25 People Describe The Most Cringeworthy Sexual Mood-Killers Of All Time (NSFW)

Flickr, Franca Gimenez
Flickr, Franca Gimenez
Found on AskReddit.

1. ”You smell like my dad.”

Was making out with a chick and she said, I shit you not, “You smell like my dad.”

Who the fuck says that?

2. I whispered my brother’s name into her ear.

Me and my girlfriend were making out in my room. Things were going really well…until I decided to make an attempt of whispering something romantic into he ear. I wanted to start it off by whispering her name, but instead I whispered my brother’s name into her ear…

She could not stop laughing when it happened and till this day she mocks me by randomly whispering my brother name around me…

3. Laughed at her queef.

Laughing at her queef.

4. Sneezed in her mouth.

Sneezed in her mouth.

5. He burped in my mouth.

A guy once burped in my mouth while we were kissing :/

6. Nothing ruins the mood like the Benny Hill theme coming up at full volume mid-hump.

Guys, don’t have your music collection on shuffle during sex. Nothing ruins the mood like the Benny Hill theme coming up at full volume mid-hump.

7. As I went to take off my panties, they got caught in my heels and I fell over.

Went to the strip club with my boyfriend. Each got lap dances. Came home horny and I tried to recreate a sexy dance for him. As I went to take off my panties, they got caught in my heels and I fell over.

8. ”WHORE!”

When I was about 12 or 13 a girl kissed me and slipped in the tongue. I wasn’t expecting it and all I could say was “Whore!”. It didn’t go well after that.

9. I found my boyfriend’s sister’s dildo in his bed.

Finding my boyfriend’s sister’s dildo in the bed was kind of a mood killer.

10. I farted directly onto her tongue.

I had a girlfriend (now ex) agree to give me a rimjob. As soon as her tongue hit my pooper, it tickled, so I farted directly onto her tongue.

Sexy time over.

11. ”Me neither.”

A girl told me she had never had a first kiss before and got close to me. I said, “Me neither” and backed away.

12. Peed on my wife’s butt in the shower.

Peed on my wife’s butt in the shower. I told her I was marking my territory. Idk how we are still married.

13. Laughed about a dinosaur joke I remembered from earlier that day.

Laughed about a dinosaur joke I remembered from earlier that day.

14. Did a Gollum voice impression during intimacy.

I was curious how she would react to a Gollum voice impression during intimacy.

It was received poorly.

15. Fell asleep while being cowgirl’d.

Fell asleep while being cowgirl’d.

Only my head fell asleep. I was still doing my job, thanks to the good people a Pfizer. But she was insulted and that ended that session.

16. “Keep the change, ya filthy animal!”

Drunkenly tried to throw a used condom into my bedroom trash. The condom struck my girlfriend and all I my drunken mind could muster was to say, “Keep the change, ya filthy animal!” Got the silent treatment for a week.

17. I got a cramp in my foot when licking a girl out

I got a cramp in my foot when licking a girl out, my face cringed up and I started shouting…

18. She touched it and it went off in her hands.

When I was 13 my older sister’s drunk friend came into my room. My sister passed out and she was bored. She wanted to show me something. She lifted up her shirt and showed me boobs. She said it was my turn so I got up and took off my boxers. It was at full attention because 13 and boobs. She touched it and it went off in her hands. She got this disgusted look on her face, told me if I said anything she’d deny it and left the room. Yeah, I was a stud.

19. I ruined an intimate moment by running away from a snake.

I ruined an intimate moment by running away from a snake.

Him and I were cuddling and making out at the side of a river, when he noticed a snake emerging from the banks. “Baby look out!” He said, and I bolted. He wanted to do the cute man thing by picking me up and carrying me away but I left him and the snake right where I found them.

20. I farted while cumming in my ex’s mouth.

One of the first times, if not the first time, my ex was giving me head I was laying on the couch head on the armrest and she was laying across the rest of the couch (completely linear). As I am about to bust a nut in her mouth I fart quite the significant fart while she is perfectly downwind and my spunk is filling her cheeks. We dated for two years after that.

TL;DR I farted while cumming in my ex’s mouth.

21. She told me my ass smelled absolutely foul.

When my wife and I were younger (i.e. before we were married) we took a trip from LA to San Francisco… after 6-7 hours on the road, we checked into our hotel room, and right away, we started getting into what you might call an “intimate moment” – more specifically, she pulled my pants down and began sucking my cock.

Let me tell you folks, this girl is good at blowjobs, and used to love giving them (yes, used to – more on that in a minute). And this time, she was getting even more into it than usual – moaning and everything. I don’t know what hotels do to her but she’s often said she can’t have sex if our bedroom is messy. I on the other hand could fuck on a rain-soaked piece of cardboard under a freeway, but I digress.

I was lying on the bed and she was sort of leaning over me from the side to do this, and her ass was right in my reach, so I pulled down her underwear and began returning the favor, with my hand.

Now, I love going down on her, so I pulled a Scorpion and said “GET OVER HERE”. And as soon as she got into position above me, I noticed she got less enthusiastic – just kind of going straight up and down with not much other activity, even though what I was doing to her should’ve made her even more into it.

After a good 2 minutes, she said “I’m sorry, I have to stop.”

When I asked her why, she told me my ass smelled absolutely foul. I guess sitting in the car for 6-7 hours, eating and subsequently shitting out greasy truck stop food had left me with a morbid case of swamp ass. I felt awful. And the worst part was, she had still tried to keep at it for a couple minutes, just to get me to cum so she could get out of there. What a saint.

Needless to say she is completely off 69 to this day – no matter how thoroughly I wash my asshole. And even blowjobs are a rarity. So not only did I ruin our intimate moment, it has affected all our future intimate moments.

Although, come to think of it, I haven’t asked in a while, so maybe tonight…

tl;dr – Nuclear road trip swamp-ass ruined 69s forever

22. I made a fairly loud pain noise and almost immediately started SOBBING.

I was having sex with my fiancé last weekend, and feeling a little bit off, probably hormone weirdness. My nipples were really tender and had been for a day or so but I didn’t think anything of it until my fiancé reached up with both hands and pinched pretty hard.

At least, I think it was pretty hard. It hurt a lot, anyway. I made a fairly loud pain noise and almost immediately started SOBBING. He looked horrified, for good reason. I couldn’t stop crying and sobbed like a little baby for a good ten minutes. I wasn’t even that upset, just freaked out because of a combination of pain and feeling so out of control.

He didn’t touch me for several hours.

However, we did get something good out of it! An amusing inside joke! Our new favorite saying is “no use crying over pinched nipples!”

23. I just looked at her tits and blurted out “yeah you too.”

She was already naked. For some reason we did the first round with my shirt on. It was really hot so I took my shirt off. She was really excited and exclaimed “oh my god you have a nice chest!” I exercise regularly but it’s mostly just cardio so I’m a pretty skinny guy. I just looked at her tits and blurted out “yeah you too.”

24. “You know I’m only trying to have sex, right?”

I said, I don’t want you to get the wrong idea here, just wanna be real with you…you know I’m only trying to have sex, right? Apparently she didn’t pick that one up from us both being drunk at different bars and me texting her at 1am on a Saturday night. I thought that one had booty call written all over it I mean we hadn’t spoken in like a month. We were lying in bed when I said it and it completely killed the mood. She laid there wasted about to cry and I just sat there trying to calm her down until she would leave.

25. “I just had gum surgery and bled all over your face.”

I had gum surgery after a horrific tooth abscess caused by a bad dentist a couple years ago. A week after my day in the hospital getting cut up and pumped full of antibiotics, all was well…but I was still healing. I managed to find a hookup some evening and brought her back to my place. In the middle of attempted sexy time, I look down at this girl’s face and see red spots all over her mouth and cheeks.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

“Yes?”

A look of horror comes across my face.

“Oh shit. So…I have to tell you something, but you can’t freak out…I just had gum surgery and bled all over your face.”

You can imagine how this killed the mood. Somehow I still managed some morning nookie, but we joked that I would never live down this story and she’d likely never call me again. She most definitely didn’t. TC mark

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