19 Men Share Stories of Being Raped By A Woman (NSFW)

16. “Really messed me up for a long time.”

I guess I’ve had it happen twice.

I was 7 and my babysitter was 13. She was watching my friend and me at his family’s apartment. She got his family’s gun and made both of us perform sex acts on her and she performed oral sex on us. She said that if I didn’t do it, she’d shoot me.

When I was 19, I met a girl off of the Internet. She made me dinner and offered me wine. One glass of wine isn’t enough to get me buzzed and I’ve never really blacked out, but all I remember from that night is bits and pieces. Flashes, really. I know we had sex but I didn’t (and wouldn’t have) consented to it. I wasn’t into one-night stands at that time.

The thing as a kid didn’t affect me too much. The other one set me on a really dangerous path of random sex with random girls off of AOL chat rooms. Sure, it was fun and I got a lot of things behind me, but I was not in a healthy place mentally and emotionally. That really messed me up for a long time.

17. “I’ve been diagnosed with some amount of PTSD over the incident.”

When I was fourteen, one of the first times I had ever gotten high, I was with my brother and a few friends his age, so everyone was four or five years older than me.

One girl showed up after we had smoked, I presume she was sober. Anyway, when I got up to go into the bathroom in the basement, she followed me. Made me get down on the floor and got on top of me. I was incredibly out of it, couldn’t figure out why this was happening or how to stop it, despite the fact that I knew it felt terrible.

One of the worst things, that I don’t see mentioned much, is how you can feel betrayed by your own body. I didn’t want that, and yet had an erection anyway, because it’s not something you can consciously control.

After a while she got off me, and I laid there for a few minutes before I left the bathroom. She left the house before I was out. I never saw her again, and never told my brother what had happened, because I’ve always thought he would blame himself for her actions.

To this day I can’t remember what she looks like, or what her name was, or really any other identifying information that could possibly be useful.

I’ve been diagnosed with some amount of PTSD over the incident, and still haven’t really trusted anyone other than therapists or my wonderful SO to tell them. So as far as that went for my first sexual experience, it was pretty awful.

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