13 Of The Dumbest And Most Inappropriate Tattoos Ever (NSFW)

Flickr / Matt Baran
Flickr / Matt Baran
Found on AskReddit.

1. ”Wide Load” on a small penis.

When I was getting my last piece done I asked the artist this question, he said he tattooed “Wide Load” down the side of a penis once, which wasn’t too bad, but it was actually really small. He ended up having Wide down one side and Load down the other.

2. ”Dickbutt” on a butt cheek.

I witnessed a man get “dickbutt” tattooed on his butt cheek.

3. A 75-year-old-woman requested a swastika tattoo on her asshole.

I’m black and my mum is Jewish. This old lady, must have been at least 75, had me do a swastika on her asshole.

4. ”Jesus shaves” tattooed across his butt cheeks.

A couple of my friends started doing tattoos while they were in college. They all lived together and we partied at their place often. One of my friends has a notoriously hairy ass, and got “Jesus shaves” tattooed across his butt cheeks. A couple months after that, we played a game of hangman with a tattoo machine on that same friend’s thigh.

5. Snoopy’s doghouse around an older woman’s vagina.

I had to tattoo very early in my tattoo career, Snoopy’s doghouse around an older woman’s vagina. When I asked why she said “So when my husband pisses me off I can send him to the dog house!!” Fun times.

6. A flower on a girl’s asshole.

My sister and I met a guy who tattooed a flower on a girl’s asshole, then made a clock from a picture of it.

When I was 15, I went with my sister and her friend to see them get their noses pierced. While there, my sister commented on this clock hanging on the wall. It was a basic clock, with a picture of a beautiful, purple flower as the background. The guy laughs and says it is nice, and that the background is of a tattoo he did. She says that it’s beautiful, but the guy can’t stop snickering, so we ask about the tattoo.

The tattoo is one he did on a girl’s asshole.

He then tells us that it was his most awkward piece he’s ever done, because the entire time he was doing it, she was orgasming and squirting uncontrollably. He said he used more towels on her than half his full back pieces.

After he says this, my sister goes “So you took a picture of it and turned it into a clock?”

And he says “Yeah, I thought it’d be an awesome way to tell people this story.”

7. A shamrock around an asshole.

My aunt used to run a tattoo shop up until three years ago because it was in a bad location and she got a good enough offer of sale. My favorite story of hers was that someone came in on St. Patty’s day and wanted a tattoo of a shamrock around their asshole. She refused at first but then the person offered her $2,000 and since the person was almost entirely sober she did it.

8. His sister’s cunt on the back of his head.

There’s a locally known guy in my area called “Pat the Tat”. Dude has a lot of tattoos and is an old school Punk. A real one, not someone trying to pretend it’s not dead. He’s a bit of a loose cannon and an all round oddball but a nice guy.

One day he walked in to a tattoo parlor and asked to get a tattoo of a vagina on the back of his head. This might seem like an odd request but for Pat it wasn’t as odd as all that. His tattoo artist said sure and asked if he had an idea of what sort of pussy he would like. Pat didn’t mind and asked him to draw what he wanted.

The tattoo artist had fucked someone the night before so he drew that pussy from memory, showed it to Pat who was happy with the design and said go ahead.

After it was finished Pat got chatting to his artist and asked who this girl was he’d banged the night before.

Turns out it was Pat’s sister.

The guy happily tells this story to anyone who asks about his tattoo and he still finds it funny he’s got a tattoo of his sister’s cunt on the back of his head. I’m not sure what his sister thinks about it.

9. A man’s initials on his wife’s ass cheeks made to look like a cattle brand.

Design wise the one I’ve always felt the most squicky about doing was a woman who wanted her shitty husband’s initials done in the form of a brand mark and made to look freshly burned on her ass cheek. I tried talking her out of it initially but when he cracked a joke about getting their baby tattooed when I was in the other room and she said she would punch me in the face if I did (as if I would tattoo a fucking baby, seriously?!) I felt a bit less bad about letting her make her stupid decision.

10. A half-finished veiny upward-bending cock over a clit.

I was getting a tattoo once, and this HUGE man comes in. Like, Dwayne Johnson huge, with a ginger beard. Kind of like a Clash of Clans giant. Apparently he had made an appointment or something, because he immediately goes over to the next chair over, which already has an artist waiting. Then he takes off his pants and sits down. And I look over, and he doesn’t have a dick. He is trans, but with no boobs.

Then the guy says in this TIIIINY voice: “Draw a dick.” His artist is like: “Where?” Guy: “Down there” and points at his vagina. Artist: “Like, over your, um…” Guy: “Yes. Make it big.” And the artist just goes “k” and starts sketching.

By the time my tattoo was done, this gigantic giant of a man (woman?) had a half-finished veiny upward-bending cock over his clit. I didn’t get to see it finished because I left.

11. A baby coming out of a guy’s asshole.

I’ve tattooed for years, but this story cracks me up every time.

It was a pretty standard day, we had a few clients scheduled to come in. Nothing really out of the ordinary, until this one guy showed up with his entire crew, they looked like office workers or something. Not a huge deal, just curious why there were so many people.

Anyways, this guy looks a little nervous, and before we can cement precisely what he wants he runs out of the shop in some kind of panic attack. I was worried, but this tall guy went after him and talked to him. I’m not sure what he said, but he seemed to reassure his buddy because he came back in with a huge smile on his face, looking determined as ever.

Turns out he wanted to “Ink his stink”, and when I looked at the design he wanted on his ass, he promptly shirked off his pants, jumped up on the table and just lay there in front of his co-workers and everyone in the shop. He refused to pull them up [And you want to talk about swamp ass, holy fuck] so I covered it with a paper towel.

The catch was apparently the design he wanted was not the one he was getting, as I was given a god-awful picture of a baby, that was meant to come out of this guy’s asshole. It was disgusting, but while the guy was laying down one of his co-workers came up and showed me a completely different tattoo they were going to surprise him with, some kind of “Nard Dog”, idk maybe that’s his nickname.

Haven’t seen or heard from them since, I hope they don’t come back.

12. ALL YOU CAN EAT over a woman’s vagina.

My mom is a nurse so she took care of a girl who got into a car accident with her boyfriend. So after 3 days in the hospital she was smelling pretty horrid. The accident broke her arm so she was unable to clean any part of her lower body. So my mom and her coworker gave this poor girl a sponge bath and the entire time she was crying because her boyfriend just broke up with her. My mom’s coworker started to clean her lower half while my mom was cleaning her upper half. All of a sudden my mom’s coworker starts to laugh and runs out of the patient’s room. My mom stormed out angry and asked her coworker why she was laughing. Her coworker was still unable to stop laughing and all she did was point back to the room. So my mom goes back in to check and runs back out laughing. All of the other nurses were asking what that was all about. My mom tells them “She has a tattoo above her vagina that says ALL YOU CAN EAT.”

13. An angel girl and devil girl making out and fingering each other.

I had a guy come in once who wanted this tattoo of an angel girl and devil girl making out and fingering each other. Not that weird but I go to stencil it on his back and he has like 4 other designs that are similar graphic sex acts. Okay, maybe the guy is a freak, no biggie. So as I’m doing the tattoo some show is on that’s documenting life inside a women’s prison. He starts talking about how he would love to be a guard at one of those facilities and how much fun it would be. This goes on for some time, just talking about how hot girls during the commercials are and how he’d love to fuck them, just no sense of self awareness and how fucked up he sounds to me. Then I realize at this point that this dude is probably a rapist or at least a sex offender in the making, and I feel like doing this tattoo is only helping to usher him on his quest to ruin lives and be a shitbag. I don’t know if that was actually the case or not but I felt grimy as fuck afterwards.

TL;DR Tattooed porn on a probable rapist. TC mark

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