1. I had watched them go in and out of other trucks for a while, cum dripping down their legs.
“Only ever saw a couple…both times they knocked I had been sitting up front smoking and watching Netflix so I had watched them go in and out of other trucks for a while, cum dripping down their legs. So if that isn’t enough to make you vomit and say no (and it was for me). they were old and toothless so not just no…Hell, no!”
2. A vagina covered in what can only be imagined as grease, warts, and some indescribable mix of unhealthiness.
“My friend once told me that he encountered the legendary chili pussy—a vagina covered in what can only be imagined as grease, warts, and some indescribable mix of unhealthiness. I wasn’t told whether or not he did or didn’t, all I know is he saw it.”
3. She pissed herself in his driver’s seat, hopped out of the truck, and casually walked away.
“My dad is a truck driver. One time he thought he locked the truck, but when he came back to his truck, the lot lizard was in his seat. When he said he wasn’t interested and he’s married and to get out of his truck, she said, ‘Well, fine then.’
Then she pissed herself in his driver’s seat, hopped out of the truck, and casually walked away.”
4. She squats down and douches with the Sprite.
“I was about an hour South of Dallas at this non-chain stop with a Wendy’s, I’m walking back with my Dave’s double and fries and see this fairly attractive woman knock on a truck door. She goes in, 10 minutes later comes out with a bottle of Sprite. Knocks on the next door, 10-15 minutes later hops out of that one. Before she goes for her third, she squats down and douches with the Sprite.
This was at about 1 PM and I was driving midnight-noon. When my co-driver got back in I told him to lock the doors before I went to bed.
I had strange dreams that night. I’d seen the unicorn. The chupacabra. I’d seen an attractive lot lizard.”
5. He said his girl would blow me for $20 or he would blow me for $10.
“Not a truck driver, but I was walking out of a gas station and this guy walks up to me. He asks me if he got his girl to blow me would I give him 20 bucks for gas. I politely decline and walk away. He runs up to me and says he’d blow me for 10. Um, no thank you and I get in my car and drive away.”
6. One in particular liked to educate me on douching and using BenGay on her asshole.
“Used to work at a truck stop. I saw lots of aged women in mesh clothing. One in particular liked to educate me on douching and using BenGay on her asshole.
I was asked a few times to accompany truck drivers for a week for 1,000$—never accepted. I don’t want to be murdered.
I had to convince one (the BenGay lady) that she needed an ambulance. She asked for a chair and told me how a driver threw her out of his truck last week and her ankle was killing her. She showed it to me and it was hugely swollen and black and blue. She had a broken ankle. And showed me her fancy boot and crutches a few days after she was released from the hospital and was back at the lot.
We had one that was arrested for stealing air fresheners (the ones you hang over your mirror made out of cardboard).”
7. He dumped a bottle of several-day-old piss on her head.
“I drove for a bit a few years back. While I was training, my trainer and I parked in this truck stop near Brownsville, TX that was notorious for lot lizards. One in particular was especially persistent. She kept knocking on the door every 30 minutes or so for a period of hours.
Now an important side note to this story is the fact that, owing to the nature of the job truckers can’t always stop to piss so they piss in Gatorade bottles.
So back to crazy lot lizard, after hours of telling this ugly, dirty, meth-spotted woman ‘no, I don’t need company’ my trainer opened the door to the truck and dumped a bottle of several-day-old piss on her head, ending the offers of her sexual services for the night.”
8. She was older than dirt, scabby and shabby.
“Thee most nastiest lot lizard I ever seen and heard was this one that worked a truck stop in Laredo, TX. She was older than dirt, scabby and shabby, gets on the CB and asked, ‘Who wanted some booger?’ all the time, I forgot her name but her raspy voice I can hear it when I think about this.
God, she was the epitome of a hag, but truth be told she was actually pretty entertaining, but she made money, so I don’t know who’s worse, her or the drivers who rented that booger.”
9. I was propositioned by a mother-and-daughter team.
“Not a truck driver but I travel across the country quite often with my pickup and a work trailer every few months.
My trailer needed a part welded in Big Spring, TX so I spent the night sleeping in my pickup and a woman that I assume was in her 50s and her 19-year-old daughter knocked on my window to wake me up.
They asked me if I was looking for a good time and then gave me some guilt-trip story about how they were stuck and needed gas money after I refused. I declined again and drove to the welding shop and parked there for the night.”
10. The first thing out of her mouth was ‘I’m not a lot lizard, I’ve got all my teeth.’
“I was at a rest stop near NYC and was filling out my paperwork when a guy approached. I assumed he was another driver and was asking for some tools or something. I rolled down the window and he asked if I needed any company. Cue the gear screeching noise. I said No, thanks. and he left.
Another time I was out at a Flying J in Dallas and it was 2ish in the afternoon and I was done for the day, so once again I was doing paperwork. I had a fairly pretty college age girl walk up to me and the first thing out of her mouth was ‘I’m not a lot lizard, I’ve got all my teeth.’ That made me chuckle, so I decided to talk to her. She was selling magazine subscriptions for the troops and wanted me to buy some. She said people usually buy 3 of them and they each would be like $200. I don’t normally carry 600+ in cash on me and anyway it sounded too much like a scam for me. I said no and she went on her way.
Worse story though was one night I saw a lizard get out of a driver’s truck and squat over a nasty puddle in the parking lot and wash out her twat with that water that had diesel fuel, oil, piss, and God only knows what else, and go on to the next truck. Never even considered using a lizard’s services after that, even as a joke.”
11. She lifts up her little skirt and proceeds to ‘wash the deck down’ with shaking and spraying the Coke on her lady bits.
“Down at the El Paso truck stop, friend of mine and I having some beers on the picnic table. Little cute gal with a gold tooth is working the trucks. She hops up in one after a few, hops back down. Her friend walks up to her with a towel and bottle of Coke…she lifts up her little skirt and proceeds to ‘wash the deck down’ with shaking and spraying the Coke on her lady bits. My buddy and I sat slackjawed for a moment he looked at me and said, ‘That’s the nastiest thing I seen and I was in the Marines for 8 years.’ I’ll never forget that one.”
12. Several young ladies scattered like cockroaches.
“Sitting in a truck stop in Dallas in the early afternoon when a cop car rolled by really slow. Several young ladies scattered like cockroaches. I look over and there’s a probably 200-pound-black woman in yellow spandex crouching behind a 4″-wide sapling. It didn’t take long for him to see this criminal mastermind.”
13. She was wearing 6-inch heels, a mini-skirt about 8 inches long, a tube top about 4 inches wide, hoop earrings big enough to put a baseball through, and so much makeup it looks like she put on Lowe’s flat later #4.
“For those that don’t know, there’s a huge truck stop on I-80 outside of Davenport, Iowa. It normally is pretty clean, and lot lizards weren’t something I saw much of there. In February of ’05, I rolled in there just ahead of a snowstorm that would be called a blizzard anywhere but the Great Plains. I HATE putting on chains, so I stopped early, got a personal pan pizza at the Pizza Hut, and settled in with movies and my iPod until morning.
About 3 AM, I was woken up by someone banging on the side of the truck. Since everyone from mechanics to DOT does this, you pretty much have to respond—you do not want to ignore a State Trooper. I went to the door, and it’s a lot lizard, wearing 6-inch heels, a mini-skirt about 8 inches long, a tube top about 4 inches wide, hoop earrings big enough to put a baseball through, and so much makeup it looks like she put on Lowe’s flat later #4.
She also looked about 13. And before the jokes, not in a ‘awwww yeaaaah’ kind of way—in an ‘I am a victim of trafficking’ kind of way.
‘It’s cold, can I get into your truck to warm up?’ is one of the oldest lines in the book, and I had roundly cursed a number of ladies who had tried to use this one on me before. But this one…I wasn’t sure she wasn’t 13. It could have been that scrawny heroin look, but something about her didn’t seem that hardened. So I told her she could get in, but only to warm up—she had to take a blanket, and she had to stay in the passenger seat.
After about 10 minutes, it was pretty clear she wasn’t 13, but she wasn’t much older, either. She was 16, her name was Molly, she had run away from home in Missouri (abusive stepfather, boyfriend in the Army, etc.), and knew someone who made $800/night doing this. It was her first night, and I was literally her first attempt at turning a trick—I thought that might be a line too at first, but as we kept talking, it became pretty clear she had no idea what she was doing.
After about two hours of talking, I got her to agree to go with me to the ministry in the truck stop. They had resources on combatting trafficking and were able to get hold of the right people from the state to help her get home.
I had to leave that morning (not my truck, not my load, not my call on staying put), but I asked her to email me if she got home. She did. She still sends me updates now and then.”
14. She asks if there’s anything she could do for me to earn some money to ‘feed her fetus.’
“Was a brand-new truck driver in 2009. Second run ever was from Louisville to Oakland. I team with my wife, and this company did mostly expedited freight (no stopping to sleep). Get delivery complete. Had no money for a GPS, so we’re Googling truck stops on our only phone at the time. This dump RIGHT IN Oakland pops up. We know nothing about California. Get parked. 60-something horribly-scantily-clad black lady approaches truck and knocks. I roll down the window. She asks if there’s anything she could do for me to earn some money to ‘feed her fetus.’ My wife is right over my shoulder, and in full view of this woman. After I chuckle, I respond that I have no money. Wife smacks me on the back of my head, saying, ‘You’re supposed to say you’re married.’ I say, ‘same thing.’ Truck was a bit quiet after that.”
15. My lot lizard stories were composed entirely of me being mistaken for a lot lizard by other drivers.
“As a solo female long-haul driver in her mid-20s, my lot lizard stories were composed entirely of me being mistaken for a lot lizard by other drivers. Drivers would walk past me really fast without making eye contact and whisper under their breath, ‘how much?’ Took me a while to realized what they were asking … I was like, are you talking to me???? How much for what ???? Until I figured out, oh, they think I’m a prostitute!!! Funny. Then I ordered myself all company gear from head to toe, with my company logo on there. All good after that. It never bothered me much as I know it gets lonely for men on the road and sex workers work hard for their money, too. As long as it’s not child trafficking and or forced prostitution, I have no problems with lot lizards.”
16. He had Tourette’s and was literally SHOUTING ‘BEAT MY DICK’ very loudly.
“Years ago, my friends and I used to frequent a shitty non-chain truck stop off I70 in central IN. We went there at night mostly because it was open 24/7 and nothing else was. Food was good and cheap and it was not really that busy, as there were real truck stops not far down the line. Anyway, one night some toothless hag was giving a guy a handy in the back booth, probably for her meal by the looks of her. Well, the issue wasn’t that she was jacking him in the booth, I’ve seen worse. The issue was he had Tourette’s and was literally SHOUTING ‘BEAT MY DICK’ very loudly. That wasn’t so much a problem for my friends as I as it was for the 3 State Troopers that came in. They sorta took issue with it. I don’t know if the guy was a trucker or not. He sorta looked like Manuel Noriega’s long lost special-needs brother. Well, the real shit show started when the cops went to arrest the guy. He had a short little thalidomide arm that they couldn’t get cuffed, and he was swinging that around like some sort of nunchuck.”
17. I’ve never seen someone run so fast in my life.
“Trucker’s wife here.
We were stopped for the night at a Flying J somewhere in Kentucky. Around 2 AM, I heard someone banging on the side of the truck. My husband woke up and went ‘What the fuck?’ and started to get out of bed. Since I was in the bottom bunk, I popped up the bunk and grabbed the winch bar. I was able to get to the front of the cab faster than my husband was. I flung the curtain open with a look on my face that read ‘the fuck do you want?’ and was met with the sight of a lot lizard.
I’ve never seen someone run so fast in my life.”
18. I am so fucking ugly I can’t get hit on by a hooker.
“Memphis is a sketchy town after dark, so it’s one of those cities I always tried to avoid sleeping near when possible. It’s getting pretty late and I am 70 miles outside Memphis so I figure it is time to shut it down for the night. I pulled into a gravel lot (this becomes important) across the road from a truck stop I had been to before. Been here several times and never had any problems before.
As I am backing into a spot in the back row I see a girl walking toward my truck. Pretty young thing. Petite with brunette hair. She was dressed pretty much the way I expected. Short spaghetti strap tank top with a thin white blouse over that and a short thigh length printed wrap like you would find at the beach for a skirt. As I set the brakes and shut down the motor she approached my drivers door. I knew what I expected her to ask and I knew my answer. I looked down at her and she said… “Excuse me…..do you have a bandage?” That was not what I had expected. I must have had a strange look on my face because she pulled the blouse off of her right shoulder to reveal some cuts and scrapes. I turned on my work lights and got out of the truck. Using a cloth and bottled water I cleaned up her shoulder and arm. Then from my first aid kit I took some salve and bandages and patched her up. I told her I had some iodine if she wanted to get the cuts really clean. She asked if it would hurt? !?!? Ummmm, yes. Nope, just the salve and bandages please.
We maintained a pleasant conversation about the injuries while I worked. Apparently she had been thrown off the side of a truck that night (gravel lot, remember). Some truckers just have no manners. When I thought I was done she pulled the wrap down a few inches and there were more scrapes on the top of her hipbone so I rinsed and repeated the process. While doing this I noticed that she had pulled the wrap below her navel and I recognized what I saw immediately. I asked her, ‘How many kids do you have?’ Her…very angry ‘How did you know!? Who told you!?’ I needed to calm her down ASAP. The last thing I needed was an angry hooker accusing me of anything. Who knew a herniated navel was so incriminating???? Me, ‘My wife has the same belly button.’ She proceeded to tell me about her son, how old he was, why she was in the profession. I told her I didn’t think there was anything wrong with her job but she might want to find a new job for her son’s sake. It just wasn’t safe for her. When all was said and done she just turned around and walked away. I don’t remember if she even said thank you or anything like that. I do remember being a little disappointed. I thought a discount was in order even though I still would have said no. I guessed she was done for the night. I put everything away and climbed back into my truck. Proceeded to waste time doing something completely unremarkable. …Nintendo DS or read a book…I don’t remember. After an hour had passed, lo and behold who do I see climbing into the truck beside me? Yep….Ms. Beach Skirt. It was right then that I realized something that I have remembered the rest of my life. I am so fucking ugly I can’t get hit on by a hooker.”
19. ‘You ain’t never had your rig cleaned as good as I’ll do it.’
“Not a truck driver, but I was working on a project for class 8 semi trucks and we had to get out demo truck down to Florida. Fueling up along the border or Kentucky and Tennessee we pull into this huge truck stop. On the CB radio there is this woman who keeps saying, ‘Y’all need the inside of your truck cleaned, come my way.’
This went on for a few minutes until some good ole boy comes on the radio, ‘You clean the inside reaaaal good???’
Woman—’You ain’t never had your rig cleaned as good as I’ll do it.’
Truck driver—’Well, I’m in the purple Freightliner 3rd from the end, come on over.’
I proceeded to watch the nastiest thing that could be called a woman waddle across the parking lot and crawl up into a purple Freightliner. Sadly the story does not end here. After about 5 minutes this cum dumpster waddles back down out of the truck, over to the pumps, and grabs a squeegee that you would use to clean your windows and proceeds to clean her fine self up with it.
Couple minutes later on the CB….’Y’all need the inside or your truck cleaned….come my way.’”
20. She asks if I want to see her titties, I say no, she pulls them out anyway.
“A couple years back, I’m heading home at ~3:00 am after dropping a friend off. I pull in to a gas station/truck stop to get a drink with caffeine so I can stay awake for the drive home. As I’m walking out, a lady calls out to me asking if I can help her. She looks like she’s had a very rough life (i.e., homeless), and I’m a nice guy, so I ask what she needs. She tells me that she needs a ride about 2 miles down the road.
I don’t see her as a threat, and I feel bad for anyone having to walk 2 miles at 3 AM, especially if they’ve already been on their feet all day. So I tell her to hop in the car.
We’re not even out of the parking lot before she says, ‘I need to make some money.’ I’m like, ‘Huh, well, maybe you can go to a temp agency or one of those day labor places tomorrow.’ She says, ‘No, I need to make some money now,’ to which I say, ‘Oh, OK.’ I was starting to get the message at that point, lol. She says, ‘I’ll give you a blowjob for $20.’ I tell her, ‘No thank you.’ She gets more insistent, asks how much money I have, maybe $15 would work. I continue to decline. She explains how this wouldn’t be just any blowjob, she would do it with vigor and skill—she even includes sound effects, sigh. I decline once again. She asks if I want to see her titties, I say no, she pulls them out anyway. She explains that she owes money to some people and she needs to have it or they’re going to be upset with her. Finally we got to our destination maybe 3 minutes later (though it felt much longer). I wished her well, gave her $5 because I felt bad for her, and sent her on her way.
Most awkward ride ever.”
21. She had definitely been ‘rode hard and put up wet.’
“I used to travel from Texas to Minnesota on a harvesting crew. One night I was the first truck to delivery my last load, and I was instructed to wait at the truck stop in Big Springs, Nebraska. At the time I was 20 y/o and naive to the world. Well, I parked my truck in the far end of the lot and fiddled with my lights trying to turn them off while the truck was running (hot out). I got my lights off and hopped in the sleeper to relax and wait.
Five minutes later my passenger door opened and a womsn climbed into the seat. She looked to be around 30, and had probably been attractive in her earlier years, but had definitely been ‘rode hard and put up wet.’
I asked her what she was doing and she responded ‘that’s your call, baby.’ I sat up as she climbed into the sleeper and sat next to me. I had no idea what was going on. She kinda scooted closer and placed her hand on my knee, and commented on how young and ‘fresh’ I was. I told her I had no idea what was going on and she must be mistaken.
‘You’re just nervous, I get it. You wouldn’t have flashed me over if you didn’t want it.’
At this point I (kinda) realized what was going on and told her to leave. She was angry and demanded money for wasting her time. She eventually left unsatisfied and not a penny richer.
It wasn’t until I told the guys in my crew what happened that I truly understood what had happened. They filled me on in how I signaled her by flashing my lights. The next morning I saw her climbing out of a truck as I walked by with coffee. I waved to her.”
22. If you are a gay male looking for a ‘personal massage’ or maybe some ‘stress therapy,’ I would say Bakersfield is right up your alley.
“There’s a truck stop in Bakersfield, CA notorious for lot lizards (I believe it’s a Love’s or a flying J). I stopped at it once. The place looks normal, not trashy or ghetto. When I stopped and parked for the night (or early morning, it was 1 AM), the place was unusually busy. I mean, people were walking in and out of the store, the line for showers was busy, and people were moving in and out of trucks like a Chinese fire drill. Lo and behold, I turn on my CB. Channel 19 was blowing up with people interested in ‘personal services’ and getting directions and getting channel numbers to continue the conversation on. If you are a gay male looking for a ‘personal massage’ or maybe some ‘stress therapy,’ I would say Bakersfield is right up your alley.”
23. I normally don’t feed the local wildlife while out on the road, but one time I’d been out for a while and got a little lonely.
“I normally don’t feed the local wildlife while out on the road, but one time I’d been out for a while and got a little lonely.
One of the critters came up banging on my door one night and told me she’d give me a toilet greaser in exchange for a shower credit and $30. For some reason I thought this was a good idea, especially since I could make sure she was cleaned up a little bit.
A lot of guys take their wives out on the road so it’s not super unheard-of for two folks to go into the shower together but it’s not really allowed at most places. Anyhoo, we got in there and she tried to get down in position for the greaser but we found out that you really do need the toilet for support. It ended up with me slipping and falling on her (I’m 283 dripping wet). She ended up hitting her face on the tile and knocking a tooth out. I was trying to get up and she scratched me on the leg real good all pissed off. I kicked her out and didn’t give her the $30 and then had to drive down to the next truck stop so she didn’t vandalize my shit or anything.”
24. She stole my wallet and left me stranded for two days.
I don’t drive anymore, but back when I was there was one encounter with a lot lizard I can’t seem to live down with friends.
I stopped one night at a Pilot and wasn’t feeling well. After grabbing some food I immediately crawled into the bunk and went to sleep. In the middle of the night I woke up and something seemed off. In my half-asleep daze and without my glasses on, I looked around and saw something very small moving on the floor in the front of the cab. I thought maybe a bird or something had gotten into my truck. About the time I sit up looking at the floor and start to get out of the bunk I hear, ‘Hey baby’ from my left at the driver’s door.
I scream. She screams and runs. Slams the door.
In the few seconds it takes to grab my glasses and jump out of the truck, she’s gone.
Well, I had obviously forgotten to lock my doors being sick and focused on going to sleep. That small movement I saw was her reaching into the truck from the door and going through my pants, stealing my wallet. Cops were called but other than ‘black’ I couldn’t see without my glasses enough to give any more of a description. Not much cash was in the wallet, maybe $50, but I didn’t find it discarded after looking and ended up sitting in that truck stop for two days as I had to get a temporary license faxed to me….
Yeah, lot lizards are scum….”
25. My uncle was stabbed to death by a truck stop pimp.
“Uncle was a long-haul driver in the 70s . Back then it was really crazy, lots of drugs and such. Witnesses say my uncle was approached just outside of a truck stop in Texas and was approached by a guy who was pimping a girl. Uncle declined but guy kept pressuring him. It got loud. Uncle makes it into truck stop and goes into bathroom. Guy follows behind him and stabs him in the back six times with a blade that was described as a machete because of the length and takes uncle’s wallet. Uncle dies. I was two when it happened, so I don’t remember him at all.”
26. She walked with a severe limp as if her pimp put a couple bullet holes in that ass.
“Not a trucker, but I did stay at a Flying J overnight!
I was driving an almost-racecar on my way down to Florida on I-75 in North Georgia. During the middle of the night I hit some raccoon or something, exploding my bumper and damaging my steering. I pulled into the truck stop there and parked in ‘Party Row’ so I could fix my car out of the way and under a light.
As soon as I had the wheel off, I was approached by a lot lizard. Black, tattoos, actually fairly attractive, dingy white shorts, and walked with a severe limp as if her pimp put a couple bullet holes in that ass. She starts off with, ‘Have you ever had sex in public?’ Knowing where this was going, I said, ‘Yeah, it kinda sucks.’ I tried to stay busy so she would leave, but she persisted. ‘How ’bout I show you some Southern hospitality in those bushes there?’ I just laughed, and then she made herself more clear. ‘What I’m sayin’ is we can roll a fuck in those bushes.’ I politely declined.
I kept an eye on her while I worked. She seemed agitated about not finding a John. Whenever we made eye contact, she would attempt to strut toward me, which looked ridiculous with her hobble.
I slept in the car, woke up around 7 AM, and went into the Flying J. On the way, a family of 4 came out of a large RV to do the same. The boy was about 8 and the girl maybe 4. I see the LL coming in on an intercepting course, and I am like, ‘Oh, fuck no.’
She asked mom and dad if they ‘Would like to sample a Southern belle.’ Dad laughed, and mom goes, ‘What the HELL is the matter with you?’ The boy was :o
Her response? She shrugs and says ‘Well, a lot of folks are actually into that sort of thing,’ which I found rather disturbing.”
27. I was approached by the most emaciated, crack-addicted, STD-having, rotted teeth lizard I have ever seen.
“The most disturbing one was in North Little Rock, Arkansas.
Most OTR drivers know these three truck stops, they’re crowded, smelly, hot, and not exactly safe.
I had to park at the Pilot/J there one night. Before sunset I was walking my dog when I was approached by the most emaciated, crack-addicted, STD-having, rotted-teeth lizard I have ever seen.
She proceeds to stand in our way and ask, ‘You boys look lonely?’
I noped out of there so fast I made my Border Collie look slow. Went back to my truck and made dinner. Then I got to thinking, how did she know my dog was a boy? What did she mean by ‘You boys’? So many questions that I really didn’t want to know the answer to.”
28. He pulls out a large map, lays it across his lap, and she gets under it. The map bobbed up and down for 10 mins.
“When I was in high school, I worked at a Wendy’s. It was attached to a truck stop. One day during dinner rush a car pulled into the parking lot and a scantily clad woman gets out of the passenger side. She is obviously not happy. As she starts pulling her bags out of the car, the man driving gets out and starts pleading with her. She yells at him and he eventually gets back in and drives away. She goes from truck to truck knocking, and finally someone lets her in. His cab is in full view from the dining room of the restaurant, which is now full of people. He pulls out a large map, lays it across his lap, and she gets under it. The map bobbed up and down for 10 mins. Then they came inside and dined on square hamburgers. Super educational for a 16-year-old in the suburbs.”
29. She lifts up her skirt and shows us her vag and spreads it open and tells us to look, she doesn’t have any diseases.
“My lot lizard story…I had a friend who was a driver, he asked me if I wanted to ride along sometime and I said yes. Well we pull into a truck stop somewhere in southern Arizona and grab dinner at an Iron Skillet (buffet, worse than Hometown) and head back to the truck for the night, we get back to the truck and over the CB we hear chatter about a couple of cute looking girls knocking on truck doors, and right about then we see them.
Two young girls are wandering around, one of them gets into a truck and the other comes over to us and knocks on the door, my buddy opens it and there’s fairly decent-looking girl, maybe 16 or 17 years old, her eyes glazed over clearly high as a kite. She asks us if we want to party and we both tell her no thanks. Then she lifts up her skirt and shows us her vag and spreads it open and tells us to look, she doesn’t have any diseases. I almost lost my self-control and made a huge mistake, but again we told her no thanks and she climbs down and wobbles off. My buddy and I look at each other and he tells me he almost told her yes.
And yes, we reported it but no cop car showed up that night.”
30. How to tell the difference between an undercover cop and a truck stop prostitute.
“Best story I hear was from a former trainer: ‘If a lady comes up to your window and asks if you want company, you reach out and grab her tits. If she is a cop, she will freak out and start cussing at you. If she is a hooker she will be like ‘is that all you want.’ So needless to say I’ve felt up a couple good-looking cops.’”