“I know that sounds really harsh, so let me explain, because it’s a specific kind of garbage. You know how a paper bag sitting in your kitchen wastebasket filled with coffee grounds and orange peels smells on a hot & humid summer morning? Well, my girlfriend’s cookie tastes like what I imagine that specific kind of garbage would taste like. Coffee grounds and orange peels fermenting in a soggy paper bag. It’s not even unpleasant—but very specific.”
11. Fish—but good fish.
“I’ve never been able to figure this out, because the smell of fish is about the least erotic scent on the planet—except when it’s billowing out of a vagina. Maybe there are some super-secret pheromones that make it not only palatable but highly edible, but licking my girlfriend is like French-kissing the tastiest fish on earth. And I don’t even like seafood. Not usually, anyway.”
“She’s got this weird citrus thing going on down there, and I’ve never tasted it in another girl, and believe you me, I’ve tasted a whole Baskin-Robbins array of girls. But there’s this tangy tangerine taste that she has that always has me coming back for seconds.”
“She tastes like nothing. Or like water. Or air. There’s really no taste at all. She’s a full-blown germophobe and neat freak, so maybe she washes it to the point of sterility. I’m not complaining, because it could be a lot worse than ‘nothing.’”