41. Men don’t drop subtle hints.
“When I ask, ‘Do you know where the remote is?,’ I am not asking you to look for the remote. When I ask, ‘Is this basket of laundry clean or dirty?,’ I am not asking you to do the laundry. When I say, ‘We’re all out of milk,’ I am not asking you to drop everything and go shopping. For fuck’s sake, I’m just trying to exchange information with you. I’m not trying to drop subtle hints that I am unhappy and need you to do something, my God.”
42. Please respect our privacy.
“Oh yes, another thing: If I tell you, ‘Please respect our privacy, what happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom,’ and you turn around and tell all your friends…I will be upset and the relationship will probably not last.”
43. If you say, ‘Nothing’s wrong,’ we will believe you.
“If we ask, ‘What’s wrong?’ and you answer, ‘Nothing,’ we will behave exactly as if everything is OK.”
44. Don’t try to make us jealous by talking about other guys.
“Mentioning how many guys are going for you/chasing you doesn’t create the narrative of, ‘Oh damn, she’s a hot commodity, better try harder.’ Instead it’s, ‘Fuck, chasing her seems like it would be a lot of drama, better skip this one.’”
45. We are as insecure about ourselves as you are about yourselves.
“We are as insecure about ourselves as you are about yourselves.”
46. All men are different and they should be treated as such.
“All men are different and they should be treated as such.”
47. We have feelings, too.
“I know this isn’t what your mother or your schoolteachers or the media told you, but we’re every bit as human as you are, so it’d be nice once in a blue moon if you realized we have feelings, too. Just saying.”
48. We’re not always in the mood for sex.
“Just because we can’t get an erection at a given moment, that doesn’t mean we’re not into you or that we don’t want to have sex. It’s not that simple.”
49. If we compliment you, the best thing you can say is, ‘Thank you.’
“If we compliment you, the best thing you can say is, ‘Thank you.’ A self-deprecating joke about how we’re wrong is rarely charming.”
50. We’re not interested in playing stupid games.
“We can see through the ‘I’m fine’ bullshit. But if you say it three times, we’re going to let it go. It’s not because we aren’t aware it’s bullshit, and it’s not because we don’t care—it’s because we’re not interested in playing stupid games.”