25 People Describe The Worst Place They Ever Had Sex (NSFW)

Flickr, Saku Takakusaki
Flickr, Saku Takakusaki
Found on AskReddit.

1. A pirate ship in a children’s playground.

Pirate ship in a children’s playground. What makes it so bad is one day a small child may dig through that sand and find the remnants of that day.

2. Beach, sand in her vagina.

Beach, sand in her vagina.

3. A graveyard.

A graveyard.

Yeah we called it the monster mash. It was a graveyard smash.

4. The Vomit Comet, aka that plane that simulates zero gravity.

The Vomit Comet, aka that plane that simulates zero gravity. Fined, banned, and the sex is pretty lame in the null grav. BF and I won the bet we wouldn’t do it though!

5. With a married woman, in the backseat of her car, in-between her two-child car seats, in her church parking lot.

With a married woman, in the backseat of her car, in-between her two-child car seats, in her church parking lot.

Yeah, I’m going to hell.

6. Public restroom in a park.

Public restroom in a park. There was a spider next to my head & I didn’t get off.

7. Behind a dumpster working third shift at a CVS pharmacy in the middle of July.

Behind a dumpster working third shift at a CVS pharmacy in the middle of July.

I was 19 and it needed to happen.

8. In an ancient burial ground.

Wife and I ventured out of our hotel room in Maui and ended up on a grassy spot near the water. We walked back out there the next day and realized that the nice secluded grassy area was an ancient burial ground. Aloha bitches!

9. In a trailer with my girl while we were all drunk with friends.

Probably in a trailer with my girl while we were all drunk with friends, so like three other people within 10 feet of us. We were under a blanket, they were all awake but too drunk to notice. Except one, my buddy who got up and said, “Will you stop having blatant intercourse in front of me so I get by and take a piss?” We didn’t stop. He stepped over us. No one else noticed. X)

10. On the top bunk of my dorm room.

On the top bunk of my dorm room. We were both kind of drunk. I put her hand on my dick. She started jacking me off until I told her I had to have her then and there. We started humping, but it was difficult with only 3 feet between the mattress and ceiling. It’s a miracle we didn’t fall out of bed or hit our heads on the ceiling.

11. In the car on the ferry to Long Island.

In the car on the ferry to Long Island. I was also pregnant. It was cramped and rocking and just bleh.

12. In the sand dunes, and it wasn’t the sand that made it awful.

In the sand dunes, and it wasn’t the sand that made it awful. We got bitten alive by mosquitoes and interrupted by a snake halfway through. Then after sex he got up to pee and the wind blew it back into my face.

13. The tiniest tent ever.

The tiniest tent ever. Or so it seemed to me. My arse that was a two-man tent. I barely fit in there on my own.

The last night of Download Festival one year closed with naughtiness in my tent. However, my alleged innocence (in the eyes of my friends, who tease me about it regularly) meant that they thought that was hilarious, and made quite a deal of it.

The impracticality of the tent wasn’t the main problem (although the door I’m told was still slightly open so my feet poked out). It was the fact that those dicks decided to gather a large audience outside of the tent that I was oblivious to until I was told about it on the coach home.

So thanks guys…

14. In a movie theater.

Took my girlfriend to see House Bunny for her birthday (you can figure out how long ago that was but I’m guessing 5 years now), I can’t remember how it lead to this, but I ended up going down on her, and as the movie came to an end(and so did she ;P ), I came up and two workers where at the bottom of the stairs and they said, and I’ll never forget, “yeah, you need to stop that”, and she pulled up her pants, in utter shame lol, and we were ‘escorted’ out… we get married next month lol.

15. A Port-A-Potty at Warped Tour with some sweaty random.

Oh man that’s an easy one. A Port-A-Potty at Warped Tour with some sweaty random. It was about 95 degrees and it was all shit humidified and slippery.

16. In a Port-A-Potty, at a shitty parking lot carnival.

In a Port-A-Potty, at a shitty parking lot carnival. Nice hot Port-A-Nookie, in a nice hot Port-A-Potty

17. At a local festival that lasted 4 days on day two.

At a local festival that lasted 4 days on day two. It was in my tiny 2 Person tent. I just remember the sweat, we were both covered in sweat, what else should there have been with 28-30 Celsius (82-86 degree for America) And I as a gentleman started to lick her, oh that smell, that smelly smell, smelled like I was at my local store and bought some fish… oh and the sound as he had sex, like you jumped into a mud over and over again.

18. In a car at a 4-day country music festival on day 3.

In a car at a 4-day country music festival on day 3. It was probably 100+ degrees everyday, and none of us used the showers because they were so dirty it would be pointless.

Oh, the guy had a cabin really close so had had been showering everyday. So it was only gross for one of us.

19. Sears dressing room.

Sears dressing room. Tried to be so quiet. Worst part was the condom broke and she just casually asks me to try her ass instead. Poor girl was an anal virgin. Was. That or a Dollar General bathroom so we could try out the new condoms we just bought. The bathroom was in the back of the store in the stock room. As soon as we walk out there were two workers just waiting on their turn. The look they gave us…

20. A hot tub.

Hot tub. Water is NOT a lubricant.

21. The shower. The water and soap made everything slippery.

The shower. I’ve had sex in a lot of unconventional places, but none were as bad as that one time I tried having sex in the shower. The water and soap made everything very slippery, none of us could hold proper balance, the whole thing ended with me hitting my head pretty badly (I was told most of this story as I don’t remember much of it. I wasn’t drunk, but the memory is so choppy on the whole thing that it feels like I had been drinking pretty seriously.)

TL;DR Looks nice and hot in the movies, but in reality shower sex is pretty dangerous. Stuff was slippery, I hit my head and blacked out.

22. In the ocean.

Was having sex in the ocean and I was quite near the beach (so shallow that I was sitting on and she was on top of me) a bigger wave comes and moves me around…I sit on a sea urchin…lets just say I have had more pleasurable sex…all this while my friends’ parents are having a drink 150 feet away.

23. In the trunk of a red Mitsubishi Lancer.

I had sex in a red Mitsubishi Lancer while my buddy and his brother were driving through hurricane traffic in Houston. My gf and I were in the trunk getting it on when I noticed the kidnapper handle, I didn’t even think twice. I yank on the handle and about 200 or so people saw my white ass while my gf is screaming at me to shut the deck lid. I’ve never heard so many horns honk, it was like New Delhi, India in Houston, TX on that part of the interstate, I like to think that everyone was honking in approval of my just getting laid.

24. Under a bridge next to a bayou.

Under a bridge next to a bayou. It wasn’t really flat, it was like a 45 degree slope made of rough ass concrete. The girl I was with was very into public sex and I was always horny so it didn’t take much to convince me to do things like that often. About 10 minutes in, we realize that this was a horrid mistake, the stench of the bayou started mixing with our must and she realized she was laying in moss. Not thinking properly, I tried fucking her up the slope missionary style. I was wearing cargo shorts and not thinking about rough concrete rubbing against my knees. I ended up scalping both my knees trying to pleasure this woman, and she got concrete burn(?) on her ass and lower back. 0/10 would do again. Limped home in deep regret and pain. And blue balls.

25. Those bathrooms in public where junkies and drunks hang around.

If you live in Finland, those bathrooms in public where junkies and drunks hang around.

For people that don’t know, it’s basically a Port-A-Potty times 10, with concrete floors, and smells like Satan’s shit after a night at Chipotle. TC mark

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