100 Things All Women Need To Know About Men (According to 100 Men)
Romance

100 Things All Women Need To Know About Men (According to 100 Men)

71. Never, ever call our penis ‘cute.’

“I’m surprised by the lack of penis knowledge most women possess, so here’s some information.
1. When we pee, it’s not this magical stream that starts and stops without dripping, and it doesn’t always shoot in a straight line. It can, and sometimes will, shoot out in multiple directions simultaneously at times. We’re not peeing on the seat on purpose, and it’s as frustrating to us as it is to you.
2. Like the joke by Dane Cook, our penis is kind of like an amoeba. It’s constantly changing shape, and you never really know what he’s going to look like at any given time.
3. To add on to the above post, let’s also talk about shrinkage. When we’re dehydrated, been swimming in the pool, or have just been generally very active, he’s going to be a shadow of himself when released to the world. We’re literally talking 1/3 to 1/4 (sometimes even below) his full size. This is expected, but still a bit emasculating. Be an adult.
4. Never, ever, call him cute. Unless you want to talk about how big he is, don’t say a word.”


72. We are much simpler than you think we are.

“We are much simpler than you think we are. ‘When you hear hoofbeats, think Horses, not Zebras.’”


73. We get annoyed when we find out you told your best friends our confidential secrets.

“We get annoyed when we find out your best friends know everything about our relationship, including the secrets we told you in confidentiality.”


74. GIRLS. CAN. ASK. GUYS. OUT.

“GIRLS. CAN. ASK. GUYS. OUT. I cannot tell you how often it gets asked on Yik Yak at my university or I overhear girls deliberating over it with their friends if they can ask a guy out.”


75. Don’t look for hidden meaning in what we say.

“That men really don’t have anything behind what they’re saying. Like, if you’re going out to dinner and he says, ‘That’s an interesting dress,’ literally he means it’s interesting. He doesn’t mean that it’s ugly, he doesn’t mean that you look fat, that your hair is ugly, that you have a nasty pimple on your chin, he really just thinks your dress is interesting. All the while you’re overanalyzing what he’s saying and thinking of 400 different meanings to what he said, he’s onto thinking about what he wants to eat at the restaurant.”


76. When we say, ‘I love you,’ we mean it.

“When you say, ‘I love you,’ I’m not always going to parrot it back. The reason is because love isn’t a Pavlovian response. When I say, ‘I love you’ it is with thoughtful intent. I want my ‘I love yous’ to have meaning.


77. Hints don’t work.

“Hints don’t work. If you want something, ask for it. If you expect him to read your mind, you’re going to be disappointed a lot.”


78. Don’t try to make us jealous.

“Don’t try to make us jealous by pretending to like other guys. A lot of guys will just back off if they think you’re into someone else.”


79. We listen to your problems so we can solve them.

“If you ask us for advice, we will give you what we believe to be the best course of action. 90% of the time you will ignore us. 95% of the time you will think it’s stupid. But 99% of the time, it will be the simplest, most direct method to solve the problem. That’s what we do, we listen to your problems to solve them. It’s not what you want, but it’s what you get.”


80. Don’t wait for us to initiate sex.

“If you want to have sex, don’t wait for men to initiate. If a man always has to initiate into sex he will feel like you don’t want it and just do it because you make him feel good but don’t actually feel any pleasure yourself.

Also , when initiating, be pretty straightforward or use very obvious hints because we don’t get it. If you start touching a guy’s dick and he doesn’t understand that you want to have sex, yeah, that’s wrong. But if you give some sort of glance or just say something like, ‘Oh, it’s been a long day’ and we’re supposed to work from there to understand that you want to have sex that’s not gonna work.”


CLICK TO THE NEXT PAGE…

Related

About the author
Sometimes, when I don't have anything important to do, I write. Read more articles from Lorenzo on Thought Catalog.

Learn more about Thought Catalog and our writers on our about page.