9. ‘His repeated infidelity planted a tiny seed of resentment.’
“I am currently cheating on my husband and have been for about seven months. I love my husband; have loved him intensely and whole heartedly since I first met him. However, over the course of our 13-year relationship he has cheated on me multiple times, in different ways and depths of relationships outside our marriage. I have chosen to forgive him, each time for different reasons. Most recently, he had an affair with a woman at his job for almost a year and I caught him, and it tore us apart for many months. During that time, we started marriage counseling and decided to give it another chance, mostly for my daughter’s sake. During our time apart and in counseling, I came to realize that he is an amazing father, a great day to day partner to laugh with, grow with and be with forever. I love him with my whole heart despite his indiscretions.
Our sex life has predominately been bland; despite my very clear and consistent communication of how I would enjoy his contributions to our sex life more, he never seems to absorb it. 13 years of this day in and day out, coupled with his repeated infidelity planted a tiny seed of resentment, and this year while serving on a board of directors for a volunteer organization, I struck up a friendship with one of the other members of the board. He was the opposite of my husband; he was mostly quiet, socially aware, hyper intelligent, extremely thoughtful and caring of others while still able to have a sarcastic, witty and acerbic side. As we got to know each other, we ended up sharing the same outlooks on life as well as obscure tastes in music, film, books etc. Physically, I found him very attractive but intellect/personality wise he was a powerhouse. One night after a meeting I invited him to grab a bite to eat, and after a drink or two I blurted out that I was attracted to him and that I just needed to get it off my chest so I could continue the conversation. He looked truly shocked, and after taking a minute before responding, he admitted that it was reciprocated. What grew from there was a long, drawn-out process (mostly over text) of trying to figure out where to take it from there. Mostly, it was both of us acknowledging that we were in a good spot to try it out. We both had spouses that were incompatible with us sexually, and we both had families that we valued and loved our spouses very much, so there was no fear of one of us falling for the other and making it complicated—the primary relationship for each of us would always be paramount.
We met up a few times and made out (which was amazing) and then agreed to take it to the next level. I should admit honestly—I had been with a lot of guys before I met my husband but this is hands down, the best sex I have ever had—like on a different cosmic plane and it consistently blows my mind every. single. time.
It’s been 7 months of only being able to be together once every few months (our schedules are both insane) and it’s been bumpy trying to figure out the balance or ratio of communication/ friendship/ sex/ family but it’s totally worth it. He has turned out to be a valued friend, a phenomenal lay and just a really nice person to know. I love my husband, I love waking up with him every day and building our life together. I recognize that my husband will most likely cheat on me again at some point, and before I used to let it crush me. Now, I feel differently and I understand where his need comes from. At least now I can die knowing that I have experienced intense pleasure with someone that valued my efforts as much as I valued theirs. I know my affair will have to end at some point, it can’t logically go on forever. But for now, and hopefully for the foreseeable future it can continue. It helps me feel alive, it helps me feel like I’m attractive and intelligent and interesting again. I’m not just a mom or a wife. That is my logic. I truly cherish it, and I just hope every single day that it doesn’t destroy my entire life.”
10. ‘Our sexual chemistry wasn’t in tune. ‘
“Our sexual chemistry wasn’t in tune. He simply was NEVER in the mood. I tried so damn hard—gently giving tips, suggestions etc, but no dice. He just didn’t fuck me. I would buy nice lingerie which he chose, wear it with his response being ‘sexy’ and turning back to the computer. Eventually I met guys who wanted to have sex and I did. We broke up after I realized how much I could get away with. The only think I regret is not ending the relationship sooner.”
