28. He had me by the front of my shirt up against a wall laying down the law about how things would be from now on.
“Met ‘Bill’ at a friend’s party. There was definite attraction so we started dating. We really had fun—it seemed like we could make a good life together. After a year together he asked me to move in with him and it looked like a good idea. The first night in his house he had me by the front of my shirt up against a wall laying down the law about how things would be from now on.
It’s like the niceness was a front to get me exactly where he wanted me—under his roof and his rules. He seemed to think that he now owned me. That sure didn’t work for me. I packed up and got out within days.”
29. He’d pursued me for over five years. When the time came, I gave it a go. He became my stalker.
“The thing that made him a ‘nice guy’ was that he was adored and highly respected professionally by his circle of friends. So sweet, thoughtful, well mannered. Extremely handsome and talented. Fascinating life, blue chip circle of friends (I don’t want to give too many specific details). He’d pursued me for over five years. When the time came, I gave it a go. He became my stalker….
Quickly discovered he was an emotional infant with airs of superiority, viewed himself as the intellectual counterpart to my silly head, liked to “air conduct” classical music in front of his stereo (I had to include that one), turned down any sexual advances I made, was the worst lover I ever had (he had a reputation as an amazing lover mostly promoted by himself)…I came to believe he was a deeply, deeply closeted homosexual but that’s a whole other post. He was also mildly homophobic which he only expressed in private with me.
There was a lot more I won’t go into. If I was ever upset about anything, however mildly, he was emotionally incapable of discussing it without becoming extremely defensive to the point of sabotaging the gentlest of conversations about my feelings with him sobbing and throwing himself on the floor. Literally pushed me away from any sexual advances. Once I was cuddling up to him and placed my hand on his thigh. He pushed me away and explained that hey, that was a huge turnoff. Pillow talk might send him out of bed, pacing the floor yelling at me and jabbing his finger in the air. There was more of this sort of thing that happened but not much because…
I ended it abruptly. I was of an age where I was not going to fucking waste a minute of my time on it. I tried to discuss our relationship, mostly with regards to the sex, which was not going well. It tried to talk to him multiple times, in person, on the phone, via email. Like grownups do when a relationship starts to have bumps. Because it was impossible to talk to him, and he wouldn’t listen to me, I spelled out the end our relationship in an email. So, he told his friends I “broke up with him in an email.” Of course, these were all his friends I had been brought into, not mine.
I began getting mildly threatening and very creepy ‘anonymous’ letters that were obviously from him. He began enlisting people I’d never met, and even someone he’d just met, to harass me on his behalf for the next year. I started to document it and tell friends. He did some big, showy confrontational things in public places where he knew I’d be, and also enlisted other people. That’s when I contacted the police. I’m trying not to be too detailed, but he got a phone call (this was done as a personal favor to me) from a police officer that scared the shit out of him and it stopped. He was in his late 40’s when he was doing this.
And I know, that all of his friends think I’m some terrible bitch and that he’s this nice guy that ‘can’t find the right girl.”