50. A giant swastika on his leg and a giant ‘Aryan Brotherhood’ on his arm.
“I work corrections at a local jail, I had this 18 year old kid who was looking at 10 or 15 years in prison. He gets convinced by the other inmates that to survive in prison he is going to need to align with some Aryan Brotherhood types. So one night he a paper clip and some pencil lead and asks his cellmate to tattoo a giant swastika on his leg and a giant AB on his forearm. The next morning I notice it and check his records find no tattoos so he goes to segregation along with his cellmate. Fast-forward a couple of months he gets probation instead of prison time and is let out.”
51. 100% SNOWBOARDER tattoo across his back.
“My friend has a 100% SNOWBOARDER tattoo across his back. I wonder if he 100% regrets it.”
52. A traffic light coming out of her ass crack.
“During a session I asked my regular artist what his weirdest tat was and he told me the story of when he first started he wanted to get his name out there so did anything and everything. A lady came in and asked him to tattoo a traffic light coming out of her crack, she then wanted him to colour the amber light on meaning anal was a maybe. I cringed and he the told me kinda disgusted that it made it worse because she was a very large lady. I now understand why he’s so strict on what he tattoos and where. I managed to get a hand tattoo off him but only because I’m a regular.”
53. A guy who had ‘COP’ and ‘KILLER’ tattooed where his left and right eyebrows (respectively) should have been.
“Dumbest tattoo I’ve ever seen was a guy who had ‘COP’ and ‘KILLER’ tattooed where his left and right eyebrows (respectively) should have been. Guy legitimately complained about police “harassing him”. Wonder why?”
54. A dancing banana on one of his butt cheeks.
“My best friend has a dancing banana (the peanut butter jelly time one) tattooed on one of his butt cheeks. It’s pretty nice (?)”
55. A tattoo a lady had around her vagina of a little girl.
“I once saw a tattoo a lady had around her vagina of a little girl. It was drawn so when you were having sex with this chick it would look like you were balls deep in some little girl. Very weird.”
56. A tattoo of her boyfriend’s shlong right above her cooch.
“Not me, but a friend of mine who’s a tattoo artist told me he had a lass trot into his studio with a picture of her boyfriend’s shlong, pulled down her pants and asked to have it inked right above her cooch. I always crack up when he tells this story, especially when he bitches that she hadn’t shaved.”
57. ‘Get ‘er Done’ on his forehead and ‘Got Her Did’ on the back of his head.
“Knew a guy that had ‘Get ‘er Done’ on his forehead is big bold blue letters… shaved his head and the back said ‘Got Her Did.’”
58. A baby’s hand holding his father’s finger.
“Saw someone with a tattoo of a baby’s hand holding his father’s finger. The finger looks like a giant dick.”
59. A cat with a giant hard-on izzing on a bird.
“I was an apprentice and we attended a tattoo party once. Well, I got to stand in on a couple sessions and this old biker couple came in. The man sat down first. He had been asked about three times if he had any infections, blood born illnesses, etc. And he said no. Right before the needle touched his skin, he said, ” well actually, I am a carrier of hepatitis C…” the artist looked at him for a moment, then ordered him out of the chair. Well his wife was furious, and possibly under the influence and went off on him for a solid five minutes before she dropped her pants and demanded a tattoo on her ass. First of all, she had no need to drop her pants in a house full of people, she wanted it placed about an inch below the waist line. Second of all, there was no way this was going to end well for her. She should have walked away, but alas, she insisted…
She had a floating Tweety Bird head on her left ass cheek. She wanted Sylvester to be in a pouncing stance on her right one. As soon as I saw the look my mentor (also my step brother) and the other artist exchanged, I had to see what they actually applied. They stenciled Sylvester all right…I didn’t say a word as they tattooed that cat with a gigantic hard-on, projectile jizzing in the little bird’s direction. Best part was, no one could convince her that that was the actual tat he gave her for a good ten minutes, but the aftermath… Whoo, dawgy!”
60. His bellybutton was her vagina.
“I saw a guy hanging out shirtless in the street and he had a tattoo of a woman with her legs spread on his stomach. His bellybutton was her vagina.”
61. A butterfly tattooed right above her clit.
“Banged a girl once who had a butterfly tattooed right above her clit. Unfortunately it didn’t smell like a butterfly down there. Also got an invite to a gangbang. This was the pic I received of the girl. Needless to say I didn’t want spider webs on my face.”
62. Here are a few of them.
“I apprenticed for a couple of years at a hood tattoo shop in Florida, and have dozens of stories. Here are a few of them.
Whole Wide World
It was past closing time, but one of the artists was spending some time with me to show me a few techniques. There’s a knock on the (glass) door, and so she goes to see what’s up. In walks a man who smells like if Willie Nelson and Snoop Dogg were roommates. His eyes were just slits, and more red than I have ever seen on a human being. He saunters over to me, with my artist, and tells us both that he just had the best idea and it needed to be done. He wanted a tattoo of an atlas, across the palm of his hands. So that he could have the whole world in his hands. Once we got done laughing, to my surprise, my artist agreed to do it- for free- because she thought it was hilarious.
General Lee
We had a regular, a 75 year old man who was covered in tattoos- mostly confederate themed. I walked in the shop one day and my artist was tattooing a lifelike portrait of General Lee on the back of his head, with ol’ Dixie flying behind the man’s right ear. Again, this tattoo shop was in the hood- but they would do whatever to pay the bills. It was my job to take the walk-in customers and handle their (always awful) tattoo ideas, and once got reprimanded for throwing a customer out who wanted some Nazi stormtrooper crap.
White Trash Disney Magic
I walked into the shop a little bit late one day, and my artist was tattooing a woman on her side. It was a big text tattoo, that said ‘Heart is Everthing’, in the Disney font. He was on the ‘Is’ portion, when I tapped him on the shoulder and told him we needed to go outside for a cigarette. He blew me off and I insisted. Once we got outside, he was pretty upset with me until I told him that ‘Everthing’ was spelled incorrectly on the stencil. He told the woman as politely as possible, that the stencil we made from the graphic she brought us was incorrect, to which she responded. ‘Naw, its everthing. I want everthing.‘
Dead Ink
We had a regular customer who would come in for pretty typical tattoos. She had an appointment with us booked a month ahead of time, for some floral thing or whatnot. One of her family members called us and asked if we could tattoo her post-mortem, because she had passed away that day and the tattoo she was going to get was very meaningful, and they wanted it on her for the open casket. The artists I was training under had me convinced that they were sending me to the morgue to tattoo this dead woman- I was 19 at the time and thought it’d be a pretty cool story so I went along with it. In the end, I just made them a stencil that they could apply like a temporary tattoo.
Thirsty Panther
We had moved the shop to an even nastier part of town, and we had a man come in who had a gigantic tattoo of a panther on the side of his face (mid-temple, down to cheekbone). He was obviously on something, though I’m not quite sure what..Maybe crack? He slapped down a handful of twenties on the table and declared to the whole shop ‘I NEED A LAKE, BECAUSE MY PANTHER NEEDS TA DRINK, HE THIRSTY. HE COLD TOO, HE NEEDS A SUN.’ I would have never tattooed the guy, but yup, you guessed it, hood rat tattoo shop owner sure did. The man got a gigantic sun on his forehead, and a lake going from his cheep to the middle of his upper lip.
The Gross Story
We had a bunch of weirdo regulars. I think they liked our shop because it was cheap and full of the type of people who genuinely love radio rock and post minion memes on Facebook. Anyways, we had this one regular who the other apprentice (nice kid, but probably mentally handicapped) tattooed pretty often. We all had stations, and he tattooed on my station for some reason. The man starts bleeding pretty bad, just pouring onto the table, and he makes some comment to the apprentice about that being due to his Hepatitis B. Guess who had to clean the entire store in bleach? Yours truly. I think the other apprentice caught a beating for not finding out this information beforehand.”
