1. Am I even attractive?
“Am I even attractive? Are my boobs even bouncing when I’m on top? No? Great. Oh good, he’s turning me around. At least he’ll have something good to look at now.”
2. Can he feel how fat I am?
“Can he feel how fat I am? Why does he even want to have sex with me? I’m gross. But damn, he’s good at this.”
3. the smell of sweat and shame
“If it’s going to smell like sweat and shame afterwards.”
4. HOLY SHIT THAT DICK
“During the foreplay I’m usually thinking: ‘Wow, I’m so lucky to have him. He’s so handsome and out of all the women he could have, he chooses me. Holy shit his hands are going to all the right places. Clothes off. Level 2. Yasssssss. HOLY SHIT THAT DICK. During the actual sex I’m too busy having my brains fucked out to really think.”
5. Do we have pizza rolls in the freezer?
“Up until I climax I usually think things like, ‘Does it usually feel this good?’ or, ‘Goddamn I like genitals,’ but after I finish and he keeps going I usually wonder something along the lines of ‘Do we have pizza rolls in the freezer?’ Or ‘I wonder how much longer he’s going to take.’”
6. Am I making an ugly face?
“Unfortunately, 90% of the time I’m thinking about my insecurities. ‘Am I tight enough?,’ ‘Am I making an ugly face?,’ ‘That moan just sounded like a grunt,’ ‘My thighs look horrifying.’”
7. How much it would suck if the condom broke
“How much it would suck if the condom broke.”
8. Usually I have a very nasty earworm that is stuck in my head
“Usually I have a very nasty earworm that is stuck in my head. It isn’t always the same one but I have a song in my head.”
9. How many weeks ago did I put in my Nuva ring?
“This is boring. Where do I look? I don’t want him to see my eyes right now. Should I close my eyes? Will it hurt his feelings if I close my eyes? Am I scratching him? Will he be upset if I scratch him? Will he be bummed if I don’t? How many weeks ago did I put in my Nuva ring? But at the same time the part of me that doesn’t think in words just keeps telling me how much I love him. I hate that I feel this way. It feels unhealthy to be so bored with sex.”
10. How perfect it is
“How amazing his hands and mouth feel on my body, how warm his skin is. How beautiful his face is as he concentrates on his rhythm, sparking the most intense sensations inside me. How full I feel when we do this, both physically and emotionally. How perfect it is and how lucky we are to get to do this with each other for the rest of our lives.”
11. I had to mentally remind myself he was not in love with me
“When I was with one particular guy, years ago, I had to mentally remind myself he was not in love with me. It was so good, I actually almost fell in love. With my husband, it’s mostly the occasional worrying if the kids will wake up.”