We had an anatomy teacher in high school that would accept roadkill or other dead animals in exchange for extra credit. He would then boil off all the tissue and reconstruct the skeleton for display in his room. His skeleton collection ranged from squirrels and foxes, to an ostrich.
One was a grade 7 substitute gym teacher, his name was Harry Dick. He introduced himself by sort of awkwardly making light of his name, but without actually laughing or smiling. He was a burly white guy with an Afro and big moustache. He kept excusing himself to sneak smokes out the side door. He didn’t care what we did.
Wood shop teacher. He would eat chalk, drink wood glue, and got caught riding his motorcycle buck-ass neckked on school property during a snow day.
Health teacher wore a skin-tight ‘morph-suit’ complete with anatomical details to teach kids about their bodies.
Back in like sixth grade our science teacher started out the year saying that she had crabs. A few minutes later she brought out a little tank with like 4 crabs, she did weird shit like this for the rest of the year.
He would record himself mowing his front yard and played the video of it whenever we took tests. We had to finish our tests before he was done mowing the lawn. Not too strange, but still, who does that?!
A history teacher in my high school had narcolepsy, so he’d be in the middle of some story about Vietnam and then just pass out where he sat. We’d all just sit and talk amongst ourselves until he woke back up. Sometimes class ended before that, so we all just walked out and the next class came in and sat down.
My geography teacher brought in photos of his bulldog’s birthday party.
Wood shop teacher put Tabasco in his coffee.
Made us write essays about dragons…like you know…the ones that spew fire and shit…he wasn’t joking, though…he really believed that they were real…
He was later laid off because multiple girls had reported him for touching them a little more than what comfortable was.
11. “Mr. Wood.”
Had thick glasses and a super thin mustache with Hitler hair, the guy would sit on top of girls’ desks with a gigantic boner and make weirdly suggestive comments all the time. He was really creepy. One of my friends dressed up as him in a Halloween contest at school and got detention for it.
The best thing about it was that the teacher’s name was literally “Mr. Wood.”
My high-school French teacher would send students to the closet, which she referred to as showers, if they were being loud. She had a “work will set you free” poster in the room. She often referred to her classroom as a concentration camp.
My government teacher was incredibly affectionate towards students (to the degree where you’d think he was being sarcastic). He would give out candy to students (mostly girls though). He would come up behind male students and slap them VERY hard on the shoulder and say “What’s up, Buddha?”. He wears a toupee and owns several Pomeranians. He lives in the ghetto alone.
14. He began to pretty much feel up his nipples, right then and there in front of a class of 27 students.
The strange teacher at my high school was my Algebra 1 teacher.
He would walk up to the girls of the class and put his hands on their shoulders then proceed to lean down and whisper in their ears “Are you having any trouble sweetheart?” and then he would proceed to smiling like he was getting a thrill off of it.
There was also the one time when in the middle of class, he was standing in the corner of the room and he began to pretty much feel up his nipples, right then and there in front of a class of 27 students. It was goddamn hilarious to watch and at the same time was absolutely horrifying. He was then known as Mr. Nips for the rest of the year by our class.
Most of the other teachers were pretty creeped out by him, too….
I had a priest as a religion teacher at my girls-only school and we had a pole at the top of the class where we would hang maps of the world for geography lessons on…and this priest used to rub the pole between his legs…which was really creepy and sexual.. he also gave grades dependent on how big your boobs were…we once tried to talk to the headmistress (a nun) about it but she didn’t believe any of it.
I had a calculus teacher that thought he could relate to us by giving us instructions on how to sneak alcohol on school grounds. One example was taking a syringe, filling it with vodka and injecting it into an orange.
Always connecting stuff with the Illuminati or religion, told us more stories about how he fought 13 demons every day, giving a speech about how much he hates gays and how it’s wrong to be gay, every day and not really teaching us much about history (other than his)
Also he told us a story how he beat up 6 rugby players by himself when he was 16 while on a date.
Picture, if you will, a full blackboard. The teacher, before wiping it clean, takes a thoughtful look at it and proceeds to wipe it. However, he leaves an “e” in the middle of the board.
As he fills the blackboard again, the “e” fits in seamlessly.
That guy was certainly dancing on the line between genius and madness.
I had nothing but strange teachers. One of the Math teachers had a breakdown randomly, climbed into the bin, slumped down inside it and wept uncontrollably until two other teachers came to escort him away. He never came back. An English teacher used to throw things at people, and occasionally hit them when he got particularly annoyed. The history teacher was missing two fingers on his right hand, so always kept one hand in his pocket. He was a recovering alcoholic and a pretty angry dude, he swore continually, smoked in class and could find the most twisted way of insulting people.(I actually thought he was pretty cool, he just hated his job.) The two PE teachers were complete party animals who went out drinking every night and spent every day standing outside talking when they were supposed to be teaching. Another Math teacher was a very old lesbian who tried to disguise her lunchtime boozing by continually eating breath mints. There was also a geography teacher who seemed to be an on again/ off again alcoholic, he would disappear randomly and when he was there he spent his time wandering about. Another English teacher, not a young man by any means, fell in love with a very young student teacher and started sending her sonnets and calling her up at home. He ended up retiring early. That’s only the tip of the iceberg.
My school had, and still has in fact, a really good name for being the best in the area…hmmmm.
I could write a fucking novel about my German teacher. I will try my best to describe him with little excerpts. So, we’ll call him Mr. S.
Mr. S was a complete lunatic. He was a squirrely looking, balding (horrible comb-over), nasally high-pitched voice that I wish I could explain further but it really is just something else.
• He’d referred to classmates as “freaks.” He spoke German incorrectly (according to an actual German in our school) but still is teaching there (Yes…we called in). He had a fake tooth that he would take out with his tongue and scare kids with in class (or hallways)
• Weird threats to students such as “I’m going to dip you in delectable sauce and let the ants carry you away…” (even if he was joking…dear god)
• He would pace back and forth in class while kids were taking tests and talk to himself. Mostly whispers and sometimes he’d giggle. Yes. Giggle.
• He’d spit as he talked all the time. Hit my face once. Really pissed about that still. I know Germans have a harsh language but FUCK.
• Once there was a fight in the hallway. Usually a teacher is supposed to intervene, instead, he sprints down the hallway to find a female teacher to break up the fight.
• On top of this he had HUGE anger problem. He would freak out when people interrupted him or even with no one did. I mean literally dead silence. Then all of a sudden he would throw markers, chalk (which he claimed he was allergic to…and the color blue? what the fuck.) markers, paper, pencils, you name it.
• Would deep-throat bananas at his desk. I’m not kidding. I’ve never seen anyone eat a banana like that.
I gotta think of some more…
To go with this we had an ongoing battle of pranks we pulled on the guy. Which is a whole other sub. Some I feel bad looking back on but he really was a prick. Didn’t help he was very strange on top of that.
My wife once told me about her high school Latin teacher who did a number of odd things throughout the school year. The one thing that takes the cake is what he did the very first day of class. Everyone files in and sits down and waits for the teacher to introduce himself but they are met with silence. A few minutes pass by before this teacher, a 60-year-old man, stands up and proceeds to climb on top of his desk. The class is sitting in stunned silence, wondering what in the hell the old man’s doing.
He starts to sing. And not just any song. He’s singing “Bohemian Rhapsody” at the top of his lungs. When he finishes they all sit there in stunned silence. A few people clapped but everyone else just stared in concern.
Like I’ve said before, he did some other odd things but this is the strangest.
In my experience, all art teachers are freaks. We had one who was about 60, constantly talked about her cats, Cookie and Bob. She was convinced at one point that lightning came through her window and fried her computer. She had a TV in her room and would have students play Crash Bandicoot with her. Her room was connected to a kitchen (I think it was originally a Home Ec room) and she would make toast every morning, but she would burn it completely black, like…completely. She would wear outfits that were all denim some days and always played opera music. She would always offer us this nasty toast too. Even though she was kind of crazy she was actually a really good art teacher! We also had another art teacher named Abby. There are no words to describe her, but she definitely done a lot of drugs.
My Year 9 English teacher used to stand at the front of the classroom speaking to us, with his thumb down his pants, just playing with his pubic hair. He didn’t try to hide it or anything.
There was one kid in my class who went to the same gym as this teacher. One time they just so happened to both enter the changing rooms at the same time. Said teacher just stripped off, totally naked, in front of the guy, and started talking to him about John Steinbeck. Again, I reiterate. He had his fucking dick out, in front of a 13-year-old student.
I had a chem teacher in high school who was a total nutcase….
• He was obsessed with wolves. He had pictures of them fucking EVERYWHERE!
• On Memorial Day, all my other teachers were talking about 9/11 and stuff. He showed us pictures of him swimming in Saddam Hussein’s swimming pool in the Iraq War.
• He finally got fired after somebody caught him having a “tickle fight” with the 60-something year old (male) alcoholic janitor.
One time another class dissected fetal pigs. They were keeping them in a drawer after class and one bag came open and leaked fluid all over the inside of the drawer. It didn’t get cleaned up until the next year’s chem teacher did it. Apparently there’s also a stain on the ceiling from where he squeezed a pig spleen and it squirted all over.
We actually had a pretty cool strange teacher – he taught high school biology and anatomy.
He kept all of his kids’ placentas preserved in jars.
He had five nipples…and showed them to us.
He did a pretty good full-body impression of frying bacon. He did a good chocolate chip cookie melting and baking impression too.
Our senior anatomy class got to take a field trip to the local morgue to watch autopsies close up….
And one more – what is it with science teachers? – my junior high life science teacher used to like to tell us that giving birth “is like pooping a bowling ball out of the other hole.”