1. How great it is to pee outside.

How great it is to pee outside.

2. How much it HURTS to get kicked in the balls.

Getting hit in the balls.

3. Balls often NEED to be rearranged.

That sometimes I physically NEED to stick my hand down my pants and rearrange my balls. I try not to do this with too many people looking but once I did it and then noticed there was an old couple walking down the street. The woman looked at me with disgust. The man’s expression didn’t change.

4. Ball itch.

You have no idea how itchy it can get down there. Imagine you have a big hairy, sweaty balloon filled with two golf balls and then press a hot dog up against it. it can get very uncomfortable and needs constant adjusting.

5. It’s nearly impossible for us not to stare at cleavage.

Cleavage is an eye magnet, it takes a fantastic amount of sheer will to not look at as it stares back at you.

6. Men are perfectly capable of thinking about absolutely nothing at all.

It’s entirely possible for a man to be thinking of nothing at all. That look on his face isn’t worry, or disinterest, or boredom. He’s just content in his own little world. And that’s OK.

Asking “what are you thinking” is a bad idea, because he’s either not thinking particularly of anything, or it’ll be something silly like “How many dinosaurs would it take to sink the Titanic?”

7. Morning wood.

Having morning wood and your mother is waiting for you to get up ,but you try to sneak your ‘hard on’ by showing your back at her and running full speed to your bathroom

8. When it comes to making the first move, the pressure’s on us.

The expectation of guys to take the necessary chances when talking to a girl rather than vice-versa. It’s nerve wracking, trying to work up the courage to ask a girl out. And if she says no, that courage starts at a level lower than zero for the next girl.

9. The perpetual fear of being falsely accused.

Men aren’t dumbasses, we have to ignore obvious signs. Nowadays, the single biggest fuck up the average guy can make is to be labeled as a creep or a rapist because he misread a wink or a nudge. We play it safe so we don’t destroy our lives.

This goes triple if the guy is already friends with you.

10. We HATE when you don’t just admit you’re mad.

Why they never admit that they are mad at you and just sulk (women).

It’ll be like “are you okay love? Have I done something to upset you.”

Stern reply “I’m fine.”

11. We HATE when you don’t get straight to the point.

Alleged man here.

How we’ve learned to tune out 90% of what a woman says, because most of them can’t hit the high points and let that be enough.

EXAMPLE: a woman wants the trash removed

GOOD: Hey, can you take the trash out?

BAD: Did you notice the trash?

No, what about it?

You didn’t notice the trash…[heavy sigh]

What was it about the trash that I was supposed to notice?

What kind of question is that?

What in the fuck are you talking about?! What’s going on with the trash?

I asked you if you NOTICED the trash!

Why in the fuck would I notice the trash? Did it do something unusual?

The trash gets full from time to time, you know.

Yes, I do know. But what in the goddamned hell does that have to do with anything? Why are you asking me about the trash?

12. Seriously—get to the goddamned point!

How to condense the 25-minute-long summary of your day into 2 minutes so I can actually bring myself to pay attention.

13. We are always imagining what women look like naked.

Men picture women naked, or in sexual situations, incredibly frequently. And its meaningless, not a big deal. I can be conversing with a business associate, and paying complete attention to her, engaging in conversation on the topic at hand – but there is that little subroutine running in the background picturing her sexually. Not every time but often.

This is not the kind of things guys generally share with their SO’s because it sounds far more serious than it really is. It’s just background noise really.