34 Guys Discuss The Perks Of Being A Guy

Illustration by Daniella Urdinlaiz.
Illustration by Daniella Urdinlaiz.
Found on AskReddit.

1. I enjoy the absolute ecstasy of peeing from atop tall buildings with the wind in my hair.

“Women will never know the absolute ecstasy of arching a massive pee off of a tall object. Wind in your hair and wang in hand, you are lord of all you see.”


2. I can use my foreskin as a vessel with which to carry water from the river back to my village.

“Using my foreskin as a vessel with which to carry water from the river back to my village.”


3. I can put my genitals into a jar of peanut butter.

“I am able to put my genitalia in jars of peanut butter (if desired).”


4. We don’t have to babysit because everyone thinks we’re child molesters anyway.

“Since all men are sexual deviants who can’t be trusted, we are rarely called on to babysit anyone’s kids.”


5. I can use my scrotum as safe storage for my gummy bears.

“As a man, I can stretch my scrotum back and shove a testicle in my ass making a hammock for safe storage of my gummy bears.”


6. I can piss straighter and further.

“Dick rifling. The head of the dick cause urine to spin which makes it so we can piss straighter, and further.”


7. I don’t even need to think about what I’m going to wear.

“Both a perk and a curse, male formal wear is so bland and it is always a dress shirt, tie, and black pants with dress shoes, we basically don’t even need to think about it.

That being said, even if it is fucking hot out we have to wear it while girls get short skirts and sun dresses.

BRING ON THE DRESS KILTS, MEN!”


8. I can travel the world solo without fear.

“I’m a 6’3″ male and I spent years solo traveling the world. Most women I’ve spoken to admit that they would love to do that but are too scared. And understandably so. I often met women on my travels and would accompany them for a while and they said it made them feel much safer.”


9. I don’t have to ‘do my hair’ thanks to male pattern baldness.

“Thanks to male pattern baldness I never have to ‘do my hair.’ It sounds sarcastic but seeing what my SO goes through to keep her hair did makes me appreciate it.”


10. If I ever get jumped by a crack addict, I can probably fuck him up.

“Deep down I know if I ever get jumped by a crack addict I can probably fuck him up.”


11. I can spin my genitals like a helicopter.

“It’s so fun to just play around with a dick. Home alone? Drop trou, spend 5 minutes trying to get that perfect helicopter spin.”


12. I can pee in the sink.

“Pissing in the sink.”


13. People think I’m intelligent if I play with my beard.

“If a woman’s playing with her hair people assume she’s pretty ditzy. If a man strokes his beard people think he’s intelligent and contemplative.”


14. I can pee without hassles.

“Hassle-free pissing. Sometimes I just walk up to the toilet. Pull down my pants and go, browsing my phone without missing a beat.”


15. I can wipe back to front without getting an infection.

“Maybe it’s just me, but I find wiping back to front to be easier and more effective. With bonus not getting a fucking infection.”


16. I can aim my urine.

“I’m a boy. That means I can get those Osama bin Laden toilet targets and mow down terrorists in the comfort of my bathroom.”


17. I have a dick but can also be one.

“Boys: Cons: they’re dicks. Pros: their dicks.”


18. I can hide my hideous face behind a beard.

“I can hide my hideous face behind a beard.”


19. The world is my urinal.

“As a man the world is my urinal.”


20. I can walk home in the dark without fear.

“I can walk home in dark without fear of other people. Except cops, I might get stopped by cops asking why I’m walking in the dark.”


21. I don’t have to wear makeup.

“Not having to wear makeup.”


22. I don’t have to worry about urinary infections.

“Men are less likely to contract urinary tract infections because our urethra is extended further away from or bodies.”


23. I can move heavy things with little effort.

“Being able to, with little effort, force a huge burst of strength in order to move something heavy even if I’m not in great shape. I’ve moved shit that made me wonder why I wasn’t in the hospital afterwards.”


24. While running, my penis balances me like a tail.

“Just like a cheetah’s tail acts as a counterweight for it while it’s running, my penis acts as a counterweight in a similar fashion.”


25. It’s socially acceptable to shave my head.

“It being sociably acceptable to shave my head. Save a fortune on combs and shampoo. Plus cooler in the winter an nothing feels batter than wind blowing across my scalp.”


26. I am naturally a better fighter.

“I am naturally a better fighter and no woman is a threat to me in a fight.”


27. My body hair keeps me warm in the winter.

“All that extra body hair on my body makes it feel like big foot is cuddling you in winter.”


28. My semen has many magical powers.

“My semen can not only be used to mark territory or as a light snack but i can also spray it in cats’ faces to assert dominance.”


29. I can use my genitals as a towel rack.

“Walked to the bathroom with a towel on my hard dick while my hands were free.”


30. I can stretch my genitals past my belly button.

“Couple years ago I got in an accident with a horse. Long story short my balls swelled to the size of melons. When it wasn’t swollen anymore I could stretch my scrotum past my belly button.”


31. I can pee anywhere; then again, I can get boners anywhere.

“Peeing anywhere is good, but awkward boners sort of levels it out.”


32. I’m stronger and taller.

“I’m physically stronger and taller than women.”


33. I’m better at keeping secrets.

“Better at keeping secrets due to no compulsion to share everything.”


34. I can play games with my scrotum.

“As a male, you can manipulate your testicles in such a way that they go up in front of your pelvis and it seems like your scrotum is empty.” TC mark

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