Not the things you wear. You will ALWAYS be beautiful to us and if YOU change, well THAT we notice; not your damn hair! You don’t see that in us though, do you? Do you notice when we give you the TV remote? The last chip? All the hot water in the shower? How about when we choose to go embarrass ourselves by running 200 yards down the road to the pub on the corner just to go for a piss rather than disturb you while you’re relaxing in the bath?
You don’t understand that to us… you are our world. You are our life. You complete us. We would crawl on our hands and knees through broken glass, vinegar and salt just to make sure you would want for nothing.
This…this you will never understand.”
29. Our suicide, depression, and homelessness, and friendlessness rates are higher than yours.
“Our suicide, depression, and homelessness, and friendlessness rates are higher than yours. If you’re a man, you are not valued for simply existing, and you need to be valuable/interesting for people to give a shit about you.
This includes other men. If I’m being honest I would prefer the average girl over the average guy any day for company, all things being equal.”
30. I have met and heard a lot of woman who act like men don’t have feelings.
“How emotional, sensitive, and fragile a lot of men are. We have feelings, we have lost love and felt our whole world crumble. In a lot of social environments and work environments you can’t usually show weakness and that can be stressful. I have met and heard a lot of woman who act like men don’t have feelings.”
31. Men aren’t socially allowed to feel hurt.
“Men aren’t socially allowed to feel hurt aside from a short specific list of circumstances. There are no movements for social change here. Men feel heartache and depression and anxiety but receive harsh judgement as a knee jerk response. From both other men as well as women. So men are forced to either A- bottle it up or B-turn it into a joke and then bottle it up.”
32. All my waking life and my time I need to feed and clothe others.
“The burden. That all my waking life and my time I need to feed and clothe others, that I go without so that my wife and child may have. That my most expensive possession is a leather bag and a smart phone. My life is quantifiable by insurance value. My time is finite and demands on my resources and money are unlimited. That my calls for restraint are turned into accusations of control. That my choices are really either irrelevant or limited. Because of the burden. The need to put others ahead of yourself.”
33. Men are actually easier to wound emotionally than women.
“Men are actually easier to wound emotionally than women because we are usually completely unguarded around our partner. In addition, men tend to be more respectful to one another with their friends. There’s boundaries I have never overstepped with friends that a partner will think nothing of ploughing through. Essentially, women generally do not show the same respect to their partners as a man’s friends do to him. This is often why men have heard the most hurtful and terrible things from their partner. And of course it hurts far worse from a partner. Not that men are angels but all men understand that words can provoke a physical response and will take care to avoid that unless truly angry. Women generally do not feel the same way.”
34. Our attractiveness and worth is often tied to our success and ability more than who we are as a person.
“Men are also discriminated against by society. Yeah different ways than women, but it has a big impact. Having to be super self-conscious about being near children, having to worry about walking near or sitting near a woman on the train or something and scaring her, being constantly told we are sex crazed monsters who only care about sex. All of that shit hurts and influences us. It leads to this general hate and misunderstanding that we are in fact human beings with wants, feelings, fears, hopes, and all that other shit. We experience the pain of rejection and the fear and insecurity of not living up to anything because in our world our attractiveness and worth is often tied to our success and ability more than who we are as a person. We have moments of weakness despite all the people telling us we are not “real” men because of that. And god. All of that bullshit about what makes a real man. So much of it is such bullshit too or actually hurting us in the long run but no one seems to give a shit. Men suffering in our society or being discriminated against is an impossible or fantasy concept to so many people.”
35. Some women think we somehow have it easy. Trust me, we don’t.
“Just how hard it is to be a man in general. I’m somewhat of a feminist myself but I often find myself wondering if some women think we somehow have it easy. Trust me, we don’t.”
36. Fear and tears are not a weakness.
“Our moments of vulnerability: Fear and tears are not a weakness you should shame us with your other girlfriends. Those moments are very human and it is a privilege that we share them with you. It is better to have a relationship that has that open honesty. We are already used to hiding that part of us from the rest of the world and if we hide it from you, we are a whole lot less close to you.”
37. Society has programmed people to think that men being sad is weak, but we still feel it.
“We feel sad. We all feel sadness, even if we don’t show it. Society has programmed people to think that men being sad is weak, but we still feel it. Maybe more because we cannot express it. Whenever we do we just put on a strong face and push forward. Things that make you feel sad affect us just as much.”