1. Why do you demand that women be good-looking when you’ve obviously never taken a look in the mirror?
“That you can’t seem to understand that if you want someone good-looking and who takes care of themselves…you need to do the same. Look at yourself in the mirror before you go looking for perfection/your ideal woman.”
2. How can you sit down without squashing your balls?
“How do you not manage to sit on your balls every time you sit down? Like, I seriously cannot imagine how you manage to sit with those things in the way.”
3. Do you ever grow up?
“Do they ever grow up or do they manchild forever?”
4. Why are you never sexually satisfied?
“The insatiable need for sex, like an animal.”
5. Why do you think that catcalling will work?
“That wolf whistling/catcalling is actually gonna work?! Like no! It’s creepy and usually insulting. What do guys who do it seriously think is gonna happen?”
6. Why do guys insult each other as a way of bonding?
“Why do you insult/tease/take the piss out of each other as a way of bonding?”
7. Why do you draw dicks on everything?
“Why do you draw dicks on everything?”
8. Why are you so afraid to ask for directions?
“This is obviously a stereotype, but is it really that hard to ask for directions when you clearly have no idea where you’re going?”
9. Why are you such babies when you get sick?
“When my husband is even slightly sick he is the biggest baby about it. I’ve noticed that men in general don’t handle sickness as well as women & tend to complain more about it. Annoying.”
10. Why do you know more about cars than about your own family?
“Why is it that some guys can remember what the fender of a ’65 [insert car name here] looks like, but they can’t remember their kids’ ages/birthdays? It completely baffles me that someone could tell you some off-the-cuff fact about a car they don’t even own but they can’t tell you anything important about the people in their immediate family.”
11. Why do you take marathon showers?
“Why do you take such long showers? It’s mind-boggling. My brother is the worst, he takes like 50 minute showers.”
12. How can you live with such super-hairy butts?
“How do men live their lives like normal while also having super-hairy butts? How do you wipe and know it’s clean? Does it not itch? WTF….”
13. Why are you so smart about some things but so dumb about others?
“Some men, such as my boyfriend, can be intelligent, academically smart and perform well at work. He can also be just as stupid, lack common knowledge and not so smart. Just last night he put in frozen pizza in the oven. He reads the box in the meantime and yells out to me, ‘Which one is the bake function?? The oven doesn’t say bake, it only says fan forced or grilled. Do I pick both? There’s an option for both.’
He says a lot of derp things and I always hope he doesn’t slip up at work. How does this even happen?? To be equally smarts and dumbs….
He’ll do things without thinking about it, like his brain is on a weird programmed auto pilot. I can’t think of anything specific at the moment, but it’ll be something along the lines of he’ll get me to hold something and then he will go looking for the item almost immediately. Or he will open a cupboard then close it…to open it again, pause, and then close it. When I ask him, ‘What are you doing?’ he’ll look at me at a blank face and say, ‘I have no idea.’”
14. What’s with all the pillow hatred?
“Why do you hate on all the pillows on my bed?”
15. Why do you think you should always lead the way?
“Why do you: 1. Not wash hands after peeing? 2. Lick your fingers instead of using a napkin? 3. Wipe your dirty hands and your dirty mouth with your T-shirt instead of using a napkin? 4. not see dirt and dust collecting in your living space? 5. not see the stains on your shirt? 6. think you should always lead the way?”
16. How do you miss the toilet when you pee?
“Men, why do you care how big your pecker is? Yes, some women need a certain size, but no matter what your size is, within reason, there is a woman you will fit with like puzzle pieces. Also, why can’t you clean up the bathroom floor if you miss the toilet? Super also, HOW DO YOU MISS THE TOILET?”
17. Why do you want a mom figure as your girlfriend?
“Why does it seem every male I meet in their 20s basically wants a mom figure as their girlfriend? I can’t even begin to explain the struggle of finding a guy who has aspirations and his shit together. It’s really starting to become depressing. I don’t want to be someone’s mother figure. Sigh.”
18. Why do you smell your own socks after taking them off?
“After a long day my boyfriend always takes off his socks and smells them. Please explain this to me. You know they aren’t going to smell good.”
19. How can you have sex with a woman who has a stinky pum pum?
“How can you have sex with someone when they have a stinky pum pum?”
20. WHY in the absolute FUCK do you need to WALK INTO THE BATHROOM WHILE I PISS to have a conversation with me?
“WHY in the absolute FUCK do you need to WALK INTO THE BATHROOM WHILE I PISS to have a conversation with me? Can it wait 3 minutes? Can I pee and wipe without your eye contact? Goddamn…”
21. Why do you think that you’ll get a date from catcalling someone?
“Why some men feel the need to catcall. What is the purpose? Do they think they’re gonna get a date out of it, or do they just feel the need to express their attraction?”
22. Why do you play video games to ‘relax’ but freak out if you don’t win?
“How men play video games to ‘relax,’ then spend the entire time getting frustrated when they don’t win.”
23. How can you just ‘turn off’ your feelings?
“How they can be so unfeeling. Just walk away and absolutely not feel anything about someone, just not care. How can you just ‘turn off’ your feelings?”
24. WHY ARE YOU SO OBSESSED WITH BUTT STUFF?
“I don’t even really want an answer—I’ve seen it answered and the replies kind of creeped me out tbh—I just want to complain: WHY ARE YOU SO OBSESSED WITH BUTT STUFF? And if you must be obsessed, can’t you be obsessed with your own ass? Pop out to the store and get yourself any number of ass-safe devices and go hog wild. I wish you every joy of it. Fuck’s sake, just leave me alone about it after I tell you no.”
25. Why don’t you just shut up and listen when we complain?
“Sometimes when a girl complains, she just wants you to listen and be compassionate. Don’t give her every possible solution, just shut up and listen!”
26. Why call a woman who doesn’t want to sleep with you a slut or a whore?
“Why call a woman who doesn’t want to sleep with you a slut or a whore? That makes no sense. It’s actually kind of a double burn on yourself, because if she’s so easy and she’s STILL shutting you down, you must be wretched. I just don’t understand that choice of words.”
27. Why do you insult women who reject you sexually?
“‘Hey baby, looking sexy!’ … ‘I’m not interested/I have a boyfriend/does that even ever work?’ … ‘You’re a fat bitch anyway!’ Please explain.”
28. Do you really have buttholes?
“I’ve never seen a guy’s butthole IRL. It’s not really baffling, it’s just elusive…”
29. How does your penis fit in those skinny jeans?
“When you’re wearing skinny jeans or any pants for that matter, where the hell does the penis go?!”
30. How do you ride bicycles without crushing your genitals?
“I destruct my pubic bone riding a bicycle if I haven’t in a while, and I don’t even have extruding genitals to worry about. Does riding a bicycle hurt your bits?? I worry for you.”
31. What’s with the ‘nohomo’ culture?
“That weird nohomo culture. Why are men so reluctant on complimenting, hugging, or being physically close to other men (physically close as in cuddling, not as in general proximity)?”
32. How can you just walk away from your family?
“How men can just walk away from their family.”
33. Why don’t you make more noise during sex?
“The non-reaction during sex. Most of the time all I get is heavy breathing then ejaculation. Leaves me with a lot of second-guessing on my foreplay techniques.”
34. Do other guys besides my boyfriend use their dicks as clothes hangers while changing?
“Do other guys use their dick as a clothes hanger when changing sometimes? My BF says he uses his dick to hang his pants or shirt when changing.”
35. Why do you just shut down when you get upset?
“Why do you do that thing when you get sad or mad where you just ignore your girlfriend or be really snappy and shitty and it takes coaxing for you to start talking again?”
36. What’s with all the dick-sizing?
“Why men focus on genital size so much. I don’t see why guys feel the need to compare their dick size.”
37. What do you intend to gain from catcalling?
“Men who heckle: What do you intend to gain from it? I can’t speak for all women but ‘YOU’VE GOT A NICE ASS’ has never exactly made me want to run over and marry the guy.”
38. What’s with the fecal obsession?
“Your huge obsessions with shit and taking shits.”
39. How do you live with so much body hair without feeling gross about it?
“How they can live with so much body hair and never feel gross about it. I know they’re used to it, but don’t they ever feel sweaty or sticky in places where there’s more hair, especially in summer?”
40. How can you wear the same clothes a couple of days in a row?
“How you can wear the same clothes a couple of days in a row. My boyfriend will sniff his shorts/pants be like, ‘It doesn’t stink’ and proceed to wear them the next day. Why!?…We live in Austin where it’s hot as balls right now so he’s gotta be sweating.”
41. Why do you think penetrating a woman like a jackhammer is a good time?
“When men think penetrating a woman like a jackhammer is a good time.”
42. How can you just think about nothing?
“How they can just think about nothing. I’m so jealous.”
43. Does your penis float like a buoy while soaking in a bath?
“Does your penis float like a buoy while soaking in a bath?”
44. Why do you go MONTHS without changing the sheets?
“How you can go MONTHS….not just one or two, but MONTHS without changing your sheets.”
45. Why do you take marathon showers?
“My boyfriend takes the longest showers. They are always at least 35 min.”
46. Why are you so blind to all the food in the fridge?
“Not seeing food in the fridge or just forgetting about leftovers even when they open the fridge multiple times a day. HOW? I’ve lived with four guys and they all do it.”
47. How the hell are you always hungry?
“How are they always hungry??????”