22 People Describe When Their Sexual Fetishes Went HORRIBLY Wrong

Shutterstock / FilippovaOlga
Shutterstock / FilippovaOlga
Found on AskReddit.

1. SEMI-PUBLIC SEX WITH DUCKS NEARBY

“Semi-public sex in high school. We went under a bridge. It was kind of muddy and gross, and there were ducks hanging out close by. I couldn’t focus on pounding my GF because I was concerned that a duck was going to bite my balls while I was distracted.”

2. WAKE-UP BLOWJOB

“Girl wanted to do the awesome thing where they wake you up with a blowjob. She wanted to deep-throat it. I woke up to sounds of gagging and then 2 seconds later a crotch full of vomit. Lovely.”

3. HE ALMOST DIED DROWNING IN PUSSY

“Boyfriend wanted to try and go down on me in the shower. He’s about 30 seconds in and starts coughing and choking bad. He basically almost drowned in the shower, while going down on me. I told him if he had died, we could have put on his gravestone: Died drowning in pussy.”

4. GLORY-HOLE PENIS SPLINTER

“A glory hole thing with my ex-boyfriend, it was fun, we were at some shady adult store and it was extremely hot until he let out a sound like the Devil had just stuck a red hot poker up his butt. I guess while he was banging me through the hole the corner of it had a stray splinter and it dug into his dick. This wasn’t just any splinter, it looked as if a piece of the wood had cracked and it was a 1-inch-long shard. I drove him home and nursed him back to health by removing the splinter and cleaning his wound while listening to his cursing all evening.”

5. SOIXANTE-NEUF AVEC MERDE

“69…She had a piece of shit stuck in her asshole hair.”

6. FUNGAL FOOTJOB

“Footjob, but the girl had toe fungus.”

7. FIRECRACKERS ON MY CLIT

“Use Pop Rocks they said, it’ll be fun they said! Exploding candy under your hood is no joke! I had to attempt to run to the bathroom with what felt like firecrackers on my clit!! NEVER!! AGAIN!!”

8. LEOPARD PRINT SEX SWING

“Sex swing. Bought one for GF’s apartment. I was hanging it up to the roof in these shitty apartments while she was at work. Got it up and decided to test it before putting her in it. Sat down. Put a little more of my weight on it. Lifted one foot off the ground, then another. Sat for a second, hear a pop and crack. I looked up and the bolts broke free of the rafter. I’m staring up at a 5-10 pound steel bar falling right into my forehead as my ass hits the ground. I’m not sure how long I was out for, but I awoke on the floor half-wrapped in a leopard print sex swing.”

9. CEMENTED TOGETHER IN AGONY

“When I was in my early 20’s, I won a Valentine’s Day basket at work. It had champagne, chocolate dipped strawberries, handcuffs, edible underwear, that kind of stuff. After suffering the humiliation of winning said gift basket in front of an office full of clucking older ladies giving me knowing smiles and cracking jokes at my expense, I took it home and my husband (then boyfriend) and I decided to have a little fun. One of the items in the basket was a set of flavored body paints. Chocolate, vanilla and strawberry. Now, after tasting them, we realized that they actually tasted really good, not chemically or weird like a lot of that type of thing. So things get heated, we start fooling around and we start just painting the shit out of each other, licking it off, generally feeling pretty good and having a great time. Finally we can’t stand it anymore and we start having sex, and within about 5 seconds we realized what a horrible mistake we’ve made. Our skin felt like it completely fused together. Hair in every place that either of us had it was being ripped out. Our stomachs, legs and arms were cemented together and we were in agony. We had to literally count each other down to ripping our limbs apart one by one, then subsequently crying and laughing hysterically afterward. I ended up with a small patch of his pubic hair on my thigh, for God’s sake. Never again.”

10. CUM & VOMIT

“Had a girlfriend who had a serious gag reflex and couldn’t stand cumming in her mouth. But bless her heart she always wanted to try and make things work. So she says ‘tonight is the night’ and starts going down on me. I come and at that moment I look down and see ‘the look’ on her face. She tried to swallow but half a second later she proceed to throw up violently all over me. I am sitting there covered nuts-to-face in a mix of puke and cum. We beelined for the shower and she apologized profusely and cleaned me up when the giggles began. There we were in a tiny shower laughing our asses off. She dates women now, but she was a total trouper.”

11. HOT LUBE

“Me and the wife tried some of that couples’ lube that when combined made you feel awesome. It combined all right, just like water on a damn grease fire. We were both burning so bad we ended up laughing till we could barely breathe fighting over the shower head.”

12. BORING BONDAGE

“I tried tying my wife up. It just felt awkward. Neither of us could really get into it. I just untied her and we watched X-Files.”

13. A MARCHING BAND OF CUM FARTS

“A few years ago, I began watching a lot of anal porn. I was a little hesitant about trying it, but it looked hot, especially when it came to women using sex toys on their pussies while a guy pounded away at her arse. I was curious and wanted to try it. I was in a long-distance relationship at the time, so we talked about it in preparation for the next visit; I had a shiny new butt plug and a plethora of lube ready to go. Unlike porn, it wasn’t quite as straightforward. I underestimated the results. We went at it for a bit and it felt good; he finished and I went to clean myself up. I was unprepared for the marching band of cum farts that emitted from my newly discovered sweet spot. This was before we were fully comfortable letting rip in front of each other, so imagine the horror on my face when I realize that he can hear this roaring beast from the next room. The farts alone I might have been okay with, but the splattering detonation of semen made it sound like there was some explosive diarrhea going on. We ended up laughing about it, but at the time, it was terrible. Still wouldn’t stop me from trying anal again though. Yes, I did anal bareback before I was comfortable with my farts around him. I severely underestimated what a colossal pseudo-prolapse I’d be dealing with.”

14. ANAL KNOCKOUT

“Gay guy here. My boyfriend and I were having sex and he asked me to really go to town on his ass—so I did. I was pumping away so fast and hard I thought I was going to have a heart attack. I thought the sidepiece of my bed frame fell off with a thud to the ground. Then my boyfriend’s body went limp…he wasn’t moving. Apparently, I rammed him so hard, his head hit the wooden headboard and he was knocked out cold. Before anyone asks, no, I didn’t finish.”

15. FINANCIAL DOMINATION

“Financial Domination. In short, you give someone money without expecting anything in return and you get turned on by it. I got into it before I even knew it existed or even had a name. Contacted a girl on gonewildcurvy, asked to send money periodically. It became an addiction. I was always distracted thinking about it. Once I found out what it was and saw how it was done professionally, I tried moving on to other girls who did it professionally. Ended up in debt for the first time in my life—I was always good with my money until I stumbled upon this fetish. I’ve stopped doing it but I still fantasize about it while watching porn thinking ‘imagine if that girl milked me dry of all my earnings.’ It’s so weird but it’s such a rush. I’m scared once I start making real money instead of just working a part-time job, I wouldn’t be able to resist the urge to spend thousands of dollars a year on it.”

16. CARBONATED BLOWJOB

“GF at the time loved giving blowjobs and wanted to try something different. She heard somewhere that if she keeps soda in her mouth while giving head the bubbles feel good for the guy. So she tries it with ICE COLD COKE. Like a frightened turtle it ended.”

17. I DECIDED TO TRY AND LET MY DOG FUCK ME

“I was into bestiality. One night, after drinking copious amount of vodka, I decided to try and let my dog fuck me. He gladly obliged. Unfortunately, the angle and etc. resulted in a sudden and sharp pain deep in my ass (oh, I am a guy, sorry to ruin the fantasy). We stopped. The bleeding did not stop for several hours. I started to feel REALLY…wrong. I finally went to the ER. The doctor asked what happened, and I told him I tried to fuck myself with a…toilet brush, as it was the only thing I could think of. My white blood cell count was through the roof. Doctor said had I waited overnight, I likely would have died. I was admitted and given an IV antibiotic, which saved me that nasty $125 co-pay. And saved my dumb-ass life—no pun intended.”

18. BONDAGE FREAKOUT

“I’ve tied up an ex, started out fine, then she starts freaking out and hyperventilating. Scared the shit out of me, she had no idea what made her react like that.”

19. VIBRATOR GOT STUCK UP HER BUTT

“Butt play with a vibrator that was too small and it got stuck up inside her. She had to sit on the stool, push like she going no 2, and I had to use my fingers to pull it out. She was in near hysterics yelling ‘I don’t want to have to go to the emergency room!!!’ I was able to calm her down a bit and she finally was able to release it. I was trying hard not to laugh but I did. She was mad but eventually forgave me.”

20. NEVER INSERT A WINE BOTTLE

“This is an appropriate thread for a regular reminder that you should never insert a wine bottle (or any alcohol). It has a high fatality rate, and if you don’t die you’ll sure be messed up. Alcohol is severe enough when going through the body’s normal filtration processes, but pouring it in the anus gets it into your bloodstream quickly without any filtration. It’s more of an effective way of assassination than fetish play.”

21. GAGGED ON A PIERCING

“This happened like 8 years ago. I had had my tonsils out when I was a kid, so I have 2 holes in my throat where they used to be. so I was deep throating this dude that I was about to bang for the 1st time. he had horizontal Prince Albert piercings (5 total, all the way from the from the head of his wiener to the base.) and as normal I gagged, but at this time, the lowest barbell, the perfect width of my throat, slipped into my tonsil holes and got stuck/hooked. he panicked and tried to pull it out, but my gagging wedged it in there…was 30 seconds, maybe, before my throat relaxed…ripped his dick a bit, and tore 2 bloody holes in my throat. There was gagging, drooling, a lil puke, lots of bleeding, sweating, crying. hurt 10 times worse than strep throat for like a week.”

22. CONDOM JUST VANISHED LIKE HOUDINI

“First time anal…condom just vanished like Houdini. It was so odd she actually questioned whether we even used one in the first place, so I just went with it and say I probably forgot to strap it on. Imagine her horror and bewilderment as she shat it out three days later. So yeah, that was a fun weekend.” TC mark

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