1. I cry when I pee or take a shit.
“I cry when I pee or take a shit. It’s not just tearing up, it’s literally tears streaming down my face. I have no pain, nor is it because I feel relieved. Nobody that I know experiences the same thing. (Sorry if I made any grammar mistakes. English is not my first language.)”
2. My nuts are comically tiny.
“I’m Asian yet have a bodybuilder’s physique, including legs. I’m 5’8″ but my penis is huge (9.5 inches and thick) but my nuts are regular size. So my penis looks normal sized compared to my legs/body and my nuts look comically tiny.”
3. I have three nipples.
“I have a third nipple.”
4. I have four nipples.
“Two extra nipples.”
5. I was born without eyebrows.
“When I was born, I didn’t have any eyebrows. Dislike, they were fair, or light, I had none. They didn’t begin developing in until I was 6 years of age. After ten years, they are sketchy, at various statures, and look in no way like each other. No idea why.”
6. I have a birthmark on the tip of my penis shaped like the continent of Africa.
“I got a birthmark on the tip of my penis that’s weirdly shaped like the continent of Africa. Ladies find it cute, which is why I’ll never get circumcised.”
7. I have a micropenis.
“I have a micropenis. I’ve pretty much given up on dating. The only way I could ever be in a relationship is if a woman doesn’t care that much about sex.”
8. I look like I’m going to murder someone when I comb my hair.
“If I touch the right side of my scalp, my lower eyelid twitches. I look like I’m going to murder someone when I comb my hair.”
9. I am shaped like a shovel.
“I am shaped like a shovel. Seriously. Like, you know ‘pear figures’? Yeah, I don’t have that. I am straight and then, BOOM! My hips billow out like the giant disappointments they are.”
10. I do not recognize or remember faces.
“Brains are part of the body, right? I have Prosopagnosia (face blindness), which means that I do not recognize or remember faces. I can look at someone, turn around, turn back, and I won’t recognize their face. I don’t recognize my coworkers, friends, or family by face. I have a lot of funny stories related to this…”
11. If I touch my clit on the toilet, I automatically pee.
“If I touch my clit on the toilet, I automatically pee. Like a pee button. It’s kinda useful for public restrooms where I want to be in and out really fast.”
12. I have tits and a dick.
“Tits and a dick. Most people seem to find that rather weird.”
13. It’s like a whole community of hair just said ‘fuck it’ and moved to my body’s equivalent of Florida.
“On the left side of my head, above my ear, I’ve developed a random bald spot slightly larger than the diameter of a quarter. Coincidentally, right below my right shoulder, I have a thick patch of back hair about the same size (my back is otherwise hairless). It’s like a whole community of hair just said ‘fuck it’ and moved to my body’s equivalent of Florida.”
14. Certain sexual thoughts will cause me to sneeze involuntarily.
“When I have certain sexual thoughts, I get an involuntary sneeze reaction. It’s not all sexual thoughts, just the ones I find inappropriate. Like, I when I first started fooling around with my girlfriend (now my wife) at her mom’s house where we could get caught by her slightly younger sister, it happened a lot. But fooling around in general wouldn’t cause the sneeze unless I was about to suggest something a little naughtier than normal.
My wife knows now, so when we’re in bed and I sneeze her first reaction is to ask if it’s an innocent sneeze or something else. It’s only gotten me in trouble once or twice, like when her girlfriend casually mentioned threesomes and I sneezed immediately, which kind of pissed off my wife because she knew it wasn’t an innocent one. Her friends and sister, thankfully, don’t know about my sneeze reaction.”
15. My mom says the mole on the side of my head looks like a penis.
“I have a perfectly smooth, mushroom-shaped, skin0colored mole on the side of my head and I’ve had it since birth. My mom says it looks like a penis, you know, nice stuff that moms say.”
16. I have two pee-holes, and pee comes out of both.
“I have two pee-holes…they’re right next to each other and pee comes out of both.”
17. I’m a guy and I have a huge butt and huge thighs.
“My thighs are really disproportionate compared to the rest of my body and my butt is bigger. I am a guy and this really doesn’t look good.”
18. My penis curves upward and toward the left.
“My penis curves upwards but is also turned about 15° to the left. It’s weird. I can pee around corners.”
19. I get pus-filled cysts over much of my body.
“I have a condition called hidradenitis supprativa. I get pus-filled cysts in my armpits, under my breasts, on my stomach, and along my inner thighs. It is pretty rare, and can be debilitating (I have a mild form, so if you Google it, be warned you’re gonna see some nasty shit). Had it since high school, and it sometimes will go into remission. It is now thought to be an auto-immune disorder of the apocrine system, but not much is known about it. I try to watch what I wear, because certain clothes will rub my skin and cause a cyst to form. If I get a cyst, I usually pop it myself and clean it up. Sometimes it can open a small sinus in my skin, which is gross. I have a lot of scars from it, and some cysts that I’ve popped and drained will sometimes refill. I’ve run across something that says menopause can make it go into remission, so I have that to look forward to. The human body is weird.”
20. I have an amazing retractive penis.
“Retractive penis. 1in or less flaccid, big 7.5in hog erect. Kinda convenient actually, takes up less space, less likely to get hit, not swingin’ around wildly, but this tactical advantage is cancelled out by my huge grandpa balls.”
21. I can roll my stomach like an Indian belly dancer but I’m a white male.
“I can roll my stomach like an Indian belly dancer but I’m a white male. I have no idea when or how I discovered i could do it but I was very young since I remember doing it for show and tell in kindergarten.
Edit: Also, my second toe is longer than my first on both feet by a full segment. It makes it difficult to get comfortable shoes sometimes because they’re designed for the big toe to be the longest.”
22. I get earth-shattering orgasms when jizz is inside me.
“I’m a woman and the thing that gives me the best earth-shattering orgasms is when my partner cums inside of me. Not the act of cumming (though I enjoy that too) but the actual jizz makes me orgasm for up to an hour after sex. Never found out of any other women experience this, none of my girlfriends do.”
23. I can snap my toe like I’m snapping a finger.
“I can snap my toe. Like, finger-snapping…with a toe.”
24. I can lick my elbow.
“I can lick my elbow. This is supposedly ‘physically impossible,’ and yet…here I am :P”
25. I have a sexually sensitive ‘spot’ between my clit and G-spot.
“Most women have lots of sensitivity in the clit and G-spot. I have a third ‘spot’ sort of between the two, located right at the top inside of my vaginal opening. Stimulation of that particular spot gives me the BEST orgasms, and when I’m turned on it even feels a little stiffer than the surrounding areas when I touch it with my fingertip.”
26. “My hands turn blue when it’s cold.
“My hands turn blue when it’s cold. When it’s very cold they also have orange dots.”
27. My penis moves around on its own.
“My penis moves around on its own. I get out the shower, towel off and sometimes I sit around butt ass naked and play Call of Duty. I’ll look at my dick and it’ll going from one side to the other or going in and out like a turtle. I heard that has something to do with it trying to get cool, but once it finds a cool spot, shouldn’t it stop moving?”
28. I have a T-shaped tooth.
“I have a T-shaped tooth.”
29. I have these chicken-stick calves.
“Well, I’m 6’6″, and have a great shoulder to hip ratio, but I have these chicken-stick calves. They refuse to grow. So I like wearing pants to try and cover them up, because it looks really weird if I’m wearing shorts. Also, I sweat really quickly in my underarms, but nowhere else on my body. It could be like jacket and scarf weather, and after like 5 minutes outside I start pitting. It’s so annoying.”
30. I’m male but my body is shaped like a girl’s.
“I’m male but my body is kinda shaped like a girl’s, in terms of ass, hips, thighs and waist. Someone reposted a picture of my ass/body to gonewild, tagged falsely as a girl, and it got like 50,000 views and universal positive comments, no one knew.
My life sucks.
31. My face is allergic to sunlight.
“I’m allergic to sunlight. But it’s local only to my face. I mean, it’s nice that it doesn’t cover all of my body and all, but it’s literally the worst place that I could think of. When I have a reaction I can’t speak for around 1 week, and after that it takes another week until I am at the point where I can utter more than simple words when necessary, as it is very uncomfortable to talk, still can’t say “m”, “p” or “b” though, that takes another week. One time I ended up being unable to eat for around 5 days (more than 120 hours), lost 5kg in that period.’’”
32. I have hair on the penis up until close to the tip.
“I have hair on the penis up until close to the tip, and i have to pluck it out every week. :(“
33. My belly is like an unpredictable balloon.
“My belly. It’s like an unpredictable balloon.
It will be perfectly flat one day and the next day I’ll look like a 9-month-pregnant man. Doctors are baffled and said its weird but assured me it’s nothing to be concerned about.
It really happens if I drink beer, the next morning my belly is huge and no amount of shitting/farting will make it go away, it just gradually goes away throughout the day or sometimes it’ll stay like that for a few days.”
34. I always sneeze twice. No more, no less.
“I always sneeze twice. No more, no less. Two shall be the number thou shalt sneeze, and the number of the counting shall be two. Four shalt thou not sneeze, neither sneeze thou once, excepting that thou then proceed to twice. Five is right out. Once the number two, being the second number, be reached, then wipest thy nose on thy friend’s interior, who being naughty in my sight, does not say, ‘bless you.’”
35. I’m allergic to caffeine.
“This is more internal, but I’m allergic to caffeine, meaning, give me a large cup of caffeinated coffee and I’ll end up blacking out and doing something/insulting someone and I don’t remember it. It started out with just shaking and irritation, but turned into a full fledged symptom of being wasted.”
36. I can roll my eyes into the back of my head.
“I can roll my eyes into the back of my head. Decided it would be funny to do this during sex, and to say boyfriend’s name in a creepy voice. He didn’t think it was very funny.”
37. I’ve had my ascending, descending and thoracic aortic section replaced with synthetic material. That shit’ll be sitting there in my coffin long after I’m dust.
“Probably my aorta. I have Marfan’s syndrome, a genetic disorder that affects the connective tissue. Morphologically speaking people like me tend to be very tall, very thin, pigeon-chested, long-fingered and -toed. Because it affects the muscles we tend to have poor eyesight and we’re not real good at bulking up. We’re usually creepily flexible and our spines are scoliosis city.
The most dangerous symptom, however, is a weakening in the aortic wall which can result in aneurysm (an enlarged bubble sort of) or dissection (a catastrophic tear that’s %40 fatal).
I had an aortic dissection 3 years ago. Since then I’ve had my ascending, descending and thoracic aortic section replaced with synthetic material. That shit’ll be sitting there in my coffin long after I’m dust. That’s pretty weird, I guess.”
38. I have a freakishly long wing span.
“You know how your wing span is supposed to roughly match your height? Well I’m 6’3″ and my arms are 6’9″. Lots of rolled up sleeves in my world.
39. I am lopsided toward the left.
“My entire left side sits about 1/4 an inch lower than my right side. My ear is lower, my shoulder, my hip is lower, but you wouldn’t notice unless you looked at how I wear my clothing and that everything on my left side is almost always crooked.”
40. I have almost no hair except for the five-inch nipple hair.
“I am almost bald, have no armpit hair and very little genital hair. But boy, I do have one 12cm long nipple hair.”
41. I always had dry crusty earwax the consistency and texture of cornflakes.
“So when I was a kid I always had dry crusty earwax the consistency and texture of cornflakes. It would build up in my ear canal un til one day it would break off in one huge piece. My doctor said it probably wasn’t a big deal and not to worry about it, and every time I birthed an ear baby my friends would gather around and marvel. No biggie.
Fast-forward to puberty and no one has told me I need to wear deodorant. In fact I never smell. Well my feet do, but I can’t figure out if people are being nice cause I can literally NEVER smell BO on me. I now wear deodorant but mostly because it smells nice and I do sweat a lot. But all my sweat smells kinda pleasant actually.
So two years ago I’m YouTube surfing and find a video about Japanese cultural differences and one thing they mention is how hard it is to find deodorant. Apparently there are two different sweat glands, one that creates a feeding frenzy for bacteria and one that doesn’t. The Japanese just don’t have any of the former genetically. I’m sitting wondering if I have that gene as well when the woman says there is a very easy way to check if you have this gene: crusty earwax.
42. My left collarbone is about an inch higher than my right one.
“My left collarbone is about an inch higher than my right one. It’s not super noticeable unless you’re looking for it, but it’s enough to make me a little lopsided and prone to shoulder pain. Also, I can burp on command.”
43. I have an exceptionally stretchy Weenus.
“I have an exceptionally stretchy Weenus.”
44. I’m a girl and I have a little patch of blonde hair on my throat.
“Ever since I was really little I’ve grown a little patch of blonde hair on my throat. I’m a girl so it would be where a guy has his Adam’s Apple. My mom has taken me to the doctor a couple times to ask what it is and the doctors insist it’s just a form of a birth mark. I shave it now because if I don’t you can see the blonde patch of hair. Weird thing is my hair is naturally dark, and even when I shave it it still grows back blonde. And it can get kind of long too, and one time in elementary I was on the school bus and the sunlight had just hit it right and the girl next to me made fun of me and told everyone :( nobody knows about it now except for all of my new weird reddit friends! (And the mean girl from 4th grade)”
45. I have three testicles.
“I have 3 testicles. At least I hope the 3rd one is a testicle…! It feels the same as the others.”
46. I have a long ‘unicorn hair’ that grows out of the center of my forehead.
“Occasionally I have a single, long, wispy hair that grows out of the center of my forehead. It seems to appear overnight, and can be like an inch long. We call it the unicorn hair. It’s almost invisible, but once my wife saw it, she looks for it all the time.”
47. The world will sometimes seem much louder to me for about five minutes, like every noise is pissed off at me.
“I’ve had this thing, ever since I was a kid, where randomly the entire world would seem louder and more intense. Usually for about five minutes.
It used to happen monthly when I was a child, but it only happens once or twice a year now. So far I’ve never met anyone else who knew what I was talking about.
It’s like sound and movement becomes aggressive. Like every noise is pissed off at me. It’s kinda scary but also damn fascinating.
I assume it means I have psychic powers or my brain is a nest of tumors. Maybe both.”
48. I’m really stretchy.
“I have hypermobile joints, which basically just means that I’m really stretchy. It affects my hands and arms more than anything else. Because of it, my neurologist thinks I have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, a rare connective tissue disorder.”
49. My tongue is probably like six inches long if I pull it out all the way.
“I am the opposite of tongue-tied. I have no little connector-thingie so my tongue is fucked. It’s probably like 6 inches long if I pull it out all the way. I’m like Gene fucking Simmons over here and have learned how to do some weird shit with it. When I was younger the big joke was that i’d end up being a lesbian and I haaaaaated it. But I did. Look who’s laughin’ now.”
50. My mom did drugs and alcohol while pregnant with me, leaving me with several birth defects.
“When I was developing my mom did an unknown cocktail of drugs and alcohol. My ears attempted to form twice then the canals merged together. As a result, I can hear sounds outside normal range on the high and low end but have a very hard time with hearing human speech. I have to be in the room lip reading to really fully grasp it. The little nub in your ear (where you would get a tragus piercing) I actually have two nubs one above the other where the outside of my ear started to form a second time but didn’t.
All my ligaments are either too long or too flexible causing my joints to just slip out sometimes. As a result I’ve sprained one ankle 5 times in one month, dislocated both hips (bucked off a horse), my knee (stepped in a hole while walking), my thumb (grabbing something), and my personal favorite dislocated my shoulder buckling my seat belt. Thankfully I’m pretty good at popping them back in without assistance.
Also due to drugs my gut fauna is a bit fucked. I cannot eat spicy foods, not just like Mexican spices but even like too much onion powder gets me. I end up throwing up immediately after eating it. I have to manage on a fairly bland diet as a result.
Moral of this story, don’t do drugs or drink when pregnant. You can fuck yourself up all you want but when it involves a developing life seriously just don’t do it.”
51. God was drunk AF when he made me.
“I have one ball, one kidney, and an ecto-spleen (basically two spleens). God was drunk AF.”
52. I’m immune to mosquito bites and poison ivy.
“I’m immune to mosquito bites and poison ivy. My friends hate me.”
53. My belly button looks like a cinnamon roll.
“My belly button looks like a cinnamon roll.”
54. I can ensure an entire Q-tip into my left nostril, straight to the back.
“My nostril is funny. I can Insert a Q-tip into my left nostril. It just goes straight in, straight to the back. Completely, without being visible. It doesn’t hurt. And my nose works fine otherwise. And no, I never did coke or the like.”
55. My body is fucking weird.
“I’m a 5’7″ woman, wear a size 6/8 in top and bottom (my wedding dress was a size 8 and they’re usually sure sized), and am technically morbidly obese by body fat standards (~40%) . I am the definition of skinny fat.
Turns out I have a rare genetic condition that decreases the amount of free testosterone I have to virtually 0, meaning I have a really hard time building and retaining muscle mass. I started taking hormone therapy a few months ago after searching for a doctor that would give a woman testosterone (but not for gender identity reasons). I actually lift regularly and even with such low muscle mass, I can bodyweight squat (~180 lbs) and am pretty close to the 500 club. My body is fucking weird.”