The millennial generation is often mocked, scorned, and belittled by the world’s millions of milleniophobes, yet life presents unique challenges for these groundbreaking and fearless youths who only seek to make the world a better place. Because of their special place in time and history, they are disproportionately vulnerable to certain fears that may not afflict others. Here is a list of those fears.
1. Nomophobia—the fear of losing cell-phone coverage.
For a generation that spends far more time texting one another than they do making out with one another, this is a fundamental and primal fear. Not knowing how many people liked your most recent Instagram selfie can induce a morbid dread that passeth all understanding.
2. Dextrophobia—the fear of anything to the right of you.
Although this term technically refers to things that are placed to the right of your body, it can also be used metaphorically to describe an irrational fear and dread of anyone who is not a dedicated and fanatical leftist. Since most millennials are overwhelmingly liberal, this is a very common fear that may only be assuaged by finally acknowledging that people who disagree with you are human, too.
3. Allodoxaphobia—the fear of other people’s opinions.
This refers not only to fear of what others think about the allodoxaphobe as a person, but also the irrational and borderline insane fear of any opinions that differ from one’s own. Thus the insane and irrational compulsion to misrepresent all disagreement as “hatred” or, ironically, some form of “phobia.”
4. Heresyphobia—the fear of any challenges to one’s ideology.
Social media in particular has enabled a new form of social totalitarianism wherein any heretic—i.e., anyone who does not fall in completely lockstep with one’s personal ideology—not only isn’t tolerated, they are subject to witch hunting and doxing and endless attempts to render them unemployed and personally destroyed. What’s supremely ironic is that this is typically done in the name of “tolerance.”
5. Sophophobia—the fear of learning new things.
As Camille Paglia lamented a full generation ago, the problem with today’s youth is that they only read books that they already agree with. Nowadays this is truer than ever—millennials are outright terrified of confronting any information or opinion that may serve to rattle or undermine their most sacred beliefs. This is a crippling disease with no known cure.
6. Pogonophobia—the fear of beards.
Most millennials have conquered this fear, as demonstrated by the high quotient of male millennials with facial hair. But for the pogonophobic millennial, any visit to a club, coffeeshop, or art gallery can be an experiment in terror.
7. Hoplophobia—the fear of firearms.
It is perfectly rational to fear a gun that’s pointed at you, yet it’s entirely irrational to fear the existence of firearms in all cases except when the government owns them. You never hear anyone who’s in favor of “gun control” arguing that the government—which owns enough firearms and bombs to murder every American a thousand times over—should also be disarmed. If you’re going to fear firearms, at least be consistent and fear all of them.
8. Hesperophobia—the fear of Western civilization.
Although millennials have been exposed to endless propaganda counseling them to beware of things such as “xenophobia” and “Islamophobia,” they exhibit an irrational fear that Western civilization is inherently evil. And they express such fears while almost exclusively using technology that was developed and perfected in the West.
9. Oikophobia—the fear of one’s own surroundings and culture.
This is the inverse of xenophobia. It involves a fanatical and borderline religious paranoia that one’s own culture is uniquely horrible. Oikophobes rarely put this fear into action by actually pulling up their tent stakes and moving to places with cultures that are completely alien to where they grew up. This suggests that they actually prefer their own culture simply because it allows them to be bitchy brats, whereas other cultures might not be nearly so tolerant of such misbehavior.
10. Misophobia—the fear of hatred.
As with love, hatred is a natural human emotion. As with love, it is also misused, abused, and misunderstood. Everyone hates something to some degree. What’s important is to understand why hatred exists, because if you oversimplify and misrepresent it, you’ll never get to its root causes. And it’s especially important to not openly hate the haters, because that’s not only hypocritical, it’s hateful.
11. Androphobia—the fear of men.
It is a modern tragedy that the rise of equal rights for women has coincided with a full-blown attack on all things male and masculine. You can read any pro-girl website on Earth and see demeaning language directed at men that would be considered objectively “sexist” and “gynophobic” if aimed at women. It doesn’t have to be that way—in other words, it’d be nice if everyone viewed one another as humans first before delving into divisive issues such as race, gender, and sexuality—but apparently everyone needs a scapegoat. Meet the new boss, same as the old boss. Plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose.