29 Things Men Say They’ll Never Understand About Women

1. Why are the crazy ones the best in bed?

Why mental/emotional stability is inversely proportionate to good sex.

2. Why do you keep dating assholes?

Why you always date the same kind of asshole and hope they turn out better?

3. Why do you slut-shame other women?

I genuinely don’t understand why “slut-shaming” is so common among women—even women who are otherwise quite open and liberal/accepting.

4. Why do you cry all the time?

The ability to just sit and cry. Not about a movie or something that happened during the day, just garden-variety crying.

5. Why do you want sympathy rather than solutions?

When women tell you their problems and we try to offer solutions, but all they want to hear is sympathy.

6. Why do you talk. So. Fucking. Much?

How they can talk so. fucking. much. My wife can talk for hours upon hours and she’s not repetitive. I don’t get it. I have plenty of interests, read a lot, watch a lot of things and I could talk for about an hour before I’m sick of hearing my voice.

7. Why can’t you take a compliment?

Why do you always say that you’re ugly? I mean seriously I have only encountered 2 or 3 women that when I said “you’re pretty” they would say “thank you” instead of that “No I am not , here are the reasons for that”…. why?

8. Why do you keep asking if you’re fat?

Yes, you are fat. You know it. I know it. You know that I know it. And no, I am never going to say you are fat. So why do you ask me if you look fat?

9. Why can’t you just listen to my words?

Why you can’t listen to my words instead of running them through the woman algorithm that makes it always wrong and upsetting?

10. Why are you such hypocrites?

Women: “I know I asked you to not do this thing, but now I’m going to go do this thing, because this thing is different when I do this thing.”

11. How do you clean your vagina in the shower?

How do you clean your vagina in the shower?

12. When you sit on a bicycle seat, does your vulva/vagina touch the seat?

When you sit on a bicycle seat, does your vulva/vagina touch the seat?

13. Why do you all go to the restroom together?

Going to the restroom in a herd.

14. Why do you hog the bed?

When sleeping… How do you manage to get the covers over and under yourself at the same time so quickly?

And why… dear god why do you need to either move across the entire bed and push me to the very edge or maneuver yourself diagonally?

15. How are you able to do the “mental emotional math” so quickly with any problem?

It baffles me how women are able to do the “mental emotional math” on complicated communications so quickly.

I really struggle with recognizing when someone else might need an out to save some face, but women seem to not only pick up on this, but calculate an out for that person and deliver it in a way that observers like myself cannot even notice. I bow down.

Women are social geniuses.

16. How do you withstand childbirth?

That you can squeeze a watermelon out of an orange-sized hole.

17. Why do you always win the argument?

How they always seem to win arguments no matter how wrong they are…

18. Why are you such slobs?

How can you act appalled and grossed out when my car has maybe one empty cup and some gum wrappers on the floor, but yet your bathroom constantly looks like Bigfoot had a seizure in it?

19. How do you deal with having periods?

Periods. How do you deal with them and still go about your business looking cute? If I get hit in the balls, i got to sit down for a little and breathe.

20. Do you know when you’re being a bitch?

Do you know when you’re being a bitch?

21. Why are you so cruel to one another?

Why they’re so cruel to each other. Guys when they fight, they physically fight and that’s it. Women, it can be years of psychological torture. Them bitches be mean to each other. Really catty remarks, viciousness, just outright stupidity. But then they often carry on a “Muah! Muah! Love you girls! Woooo friends 4 eva! Vegas 2015! Girlz Night! XoXo love u bitches” Meanwhile they’re all at each other’s throats inside.

22. Why can’t you ever just get to the point?

The inability to get to the point when telling a story. No matter how interesting the premise/promise of the story there have been countless times where the story just spins out of control with side stories and useless details. By the time the point of the story comes out, the mind has already wandered off.

23. Why are you always asking us what’s on our minds?

Their need to constantly know what’s on our minds. Sometimes it’s you, sometimes it’s the sandwich I’m about to eat. Sometimes it’s that funny tifu I read on reddit last night about the guy who got 2/3 girls prego in one night. And sometimes, nothing at all.

We’re really simple creatures. You don’t need to constantly analyze us.

24. Why do you make everything so complicated?

Man: What do you want to eat tonight? Woman: I don’t care. Man: Okay, let’s get Mexican. Woman: I don’t feel like Mexican. Man: That’s cool, how about Chinese. Woman: Nah. Man: Pizza? Woman: We just had pizza. Man: What would you like then? Woman: I don’t care. Man: Obviously you do because you shot down everything I suggested. Woman: I said I don’t care. Just pick something. Man: I did and you said no, so just tell me what the fuck you want to eat. Woman: You’re such an asshole! Why are you getting mad? This is what happens when you bottle up your feelings. Man: Jesus Christ, I’m just trying to figure out what to eat for dinner.