13. She made me sit there and listen to her cry into her beer while playing a John Denver album repeatedly.
I stayed with a woman who thought pepperonis grew on trees. She was a vegetarian, she thought. She kept her ex-boyfriend’s messages saved on her answering machine and would get drunk and listen to them a lot. One night it got her so worked up she made me sit there and listen to her cry into her beer while playing a John Denver album repeatedly. Then there was her cat. I’d wake up in the middle of the night sometimes to the heaviest weight on my chest then open my eyes just as it sneezed into my mouth. The dog was racist and got me in trouble with transsexual hookers a lot.
My first college roommate turned out to be a bulimic and cutter. I found out by noticing the bloody tissues and … I shit you not … bag of vomit she kept in her closet. We even had our own bathroom attached!