18 Girls Describe The Worst Sex They Ever Had (NSFW)

6. He yelled at his dick.

I had been dating this guy I worked with for about a month, and we were really hitting it off. … He had been working me up, talking about how amazing he was going to make it that night, and I was seriously creaming my pants just waiting for it all to go down.

We go to his room, where I had never been. He’s obviously still wasted and mumbles something about not having much time to clean lately as he’s opening the door. He turned on his light and I literally gasped. His room was fucking FILTHY. He had no bed, just a mattress on the floor. Dirty laundry everywhere. Empty beer cans and DVDs and dishes on the floor and it smelled like rotting food.

I have no logical reason for why that was not a deal-breaker. It should have been, but oh, I really really like him, and well it’s his birthday, and hey my room gets messy sometimes too, and he isn’t acting like it’s a big deal so maybe I’m just being squeamish. …

So after I had snagged a few clean sheets to cover up the mattress, and Febrezed, and the rotten food was removed and taken a few more shots, and the lights were turned down enough that I could almost ignore my surroundings and pretend this situation was something approaching normal, we started getting down to business. So we’re making out. And making out. And making out some more, and that’s all we are doing. And then I notice he is fucking crying.

He jumps up, naked, and flips on the lights. And points to his flaccid penis and gestures ¯()/¯ like he’s the announcer at the circus says “and here, ladies and gentleman, is the star of the show!”

I beg him to please calm down, but he completely ignores me like I’m not even in the room. It is just him and his penis, and now they are having an argument. He is mad at his penis. He scolds his penis for ALWAYS FUCKING EVERYTHING UP! YOU ALWAYS DO THIS TO ME! EVERY TIME! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU??! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS??

I’m just sitting there, frozen, on the verge of tears. Scared out of my fucking mind because this is literally the craziest shit I have ever witnessed in my life, and I have no idea where he’s going with this. I try talking to him—it’s fine, you are just drunk, it happens, I don’t care, really. Again, it’s like I’m not even in the room. Then finally, he turns his back, and lets out this horrible half-groan/half-whimper. I see my way out, grab my shit and hightail it out of there (my escape was complicated due to the lack of a clear path across the floor). As I’m hopping my way out, he’s banging his fucking head against the wall slowly and methodically and slapping his penis. Or maybe giving it a spanking. In any case it’s apparently being punished.

The kicker—I’m literally walking through the door and he screams at me “GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!” Like yeah, dude…way ahead of you.

TL;DR After month-long build-up of sexual tension, I find out the dude I’m dating lives like a barn animal and gets into fights with his flaccid penis.

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