‘I Have Sexsomnia’ and 21 Other Crazy Real-Life Stories Of Sleepwalking

Flickr / Peter Alfred Hess
Flickr / Peter Alfred Hess

1. I have sexsomnia. A few times I’ve woken up in the middle of the night going down on my partner.

“I have sexsomnia. A few times I’ve woken up in the middle of the night going down on my partner. I first found out I do this my senior year of college, when my boyfriend at the time slept over. He texted me later in the day and apologized for not wanting to have sex in the middle of the night, and I had no idea what he was talking about….I’ve never attempted penetrative sex of any kind, so I think he’s become more comfortable as a result of that and just knowing and trusting me, too. I have also woken up to myself vigorously masturbating. I’ve noticed that has only happened when I sleep in either my briefs or boxer briefs. I don’t wear boxers, and it doesn’t really happen from any recollection when I sleep naked.”

—Bobby


2. I growl and snarl and talk about killing people.

“I growl and snarl and talk about killing people. I stand over their heads while they sleep. Sometimes I literally scream as loud as possible and bolt through the house (mine or my friends) and refuse to move from a closet. A couple of times I have locked myself out of the house or fallen asleep in the garden. The thing is, I usually remember my sleepwalking episodes in detail but it is like I am a different person at night. I do not behave normally and often do stupid things or am scared of something (such as a saucepan) that is not dangerous. I also seem to gradually come to myself after a sleepwalking episode sometimes standing somewhere or doing something or even in the middle of talking!”

—Bess


3. I walked through my wall and fell in the pool.

“Used to sleepwalk all the time, the funniest was when I walked through my wall and I fell out of my room literally and landed in the pool.

No one told me, I woke up in the pool and I saw a hole in my wall.

But I still wonder how I made a hole.”

—Walter


4. ‘It’ kinda went in my sister.

“I once sleepwalked. And I sleep with no clothes on, so…When it happened I was walking in my sister’s room and laid on her thinking she was a pillow. She sleeps naked as well and we are the same height so it kinda went in her.”

—Charles


1. I woke up to find myself standing by my bedside, naked, in a fighting stance.

“A couple summers ago, I woke up to find myself standing by my bedside, naked, in a fighting stance. Not kidding.

When I was little, I sleepwalked into my sister’s room and pissed on her desk. My mom heard it from an adjacent room and came in, like, ‘The hell you doing?’

My aunt used to sleepwalk piss into cabinets.

My friend once told me, when I slept at his house, I got up and stood in a corner, then went back to bed just as he reached for his BB gun.”

—Ritt


5. I woke up at 3am in a bath full of lukewarm water with a razor in my hand.

“I was first caught sleepwalking at eight years old. When I was small my mum would find me in my walk-in wardrobe in the morning, buried among my dressing-up clothes. However, I haven’t done it for six years now.

The worst and most dangerous experience I had was when I was 21. I was home alone and I woke up at 3am in a bath full of lukewarm water with a razor in my hand. I had shaved the bottom half of my left leg. Luckily I hadn’t cut myself. After a sleepwalk I never remember what I’ve dreamed about, but I think that night it was getting ready for a night out I had planned. I woke up and started panicking and hyperventilating – it was pretty scary.”

—Eleanor


6. I turned the wrong way and ended up falling down my stairs.

“One time when I was a little kid I was sleepwalking I went out of my room to go to the bathroom (I think) but I turned the wrong way and ended up falling down my stairs.”

—German


7. They found me sleeping in a chicken coop.

“First one was when I was little, (barely remember… but my family tells me about it a lot, so maybe I just think I remember) Well, anyway, we had chickens… so we had a chicken coop, and I guess one morning everyone woke up and no one knew where I was, they looked everywhere is what I am told. Well then finally, they found me in a pen (for a chicken, so it had hay in it) sleeping. It was winter out too. I have no idea how I ended up there whatsoever, but I thought it was entertaining to hear.”

—QP


8. I began screaming to all the raccoons outside that Macy’s was having a sale.

“It was probably midnight when I woke up in a frenzy, and as sleepwalkers do, I never fully snapped out of the in-limbo sleep world. I immediately thought it imperative to go online, because Macy’s was having a sale! Of course, outside of my semi-sleep state I had no idea of the retail giant’s sale patterns, but nevertheless, I yanked my phone off from its charging cord and Googled the nearest Macy’s store….

I remember thinking: ‘Oh my god, the neighbors and raccoons need to know about this. They don’t know! I am the only one with this information!’ I proceeded to swipe aside my curtains, open my window, and commence to shout. For a good 30 seconds before my parents came running for their screaming daughter I shouted to our neighborhood, and any raccoons that happened to hear, that ‘MACY’S is having a SALE! We all need to save money so go to Macy’s! There is a SALE!’

My mother came bursting into my room, and seeing that I wasn’t even fully awake, began to laugh.”

—Sarah


9. I was on Ambien in my pajamas, driving and crying.

“I was on Ambien for about two years. After a couple months, I started realizing I was doing weird stuff after I took it that I didn’t remember. Nothing serious that I knew of, but I would wake up with food all over my bed, or there would be posts I made online that I had no recollection of. I didn’t think it was that big of a deal, so I stayed on it. One night, toward the end of my time on Ambien, I woke up in my car. I was in my pajamas, driving and crying. I knew where I was, but I had no idea how I got there, and I didn’t know why I was crying, either. I pulled into a parking lot and waited until I was done crying for no apparent reason, and then I just drove back home. It had to have been like 3 o’clock in the morning. I did continue to take Ambien for a little bit after that incident because my insomnia was really bad and I didn’t know what else would work. When I saw a new doctor, I told him about it, and he took me off it immediately, saying no good can come from that drug.”

—Stacie


10. I got a piece of glass in my foot, pulled it out, stuck a paper towel to the bleeding wound, and went back to sleep.

“Once while sleepwalking, I got a piece of glass in my foot, pulled it out, stuck a paper towel to the bleeding wound, and went back to sleep, only to find a bloody paper towel in my bed in the morning. Another time, I woke up as I was opening my front door to a very large man yelling outside my apartment. He was yelling at someone on his phone, and when I opened the door, he was like four feet from me. He just looked at me weirdly and walked away. Thank god. That was when I realized I should start dead-bolting my door at night.”

—Rebecca


11. I sleepwalked into the pantry and ate some cat food.

“On an extremely stormy night when I was 4 years old, I sleepwalked into the pantry and ate some cat food. Just a little bit. It was the crunchy kind. As soon as I tasted it, I woke up. Another time when I was around 7 was actually scary because I sleepwalked out of a tent where my family and I were camping in northern Canada. We’d spent the entire day watching bears feasting on salmon, and we heard wolves, too. I left the tent in the middle of the night and wandered toward a lit area. I climbed over a low wooden fence, then woke up.”

—Logan


12. I pissed all over a framed photo of Paul McCartney.

“I’m a serial sleepwalker and I probably sleepwalk 50% of nights and indefinitely if I’ve been drinking. I’ve been doing this since I was a kid and I’ve only ever peed somewhere I shouldn’t have twice that I know of.

The first one I was gutted, pissed all over my decks and also a framed photo of Paul McCartney which was one of 4 pictures that came with the original 12″ White Album. I sold my decks to Liam Maroney the next day and bought a better set. The second time I peed in my laundry basket, no big deal.”

—Jack


13. I went to an empty cooler in the kitchen, opened it, pulled my pants down, bent over the cooler and pissed.

“I was asleep at a party about a year ago. I woke up to everyone busting out laughing…When I asked them what was so funny, they told me I got out of bed, went to an empty cooler in the kitchen, opened it, pulled my pants down, bent over the cooler and pissed. I got up, went to the kitchen sink to wash my hands, then went back to bed. I have no recollection of this at all.

Thinking about it even now makes me laugh.”

—Marie


14. I fell asleep in my bed and woke up in the shower.

“I’ve slept walked since I was a little kid, one of the stories I remember from that young, my dad was up late on the computer. At the time our computer was in the living room, where our TV was. So I guess I sorta walked out, with my eyes wide open, looking just like a zombie. Turned my TV on, went on the couch, and sat there for a while with my eyes really wide, then laid down and fell asleep.

My absolute favorite sleepwalking story happened to me when I was about 14 maybe. I fell asleep in my bed and woke up in the shower. It was 4 in the morning, and my parents were like what the fuck are you doing in the shower, and that woke up me, and I remember saying, ‘I have no idea’ and then I must’ve fell back asleep cause I don’t remember anything else. According to my parents I continued the shower. I woke up in the morning, very, very confused, with a wet towel on my pillow, and wet, shampoo smelling hair.”

—HD


15. I woke up standing outside in my neighbor’s yard in my boxers while it was raining hard.

“This happened years ago.

I was having a dream that I was going to my neighbor’s yard (don’t remember for what exactly).

I woke up standing outside.

Neighbor’s backyard.

Raining hard.

In my boxers.

I’ll never understand how I got over the fence between our yards however.

That was the worst I ever slept walked.”

—James


16. I threw a tantrum and told my mom she never listened to me.

“My mum remembers one night when I was about 12 and I threw a tantrum telling her she never listened to me, even though I’d been talking complete rubbish up to that point.”

The summer before I went to university I somehow managed to open my window as wide as it could go. I must have been practically hanging out of the window to do this. My mum was worried about me going to uni and doing something dangerous like that in my sleep. I was sensible and made sure I always locked my windows and doors so I couldn’t get out when I was in halls of residence.”

—Emma


17. I once found myself on a ledge on the first floor of my barracks chasing a thief who did not exist.

“I’ve been sleepwalking for as long as I can remember and am constantly dragging my girlfriend out of bed as I’m convinced the front of the house is falling off. I once found myself on a ledge on the first floor of my barracks chasing a thief who did not exist. As a child I thought I was the Man from UNCLE and fell face down on to the floor thinking I had been shot. I then calmly got up and went back to bed as if nothing had happened, according to my auntie.

I’ve fallen out of bed on lots of occasions, including once in a flat where the bed was eight feet above the floor. I constantly dream about tsunamis. I just live with it without taking any medication. Everyone who knows me seems to accept it. However the incident in the army (when I was chasing the non-existent thief) did cause one of my roommates to sleep with a knife under his pillow as he was convinced I would kill him in my sleep.

At the time I don’t even know I am doing it, and if I wake up during sleepwalking I just get back into bed and fall asleep straight away. When I’m reminded of the incident sometimes it comes back to me and I relive it. It does make me wonder what I am dreaming about.”

—Peter


18. I was desperate to get out of my bedroom because I thought the walls are covered in bugs.

“I first started sleepwalking when I was 11 or 12 years old. At university I would often get in the building lift and go up and down a few times before returning to bed. I have also had more frightening night-terror experiences, where I am desperate to get out of my bedroom because I think the walls are covered in bugs. In my panic the only way out seemed to be the bedroom window. I woke up as I opened the window and the cold air hit me, just before I was about to jump out.

Unfortunately the medication I am on for migraines makes my night terrors and nightmares worse, but I have thankfully not gone back to the days of almost jumping out my bedroom window. After a particularly active night I will feel very tired the next day. My poor husband is often woken up by my talking, at least, or at worse screaming and shouting. Luckily he doesn’t grumble about it. It can be very confusing when, for example, I think there are other people in the bedroom or that I am in the wrong bed. In general sleepwalking can be exhausting, but I have always returned to bed.”

—Zoe


19. I woke up standing in the street naked and taking a piss on my neighbor’s car.

“I’ve only ever sleepwalked once and I woke up standing in the street naked and taking a piss on my neighbor’s car. Nobody saw me that I know of and if anyone did I have yet to be confronted about it.”

—RM


20. I took off my pajama bottoms, walked into the kitchen, poured a glass of milk, then poured it down the sink, and started screaming.

“I took off my pajama bottoms, walked into the kitchen, poured a glass of milk, then poured it down the sink, and started screaming. My dad had to physically carry me back up stairs.

I was like 8.”

—Name Withheld


21. I kept asking my mom if Cosmo lived in her pillow.

“One night last year I went up to my parents’ room in the middle of the night and went to my mom, who was sleeping, and asked, ‘Mom, does Cosmo sleep in your pillow?’ She thought I was asking if he was up in the bed with her and my dad and said,’ No, Cosmo’s not up here.’ Well then I said in an apparently irritated voice, ‘No Mom. I mean does Cosmo live in your pillow?’ She then understood what I was saying and said, ‘Honey, why don’t you go back to bed?’ I then turned straight around, went downstairs, and got back into bed.”

—Name Withheld


22. I walked into my wall trying to find the cash register at work.

“Whenever I have a dream about my job, or working, I always end up sleepwalking. The funniest one is when I walked into my wall.

I took an order, and I went to go walk over to the register, and I took two steps (in my dream) and I walked right into my wall, I had a goose egg on my forehead for a couple days, hahaha.”

—Jenn TC mark

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