13 Harrowing Tales Of Meth Abuse

I fell asleep in the hot shower one night and woke with blood pounding in my ears and too weak to stand up. The fatty shortening crap that built up under my skin seemed to melt enough to be excreted through my pores with a little heat, but with a lot of heat it seemed to melt enough for it to all be released because I was sitting in a pool of it. I gathered the strength to turn on cool water and then realized I’d made a terrible mistake when all of this crap that was still in my body and had collected because of gravity in my pelvic region and belly suddenly congealed. It hurt, it hurt, it hurt… and I really had to pee, but I couldn’t because a clot of it had congealed in my urethra. I eventually pushed it out and saw it in the toilet.

Did I promise you grotesque? We aren’t through yet. For days afterward this shit came out of my eyes, ears, nose, and throat. It came out of my vagina. It was in my urine and feces. I swallowed it down continually and it made me gag. I spit constantly because it was in my mouth. I wiped it from my eyes and it ran from my nose. I still have no idea what It was, exactly, only a guess that it had something to do with the almost fifty pounds total I’d lost. I know it wasn’t a hallucination because I cleaned it out of the tub three weeks ago, and six weeks after quitting, it’s still coming out of my skin, less, much less, but still there.

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11. Anger, Rage, Confusion, Depression…

by MsBritney from Erowid (ExpID 57547)

I swear this plastic smile you all see is getting so fucking old. I don’t fucking understand myself. I don’t understand life. I don’t understand the world. I’m hurt, I’m angry, upset, and most definitely, confused. I don’t know how to cry anymore… I don’t know how to talk. .. I feel so alone in this over-populated, crazy world we live in. …

I look in the mirror and see someone I never expected I’d see again. She’s hurt.. She’s in pain.. but why is she the only one capable of comprehending that??? Every other temptation in this world, I can experiment with a few times, and literally walk away from it like it never happened… but this one – it’s the FUCKING DEVIL! It’s swallowed my soul – but worse – I’m still alive. I’m here watching my own body deteriorate to nothing… My insecurities are eating me alive!… There’s a thin line between sane and crazy … a thin white line of microscopic crystals. …

I wish I had never given in again. It had been two years…. TWO FUCKING YEARS! And then, one day, the DEVIL came knocking at my door, and of course I had to let him in. It’s not self-experimentation anymore – it’s self-mutilation. My face is covered in (what looks like) a bad breakout. My teeth hurt, my nose is scabbed inside, and my bones ache like those of an 80 year old. – The only good news is that I fit into a size 0 again…

It’s only been a day off of the shit, and I’m having the worst withdrawals EVER! I’m angry, saddened, unhealthy, pissed… and SO DAMN CONFUSED!… I’m fucking rambling. – I’ll continue this another day…

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