17 Ways To Ruin A Date

Shutterstock / Stock-Asso
Shutterstock / Stock-Asso
Found on AskReddit.

1. Try to convince her that you’d make a good serial killer.

We talked about Dexter, then I went on a rant about how I would be a good serial killer.

2. Ask him if it’s in yet.

Said the words, “Is it in yet?”
a) Probably shouldn’t be having seckz on a first date, b) That probably hurt his spirit 5ever

3. Burp in her mouth while kissing her goodnight.

Burped in a girl’s mouth when we kissed at the end of the night.

4. Fall asleep right in the middle of dinner.

I fell asleep on a first date. Right in the middle of dinner. There was not a second date.

5. Take her to see a movie with lots of ass rape.

Took her to see The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, which she had never heard of.

So much ass rape.

There was no second date.

6. Make a cheesy joke about breast-feeding.

I noticed a woman breast-feeding in the corner of the restaurant—so when the waiter came to take our order, I pointed to the baby and said, “I’ll have what he’s having!” Girl went beet-red, got up and left without saying a word. No regrets.

7. Fart so loudly that it wakes up the entire house.

Ended up going back to his house where he lived with his father, in the middle of the night I farted so loud I woke up him, myself, and his dad. Because you can’t be blamed for anything you do whilst sleeping, I just stayed as still as possible. When we emerged from the bedroom in the morning , running into his dad, he said ‘Son, you woke me up with that one last night!’ Chuckling away. ‘Yeah sorry, dad, must have been all the beer,’ replied my date, winking at me.

We’ve been together for three and a half years now and are due to be married in 2017 :)

8. Accidentally break her nose.

Went out with a girl in high school and did the usual, movie and a dinner. It had been going great up until dinner, when she stumbled over a curb. I went to catch her, and promptly whacked her in the face with my head. This actually broke her nose, which lead to me panicking and trying to fix it. Of course that was a bad idea, and I think I made her nose bleed more to be honest. Thankfully she wasn’t upset at me (I spent a good half hour freaking out over it), but there was a veeeeeeeeeery awkward and at one point terrifying conversation with her dad when I brought her home. He was a former marine who served in Vietnam and did the usual “scare the bejesus out of the daughter’s date” by coming out sharpening his kabar knife when I picked her up, needless to say he really didn’t like or trust me after that.

The girl and I dated for a year and we’re actually still pretty good friends. So I guess it worked out okay in the end.

9. Accidentally bust your head wide open and start gushing blood everywhere.

Went out and got wasted. Go back to his place. Things progress and we move to the bedroom. Let me add this was my first time drinking hard liquor, Mezcal to be precise. So sexy times are warming up, we’re both half dressed, and The Captain decides to pop out the front of his boxers. My drunk ass goes “Holy shit!! I’m-a need a chair and a whip to tame that thing!!” Make a roaring noise then mime cracking a whip. Fell backwards off the bed doing my whipcrack, turning halfway to try and catch myself and busted my head open on the edge of his table. It drove my eyebrow ring into my head and I immediately started gushing blood everywhere. Only I’m too drunk to realize that I’m bleeding. I sit up to a facial expression I will remember till the day I die. I didn’t think I’d hit that hard and just was like “What? What’s wrong?” He just said “oh my god” really quietly. (I later learned I looked like Carrie and my face was absolutely covered in blood)

He was actually really cool about it. His dad was a doctor and he had three brothers so it was no thing to him. Just patched me up after determining I didn’t need stitches and told me I was going to have a kick ass scar in the shape of a circle. (I do) I was totally mortified after sobering up somewhat and figuring Id never see him again but we wound up dating four years.

10. Spill scalding-hot coffee on his lap.

Spilled scalding-hot coffee on his lap. Surprisingly, we ended up dating for 4 years.

11. Eat a bacon cheeseburger in front of a vegan.

Took a girl to Swiss Chalet. Turns out she was vegan. I ordered the bacon cheeseburger anyway.

12. Attempt to seduce her with your lightning-quick prowess at solving a Rubik’s cube.

I got my Rubik’s cube out.

I was about 19/20 – old enough to know that this is not a way to seduce someone but hell, I got it out anyway and proceeded to showboat my “talent” of solving a Rubik’s cube in a pretty average time of around 2 minutes. I definitely remember thinking “I’m in there.” I wasn’t.

13. Forget her name.

To preface this, I am really bad at remembering names, like, really bad.

Anyways, on the first date, we’re doing to oh-so-common movie/dinner date, and we had an hour or two to kill before the movie started so I’m showing her around town (she lived a couple hours away, and has never been to that area) when I go to say her name and have a massive oh shit moment: I can’t remember her name. So there I was scrambling to remember her name while at the same time avoid any instance where I’d use it (which isn’t that hard, it just seemed like so at the time). Other than that, the date went well. We were together for 6 months before I caught her cheating ass. So perhaps the worst thing was the first date.

14. Accidentally send him a text where you’re complaining about him.

I went out with a guy from Match or OKCupid. He was cute and all but he invaded the hell out of my personal space, kept putting his hands on my face and neck and also didn’t pay for anything. I went to the bathroom to use the phone to ask a guy friend how I should end the date and I got a text message. I had just gotten an iPhone, so when I hung up it just automatically went to the last message I sent, which was to him…I thought it opened the message a friend of mine had just sent. So, I sent this poor guy a message that said, “This is terrible. I’m in hell. Someone please put me out of my misery.”

I walked out of the bathroom having no idea it actually sent to him. Needless to say it was an awkward ride home. I begged him to just leave me there, that I would take a cab. He still tried to kiss me and asked me out again the next day.

15. Injure her during a round of flirtatious karate.

I round kicked to a girl in the face in when I was about 17. At a friends party and we were wrestling flirtatiously on the bed then it led to shadowboxing/karate type shit towards each other. Her friend goes “watch it or one of you two are going to get hurt” and I did a kick and she step forward doing something at the same time and went down.

She cried a lot and had a bruise that was about 7 inches long and 4 wide along her face. Luckily everyone there knew it was an accident and she milked it for the first couple weeks that we went out. I was so paranoid about first meeting her parents later that week because I thought they’d be pissed but her dad thought it was hilarious when I retold the story.

16. Get drunk and keep lifting up your dress like a five-year-old.

It was my first date in a super long time. I had only eaten half a salad all day and then I was meeting this guy for drinks. I got black out drunk pretty quickly. Then I lifted up my dress to show him my underwear. The drunker I got the more I lifted my dress up, like a five year old. Like the end of any good first date, I jumped in a cab and ran away. I’m a winner.

17. Make a disabled joke to a woman whose brother is a paraplegic.

I made a horrific joke about using the floppy legs of a paralyzed person as a scarf when it got cold out.

She told me her brother was a paraplegic who got that way by having a car accident where he was in the passenger seat, and the driver hit a deer that had already been dead on the road.
We still banged. TC mark

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