‘So Where Is This Relationship Going?’ And 80 Other Things Girls Should NEVER Say During Sex

Daniella Urdinlaiz (www.lookcatalog.com)
Daniella Urdinlaiz (www.lookcatalog.com)
Found on AskReddit.

1. “So where is this relationship going?”

“Second time I ever met this girl, invited her to a party I was hosting and she lived far enough away where it was heavily implied she would be staying over. In the middle of sex she stopped me to ask ‘so where is this relationship going?’…the fact that I missed the opportunity to say ‘down’ before disappearing under the sheets still haunts me to this day.”

egnards


2. “My dad has a camera up there but I don’t THINK he has it on right now.”

“‘My dad has a camera up there (points above armoire) but I don’t THINK he has it on right now.’

One and done.”

angrypunishment


3. “God, I love intercourse.”

“‘God I love intercourse.’

She never understood why that word isn’t sexy.”

Bad-Selection


4. “Let’s pretend we’re related.”

“‘Let’s pretend we’re related.”

mamacyclops


5. “Your penis smells like weird tacos.”

“‘Your penis smells like weird tacos.’”

GackleBlax


6. “I think I just shit myself.”

“One day while my ex and I were going at it, I had her pinned against a wall and she said ‘put it in my ass, babe.’

I was scared to, but horny as hell so I did. Couple minutes in, she said ‘I think I just shit myself.’ I pulled out and the condom was broken AND there was shit on my dick…She then proceeded to cry and I had to wash it really quick and then comfort her and tell her it’s okay and people make mistakes.

My closest friends that know this story call me ‘Shit Dick.’”

AestheticallyUgly69


7. “What are you doing in my swamp?”

“One time my ex looked me dead in the eyes and said, ‘What are you doing in my swamp?’”

Panzyhobo


8. “Wow, yours fits so much better than my ex’s. His was way bigger.”

“‘Wow, yours fits so much better than my ex’s. His was way bigger.’

Yea, thanks hun. Really appreciate that one. She immediately recanted and tried to say how much better it was since it didn’t hurt her like his did. But the boner killer bomb had been dropped.

In reality she cheated on him with me, shoulda seen that shitstorm rolling in.”

TRDBen


9. “I had ovarian cancer so I’m empty down there.”

“‘I had ovarian cancer so I’m empty down there. You can cum in me all you want.’”

crazycatguy23


10. Just cum inside me. I’ll get an abortion.”

“‘Just cum inside me. I’ll get an abortion.’

Like in a dirty talk voice, repeatedly. As pro-choice as I am, I learned that I’m not really into talking about abortions during sex.”

wtg565


11. “You’re so much better than my boyfriend.”

“‘You’re so much better than my boyfriend.’

Hell ye—uh what? Fuck.”

furrrsurre


12. “Finish quick, I need to break up with you.”

“‘Finish quick I need to break up with you’ and the reason she broke up with me, she had been cheating on me and preferred the other guy.”

grantharshammer


13. “You know you aren’t the biggest I’ve been with, right?”

“‘You know you aren’t the biggest I’ve been with, right?’ Totally unprompted.”

WhiteRabbit86


14. “Fuck me like you’d never accept my kid.”

“‘Fuck me like you’d never accept my kid.’”

BigisDickus


15. “Ohhh yeah, you love my white pussy don’t you?”

“‘Ohhh yeah, you love my white pussy don’t you?.. you love fucking that white girl pussy…I’m a dirty white girl…’

We were both white.”

TopSecreetMe


16. “I brought a knife just in case you tried to rape me.”

“‘I brought a knife just in case you tried to rape me.’

Random Tinder girl as she was on top.”

motivatedtech


17. “Did I just kill you, old man?”

“I had a slightly younger chick going down on me, I guess I made a funny face or sound or something, but she pulled up all concerned and asked ‘Did I just kill you, old man?’”

HeIonizesAndAtomizes


18. “I want to fucking kill myself!”

“I was about to have sex for the first time ever with my high school girlfriend, and it was her first time as well and as soon as I put it in she screamed ‘I want to fucking kill myself!’ It ruined the mood pretty quickly.”

raiderkid7


19. “Kill me!”

“‘Kill me!’ Screamed in the heat of passion. I asked ‘Are you serious?’ She stopped, and said yes. I just kept fucking and didn’t kill her.”

Needapi


20. “I’m gonna fucking kill you.”

“She said ‘I’m gonna fucking kill you’ a bunch of times when I was eating her out…but I’m not dead, so I guess it worked out.”

ForgottenPhenom


21. “You remind me of my husband.”

“‘You remind me of my husband.’ That’s when I found out she was married and had a kid.”

HotRodKing


22. “We need to get McDonald’s after this!”

“One time my girlfriend and I were going at it. She was riding me and she was so wet I would have thought she was sailing the seven seas. She stops, kisses me, looks in my eyes, gives a little smile. I thought she was gonna say ‘I love you’ to me. Nope, just kept on riding and then chimed in and said, ‘Babe! We need to get McDonald’s after this! It’s an emergency!’ Well, I came and she immediately put on her clothes and got ready to go to McDonald’s. It’s a routine thing for us now.”

MaroonElephant2


23. “I don’t think I love you.”

“Reverse cowgirl, going at it pretty hard. She suddenly stops, and silently gets off me and lays down next to, but not touching me.

‘Is everything okay?’ I ask.

‘I don’t think I love you.’

Well, fuck.”

AspenJ


24. Don’t worry, I’m already pregnant.”

“‘Don’t worry, I’m already pregnant.’”

Vectorsygma


25. “I don’t know if I’m going to pee, or cum, but something is going to happen!”

“‘I don’t know if I’m going to pee, or cum, but something is going to happen!’”

zdeer1


26. “Choke me harder!”

“This girl really wanted to bang, like months in the making (it was no secret how freaky she was) and during the deed she said ‘Choke me harder!’ repeatedly. It was hot at first, until I could see her face turning colors while she was STILL saying it. I want to nut, not commit murder.”

wimboslice24


27. “I can’t wait to put this inside you.”

“We were getting ready to bang for the first time, she grabbed my dick and said, ‘I can’t wait to put this inside you’ and I have never stepped laughing since.”

GunzGoPew


28. “You can stick it in my ass if you want. I don’t like it, but my ex did.”

“‘You can stick it in my ass if you want. I don’t like it, but my ex did.’

Girl was a bit off.

For the record: I did not. The remark threw me off and I was close to finishing anyway.”

ForSaleInDallas


29. “I wonder if your stump would fit in my pussy.”

“I am an amputee…In the midst of it, she whispered, ‘I wonder if your stump would fit in my pussy.’”

burbano07


30. “MAKE US WHOLE.”

“Just dark enough to make out her face in bedroom. She grabs me and emits the creepiest, raspiest voice I’ve ever heard while staring into my eyes:

‘MAKE US WHOLE.’

And that was my first fear boner.”

RyoshinK


31. “Fucking with you is like fucking with the fucking Jesus Christ.”

“‘Fucking with you is like fucking with the fucking Jesus Christ.’

I had a quick inner parlay with my penis to keep it hard ‘Shh it’s okay it’s okay, we’ll deal with it later.’”

CriminalMacabre


32. “Seduce me.”

“‘Seduce me.’

It’s a bit fucking late for that, love.”

topright


33. “This’ll change your life.”

“‘This’ll change your life’ and then some awkward, sub-par sex followed….Life hasn’t changed yet, I’m not calling her a liar, but…”

JaffacakePimpstick


34. “I gotta fart, pull out real quick!”

“‘I gotta fart, pull out real quick!’

pulls out

brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrtttttttttt.

plax1780


35. “Thanks.”

“‘Thanks.’ No seriously. Just a straight-up thanks.”

AttonRand1


36. “Hey…you wanna eat Chinese after?”

“She asked me, ‘Hey…you wanna eat Chinese after?’

I fucking love Chinese food. Tastes even better after sex.”

Mrninjamonkey


37. “My mom cheated on my dad with a white guy and that’s why they don’t speak to each other anymore.”

“Am a white guy who was having sex with an Asian girl. This was like the 3rd time we had hooked up and it was after meeting at a bar. We are going at it and she goes ‘My mom cheated on my dad with a white guy and that’s why they don’t speak to each other anymore.’”

Joe434


38. “Your brother got deeper than that.”

“A girl who said ‘Your brother got deeper than that.’ I had no freaking clue she even knew I had a brother, let alone had smashed uglies with him. Me and my brother are best mates, I immediately reported that one back to him.”

RetardedDropBear


39. “I was molested by my uncle when I was 7.”

breaks down crying ‘I was molested by my uncle when I was 7.’

Oh man I was 16 at the time and had no idea how to handle that so I just hugged her. No sexy time that day.”

Priamosish


40. “Oh I like that, fuck me fanny.”

“Was having sex on a jungle gym (it’s a long story) with this Irish girl I’d just met who’s accent was so thick I could barely understand her. We’re going at it awhile and I’m fucking her from behind, and she says, ‘Oh I like that, fuck me fanny.’ Now, in Canada, fanny means ass. So, being the cordial gentleman that I am, I insert myself into her anus. What I didn’t know at the time, is that fanny means vagina in Ireland, and she was not inviting me to put my willy in her nilly. She turns to me and says, ‘Oy yer a cheeky lil bugger arentchas?!’”

queenw_hipstur


41. “I want to wear your skin.”

“‘I want to wear your skin.’ At the time I actually thought it was super hot because I took it to mean she like wants me all over her or something. When she said it, she started to death-by-snu-snu me and was basically tearing at my chest (which I also thought was hot as fuck), but looking back on it she seemed to be scarily rabid about actually tearing off my skin and wearing it.”

_pelvic_sorcery


42. “GOAT MILK FOR EVERYONE.”

“She yelled ‘GOAT MILK FOR EVERYONE’ as she finished me off with a handjob.”

coquish98


43. “Your dad must be big.”

“‘God, you’re big.’—doing fine so far.

Followed a bit later by:

‘Your dad must be big.’—um, this is getting creepy.

Followed almost immediately by:

‘Your poor mom.’—STOP TALKING ABOUT MY PARENTS HAVING SEX.

Didn’t last. The sex was good, but she was dumb. And said creepy things about my parents during sex.”

yetanothernerd


44. “You know I can’t wait to have kids.”

“‘Ok it’s a cross between ‘Oh that’s hella deep’ or ‘you know I can’t wait to have kids’ both made me stop.”

jacktheskipper22


45. “Fuck me like I’m 16 years old.”

“‘Fuck me like I’m 16 years old.”

She was like 18 at the time and we ended up dating for like 4 years. She’d also say stuff like ‘Ow daddy, don’t hurt me with your big pee pee,’ and I would be laughing while fucking her with a wtf look on my face. It was great.”

franandharpua


46. “Tell me about gender roles.”

“Literally happened last night..

She whispered ‘tell me about gender roles’ into my ear. Idk what we were talking about and idk why it was so funny at the time but I’ve never laughed so hard during sex.”

Leperkahn


47. “Get behind me Satan, and fuck me till I bleed.”

“She said, ‘Get behind me Satan, and fuck me till I bleed.’”

pm_me_bbw_girls


48. “Oh god, my dad used to do it just like that.”

“‘Oh god, my dad used to do it just like that.’”

AyyyyyyyyyyyySuckIt


49. “You got molested by your tee ball coach as a kid, right?”

“She slapped me across the face and said ‘You got molested by your tee ball coach as a kid, right?’ I had no warning and got angry/it ruined the mood so I corrected her and told her that father Joseph touched me at Sunday school as a kid. I’ve never even been to Sunday school! It just felt like the best say to ruin the mood for her. We never saw each other again.”

TClarke91


50. “Fuck me like you’re raping me.”

“‘Fuck me like you’re raping me’ from Emily the Mysterious Festival Girl, let’s never meet again.”

GumdropsandIceCream


51. “Marry me.”

“She wrapped her legs around me while I was on top and she softly uttered, ‘marry me.’ We had been dating for four months. I’m not with her anymore.”

drugsnpornaccount


52. “Do you have a condom on you? My boyfriend counts mine.”

“‘Do you have a condom on you? My boyfriend counts mine.’ Just after we finish having sex at her place, using one of her condoms, with absolutely no prior mention of boyfriend.”

NeatlyScotched


53. “Don’t you feel like you could just put your whole hand in there?”

“‘Don’t you feel like you could just put your whole hand in there?’ she said excitedly.”

Shaynes1776


54. “I love Hitler.”

“‘I love Hitler.’

quick context: I’m a blonde, blue-eyed white guy in a country where most people are not.”

laskarasu


55. “I think I peed.”

“I was eating out my wife (girlfriend at the time) and she was reaching orgasm and say, ‘I think I’m going to squirt.’ I think squirting is sexy so I started eating more aggressively and right before she came I heard her scream, ‘Oh no, I’m sorry.’ And she came all over my face and I got up and was like why are you sorry and she said, ‘I think I pee’d.’”

stan4928


56. “I want you to molest me like my dad.”

“‘I want you to molest me like my dad.’ Don’t get me wrong, I finished, but never saw her again.”

bignastychucky


57. “Ooh yea baby, PUT A BABY IN ME!”

“‘Ooh yea baby, PUT A BABY IN ME!’

Then I’d of course stop, freaked out and she’d get all mad…’babe of course I don’t mean it, it just turns me on.’…

She was extremely hot, so I’d keep going….”

Kowabung_hole


58. “TELL ME YOU WILL NEVER LEAVE ME.”

“‘TELL ME YOU WILL NEVER LEAVE ME.’

On a first date, as I was climaxing. She was in an open marriage too, so it’s not like she should have been lonely.”

Porrick


59. “What’s your name, again?”

“During a one-night stand…

Before banging: ‘Damn, you got saggy balls!’

And during: ‘What’s your name, again?’

I just laughed, because I didn’t know her name either, and my balls are indeed saggy.”

FloridaManIsBestMan


60. “Now finger my asshole and then let me lick it.”

“‘Now finger my asshole and then let me lick it.’ That was probably the strangest night of my life.”

KurodaH
 


61. “I wish you had been my dad.”

“‘I wish you had been my dad.’”

SlowofWit


62. “Rape me. It’s the only experience that we haven’t shared.”

“‘Rape me. It’s the only experience that we haven’t shared.’ That was a no-go.”

wHUT_fun


63. “O, fuck me like my dad used to.”

“‘O, fuck me like my dad used to.’

I tried to keep going, but it was too much. Total boner kill.”

NintendoDestroyer89


64. “I think children should be given acid.”

“This happened last weekend while we were having sex. She said, ‘I think children should be given acid.’

I’m like, ‘what?’”

Atrebbin


65. “My boyfriend is getting out of jail soon!”

“I had a girl on top of me fucking me harder and faster than I’ve ever been fucked (I think she was high on coke) and legit like 5 seconds before I busted, she just stops and starts crying. With my dick still in her, she goes ‘My boyfriend is getting out of jail soon! I can’t do this.’ We’d been fucking for like 45 minutes, idk what triggered the thought. But I had to wait on her bed for my ride and it was just the stupidest shit ever. Also, I think close second place is ‘Don’t worry, I used 2 baby wipes after he ate me out’ after coming over from her abusive ex’s house. What the fuck is my life?”

calilexrussell


66. “Hey ho, Kermit the Frog here.”

“In a PERFECT impression she said; ‘Hey ho, Kermit the Frog here’ right as I stuck it in.”

KeemoWolf


67. “You’re bigger than the 5 black guys I banged.”

“‘Damn! You’re bigger than the 5 black guys I banged, why have we not done this earlier?’”

bigazzjimmy


68. “Don’t worry—I’m infertile.”

“When I couldn’t find a condom—‘Don’t worry I’m infertile…”

JoshyGB


69. “Ohh daddy, please no daddy, I love you daddy.”

“‘Ohh daddy, please no daddy, I love you daddy.’

3 days after her father’s funeral. Some random married chick I was messing with….I stopped immediately and she started crying. I left.”

carryonteemo


70. “I’m only doing this for you.”

“‘I’m only doing this for you.’ I stopped immediately. Turns out she was breaking up with me that night.”

memespy


71. “My pussy is your train track.”

“She kept making train references ‘Slide your train into me’ ‘My pussy is your train track’ ‘My moist cavern needs the light of your train’ I didn’t get it at all and kinda just went with it until she asked me to yell ‘Toot toot’ As I came…”

kpdavid


72. “When you die, I want you cremated so I can rub you all over my body.”

“‘They should make an ice cream flavor of this’ after giving me head.

‘Fuck me like a piece of meat’—so weird, yet i came almost instantly.

‘When you die, I want you cremated so I can rub you all over my body’—some random I slept with a few times after meeting on Friendster or MySpace.”

countvoncastro


73. “I’M NEVER LETTING YOU GO.”

“We were going at it, I was on top, when she suddenly wrapped her legs around me in a vise-grip, pulled my head to her head so that our foreheads were touching and she violently whispered ‘I’M NEVER LETTING YOU GO.’

I didn’t finish.”

seaturtlesmate


74. “Your penis is very anatomically correct!”

“‘Your penis is very anatomically correct!’”

sugardeath


75. “Rape me.”

“Used to be FWB with a coworker back when I was a server. First time we do the nasty she starts repeating ‘Rape me’ in this high pitch little girl voice, threw in daddy after the rape me some times. As far as I was aware this sex was consensual so how the hell am I supposed to rape you? Freaked me tf out, thought I’d wake up to a lawsuit. Still finished though.”

ticklemuffins


76. “You’re as hard as a pony.”

“‘You’re as hard as a pony.’

10 years later and I’m still scared to ask.”

shneeko6


77. “My IUD is 98% effective.”

“She whispered in my ear, ‘My IUD is 98% effective…’ as if it was supposed to be hot or something.”

fongos


78. “What’s your favorite board game?”

“Going hot and heavy with a girl I had recently started dating. We had been dating about a month and this was the first time we had sex. Anyways, Hot and heavy, we’re both really into it. She stops, turns around and asks me, “What’s your favorite board game?” Needless to say, I told her it’s chess.”

Kalishnacough47


79. “What’s my name?”

“‘What’s my name?’

I honestly didn’t know. So I said ‘I don’t know. If you want to stop, we can’ she told me ‘no, keep going’ and about 10 min later asked me again.

‘I still don’t know!’”

cryptie


80. “You have such a cute penis.”

“‘You have such a cute penis’ she then proceeded to slap her face with my penis…”

jackishere


81. “Fuck my ass, I want your cum in my shit.”

“‘Fuck my ass, I want your cum in my shit.’

or

‘OMG I love you!! I LOVE YOU! I LO-uh-uh-OH OH OH-OVE YOU!’

The 2nd one was about an hour after we’d met off of an AOL chat room. Sure, we’d talked on the phone for about a week and I was a clingy son of a bitch back then, but that even scared me away. She stalked the shit out of me, man. That was not cool.”

pm_me_ur_regret TC mark

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